Love the Way you Lie
by TaylorPaige24
Summary: Love is a wild and crazy thing. Sometimes it just comes out and hits you like a thief in the night without warning. For Dallas Winston and Danni Curtis, it's all about what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. Book 2 of 5. Sisterfic
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the _Outsiders_.

**A/N: **This takes place about a year after _Tip Toe Through the Dark_.

_And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well  
Don't you see, I'm the narrator, and this is just the prologue?_

* * *

Occasionally I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have older brothers. Suppose I was an only child or maybe _I_ was the eldest child and had a_younger_ brother or two. Maybe I still had an older brother, just one or two, but I also had another sibling, a little sister. What if Ponyboy was a girl and then I would have a twin sister as opposed to a brother.

"Ma'am we would like to order now." The lady across the diner waved at me, her eyes cold.

"I'll be there in a minute ma'am," I told her as I hurried by with a pie in my hands.

Money was real tight at home, even though Darry will tell you everything's fine. Everything wasn't fine. I had taken it upon myself a few months ago to check out what was really going on with the bills. Darry and Soda both had already taken extra shifts at work but that still wasn't cutting it. After seeing them work their brains out for a few weeks, I decided it was time for me to get a job. I mean after all, Darry was always complaining that I didn't work for anything.

"Here you go ma'am," I said laying down the pie in front of her fat face.

Bills were starting to pile up and getting a job just seemed like the best thing for me to do. Darry worked down at the roofing company and worked as much as he could and on weekends. He worked at a bar for some more cash. Soda didn't make much at the station and feeding four kids wasn't easy. I'd started working at The Dingo a few weeks ago despite Darry's wishes. Darry was stubborn. He wouldn't have me or Ponyboy working but once winter hit and his business was starting to die, we were really struggling. Darry doesn't know I have this job. Soda, Ponyboy and I keep that secret all to ourselves.

"What can I get you?" I asked, going over to my next table.

When my parents died, Darry picked up the pieces. The state wasn't real happy about a twenty year old watching after teenagers but Darry convinced them it was the best option and they gave him custody under a few conditions like monthly checkups. Darry picked up the responsibilities that Mom and Dad left behind. He was good at that. The comforting stuff…..wasn't his forte. He left that part to Soda.

I liked living with Darry. I liked Darry…most of the time. He was a different man now. He wasn't much fun and was stressed out all the time. Soda and Darry are closer than Ponyboy and I are to Darry, but not even Sodapop can calm him down sometimes. The stress was starting to really get to Darry and we were getting the blow from his rants, mainly Ponyboy and me than anyone else. Darry and Ponyboy were like oil and water. They didn't mix well. Darry and I on the other hand, we were the same and that typically bit both of us in the butt.

"How's it going, honey?" Mrs. Adderson, my boss, asked me.

I shook my head. "Just peachy."

I didn't like to work. In fact, I hated it. It was a dirty job and dealing with whinny people wasn't really something I handled well. I wasn't as social as Ponyboy and Soda. Mrs. Adderson says it's just my attitude but I just think it was the people. The Dingo was located near the Soc side. They weren't too keen on being sweet and friendly to people like me - people who lived in the slumps of the town on the other side. They saw my clothes and the way I wore my hair and they automatically listed me in the slump group. They washed their hands good every time they left.

"It gets better," she assured me before heading into the back.

Mrs. Adderson was nice. She was an exception to the Soc rule. Mrs. Adderson really cared. She was different than most and I knew she was all I had in hopes of making a few dollars.

"Danni!"

I wiped around to Angela Shepard standing in the door way. "Angel!"

Her long black hair blew as we ran smack into each other. She squeezed me in a tight hug, wrapping her arms all the way around me. Angela was one of the few friends I had. I met her when I was five and Tommy Henson stole my doll and she gave him a bloody nose and made him eat sand. Angela was a tough broad. She always had been.

"I see you have recovered," I said, looking her over.

Angela had her baby over the summer. Angel, like many girls in our part of town, wasn't shy when it came to boys. She had been hitting Buck's hard ever since she was thirteen and lost her virginity. It didn't surprise anyone after she ended up pregnant. She had a pretty big reputation in town. Tim and Curly though, they weren't too happy with the thought although, they themselves had a pretty big reputation as well.

She grinned from ear to ear and strutted over to the counter and spun around in the seat. "You know me, Danni; nothing's going to tie me down."

"Not even a baby?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

She shook her head and slid a finger over the icing of the cake sitting behind the counter. "He's with my brothers." She licked her finger.

"I bet they enjoy that."

Tim and Curly, obviously, hated the fact that she was pregnant. In fact they even went up to New Jersey to hunt down the guy who knocked her up. Of course they didn't find him. No one but Ang was really sure what his name was and she was going to take that secret to her grave. She stuck her brothers with babysitting a lot. They hated every minute. They loved the kid like nothing else, but they still weren't Mary Poppins by any means and they had a rep to uphold.

"Bets me staying home," the typical party girl's saying. She swore up and down while she was pregnant that she was going to be a different mom than hers. She swore she'd stay home all the time and raise him. That failed just three weeks after she gave birth. Angela Shepard was a party girl and that wasn't going to change for anything.

The baby looked like her and nothing like the so-called dad. He was a pretty little baby. He had thick dark black hair like hers and had the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen. Everyone was talking about how beautiful he turned out, but what did they expect? Angela was a doll after all. Sure with all her make-up you wouldn't know what she really looked like, but she has always been the pretty one.

"So how _is_ he doing?" I asked.

"Fine," she said stuffing her face with some pie she didn't pay for. "I'm introducing him to Jeff tomorrow." She smiled big.

Jeff was her new beau. She met him at a party a few weeks ago and she fell hard for him. He was a rough looking boy. Not the type you would want to introduce to your new born baby, that's for sure but that was Angel for you. Jeff moved here from Texas about a month ago. He was wanted in Texas for some stupid crime and he hopped into a car and drove up here and got arrested a few months ago and just got out last week. This boy was trouble and I mean _big_ trouble. He was dangerous; _really _dangerous. But try explaining that to her. She 'loved' him.

I shook my head and continued on working. "You know him better than me."

She nodded and took another bite of pie. "I mean he ain't that much different than Dally."

He _was _different than Dally.

Time ticked on and I was starting to break out in a sweat. I felt somewhat proud of myself. Most women couldn't work a few hours at a job. Most women in our town didn't work at all. I was mighty proud of myself.

"You can clock out if you want," Mrs. Adderson told me as she flipped the closed sign over. "It won't kill people if we lock up a few minutes early."

I didn't tell her about my ride not being here for another half an hour and just hung up my apron and stood outside and smoked and watched the snow fall.

It was dark tonight. The moon was hidden behind clouds and the street light I was under was going on and off. I huddled against the wall, hoping not to be seen. It was a rule in the house that Ponyboy and I weren't allowed out alone after dark. Things tended to happen in the dark that the Socs didn't like to talk about.

"Little girls shouldn't be out at this hour," a voice down the street whispered.

I peered around to see a dark figure standing down the block. I pressed my lips together and put my cigarette out quickly on the brick wall behind me. I backed up against the wall again and held my breath and hoped they'd go away.

Footsteps came soon after and my hands began to sweat as it spoke again, "I can see you."

My mouth grew dry. I balled my fists up and I rested my hand in my pocket on the switch blade Soda had given me when I got this job. "Ju-just go away! My brother is going to be here any minute!"

The footsteps didn't stop. They were coming closer. I held my breath again and pulled out the knife I'd never used before. I flipped it back so the blade came out.

"I'm warning you!" I shouted in its direction. "Don't come any closer!"

There was laughter that followed. "What are you going to do about it?"

I wrapped both of my hands around the blade and held it tight. The footsteps came to a stop and I could hear breathing and soon, I could smell it. My heart pounded through my head and I hung on tightly to my blade.

There was a whisper in my ear so close I could feel the warmth from their breath. "Are you going to answer me?"

I jumped out from the wall just as the street light flickered back on. I held the blade out from my body and then saw the deep dark brown eyes staring back at me. My heart skipped a beat as I narrowed my eyes at the figure moving closer towards me. His dark brown hair was perfectly slicked back and he walked with so much swag Elvis himself would be jealous.

The blade fell from my hand and landed on the hard ground. My mouth hung open and he came to a complete stop. He sneered. "Well are you just going to stand there with your mouth open Curtis or are you going to say hey?"

My mouth fell opened. "Dally?"

His lips curled. "The one and only, sweets."


	2. Dignity

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I clamped my mouth shut and gathered up strength to speak, "W-when did you get out?"

"Two days ago." He bent over and picked the blade up from the ground and flipped it over, examining it. "You weren't gonna stab me now, were ya?" He laughed. "Nah, who am I kiddin'? Little Curtis stabbing someone? That'd be the day."

Dally got arrested two months ago for stealing and it wasn't his first offence. He had the same sly grin he had when he left. The one that always told you he was up to know no good. A mischievous little boy grin he wore most of the time. Those light blue eyes and that smile were his best known features. It's what makes him, Dallas Winston.

I rolled my eyes and snatched the knife back. "I thought you were some creep. I can stab someone if they were going to attack me. Sneak up on me like that again and you might just see first-hand."

He scratched his upper lip and refrained from making another wise comment. "Your bros know you got that thing?" He pointed at it. "Babies ain't supposed to play with big kid toys, Curtis."

I scowled and flipped it back and shoved it in my pocket. "I ain't a baby no more, _Winston_. And for the millionth time, my name ain't Curtis, it's Danni."

He kept staring at me. It was so dark I couldn't tell why. He grinned again. "I can tell you ain't no baby."

"What?"

He pointed at my chest. "When did ya get those?" He chuckled. "I don't remember you havin' knockers like that when I left."

I looked down, realizing just how small my uniform had gotten. My face flushed and I crossed my arms over them. Dally continued laughing and my face grew redder.

He fished around in his pocket for a fag. "So," he said lighting a weed. "You just standin' out here in the cold for kicks?"

"I'm waitin' for Darry," I explained, starting to shiver in the cold. "He's supposed to be here at ten. He thinks I was at the library."

Dally looked at his wrist at the time. "It's nine fifteen, Curtis. Looks to me like it's gonna be a long night." He circled a finger around my chest area. "Those might shrink if ya ain't careful."

I swatted his finger away and scowled again. Dally was crude. He always had been.

Dally waved me to follow as he headed down the streets. "C'mon, I'll walk your ass home."

I stood my ground and didn't move. I tightened my jacket around my shaking body and stared at him as he spun back around. I wasn't a dog and I wasn't going to be treated like one.

He gawked at me and rolled his head back. "You're just about as stubborn as Darry!"

I winced at the comparison and walked to his side. I walked ahead of him and hissed, "Don't even go there."

We walked down the streets of Jefferson until we reached where the slumps started. Dally snickered and smirked at everything and had his eyes peeled for anything new. He skipped around like a kid high on sugar flakes. Most people didn't want to cross paths with Dally. They feared him in a way. People didn't see him right. They categorized him wrong. They didn't really know what he was all about and frankly, they didn't want to.

"Where have you been staying Dal?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Why do you wanna know, Curtis? Want to make me a little visit tonight?" He laughed and continued walking down the street, skipping and jumping with excitement to be back home.

I shivered from the coldness. "I'm going to half to pass on that."

"So, Curtis," Dally began, coming back over to my side. "You got a boy in your life?"

I shivered again. Two months was all it took for me to forget how much Dallas annoyed me. "No," I said. "I don't. You still with Sylvia?"

He whistled and swore. "Fuckin' broad was banging someone while I was locked up. I'm still tryin' to get my damn ring back. Broad is about as crazy as a bull. But I'm still curious about you."

I was a bad liar. Everyone knew I was and Dally was sure to take advantage of that known fact. My face turning red didn't help matters anyway. "I don't have a boy. I just told you that."

"Alrighty then."

"What?"

"No late night stands?"

I buried my hands in my pockets as we approached my house. I never thought I'd be so happy to see the small little shack. "Sorry to disappoint you, Dally."

He climbed up on the porch and held the door open for me. "Whatever you say, Curtis."

I grinded my teeth and stepped in the warmth of the house. "_Danni!"_

"Whatever."

"Jerk."

Ponyboy and Johnny sat on the couch watching an old western movie. I smelled dinner which told me Soda was cooking. Steve and Two-Bit were at the table, playing poker and yacking it up with Sodapop about heading over to a party across town.

The roof started leaking again from the rain so we had buckets out everywhere. Our house was always having holes and rips everywhere. Dad kept it up the best he could when he was alive and Darry tried after but he was working so much as it was that he wasn't home very much and when he was, he was sleeping.

I headed into the kitchen to the phone. I could hear the hand slaps from Ponyboy and Johnny embracing Dally's return. "Dally's back," I informed everyone in the kitchen. They all turned and rushed into the living room to join in on the embracing.

I dialed Darry's numbed and bit my lip, preparing myself. "Hello?"

"It's me."

"Where are you at?" he asked. "I'm getting ready to head out to get you."

"Dally walked me home. The library closed early and-"

"He's back?" Darry asked his voice relaxing for a minute.

"Yeah," I answered.

There was a deep sigh on the other end and I knew what was coming next. "You were out there by yourself, weren't you?"

I gulped. "Yeah, but-"

"How many times have I told you not to be out alone in the dark?" The yelling began and I winced a bit. Darry had a pretty loud voice and he used it more lately. "You're going to get yourself killed one day, damnit, Danni!"

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly.

"We'll talk about it when I get home."

The line went dead.

In the living room all five boys were sitting around the table, smoking and dealing out cards for a new game. Johnny and Ponyboy had headed out onto the porch to finish homework and smoke some. They weren't much for poker. The both of them cared more about school than any of the rest of us did so they were always studying.

"Two-Bit, I'm gonna kick your scrawny little ass. Lying piece of shit," Dally growled angrily as he kicked his chair.

I entered the room and sat down with them, picking up a stick and lighting it. "Deal me in on the next one."

Stevie smirked as he collected the cards back up and started to shuffle. "You an' poker. Ain't really a girl thing, Dan."

"Just deal me in."

Soda leaned across the table, collecting the chips. "Speakin' of girls. Dal, you back with Sylvia again?"

Dally leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the table. He chewed on a tooth pick and grinned from ear to ear. I should have known. "She's called since I got out, yeah. Saw her not too long ago," he confirmed.

"And you picked her back up just like that?" Steve asked, disgust in his tone.

I kept my eyes on my cards, not wanting to let on that I cared that Dally lied to me. It wasn't anything new. Dally lied all the time about everything. I didn't know why I believed him or why I was so shocked.

"You'd pick her back up too if you were in my shoes," he said, a smirk crossing his lips

"She as good as everyone says she is?" Two-Bit asked, wiggling his eyebrows slightly. It'd been his dream to get with a girl like Sylvia and he sure had tried plenty of times. "She seems nasty enough to be like one of them spiders that eat their mates when they're done fooling around."

"She's a spider all right," Dally said proudly, laying out a King. He propped his feet up on the table and sat back. "She gets _down_ when she's mean...if you know what I mean."

"Dally..." I whined studying my cards and my cards only. They were only doing this to embarrass me. They liked to watch me twist in my seat whenever the topic of their sex lives her brought up. Seeing as how all of them were like my brothers, I had no interest in knowing what they did in their person life.

"You're a little red there, Dan," Soda pointed out with a giggle, nudging me under the table with his foot.

"Speakin' of ole Sylvia," Dally said, standing up and walking around the table, stopping behind me to tug on my ponytail. "I think I'll go take her up on her offer. See how _mean_I can get her tonight."

I swatted his hand away. "Have fun with that. At least I don't have to hear you talk about sex anymore. Gross."

"Yeah..._gross_." I nudged him away with my elbow, and he gave one last tug on my ponytail as he sauntered out of the kitchen. "See y'all later."

"Stay outta trouble now," Two-Bite called after him.

"So we gonna party it up tomorrow or what?" Steve asked. Steve would do about anything for some free beer and Two-Bit was in the same boat. The boys would celebrate anything.

"Come over to Buck's Palace tomorrow night," Dally told him. "You know where that is don't cha', Curtis?"

I ignored him and picked up a new card. Everyone knew where Buck's house was. It was the party house in town and we'd all been there a few times in our lives. Everyone went there to smoke, drink, and hook up.

"I've got to help Darry out," Sodapop spoke up, disappointment in his voice.

He didn't really have to help him out. Darry would never let any of us help him with anything anymore. He gets more stubborn as time goes on. Soda just stays home with Darry so he won't be alone. Soda began doing this during the winter when Darry was extra grumpy. Darry pretended as if he didn't notice Soda's help. It's what they did.

"Ok good now I've got some, uh, shit to do so I'll see ya'll at nine tomorrow?" And with that, Dallas Winston was gone.

* * *

The house was really warm tonight. I lay down on my bed and pulled my blanket up to my chest. Darry still wasn't home. I wasn't looking forward to his return either. Darry can be a real nice guy. Right after Mom and Dad died he was there with us all the time. A few times late at night when I couldn't sleep, I would go into Darry's room and he'd let me lie with him, brushing my hair until I fell asleep.

Darry had transformed overnight. He'd given up a lot taking us in when he could have easily gotten us into a Curtis home or dump us on some relative and gone to college and played football on a scholarship like he'd planed. He worked for it ever since he got out of high school and once he got it, he gave it up for us. I was grateful for Darry. I really was. Darry and I, as I've hear so many times before, are too alike for our own good. Lately, Darry and I haven't been on each other's good side making me worry about tonight even more.

"Dan," The door creaked open and Darry came in. "Get up. We gotta talk."

He flipped on the light and I squinted at the brightness. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and he sat down at the foot of the bed. "I'm up for sure now."

"Gettin' an attitude ain't gonna help your case." I zipped my lips and let him speak. "You wanna explain to me what you were doing tonight?"

I rubbed my eyes, still trying to get used to the change in light. "The shop closed early, Darry. What was I supposed to do? I was fine. Dally showed up and walked me home."

"And what if it wasn't Dally who showed up?" His voice rose. "What would you have done then? You never think about those things!"

"I was _fine_," I growled out. "I had my blade out."

His eyes grew large and I knew just how much I'd screwed up by saying that. "You had _your _blade out? Did you fall and hit your head and become stupid or something?"

I ran my hand over my face. "I'm sorry, ok?"

"No, not ok!" Darry stood up and paced around the room telling me this wasn't going to be over quickly. "You've been walking a thin line lately and I've warned you and warned you! Just because someone died doesn't mean you pull this stuff!"

My heart started to beat faster. I knew what stuff he was talking about and I hated how he always brought up Mom and Dad like that. "That was one time. Trust me, you set me straight and I promised not to do it again. I messed up one time tonight and you're acting like I killed someone!"

"You better not do it again!" Darry addressed, pointing a finger in my face. "Coming home wasted off your ass is something you know better."

I remembered that night well. It wasn't long after my parents died and I thought going to a party would be the best thing for me. Tim did too. He's the one who took me there. He thought it'd cheer me up and it really did. Darry finding out wasn't part of the plan though. If I had it my way Soda would have been the one to bail me out like he normally does but Darry just happened to be around that night when I got home. He went nuts too. Like I was the only one who had ever had a few sips of beer. Everyone in our neighborhood drank no matter what age they were.

"It won't," I said quietly. "I said I'm sorry about that, about staying out in the dark by myself, can I go to bed now?"

Darry's face twisted but then softened a little after he saw how tired I was. "Just watch it. I'm not going to keep handing out warnings. Your attitude better improve. You don't want to see what'll happen if it doesn't."

I bit my tongue. I knew Darry well enough to know he probably wouldn't do anything, but I also knew him well enough to be scared of him. "Ok."

Darry headed to the door, staring me down as he did. "I mean it, Dan. No more warnings." The door slammed behind him.

I flopped myself back on my bed and sighed. Some days I missed having Darry as my brother instead of as my parent. Soda says I just have to get used to it but it isn't that easy. Darry isn't that easy.

* * *

A loud thump woke me up a few hours later. I rubbed my head and turned over on my side, thinking it was only Darry or Soda getting up for a midnight Poptart run. I opened my eyes only to find a pair of dark brown eyes watching me through the window.

"What the hell?" I jumped up, taking my sheets with me only to get tangled up and fall on the floor. "Shit."

There was a faint laugh coming from the other side of the window. "Good going, Curtis."

I rubbed my head and looked up. "Dally? What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"Shut up and open the window." He tapped it with his knuckle. "Hurry, I'm freezing out here!"

"What happened to your face?" I asked as he crawled through the window, sliding and landing on the floor. "Why didn't you just use the front door like normal?"

It wasn't an odd thing for any of my brother's friends to crash on our couch, especially Steve and Dally. My parents put it in place a few years back when everyone was getting into teen years and drinking and getting into things we shouldn't. They thought that this way they'd always have a place to go if they felt like they couldn't go home or couldn't make it home. We've had a lot of sleepovers since then.

He leaned his back up against the foot of my bed and started to take his shoes off. "Cause I wanted to see you in your s'nighties." His eyes went up and down. "S'nice choice by the way."

I crossed my arms over my chest and climbed back up on the bed, tossing my comforter down on the ground for him along with a pillow I wasn't using. "Who'd you get in a fight with?"

"Shepard's friend…s'don't know his name. Grandson?" He crawled over to the side of my bed using his elbows to drag him across the floor. "Don't go tellin' Darry neither."

"I won't," I said shortly. "Just don't puke on my floor, alright?"

I only got a snore as my answer. I threw myself back down on my bed and sighed.

* * *

"So what do you think about Dally being back?" Soda asked, coming into my room and watching me get ready for the night's affairs.

"He looks about the same," I said. "Maybe things can start being like they used to be now. Ya know, before Mom and Dad died."

Soda grew quiet. He didn't like to talk about Mom and Dad's death that much mainly because he's the one who took it the hardest.

He tossed a ball up in the air over and over again and caught it. "Yeah, maybe. Now if we can just get Darry back to normally we'll be doing pretty good."

I picked up my mascara. Darry wasn't going to go back to normal. Darry had a lot of things going on in his head and I knew he was worried a lot, but he wasn't the same person any more. He grew up overnight and aged about forty years. He became an old man. He shouldn't have to do that but that's just how Darry deals sometimes. He works and works and yells and yells.

"Is Tim going to be at this party tonight?" Soda asked.

I finished up my eyelashes and went on to my lips. "Probably. You know him and Dal. They have a weird relationship. I think they're on good terms this month."

Soda sat up on the bed and stared at me through the mirror. "You gonna hang out with Tim tonight?"

Soda knew a lot about me. He was just that nature and gave off that vibe that told you: you could talk to him about anything. Soda didn't tell either….most of the time. These past few months Soda got to hear a lot about me. Some things he heard from me, some from other people.

"I don't know," I answered.

"Are you two done now?" he asked, swinging his legs off the bed. "I mean, with whatever it was you guys had?"

Tim and I didn't have anything. Tim was my best friend's older brother. Tim made me feel better sometimes, is all. We just liked to have fun with each other. "We never had anything but yeah, we have been done."

Worry lifted off Soda's face. He sneered. "I'm sure Dally will be happy to hear that."

"I think he already knows," I admitted. "Not that I care what Dally thinks. Tom probably told him or Buck. I'm sure he'll tease me about it for a lifetime."

Soda snickered and hopped off the bed. "Sure. He'll _tease _ya."

"Shuddup!" I reached behind me and playfully swatted him. "Did Pony tell you what time Cherry was coming over?"

"Hadn't heard."

Cherry was a nice enough girl. Darry really liked her because she was really ambitious and did well in school and caused Ponyboy to continue do the same. She had some money too wish also meant good things. Maybe it was the fact she was dating Pony that I didn't like her. Maybe it was that night at the movies when she kept flirting with Darry and then moved on to Pony. Or maybe I felt like she was taking a part of me away. Either way, Cherry and I didn't get along that well.

"Are you going to behave?" Soda asked on his way out. "Darry's already mentioned something about it."

I applied the dark red lipstick to my lips. "Maybe."

Soda whined and rolled his eyes. "She's a nice girl, Dan. Play nice for one night, will ya? For me?"

"Maybe," I teased.

He took that answer, figuring it was the best one he was going to get, and stepped out the door. "Be good tonight, huh?"

I smiled at myself in the mirror. "I'm_ always_ good."


	3. No Hands

**A/N: This whole chapter is a flashback. I took the italics off so it reads easier.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

_Three Months Earlier:_

"The sink is broken again," Ponyboy told Darry that night at dinner.

That was just a small reminder of how much shit Darry had to deal with. Ever since Johnny moved in with us we had gotten dirt poor. It wasn't the fact that Johnny living with us was running us dry it was just the fact that we had another mouth to feed when we barely had enough to feed us. Johnny needed help though. There was no way in hell that he was going back to the life he once lived. We all just had to make sacrifices.

"I'll get to it later," Darry told Pony.

We all knew he would never get to it. It was the same story every time, something would break - Darry would say he would fix it, he never does, Soda or I would end up fixing it, and Darry would get mad. The story would never change. Darry wasn't the kind of person who asked for help or would admit he needed help, not even from his own siblings. Soda says I'm the same way but I don't see it.

"Why don't you let me do Dar?" Soda jumped up to help him, only having Darry push him away like he typically always does.

"I said I got it!"

Soda would fix it in the end. He always does. I guess Darry did appreciate it in his own way, it just wasn't the way you would normally thank someone.

"You need help?" Soda asked me as I did the dishes.

"I got it."

Soda had already been doing enough lately. Working double shifts was hard for him. He wasn't like himself anymore either. His carefree spunkiness was completely drained from him. He hardly even smiled any more, and when I mean smile I mean not a fake one.

"You should lie down," I informed him, trying to help.

He shook his head as he took the drying rag from my hands. "I'm fine."

And _I _was the one who was like Darry?

"You going out tonight?" he asked me.

"Nope," I answered.

I never went out any more. There's was too much to do around here for me to bother. I don't have any friends other than Angela and she's busy with her new baby to hang out and ever since Marilyn and Randy stopped talking to me, I didn't have the backbone to make new friends.

"You should go out," he said encouragingly.

I shook my head. Tim had been trying to get me out of this house since Johnny got here. Tim and I had become closer ever since Angela had her baby and Dally went off to jail. Who knew Tim and I had so much in common?

I liked staying home now. Most of the time I was dead from work every night and just wanted to pass out on my bed when I got home. Going out just didn't seem worth it.

"You can't tell me you _like_ being in this house with your brothers," he pushed on. "I mean, I'm obviously pretty boss, but Darry and Ponyboy….They've got to get on your nerves once in a while."

I shook my head again. "Soda, please? I'm really too tired to even fight with you about this."

"You sound like an old married woman." He sighed, giving up on the issue. "Ok fine, Danni, I get it."

I knew he didn't. He couldn't see why I wanted to work my brains out every day, why I didn't want to hang out with my friends anymore, or why I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He didn't get anything.

* * *

I sat on the porch and looked into the stars that night. I felt so pathetic and old. These were supposed to be the best years of my life, and what am I doing on a Friday night? Sitting on my ass smoking a cigarette, and looking at stars.

It had gotten so cold at night now. I couldn't even tell the difference from my smoke and my breath.

It felt so good to finally have a cigarette though. When I got sick a few months ago Darry cut me off. He watched me twenty-four seven to make sure I wasn't smoking. He spent more time doing that than actually working. He also spent more time yelling at me now. We fight almost every night now. It was fine by me though, just as long as he didn't hit me I didn't really give a shit what he said to me.

"Wow do you look pathetic."

"What do you want Tim?" I snapped, annoyed. He was the last person I wanted to see tonight. I wasn't up for fighting with someone else. Normally, Tim was my outlet, but tonight wasn't the night.

He shook his head and climbed up on the porch with me. "Dang, Curtis, someone's a little bitchy tonight."

I ignored him. This was my house after all, and he comes up here calling me a bitch?

"You should really get out, Curtis."

I've always wondered why Tim started showing an interest in me. It seemed innocent enough, but he was Tim Shepard. He was almost as worse as Dally. Tim didn't even date women. He slept with them and then moved on to the next one when he got bored. We've known each other practically our whole lives and haven't had a full conversation until a few weeks ago when Angela had her baby. Now he was like….my friend. It was weird to even say.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well for starters you are as white as a fucking ghost over there."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't have enough energy to even argue with him.

"Buck is having a party tonight."

"Buck is always having parties."

He smirked, pulling out a fresh cigarette and lighting it up. "Ok well I just thought you should go, but whatever. I ain't gonna bother if you're just going to be a little bitch."

I continued to smoke.

Eventually, he left and I walked back into the house.

"Damn do you think you sucked down enough?" Darry asked me as I walked into the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him. I was always trying to ignore him these days. It took less energy than arguing any way. I didn't smoke that much anyway, no more than Ponyboy does.

"So are you going to answer me or not?" he roared. Tonight was one of those nights when Darry was just in a mood to fight.

He had me trapped, and I couldn't run away from him like I normally do.

"I guess," I mumbled

"Whatever Danni, all you do is sulk around here anyway, so what does it even matter right?"

I opened the fridge still trying to ignore him.

"Well?"

I slammed the door shut. "What the hell do you want from me, Darry?"

"Don't raise your voice at me, Danielle."

I hated the fact that he used my first name. That's what my mother always did when she was mad at me and Darry knew that. Sometimes I just really hated Darry with all my might. I know it was wrong to even say, and Darry had his good days, but his bad ones where something awful and I hated being around him. He didn't even act like himself when he got into one of his moods.

I shrugged and tried to leave the room.

"I'm not done here Danni." He jerked me back into the kitchen, his fingers digging into my skin. I wiggled out of his grasp. "I'm sick and tired of you acting like a spoiled brat."

"Fuck you," I mumbled under my breath as I tried to get away once again.

My escape didn't turn out as well as I thought it would. "What was that?"

I tried counting to ten, but I was about all out of patients. I turned around, fuming. "You heard me."

I don't even know why I bothered to fight with Darry. In the end I always backed down and let him win. Things were much simpler when they went the way Darry wanted them to.

He just shook his head at me. "You need to cut it out."

Soda and Pony were standing in the door frame watching us go at it. I guess they had nothing better to do either. Or they just wanted to make sure we didn't kill each other.

"Cut what out Dar? Picking up the shit you don't?" I snapped back. I couldn't believe I was saying all this. Maybe this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Enough was enough.

He lunged toward me a little when Soda stepped in-between us. "Ok guys now that's-"

"Danni I swear to God-" Darry interrupted

I didn't stay to let him finish. The last thing I wanted to do was listen to him yell at me. I had better things I could be doing after all. Nothing I wanted to do, but better things I could be doing. I grabbed my coat and headed out the door as Darry yelled after me.

* * *

"Well hello there, Curtis." Tim smiled at me when he opened the door. "I see you finally took me up on my offer. You done being a little bitch?"

I scowled at him. "Nothing better to do."

The place was packed, you couldn't even move. I didn't like coming to Buck's too much because I didn't like crowds. I still didn't know why I was here…. Other than to piss Darry off even more. I know I'll have to deal with that later too. I had to laugh though thinking about how mad Dally would be that he was missing this.

I let Tim maneuver me throughout the house, and in-between everyone making out. I had no idea where he was taking me but at this point I didn't really give a damn.

"It's less crowded in here," he said leading me into the kitchen.

It was tinier than the living room but he was right about it being less crowded. I figured everyone was either upstairs in the bed rooms or on the sofa.

It had to be the ugliest kitchen of all times too. Then again, I guess Buck didn't have a lot of style sense to go on. The room was light yellow with green cabinets on the walls. The things were about to fall down too. I guess all the banging around that went on upstairs would do that to them though.

"You want one?" Tim asked as he pulled out a beer.

I bit my lip and nodded reluctantly. I'd only had one beer before.

He popped the top open and handed it to me. I had had a sip or two of this stuff before and I didn't see what everyone was always freaking out about. It didn't taste all that great. It smelled awful too.

"What was that face for?" Tim asked me after I smelled it.

"It stinks," I informed him.

He gulped some down. "Well you ain't supposed to smell it, Dan."

I took a big swig of it. It tasted just the same as I remembered. I sucked it up and swallowed, I didn't want Tim to think I was a baby who couldn't drink a little beer.

"So Danni, tell me something?"

I took another sip. "What do you want to know?"

"What's the real reason you came all the way down here?"

I tried to void the question and acted like I was really into my beer.

"Dan?"

"I don't know I just wanted to have some fun tonight for once."

He grinned wide. "Ok then let's have some fun."

He jumped down from the counter that he was sitting on and took my hand and started leading me to the living room. The music was so loud in there I could barely hear myself think.

He dragged me over to the sofa and squished me in-between him and another couple sucking faces. I still had my beer in my hands. It felt so cold on my hand, I hadn't even noticed before but the bottle was already half empty. Surprisingly I didn't feel a thing.

"So when does the fun start?" I asked.

I couldn't believe I was going to do this.

* * *

Everything started getting fuzzy after that. I couldn't remember much else other than me getting up on Tim all night.

"You're a good dancer!" I yelled

Everything was in slow motion, the dancing, the people moving in the room, the make out sessions, everything. I was really getting into this whole partying thing. I had already gone through at least six beers. Everything was going in pieces now.

I could feel his hands move up and down my body as we danced. It felt so good having someone touch me like that.

He slowly moved my head to his.

I looked into his big brown eyes as he looked into mine. We stared at each other for a while before he pulled me closer. I could feel his breath on my face. I closed my eyes and let him pull me in. His warm lips latched onto mine. It had been a while since I did this. It felt so nice

He began to kiss my neck as I let him. He felt so warm. The next thing I remembered was him picking me up like a baby. I latched onto him as he carried me upstairs. Everything was just flying by.

I let him throw me onto a bed upstairs. He threw himself on top of me as he kissed me over and over again. He then began to take off my shirt. I layed there and let him work over me. I wasn't about to fight this.

* * *

I layed in the bed for a while after it was over. I didn't even know what he did to me or what I did to him, but it felt odd I watched him put back on his shirt. I hadn't noticed how muscular he was until then.

"I better take you home," he whispered.

My stomach ached, and I couldn't believe what I had just done.

* * *

I moaned as I rolled over on the bathroom floor.

I got up off the floor and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked worse than I felt. I rubbed the dark circles under my eyes. They looked horrible. My hair was all over the place and I had some dried up puck on my mouth. I wanted to throw up again just looking at myself.

I wiped up the puck off my mouth and walked into my bed room.

It was quiet in this house. I figured Darry and Soda must have gone off to work and Pony was somewhere with Cherry. My room was a mess too. I had clothes and books lying all over the place.

I threw myself on my bed and buried my head into my pillow. This sucked so badly.

After I found the strength, I rolled over to look at my clock. It was 12:30 and I felt somewhat better.

I noticed a little bottle of pills sitting beside the clock, that hadn't been there before. I picked them up with the little note attached to them.

_Danni,_

_Take these, they will help._

_We'll talk later_

_-Darry_

Great. Just what I need.

I opened the bottle and popped two in my mouth. Rolling off the bed, I decided to go down stairs to see where everyone was. I prayed to God Darry had to work today.

I groaned as I made my way down the stairs.

"Well look who it is." Soda smiled at me as I reached the kitchen

I moaned and layed my head down on the table.

"Well she looks happy."

"Of course she is!" Soda yelled into my ear

That hurt and I winced. I tried to smack him away but I was too weak.

"She had some time last night," Darry said rubbing my hair. "Remember what dad did to us when we did that?" he asked Soda.

"Yupp sure do. Couldn't sit for a week."

I groaned. I remembered that. Dad was real pissed off at them. I remember watching him yell from the top of the stairs. I hadn't seen my dad that mad in my life. It actually scared me a little to watch him.

Darry messed my hair up some more. "I might just do that to you too little girl if you ever think about doing that again."

"What happened to Tim?"

"I handled him," Darry spoke coldly.

I really hope he didn't. It wasn't Tim's fault I got drunk. Well sure he did give me the beer, but I took it. He didn't force the stuff down my throat. He didn't force me to do what I did in the bedroom…though that still didn't make me feel better.

"You ok?" Soda whispered into my hair

I nodded.

He rubbed my hair. I knew he was disappointed in me. I also knew Darry was fuming in rage. He just didn't want to show it just yet. Maybe he had gotten all of his anger out on Tim last night. But then again I knew he had saved plenty of anger for me.

* * *

I threw up the rest of the day too. I didn't think I would ever stop. Once I finally recovered Darry layed it on me. I didn't think he would ever shut up. He just went on and on about being responsible and not being able to trust me and on and on.

I zoned out after a while. It wasn't something I was in the mood to hear.

"Are you listening?"

I nodded and he continued to ramble on.

The whole tine he was doing that though I realized how much fun I really had last night. Not because I was with Tim and doing what I did with him, but that I was away from Darry. I was finally away from this hell hole of a house. I was actually having fun for a change.

"You have to promise me Danni you won't do anything stupid like this again."

I nodded. "I promise."

Darry nodded and let me go. I knew that promise was going to be broken. Just hearing the way he talked to me made me realize that I couldn't take my life the way it was any more.

Last night was the happiest I had been in a long time, and I wasn't about to let it go back to normal, no matter what Darry thought about it and no matter how hung over I was. I could take the pain the hangover brought. It was all worth it as long as I got away from Darry.

This was my life not his and I could live it any way I wanted to.


	4. Drop the World

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"You ready Danni?" Ponyboy knocked on my door before entering. I'd trained him good not to barge in without knocking. Soda on the other hand, was a different story. He'd caught me plenty of times before fully clothed.

"Yeah, come on in."

He walked in with his hair slicked back and his blue jean jacket on. Cherry and he weren't exactly couple of the year. They looked like complete opposites next to each other. Cherry wore really girly things with flowers on them and her hair down and curly, looking like a baby doll. Ponyboy looked like a biker most of the time and when they were together, heads sure did turn.

"You look good," he said, motioning me to move it along. "Cherry's waiting for us downstairs."

I threw a handful of things in a purse and followed him downstairs where Two-Bit, Johnny, Steve, Evie, and Cherry were. Two-Bit grinned and held out his arm. "Danni-Bear, looks like me and you are the third wheels. Mind _accompanying_ me to the _gathering_?"

I latched my arm with his and grinned. "I'd be happy to."

* * *

Buck's house is the party house in town. Every weekend you can find a variety of sex, beer, and drugs lurking around the place. Fights break out some times but Buck has controlled them to a degree since the cops are on his ass lately about having minors here. Buck doesn't pay much mind though. He says his house is everyone's and everyone is welcomed hence why Dally has decided to camp out here until he got 'on his feet'.

"'Bout time you got here," a familiar voice called for me.

"What are you doing here, Tim? I thought they exterminated this place a few weeks ago."

He stood up slowly, his back arched. He circled the dark liquid around in his cup. "Dallas here yet?"

I combed through my hair, flipping it behind my shoulder. "I don't know, Tim. I haven't seen him yet."

His dark brown eyes scanned the area. He caught something and left without another word, leaving me standing alone until he got back. Mr. Tim Shepard. He wasn't exactly the finest prince in town. He could lure a girl in though. He had a spell, Tim did. It worked every time. All he had to do was smile. That smile made everyone melt and he used it to his full advantage. He had a reputation when it came to girls. He had a long list of victims.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asked once he returned, picking up the bottle of Whiskey and filling up his glass. Whiskey was Tim's choice of drink. He swore it was the best cure for anything. "Plans?"

I watched as he sipped up the liquid and then offered me the bottle. I took it and smelled the strong sent inside that made my nose burn every time. "Nothing special. Maybe find someone to talk to in a minute. You?"

He shrugged and rotated around in his chair. "Think I'm going to head out early. Not in the mood." He placed the rest of his drink down on the table and stood up. "Enjoy the rest of your night, Curtis."

I felt a slight feeling of disappointment wash over me as I watched him leave.

The house had more than a few people in it. More than the fire code probably allowed. Most people here might know Dally, though I'm guessing the majority don't. Dally doesn't have very many close friends. He has too strong of a personality to keep them around. He only hangs with us because we're all like family. We have been since we were all kids

I stared at the drink in my hand, not really drinking it, just playing with it. I wished Angela had shown up tonight. The party was becoming a drag and drinks weren't even holding my interest. I wondered where Ponyboy and Cherry went. Normally, my thoughts would go to the upstairs bedrooms but this was Ponyboy and Cherry.

I didn't used to go to these parties. Soda was really in to them in his youth and made sure Ponyboy and I didn't go near here, but I never saw anything special about boys and drinks until later. Boys came first, then drinks. I don't drink as much as most people my age or most people in my neighborhood. Most people my age are out back smoking grass. Once Ponyboy and I got older Soda accepted us coming here and let it happen. We were just to make sure we didn't get into trouble or Mom and Dad would have his ass and now it was Darry.

"Who shit in your corn flakes this morning?" Dally walked up to me and casually sat down.

"What do you want?" I asked as he took a seat beside me, picking up a bottle of beer. "This is your party. I figured you'd be drunk by now with a twig at your side or better yet, Sylvia."

He smirked and drowned the drink. "Don't like twigs. No boobs or ass. Sylvia ain't here. 'Sides, have you seen have the broads here? My nanna wouldn't fuck 'em."

"Charming." I didn't press on about the Sylvia thing. I knew better than to bring it up by the sound of his tone saying that they were off for the next hour or two. I took another sip of my now warm drink. I gagged at the taste.

Dally's eyes turned to it. "You skunked it."

"What does that mean?"

He took it from me and chucked it into the trash. He handed me a fresh one, popping the cap off, making it spin on the table. "Try this out." He slid it over to me.

I took a strong sip. "You never answered my question," I reminded him. I noticed the bottle of Vodka beside us and changed over, taking a small sip at a time of it.

He eyed the sudden change. "You ask too many."

"You glad you're out?" I asked, taking another gulp.

He snickered and shook his head. "There you go again. Nah, I'm deeply hurt by the fact that the state don't have my ball sack in their grimy hands anymore. It kills me that I'm living in the outside world and sitting with _royalty_."

"I'm royalty?" I took a sip. "Thanks, Dallas."

"You just wish you were is all," he said. "You wish you lived on top of the hill with all the other rich pricks. I see it. That's why you were friends with them snobs as long as you were." He stopped and he laughed. "So how was it?"

I raised my eyes up from my drink. "How was what?"

He smirked proudly and beamed. "Life without me."

"It was _terrible_."

"You know it was." His eyes changed directions and he mumbled under his breath, "But then I guess Tim made you feel better though didn't he?"

I stared at him now. He didn't hide his sly grin, as he rarely did. I stared him down, waiting for more, him just keeping silent. "What are you talking about?"

He propped his feet up on the counter, fishing in his pockets for a cigarette. "Why did you even want to be with Tim anyway? What is he, like thirty? You know that's illegal right, Curtis?"

I scowled. "Yeah, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

The crowd got bigger and the music playing in the background started to become louder and fast beat songs were starting to be played. I watched everyone in the living room dance. Some were on the sofa on top of each other. Everyone was moving fast and rubbing against each other, not knowing what or who they were doing.

"You wanna go somewhere and talk?" I asked, grabbing the bottle of Vodka and taking it with me as Dally nodded and followed me up the stairs to the spare bedrooms upstairs. "Sounds like it's getting pretty rough down there." I said still looking down at the floor. I sat down on the bed, making it creak. Dally leaned against the dresser and lit a stick.

He blew out smoke from the corner of his mouth. "Sure does."

I stared up at him and watched. He flicked the ashes off the stick and stomped on them as they landed on the wooden floor. I hadn't noticed until now how much different Dally looked from a year ago. He was bigger, not fat either. His hair had gotten longer and he developed a swagger when we walked. He thought he was something now and everyone knew it. He looked more mature in a way. A way I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I kept my eyes on him. "Why are you not down there then?" He shrugged, turning to the side. "You never answered my question from before," I said.

"You never answered mine," he said with a wink. "I can play that game too, Curtis. Why don't you tell me all about you and Tim? I'm curious of how that played out? C'mon, give me the _juicy_ details."

Tim and Dally were big rivals. They fought almost every week about something and they were always trying to one up the other. They had a weird relationship, and even though they fought, they still considered themselves friends at times. They always had to get the other one no matter what in the end though.

I didn't owe it to Dally to tell him the ugly truth of the matter and that was that I was still a virgin. I didn't have to tell him anything, not that I would want him to know anyway. To Dally, virgins are prunes with fat thighs.

Maybe that's why I'm a virgin.

"Just drop it, Dallas," I hissed at him quietly, the same hopelessness saturating filled my words. "Nothing happened and there's nothing to tell. We're just friends. We dated for about a month while you were gone. It was nothing."

"He's just some boy so why does it bother you that much that I bring it up? He's just some loser," he told me bitterly, giving me the stink eye as he took another drag. "How many times did ya'll do it anyway?"

I locked my jaw, my blood beginning to boil along with the alcohol in my system. "Tim and I never did_ it_. Do you think I'm that type of girl? The one's_ you_ sleep with? The ones who have no common sense along with self-worth? Sorry to let you down."

"You don't look too different to me," he snapped, eyeing the bottle in my hand. "The drink says a lot about you, Curtis, and so does everyone else in this town. You've _grown_ since I've been gone."

He didn't know just how much.

I looked at the half drank bottle in my hand. Dally grinned at the expression on my face. My eyes darted towards him. "And you listen to what everyone else says? They say a lot about you too. You're a killer, a delinquent, a no good bastard, a hood. How many girls have you had sex with Dally? They talk a lot about that too, ya know?"

He thought this was funny. He laughed and hopping on top of the dresser, still laughing at the compression. "Well I'd say they're pretty spot on, right? What's so goddamn special about you then?"

"You'd have to ask them that."

"You've grown up since I last saw you. My, my, we've got quite a mouth on us now don't we?"

"You're such an ass," I spewed the words. "You act all high an' mighty all the time like you're invincible, above the law. What I do with my life is none of your business. I'm not a child and_ you_ are not in charge of me so back off!"

"I'm sure your brother would love to know who's been in your panties."

"Oh fuck off Dallas!"

He shook his head, smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Tell me why this is getting you all flustered? I'm I ruffling your feathers, Curtis? Did little Timmy break your 'wittle heart?"

"No," I said dryly. "You know Tim. He was nothing to me and I was nothing to him, so there. He dumped me flat on my face because we _didn't_ have sex. Can you change the subject now?"

I took a deep breath, feeling a little embarrassed I actually told him that. I'd never told anyone why Tim dumped me before and of all the people, Dallas is the only one that knows.

I waited patiently for his clever response, biting my lip.

"I don't wanna," he said stubbornly. "Just tell me what happened."

"Tell me what you know. Or what you _think _you know, I should say."

"He took something of yours." He wiggled his eyebrows with a sly wink. "Something you can't get back."

"And who told you this? Buck? Yeah, I'd believe everything he says considering most people in this town have never seen him sober. Yeah, Dally. Believe him. As far as you know, I haven't even had my first kiss. I just told you we didn't do it."

He paused and studied me and then sly stated: "You're not really denying it, Curtis."

"It's not true. You know what? Why am I even telling you this? I don't care what you think of me. I don't care what you _think_ you know about me. Just go away, Dally. I don't care."

"You do care or you wouldn't still be standing here, sweets. Sorry to tell you, I do know you and I have a feeling I know why you're getting your panties in a bunch. We've known each other for how long? C'mon now, how can you say I don't know you? I know you. I know why you're so upset."

"Because I had sex with Tim? Yeah, Dally. That's why. Thank you for finally making me _realize _that."

"Then tell me the truth if it's not such a big deal."

"Nothing happened."

"I've heard different. Just tell me, Curtis."

"How's Sylvia? Why don't you tell me all about her and the nasty things ya'll do? Let's put you in the hot seat."

Dally wore a self-satisfied smirk. "Why are you getting all hot, Curtis?" He held his hands up and chuckled. "Damn. Timmy musta did ya good."

"Oh screw you! You don't know me. You don't know what I do. We're not _friends, _Dallas. The only reason I tolerate you is because you sleep on my couch or the floor in my room when you're too drunk or high that you can't even make it home. That's why everyone else puts up with your bull!"

"Oh that so?"

"Yeah! You think you're so hot and cool but let me tell you, you're not."

"Then what am I?"

Damn his smell. I can feel my stomach clench. "A _bastard_." I knew I hit a low blow there. I turned around, ready for him to pop me in the face. It's what he'd do to anyone else. I whispered quietly, "Leave me alone, Dallas."

He jumped off the dresser, charging toward me. I stood up and faced him until he reached me. He grabbed my chin forcefully, making my eyes meet his. "Make me."

"You're an ass." I turned away from him. "I'm not staying here to get yelled at. I've gotta go," I said hastily, wiping fiercely at my cheeks, checking for angry tears. Before I could make it far, though, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Where to?" he asked, his hand clenched tightly around my arm. "Home, so Darry can yell at you some more for not being as perfect as him? Or you gonna walk around town all by your lonesome, genius? Get jumped and sent to a hospital this time?"

"Let go of me," I snapped, but Dally held his ground, refusing to loosen his grip. "I'd rather be in a hospital than up here with _you_!"

"You don't wanna leave," he stated.

I struggled against his grip, trying to fight my way out of his tight grasp. I pushed against his hand on mine and tried to pull away. "Yes I do!" I tried to unwrap his fingers. "Let me go!"

"Not until you tell me the truth! Look at me, Curtis! Just look at me and tell me the truth!"

I closed my eyes and I tilted my head slightly to look at him as I fought off the will to cry like a child. I wasn't a cry baby kid. I wasn't going to let him get the best of me. I closed my eyes. "Why do you care?"

I opened my eyes to see his for a split second before I could feel his hands touching my face, his other hand pulling my waist towards his. Our stomachs hit. Our lips touched for the briefest second before his fingers tangles themselves in my hair. He kept kissing me, softly and gently. His lips felt smooth. My mouth watered as he parted slightly, then going back again. He cupped my face with his palm and he let out a satisfied sigh.

He put a hand on the side of my face, lifting my head up to him. He gently brushed his lips against mine.

I suddenly felt the wall behind me, my lips still intertwined with his. I reached up, grabbing his face and kissing him back forcefully. I felt my heart start to race.

He parted, licking his lips. "Go home, Curtis. You don't belong here."

"I don't want to," I whispered. "I want to stay here...with you."

His hands slowly hung on my hips. He looked down at my body, breathing out. "You need to go home."

"Why?"

He paused, gazing over my lower half with wide eyes. "Fuck..."

"Dally..."

He grabbed me tightly, pulling me to him. It jerked my head back. We stared at each other, out lower half's touching. "You don't want to be with someone like me, Curtis."

My mouth watered and I began to sweat. I felt him getting hard on my thigh. My chin quivered. "You don't know what I want, Dally. Do you want _me_?"

His hand was on my ass, groping and squeezing. "Go. Home."

I shook my head. "No. I can't."

I hit the wall again and his lips were suddenly on mine, harder this time. I kissed him back, feeling my legs start to shake. I didn't know if I could stand up much longer and I rested myself on his broad shoulders.

His lips moved to my neck. He started sucking on me, like a vampire. I breathed out, cupping his head and letting him stay there. I could feel his teeth and the bruise that was starting to form there.

Then, it stopped.

"Go find Shepard..."

"No," I said, running my fingers through his hair. I didn't know what was going on or what I was doing but I wasn't going home. Not after all this. I couldn't. I wasn't letting him get away with kissing me again and then just leaving.

"It's gonna hurt," he told me quietly.

_It? _I pressed my lips together. My stomach was on its own roller coaster and if he didn't start kissing me again, I was going to throw up all over him but was I ready for _it_? "I want it to."

He took me on the bed, slowly lying me down. He placed his hands on either side of me, staring me down. I grabbed his face, making his lips click with mine again. I didn't want him to speak again. I wanted him to show me just what he showed Sylvia. I wanted Dallas Winston to show me how a real man works.

His tongue pushed farther down my mouth. I stopped, pulling to the side a couple of times so he could kiss my neck while I let out deep sighs as my skin shivered and body shook. I didn't try to stop it as the kissing got deeper.

He spun me around to where I was on my back. He roughly threw me down, getting all clothing out of the way. I drove my nails into the skin on his back. I shifted under him and wrapped my arm around his head. My lips went down on his and his tongue wrestled with mine. His hands started to move over my body, groping here and there. It felt rough and a tad painful yet I liked it. He touched me in places I didn't know I had.

I shivered as I felt his hand go inside my underwear and his fingers went inside of me. My back arched up. My breath felt cold as I breathed out. I pulled him in closer and lifted my hips up like I'd seen those beautiful women do in all those spicy movies I wasn't supposed to watch.

"You sure?"

I answered by pulling his body back down on mine, unbuttoning his pants and forcing them down. I wasn't sure of much right now. The only thing I did know, I wanted him inside of me. And I wanted him _now._

My skirt and underwear were pulled slowly down my thighs, revealing myself. I closed my eyes as he undressed the rest of my body until I was completely unclothed. I blushed when I realized I was completely nude in front of _Dally_. I felt his eyes staring at my body and I could feel my whole body turn red. I was too scared to open my eyes so I kept them shut as I felt his smooth naked body on top of mine.

I kept my eyes closed, feeling the pressure of him going inside of me. I gripped onto the sheets and let out a deep, satisfied moan. I felt my virginity being ripped out of me and I cried out, clinching the sheets and arching my back and letting out more cries and gasps.

He breathed on my neck, calming me. Shushing me.

My body quivered. I felt my legs begin to shake. I shut my eyes and breathed out slowly, feeling the burning between my legs and wishing for more. Harder.

My nails locked into his back. It hurt and I was shaking but I didn't want it to stop. I didn't ever want it to stop.

His hand tangled up with my hair, slightly pulling on it. He put out a loud moan and licked my shoulder blade, shaking himself and he moved up and down, up and down.

He used his arm to keep me still, wrapping it around to my back and holding me in place as he worked me over, letting me know he had control now and he was going to do all kinds of things to me.

"You ok?" he breathed out, asking again.

I couldn't close my mouth. It felt like my lungs were on fire I was breathing and moaning out so loudly.

He kissed me, this time on the lips. My eyes were still closed but I felt safer, feeling his smooth lips on me. It was sweetie and nice than what he was doing to me down under.

"Oh God!" I cried, hurting again as the pressure started to get more prominent and I felt just how hard he was.

He pulled my knees up, using them to lock himself up. He grabbed the back of my thigh and held me tightly. "God, Curtis..."

I gasped for breath as he hit climax and stopped moving. He collapsed on me, rolling us both over to where I was on his stomach, him still inside of me.

I opened my eyes for the first time, coming face to face with him now. I instantly turned hot as he slipped out of me and I felt my body slump down, relieved and aroused at the same time.

He smirked. "Well?"

I smiled, letting out a sigh. "You're still an ass."


	5. Lose Yourself

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

The coldness woke me up soon after. My head lay on Dally's chest. His breathing was consistent, his chest rising up and down, making my head follow the same motions. I put my hand up and rested it on his stomach, just above his navel. He was so hard. I couldn't help but feel him even more.

I moved my leg a little, feeling the pain down below. I winced as I re-positioned my legs. I put my hand down to my upper thigh and rubbed intently. I'd never been so sore before, especially not down there. I got embarrassed just thinking about it and what I had done...with Dally.

I never pictured my first time like this and I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or he just exceeded my expectations. I sure didn't expect Dally to be my first when I thought about this moment, whom I'd be waking up next to.

My face went hot just thinking more depth into it. Dally was my friend. I'd sure crossed those limits last night and he did too. He wasn't even my boyfriend. W

That kiss. I still felt that feeling of his lips on mine for the first time. The nervous feeling I got in my stomach.

When I sat up to examine my surroundings, Dally jumped, waking up himself and looking around. I looked at him and watched as he woke himself up and rubbed his face until his eyes adjusted to the lighting.

I covered my naked body with the sheet, wrapping it around my chest as he fully sat up and got out a weed from the dresser. He offered one to me. "Want it?"

I took it and let him light it. I sucked in the smoke and let it sit in my mouth before I slowly blew it out. My body was numb along with everything else including my thoughts. I still couldn't feel my legs. The more I moved, the more uncomfortable I got.

I thought about asking if this was normal but I was too embarrassed to even think about asking Dally such a thing. I think Angela talked to me one time about it but Dally would know more. This was very far from his first time. I did wonder though, when was his first time? Who was it with? How old was he? Was he sore like this too?

I took another puff of smoke. I couldn't pin-point exactly how I felt. I couldn't look at him. Every time I did I saw him naked and right now, I didn't know if I liked that image or not. So I didn't look. Dally had seen me naked. Oh God. Now I know I can never look at him again.

"Damn," Dally said, letting out a proud smirk, killing the tension. "I slept like a fucking rock."

I leaned back on the bed board and took another, stronger, whiff of smoke this time. I let it roll off my lips slowly, watching it evaporate into the air. I watched it with each puff I took. It was all I wanted to focus on. This. Not Dally's naked body just inches away from me. So close that if I moved, I'd touch his dick.

Dally got up, stretching his back out like a cat that just got up from a long nap. He sat on the end of the bed, his back to me before finding his pants and putting them on. "Want something to drink?"

I shook my head and watched him unscrew the bottle of Vodka on the dresser. He took a strong sip of it despite the fact that it was morning. "I should go home," I confessed though I didn't move any. "Where are my clothes?"

He pointed to a pile across the room on the floor. He grunted and rubbed his face some more. "You better get going before they start looking. I don't want to answer a shit load of questions."

I nodded and grabbed the pile and threw it on the bed. "You goin' to stay here?"

He nodded and threw himself back down.

I got up off the bed after I had put all my stuff back on. "I got to go." I informed him.

He nodded and rolled back over. "If anyone asks - I'm busy."

I quietly closed the door behind me as I left. Hopefully no one knew where I was.

It was quieter now. Well quiet for Buck's anyway.

I slowly made my way down stairs. I hadn't seen anyone yet so I guess that was good.

"Where have ya been?" Ponyboy asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs. "It seems like you've been gone all night."

I shrugged and looked around the room. "I was around. Where is everyone else at?"

"Steve and Evie went home because she was tired or whatever, Cherry is somewhere, and Two-Bit is hitting on some girl."

I covered my shivering body up with my arms. It felt so cold. "Sounds about right."

"You look funny," he stated, getting close to my face. "Where have you been all night?"

I pushed his face away from me. "Nowhere."

"Hey, Danni, where have you been?"

I looked over at Cherry as she handed a cup to Ponyboy.

Of course those two weren't drinking. Cherry never drank and neither did Ponyboy when Cherry was around. It was just another thing they didn't do that normal couples did. I somewhat admired them for things like that. I could never do it though.

"Around and about," I replied. My stomach was hurting and head pounding. Every time I moved there was a constant reminder of what just happened up stairs.

"Danni-Bear!" Two-Bit squealed as he nearly landed on top of me.

"Two, you're wasted." I giggled pushing him off of me, the smell making my stomach hurt worse. At least he wouldn't be suspicious of where I was or what I was doing. He didn't even know his name.

"S'let's blow this joint," he slurred.

I guess Cherry would be driving us home tonight.

"You ok Danni you seem kind of weird?" Ponyboy asked once we were in the car.

I lifted my head off the car window and looked over at him. He looked so much different since last year. He got taller and more muscular. We barley even looked like siblings let alone twins anymore.

I smiled at him and nodded. I didn't really know what I was feeling. It seemed like I wasn't really feeling anything right now. I just felt numb. Not a bad numb, but just numb.

XXXX

Darry was passed out asleep on the sofa when we got home. He looked exhausted. Soda was in the kitchen cleaning the dishes Darry was too tired to clean and almost falling over from lack of sleep.

I guess Darry was too tired to even argue with them about cleaning. Darry was going to work until he killed himself, but there was no fighting with him about it. He wasn't going to change. Not yet anyway.

"He ok?" I asked Soda, motioning towards Darry.

He nodded. He looked like he was going to fall over any minute himself. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," I answered, still having my eyes on Darry. "Why don't you go to sleep Soda? I can take care of all this."

He agreed and handed me the rag and took a seat at the table. "So what all happened tonight? Anything exciting that I should know about?"

"Nothing special."

He yawned while I continued to clean the grease off the stove. I looked back over my shoulders to see him sound asleep on the table. I smiled at him. He worked so hard for Darry. Darry was real lucky to have Soda around. All of us were.

"Soda?" I whispered into his ear, making sure he was really asleep.

He didn't move. I gave up trying to scrap the stove and turned off the lights.

"Is he asleep?" Darry moaned and sat up as I came into the living room. I nodded. "I'll help him get upstairs in a minute."

"I'm going to sleep," I told him.

He got up off the sofa and ruffled my hair. "You do look awful pretty."

I smiled. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and quickly parted from him and went upstairs. I never questioned Darry's drinking. I was too scared of what would happen if I did.

I tried my best to sleep that night. Every time I shut my eyes I kept on seeing his face.

I saw his body on mine and then mine on his. Why wasn't I feeling anything about this? I just had sex with Dally and I couldn't even feel a thing. I was no longer a virgin but I didn't feel like anything had changed at all.

I kept seeing everything that happened that night. Every detail kept running through my head like some kind of movie. Play, pause, rewind. Play, pause, rewind.

"You going to get up sometime today?" Ponyboy asked me, opening my door slightly.

I sat up in my bed and looked over at the clock. Had I even fallen asleep?

"You look happy." He smirked. "You never did answer my question from last night, ya know?"

If I was twelve, I would have told Ponyboy everything. He would be my best girlfriend and I'd share every detail of Dallas Winston kissing me and touching me in places I didn't even know I had and taking my virginity. I would tell him how good it felt to have him touch me and how good he smelt and how I think I was wrong about not liking him but I was so confused.

But I wasn't twelve and twelve-year-olds don't do what I did last night, and Ponyboy, wouldn't hear any of it.

I looked up at him. He looked awful perky this morning. "Where is everyone else at?" I rose up off the bed.

"Working, where else?" I shrugged. Of course they were working. "Are you sure you're ok Danni? You seem kind of off."

I felt kind of off. I needed to talk to someone about this. I couldn't face Dally. Not yet anyway, and my brothers would kill me if I talked to them about it. I rubbed my still sore legs.

"I'm going over to Angela's," I informed him as I brushed the knots out of my hair.

She was my only hope. She understood this kind of stuff. Or at least I think she does. Out of all the guys she slept with over the years she had to be going through the same thing I was one time or another.

Angela's house was down the street from mine. It was in worse shape on the outside as it was on the inside and that was saying a lot. Her grass hadn't been mowed since last spring. There was an old beat up pickup that hadn't run since we were five. On the side there was some words made with spray paint that Angela did herself.

**FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK.**

She saw it on a bridge once and copied it on the side of her house. Tim didn't care and her mom wasn't around enough to notice. It made the neighborhood…..colorful.

"Damn. I wish I coulda gone to that party." She threw another dish in the water that was gathered up in the sink. Suds of soap hit the grimy walls. "Tim was supposed to stay here."

Jake was in my arms, gnawing on a key ring he'd picked up off the ground. "It wasn't that great. I didn't stay long. Everyone was just getting high out back."

"That's what those parties are for," she whined loudly. "Goddamn I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat!"

"Yeah, 'cause my life is so perfect."

She threw the last dish in the bubbled up water and drained it out. "What were you doing all night anyway? Anyone I know?"

I made a disgusted face as she took her kid back and started bouncing him on her knee. Angela was so skinny. Her bones in her legs were like sharp knives. "I didn't do anyone."

"'Cause you're a virgin."

"I was upstairs with Dally." It just sorta came out. I could feel it roll off my tongue knowing full well how much this was going to bite me in the ass. I felt my face turn hot.

Her jaw dropped her and her lips turned into an upright smile. "Winston? You and Winston in a room all by yourselves!"

I scanned the room for any peepers. "Keep your voice down!"

"Danni Curtis, my, my how you've grown! Winston…man I've taught you well."

My eyes went wide when her voice hit a high note. "Angela shut up!"

"Did it hurt? How big was it?" she went on despite the confines of this room. "Everyone says his is huge but I think that's because Sylvia goes around bragging how sore she is from it but I think that's because she's so tight that-"

"Angela!" I shouted, noticing that I was fully leaned across the table to where my nose was touching hers. I sat down back in my seat. "Just….keep your voice down, ok? I'm still….a little lost about the whole thing. I mean….it's weird, you know?"

"Uh-huh. C'mon! I'm your best friend! You're supposed to tell me these things!"

I put my hand on the side of my head, feeling my pulse. "Ok, it was….nice and embarrassing and odd. I still can't believe it happened. It happened so fast. I mean, I guess I like Dally. I mean I must, right? And he must like me if he wanted to just do it with me. That's why I came here, I guess. I just….I don't know what to do now."

She paused, licking over her lips. "I can't believe this either. I mean, it was kind of obvious you liked him and he liked you-"

"No it wasn't!"

"Not obvious to you two, but yeah, obvious to all of us," she said. "Wow. Danni Curtis is no longer little Miss Virgin Mary. What ever shall we do?"

I rubbed my head. "I can't believe I did that!"

"Can't believe you did what?"

I gulped at the sound. I refused to turn around. His boots were making the floor creak the closer he got.

"Danni and Jimmy Kings," Angela said plainly with a playful shrug. "Someone started a rumor that she gave him a blow job. Just getting the whole story here, Tim. Go away."

"He's an asshole," he said bitterly as he sucked his teeth into an apple.

"No shit," I said despite the fact he seemed to suddenly have so much pity for me. If anything, it made me feel all the more worse.

"Please go away," Angela begged with another whine and an eye roll.

He searched through the fridge. "If he goes sayin' anything else, tell me," he said, hardly considering her plea.

"Yeah, yeah. She will," Angela shooed him on. "Here." She stuck Jake out, making sure he didn't touch her new designer top. "Take him with you."

Tim tipped his beer back, draining the last few drops and setting it on the counter beside him. He ignored his sister's childish antics and took Jake and went off into his room and shut the door behind him ever-so nonchalantly. He didn't say another word.

The smoke irritated my eyes as it seemed to plume through the closed door and the planks of the floor. Angela continued talking, telling me how to approach Dally and admit my feelings for him and a whole lot of other stuff I didn't catch. I pretended to listen, tracing little circles in the dust on the table with my finger but my eyes were on that door.


	6. Tornado meets Volcano

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

Mrs. Wilson was our new teacher for the remainder of the school year. Our last teacher, Mrs. Hobbs, _slipped_ and took an immediate leave of absence. Mrs. Wilson went over all her standard rules, letting us know she was a _hard ass,_ and wasn't going to put up with any crap. She hadn't met our Sophomore English class yet.

"I'm not Mrs. Hobbs," she addressed for the tenth time already. "I'm not going to put up with any nonsense. If you have a problem, I'd say you address it with Principle Shore and he will handle it. I don't have time for such things. You will learn in my class room. Nothing else. I'm not Mrs. Hobbs."

"Yeah," some guy in the back snickered, "you're not as fat!"

There was laughter but Mrs. Wilson turned her back and went to the chalkboard, writing new terms and telling us all to copy them because there would be a quiz. I picked up my pencil and began writing.

My head hurt. I took ten aspirin yesterday and it didn't do a thing. I tried to block out last night the best I could. Some things were still foggy but there was one thing that wasn't. I could still taste it on my lips. In all the years I had known Dally, there was something that amused him about pushing my buttons, trying to irritate me or get some sort of response out of me, just to see how far I would let him go. Was last night just the same?

There was a knock on the door and a large round man entered. Mr. Shore. "Mrs. Wilson, can I meet with you outside for a moment?"

"Certainty."

The class grew loud as everyone closed up their books and spun around to talk to their neighbors. I continued to write what was on the bored, not interested in talking to anyone in this room. It was people like the ones that were in here that made me keep to myself. I'd gone to school with the majority of them since Kindergarten and I knew them well enough. The lived on the other side of town, not mine and they too, knew the rules their parents set as examples.

"Pssshh!" someone hissed from the table beside me. I didn't turn to look. I already knew who it was. "That's a nice skirt, Danni. Where did you get it? Dumpster diving again?"

The girls beside her started to burst out in laughter at her less than funny joke. I pressed my pencil down harder on my paper, making a hole. I shook my head and continued on, hoping Mrs. Wilson would hurry and get back.

Right on cue, the door opened back up. "Class, we have a new student joining us today. Well, he's not _new_, but new for this year." She turned her attention back to the door. "Dally, wanna come in, son?"

He had his hands deep in his pockets. He walked with swag as his slick shoes skidded across the floor. He had gum in, smacking it with that slight grin peering on the corner of his lips. "Sorry to disappoint, but I ain't your son, sweetheart."

Mrs. Wilson rolled her eyes as if she'd experienced this before.

I rubbed my eyes, unsure if this was real or just some idiotic nightmare. Dally didn't go to school. He stopped just before he got hauled to jail. He was eighteen. This was a sophomore class. Dally would have to be at least a senior. I couldn't believe it. Out of all the fucking English classes-

"Take an open seat, will you please?"

Dally smirked and carried himself to the open seat at the table behind me. He stopped once he caught my eye. He winked and gave a tug on my ponytail. "How goes it, Curtis?"

I covered my face with my hand and sighed loudly. I hid my face from everyone's looks and I pressed my pencil against my paper until the led broke in two.

He sat down and propped his feet up on the table, getting comfy. Mrs. Wilson hissed. "Where are your books, Dallas?"

"Don't need 'em," he answered proudly. "Sorry, sweets."

The room erupted in giggles. Mrs. Wilson just shook her head and grabbed a handful of loose leaf paper and threw them at him along with some pens. "Keep up, Mr. Winston. I'm not slowing down for anyone."

Dally picked up a pen, bit the cap off, and pressed it against the paper. "On your go, sweets."

"It's Mrs. _Wilson_."

I kept my eyes forward, not wanting to look at the sly grinned boy behind me. I could feel him as it was. His feet jiggled my chair the entire class period and I could hear him chomping his gum like a rabid cow. I bit my tongue and focused my attention on the lecture on _Les Misérables_.

"Curtis," a faint hiss came from behind me. "How's about we hit the boiler room after lunch tomorrow? I'll give you all the dessert you need."

"Shut up," I hissed back over my shoulder. "Why are you even here? You dropped out."

Mrs. Wilson turned back to the bored and began lecturing again, allowing Dally to answer. "State's makin' me. Apparently reliving my _glory_ days will do me some good."

"Mr. Winston," Mrs. Wilson scolded, throwing her book down on the desk. "Is there something you and Mrs. Curtis want to share with the rest of the class?"

"You'll have to ask her_, ma'am_," he beamed. "I don't kiss and tell. Not how I do things. I run pretty smooth actually. Tell her, Curtis."

I bit down on my lip hard, hoping to draw some blood. There was nowhere to hide now. All eyes were on me. I balled my fists up. "No, ma'am."

Mrs. Wilson nodded and turned back around and began talking again. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and didn't try to hide my scowl.

"C'mon, Curtis. Say it loud, say it proud!"

"Leave me alone!"

"That's not very nice," he cooed, moving his feet from the back of my chair and leaning forward. I could feel his warm breath on my ear. "Is that anyway to treat…._me_?"

"You're going to get me in trouble! Shut up!"

"Hey," a new voice came into play. We both turned and looked. "Leave her alone, Winston."

Dally stared at him, as well as I. Randy Adderson looked at both of us, frowning at Dally. Dally readjusted himself in his seat and turned his attention on Randy. "Excuse me?"

"I said: leave her alone," Randy repeated himself.

Dally's eyes went to me. "You got pretty boy fighting your battles now? Awe and I thought you were the one-guy-one-girl type of person."

"Shut up!"

"That hurts. That _really _hurts."

"Mr. Winston, Mrs. Curtis, do I really need to separate you two?"

I swallowed down my yes, allowing Dally to answer for the both of us. "No, sweets. We good. Right, Curtis?"

"Right," I said through gritted teeth. "Peachy really." Satisfied with the answers we gave, she turned her back and went back to writing on the chalk board.

I sighed with relief, and then felt his warm pasty breath on my cheek. "We're _peachy really_."

_Of all the fucking English classes._

It was a long walk back to the house. It got colder out too. I knew Darry was going to have a fit once he finds out I have been walking in it. He always flipped out about the stupidest things like that. It really bothered me that Darry was like that now. I guess over the past few months I have just grown to ignore him. Or at least try to. It wasn't easy to do when he was screaming in my face all the time.

I walked over to the pile of clothes that was sitting on the floor of my room and pulled out the history book that was being smothered under them. I didn't even see why I needed to study this stuff. It wasn't like I was ever going to need it one day. Like my life was going to depend on who our fifth president was.

I sighed as I cracked the stupid thing open. I had a test the next day and I couldn't afford to fail it.

I couldn't focus on it though. I couldn't focus on much of anything except for Dally. His image had run through my brain at least a million times today. It made me smile every time I saw it too. I didn't see why though.

Later on that night after she left I lied in my bed and thought about everything. It still seemed unreal to me. It seemed like nothing even happened. I guess I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that I had sex with Dally - twice! He was Dally after all. He hadn't changed one bit since the day I met him and now I was feeling this way about him? It didn't make any sense to me.

There were just too many things that needed to be answered about this. I knew none of them would be answered though. Dally wasn't ever going to talk to me about this. I couldn't make him talk to me either. I guess I just wasn't strong enough anymore. I didn't see why. I could stand up to Dally any time of day and we would go at it for hours. What made me back down this time? What made him back down?

I tried to stop asking myself all of these dumb questions. It wasn't like they really mattered anymore. They wouldn't be answered anyway.

"You ok Danni?"

I sat up on my bed at Soda standing in my door way. He looked worse than he did last night. I don't think I have even seen Soda look that in his life. He looked so drained from everything. His eyes kind of looked like Darry's now.

"Yeah I'm fine Soda," I said with a reassuring smile.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

There was a lot I wanted to talk about, but I knew I couldn't talk to him about it. Not yet at least. I had to figure some of this stuff out myself. I didn't need my big brothers holding my hand along the way either.

"No I'm good."

I knew Soda desperately wanted to talk to me, but I just couldn't let him. It would hurt him even more knowing the truth. Besides he still thought I was a virgin. Everyone did but Angela and well Dally now.

He nodded and left me alone. I could see the pain in his eyes as he left. He was in so much agonizing pain these days. I wanted to help him but there was nothing I could do.

I decided to get my mind off everything and open my science book up. I had nothing better to do than read the dumb thing.

I flipped through the pages to the chapter we were on. It was all about weather and earth stuff. I flipped over to the page that was book marked. _Tornados and volcanoes_. It read. I read the words that were shown in the book.

**Tornado**: A localized, violently destructive windstorm occurring over land, esp. in the Middle West, and characterized by a long, funnel-shaped cloud extending toward the ground and made visible by condensation and debris.

**Volcano**: When pressure from the molten rock beneath the earth's surface becomes too great, the rock, usually accompanied by lava or gases, escapes through a fissure or vent in the crust of the earth. "Volcano" is the term given to both the vent and the conical mountain left by the overflow of the erupted lava, rock and ash.

I had to laugh reading that. They make it seem like these two things are nothing alike. To me they are almost exactly alike. They come about suddenly and destroy everything in their paths. Once they blow, they blow. There is no stopping it either, it's just meant to happen. These are the two most destructive things in the world and this stupid book is making them sound like complete opposites. They come out of no were, attack, and destroy everything in their paths. That doesn't sound like complete opposites to me. They sound just a like.

I gave up trying to argue with myself. There was no point anyway. I just layed on my bed and continue to think about it. What would ever happen if a tornado hit a volcano? I know it's theoretically impossible to happen but I'm just wondering here. Maybe that's how the world is going to end. Two very powerful forces finally coming into contact with each other. Two forces that can destroy everything and anything and then in the end destroying themselves.

* * *

"Dally are you here?" I asked banging on his bedroom door the next day after school. I didn't see why I knocked. I never knocked before.

I didn't wait for him to answer and just walked in. The place was still a big mess. I guess I wasn't surprised. Dally was never really known for being a good house wife.

"Damn, Curtis, you scared me."

I looked up at Dally standing there with a towel wrapped around him. "Oh sorry," I said not trying to stare at him. He laughed at me as he put on his underwear. I turned away as he did. I didn't know why, it wasn't like I hadn't seen that before.

"Any reason you came all the way down here?" He asked putting on the rest of his clothes.

"I have some…..stuff to ask you," I chocked out.

He rolled his eyes at me. "You know I'm getting real annoyed by all this question shit."

I rolled my eyes back. "Sorry but you aren't exactly an easy person to read Dally. I just have some stuff I want to know."

"Ok well speak I ain't got all day!" he snapped as he light a cigarette

He was such a pain. "Ok well first off, what is this little thing we're doing?"

"It's called _sex_, Curtis. It means we're having sex. What do you want me to do? Draw you a picture or something."

I looked down at my feet and bit my lip. My cheeks turned red as I thought about asking my next question. I knew Dally was going to laugh at me. I should just leave now.

I sigh. "Am I like you're girlfriend now?"

He didn't even look at me. He just fiddled with the cigarette bud that was in his hand. "Damn Curtis, I don't know."

I rolled my eyes. "I just want to know what to call this….._relationship_ or whatever it is."

"Relationship? Is that what you think this is?" He raised his eyebrows.

That hurt. "Well, you said I wasn't just some one night stand, you proved that to me."

He laughed at me. "And how did I do that?"

I took a step back from him. That hurt worse than the first one. How could he say that? Was I really just that stupid that I thought I meant more than that to Dally? "But you…we-"

"Had sex? Yeah, so what?"

"You mean you don't-"

"Don't what?"

"Care about me?"

He looked at me for the first time. I couldn't read the expression he gave me. I could never read the expressions Dally gave me. I don't think anyone could.

He was a closed book. No way in. No way out.


	7. Watch me Burn

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"Can you just answer me?" I begged. I took a deep breath bracing myself for the answer he was going to give me.

He just looked down at his finger nails. I should have figured he would ignore me. Dally was never going to admit that to me. Never.

"I don't see why I waste my time." I said brushing by him to go out the door.

He didn't even call after me as I left. I guess he didn't really care. I should have figured that though. He didn't care about anyone, what made me think I was so different? I was just another sex toy to him, someone who he could sleep with for a while and then throw away when he found something better. I was stupid to even think that I was any different.

"Well look what the cat drug in," someone smirked at me as I stormed out the door.

I turned around to face the dirty platinum blond tramp that was standing in from of me. Her make-up was running all over the place too from all the rain outside. I guess she was too stupid to pull a mirror out every once and a while.

"What the hell do you want, Sylvia?" I snapped

She simply laughed at me. "What in the world would I want with a whore like you? Huh?"

"I'm not a whore. I was just leaving anyway."

She laughed again. "I call them like I see them."

I tried to walk past her, but she pushed me back.

Her smirky smile quickly vanished. "Who the hell do you think you are talking to? I'll have you know that I get more complements on my looks than you ever will."

My hands turned into fists. My patients had already been tested today. I knew better than to mess with Sylvia, but she was really pushing me.

She just glared at me. "Why don't you go off and find Tim…oh I forgot he dumped you. I guess you really do suck in bed don't you, Danni?"

That's when something sparked. Out of know where, I shoved her. "Shut your mouth!"

"Oh wow that hurt." She sneered sarcastically, not even losing her footing. "Do you not have anything better than that?"

"What do you even want, Sylvia?" I asked again, just wanting her to leave me along and let me leave.

Did Sylvia know about Dally and I? Dally and Sylvia were broken up, weren't they? Right now, I didn't care if she wanted Dally or not. She could have him for all I cared.

She laughed again. "I just wanted to pay my friend, Dally, a little visit."

"You two broke up."

Her heels clicked against the sidewalk as she stepped towards me. "Oh honey, you just don't understand these kinds of things do you? See Dally has been just dying to get laid since he got out of jail and now I'm going to give it to him. After that he will just be begging to have me back. That's how it works. You might want to take notes next time."

She turned her back to me, opening the door to the building and getting ready to go inside.

I didn't know what to say to her. There was a lot I could say but… "Hey Bitch, sorry to disappoint you but it's a little too late for that."

She laughed at me with her back still turned. "And why is that?"

Here comes the warm liquid feeling again. I should just turn around and I home. I should just - "Because I already gave him what he wanted"

She whipped back around to face me. "You…you…..you"

"Had sex with him? Yeah, I did. Sorry next time I will speak a little slower for you."

She stomped back down the stairs to where I was at. "You dirty little whore."

Sylvia Mason isn't the girl you want to mess with. She wasn't as strong as Angela, but she could still tear me a part. And by the look on her face, she intended to rip me to shreds.

I tried to stand my ground, though I was turning weak inside. "Like I said before, sorry to disappoint you."

I didn't see what was coming after that. It was like it came out of nowhere, though I should have expected it. I suddenly felt a stinging pain to my left cheek. I sure didn't know she could hit that hard. This was harder than an Angela hit.

I held my cheek, my eyes tearing up from the blow. That's when it happened. I suddenly wasn't scared of her anymore. I was tired of getting treated like I was some little girl still. Dally saw me that way, Darry saw me that, and now Sylvia was seeing me that way. I was fifteen years old. I wasn't a little girl anymore.

"You bitch!"

She stumbled back as I pushed her. I guess she didn't expect me to hit her after that. Rain started coming down on us, but neither of us moved.

"You crazy bitch!" She tackled me to ground and into a big puddle of mud.

Once she had me pinned on the ground she started yanking at my hair. I screamed in pain as I tried to kick her off of me. I couldn't see anything either, I had mud all over my face and body.

"Get off me!"

I jumped up and stared at her. She was covered in mud too. The rain was pouring down on us too making it even harder to see. You could hear the thunder too back far in the distance.

I wasn't staring at her to long before she jumped back up and knocked me back to the ground. I was getting really tired of being covered in mud. We continued to tussle for a while in the big mud puddle. She would pull my hair, I would pull hers, I would punch her, she would punch me, it kept going on like this for a good ten minutes.

"Get off me!" I screamed at her as she pulled me back down in the mud for the millionth time.

"What the hell is going on?"

We both stopped and looked up at who was yelling at us. Dally. He was looking at us like we were a bunch of idiots. I thought it would be a wet dream for him to see two girls wrestling in the mud.

I stood up and wiped the mud from my eyes. "Why do you care? Oh that's right you don't."

"The whore attacked me!" Sylvia stumbled to her feet and on to Dally.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't even in the mood to defend myself. What did it matter anyway? It wasn't like Dally cared about what happened. He would probably believe Sylvia over me anyway.

Dally just glared at me as Sylvia continued to lean on him like she was hurt. "Get off me," he said, throwing her off of him. She had completely covered his shirt in mud.

"But Dally…"

"Go home." She just looked at him. I guess she was shocked he was actually telling her no for once. "I said get out of here!"

She glared at him and then at me. "Enjoy your whore."

She had called me that too many times now. This was far from over. I had started, and I wasn't about to stop now. I was going to show her and Dally once in for all that I wasn't a baby. I jumped on her and threw her to the ground. She yelled in pain as we picked up right where we left off.

"Curtis, come on!" Dally yelled as he tried to grab me up.

"Get off of me," I snapped as I kicked him off.

"Danni, what are you doing?" A new voice came into play: Sodapop. "Danni get off!"

I struggled against Dally and Soda's grip as they fell back in the mud with me.

"Dally, help me here!" Soda shouted.

I resisted the best I could before they forced me off of her. I jerked around in their arms for a while before finally giving up. I looked up at the person holding me back. I was so dead now.

"Let me go!"

He jerked me up trying to silence me.

"You stupid bitch!" Sylvia spat at me only making me want to break free even more.

"Danni, quit!" Soda jerked me up again. "Dally, control Sylvia." Dally just laughed as he held Sylvia back. "What is this about anyway?"

I didn't say anything. I was still trying to break free. Besides, what was I supposed to say?

"Your sister is a whore that's what!" Sylvia answered for me.

My face turned red and my body became still.

"Broad, go home!" Dally said sternly at her as he threw her off of him. "I mean it!" She looked at him, too stubborn to do what he said. "GO!"

He kind of scared me when he yelled like that. She slowly backed away from him and stomped off. Once she was out of sight Soda finally let me go. I nearly fell over when he did too. I guess he was kind of mad at me. I could see why. He had every right to be. This wasn't me.

"Damn, man!" Dally huffed at me.

"What the hell was that?" Soda jumped, helping me stand up straight.

I couldn't look at him. I just shrugged. It wasn't like I could tell him the truth. He would kill Dally right then and there.

"Do you know?" he asked Dally.

He just shook his head. "Beats me man."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you ok?" Soda finally asked me and it made me feel a little bit better.

I nodded, trying to warm myself up. I just wanted to get out of here and go home. Tears were forming in my eyes again and I knew it would just be a matter of time before I began sobbing because of the things I had just done.

"You got some red stuff on your face there," Dally said wiping my forehead.

"Can you take me home?" I asked Soda, getting as far away from Dally as I could.

Soda nodded and then looked at Dally. "You better not have had anything to do with this."

Dally just rolled his eyes and stomped back into Buck's. This was over…..For now.

* * *

"I'm going to take a shower," I announced as we went into the house.

Soda nodded and went into the kitchen to wipe the mud off of him. He had almost as much as I did.

I jumped in the shower as the mud came pouring off of me. The tub was completely covered in it. Darry was going to have a fit if he saw it. It was just going to be another mess that I had to hurry and clean up.

I scrubbed the scrunchy all over my body trying to get the mud off. It was all over the place. I hadn't noticed it before but I had dried up blood all over my body. I gaged just looking at it. Blood made me sick, even more than Ponyboy and Cherry kissing. That was saying a lot too.

I jumped out and look at my dirty clothes on the floor. They were ruined now.

"You ok, Danni?" Soda asked as I made my way back down the stairs. Darry and Pony were nowhere in sight.

I nodded. "I'm good."

"So do you care to tell me what was going on back there?"

He wasn't going to give this up was he? "It's Sylvia," I answered softly. "She's crazy. She was mad because she saw me talking to Dally. It's nothing, Soda, honest."

He gave me a look that told me he wasn't believing anything I said. "What were you doing talking to Dally?"

My face grew red. I was digging myself into a deeper hole. "He's in my class now. We were just talking about school. It was nothing..."

"You were at his place."

"He borrowed my book."

Soda almost laughed out loud. I knew as soon as I said that that he would know I was lying. "C'mon, Dan. What's going on?"

"Nothing," I answered with a shrug. "Dally stole my book as a joke and I went to his place to get it back. Sylvia saw me leaving and thought something was going on with me and Dally. It was nothing, Soda. Don't worry."

I pleaded he would believe me.

"Ok," he finally answered with a shrug. I couldn't tell if he believed me or not. "Stay away from Dally and Sylvia. Them two are crazy. Don't get in the middle of their cross fire."

"Trust me," I said. "I know."

* * *

After the fight with Sylvia, I knew there was one place I needed to go. Angela Shepard always loved gossip, and her favorite kind was always about Sylvia.

"Ang are you here?" I asked banging on her door. "Come on please I need to talk to you."

I stepped back as the door swung open. "She's putting the baby down."

I looked up at the person that was speaking to me. It was Tim.

_"It's a weeknight," Tim stated, coming up behind me and standing there. "Shouldn't you be in bed little girl? Does big brother know you're here?"_

_I spun around in my chair to come face-to-face with him. My nose came up to his collar bone. "I just needed a drink."_

_Tim nodded and took a seat beside me, picking up beer this time and chugging it down. "I haven't seen you around here lately."_

_"I've been busy." I didn't want to be sitting here right now. Not with him beside me. He smelled like Old Miss and cinnamon gum. It made my nose hairs tickle my nose invitingly. "What have you been up to?"_

_"Little bit of this, little bit of that," he said nonchalantly. He took another sip of beer and I took another sip of mine. "You wanna go upstairs?"_

_It was a bit of a surprise. The question came out of nowhere and he didn't react to saying it. He just blurted it out. Maybe he didn't know what he had just said but I sure did. I swallowed what was left of my drink in my mouth and just looked at him, not knowing what to say._

_"Do you or not?" he asked adding a bit of a snap._

_I felt my head answering for me. He took my hand, a bottle of alcohol, and led me up the stairs and into a spare room. I walked in, still blind-sided by what I was doing. I was feeling a bit sick to my stomach as I watched him lock the door behind him. I sat down on the bed and waited for him to come over. I was used to this._

_The room was dark and smelled like sewage water. It was clammy and the roof leaked a lot when it rained. The ceiling above the bed had exactly fifty-two cracks in it. I've counted them several times._

_His hands cupped my face, bringing my lips to his forcefully. No small talk was made. He didn't like to talk during this. He liked just getting straight down to business. His fingers combed through my hair as he let out a small sigh. He dropped one hand from my face and used it to push me down on the bed to where I was on my back. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and ran it over my teeth. He bit my lip._

_My fingers were starting to tingle by this point and I really wanted my drink that was sitting over on the dresser by the door. I could still hear the music from down stairs. I wanted to get up and walk around first. I wanted to think about what I was doing but my body kept pressing on like things hadn't changed at all. It happens fast. That's also how he likes it._

_His hand went under my shirt, making me shiver. He cupped my breast with one hand and unbuttoned my jeans with the other. My mouth felt numb. I put my thumb up to it to make sure everything was all right._

_"I do you first then you do me," he said, sliding my jeans down my legs, just a little, not all the way off. "Like always."_

_My thumb was still on my lips when I answered him. "Ok."_

_He used both hands to slowly slip my underwear off and starting what we both left behind so many weeks ago._

"I-I have to go."

And with that, I continued to run away from my problems, one day at a time.


	8. Warm Fuzzy Feeling

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

Outside, Jefferson High was overflowing with teenagers piling out of cars and tires screeching in and out of the parking lot. I casually walked by them, keeping my eyes on the few books in my hands. Most of them didn't know my name or wanted to. I was just another face in the crowd. I wasn't like Sylvia or Angela with my short skirts and low-cut tops with big breasts sticking out. I was just plain and no one ever notices plain. Smoke was fogging up most of the car windows so half of them didn't even see me walk by. They wouldn't any other morning either even though I've walked through here every morning since I was a freshman.

By the time I got to fourth period, everyone was already seated, their seats turned and heads together, talking about what just happened at lunch to Lucy Holden.

"Curtis is on time today." Her dark red manicured fingers clicked on her desk as she popped the two sticks of gum in her mouth. Her mouth was too big for just one piece. "Nice shoes."

I looked out of the corner of my eye at the name embroidered on her varsity cheerleading letterman's jacket staring back at me: Marilyn James. "Whatever," I barely mumbled.

"Look who finally has a comeback," she observed with another smack of her gum. She leaned closer to me.

I couldn't say anything, not that there was anything really I could say. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and the room had filled up as the bell was close to sounding. The only people who noticed what was going on wore cocky smiles and laughed. This was everyone in the room but a select few.

"C'mon, Danni," she leaned closer, her breast pushing up. Her gum popped, over and over. "Give me another one. One that'll really hut. C'mon, say what's on your mind!"

I bit my lip, trying to convince myself not to. I was out numbered in this class and she was taking full advantage of that right now. My mouth shook as I opened it to say something when I was quickly cut off.

"Leave her alone, Mar," he said. "It's not helping you any, or your rep."

Her head slowly turned to Randy who sat just a seat in front of her. She gawked at his presence. "Well look who's taking up for who. Just like old times, guys!"

"Who's taking up for _whom,_" he corrected with a snap. "You're in a fucking English class. Act like it."

Before she had a chance to throw back a witty statement, Mrs. Wilson entered the room, making her voice heard as she quieted us down and went straight to the board.

I rotated around in my seat to get a better look at the board to find Randy's eyes on me instead of on his paper like normal. I tapped my pencil on my desk, unsure of what to say so I settled for mouthing: "Thanks."

* * *

"Mighty nice of pretty boy to stand up for you like he did." Dally came racing up to my side. He put his hands in the pockets of his blue jean jacket and held the door open for me. "Real nice."

I walked through the door, slinging my book back strap over my shoulder. "It's more than you did."

"What can I say? Broad's nasty. She scares me, gives me the chills."

I rolled my eyes, stepping outside and shivering as the cold wind hit hard against my face. "But Bessie doesn't? Marilyn James is nowhere near as mean and nasty as her and you have no problem associating yourself with her."

Dally scratched his chin, thinking about his next rude remark. "You an' pretty boy got somethin' goin' on, don't ya?" I pretended to gag, this only feeding him more. "You do! Ya'll dated when you were in middle school, right? Shit I remember that now. You thought he was the best thing since sliced bread because he lived up on the nest with all the other Socs."

"Why do you care?" I asked, stepping down the steps towards the parking lot. "Randy and I aren't even friends. Just because he stands up for me doesn't mean we're hooking up. Why do you care about my relationships anyway?"

He took out a cigarette along with his lighter he carried around everywhere. "Why does that chick pick at ya so much anyway? Just tell her where to go. Who cares?"

"Marilyn?" I asked. "It ain't that easy. She doesn't bother me that much anyway."

"Sure she don't." He snorted. He pulled me aside, leading me to his parking space. I went along. Where ever Dally was, was probably where Two-Bit was and right now, that was about my only way home.

I followed him down the paved part of the parking lot until he got to his space. My mouth dropped at what was sitting in his spot. "You've got to be kidding me."

"You like her?" he asked, jumping over the door and sitting in the driver's seat. He petted her gently, stroking her smooth metal exterior. "I got her real cheap. She's a beaut, huh?"

I gawked at the sight. This was a country town so everyone mainly just had trucks and tractors, not a car like this. This was something a Tim would drive. This thing looked like it came straight from a New York gang bust.

"Jesus."

"Wanna ride her?" he asked, opening the passenger door. "Hop on. I'll take ya home."

"I'm still mad at you, you know," I stated, narrowing my eyes.

He held out his hands, as if he didn't see why I wouldn't get in. "C'mon. I got to talk to ya."

"Oh so we're gonna talk?" I asked, stepping towards the car. I wasn't going to pass up Dallas Winston actually offering to have a serious talk.

He grinned from ear to ear as I reluctantly jumped in. "You're in for a treat, Curtis."

What have I gotten myself into? Whatever happened to the plan of staying away from Dally?

A sent of smoke and mold hit me as I walked in. I searched around the room, taking in everything there was to offer which wasn't much considering the size. It was all one room except for a door which I figured led to a bathroom. His bed was up against the wall on the far side of the room, held up by cement blocks as well as his couch.

I sat down slowly, not sure if I wanted to by the looks of the green sofa and crossed my legs. Dally's house. I'd always tried to picture what kind of living conditions he lived in but this really didn't measure up.

Dally threw his helmet on his bed and went into the kitchen. "Want anything?"

I shook my head, still examining the room. I didn't know they even made houses like this. It was so small. Like a doll house. The walls were light baby blue and his bed sheets matched. I wonder where he got them. I couldn't picture him just walking into a department store, trying to match the color of his walls to his sheets.

"Ain't much of a cleaner, are you?"

Dally chuckled, pouring some water into a cup. "You insulting my house?"

I shrugged, kicking back. "No, I think it's cute, actually." My eyes observed more of the room. It smelt like flowers and mint. "Better than a room at Buck's."

Dally came into the living room. He stood above me, slowly taking sips of his water. "Darry gonna kick your ass when you get home?"

"Probably," I admitted, trying hard to act like it didn't bother me, especially to Dally. "Got to be easy for you, being eighteen and not having to answer to parents or anything."

He finished off his water and causally walked back into the kitchen and put it in the sink. "It's the life. You gonna tell Darry I'm the one who kept you from getting home right after school?"

"No. It wouldn't make a difference. Now if you told him I let you drive me…"

He let out a satisfied laugh. He leaned against the dark green counter. "I can just picture ole stud pitching a good one over that." He came over to where I was on the sofa. He grabbed the remote and flipped on the television.

"When are you going to take me home?" I asked, a little embarrassed that I needed the favor in the first place. His house wasn't far from mine but it was getting dark out.

He casually shrugged, changing the channel. "In a minute. So, you alright? Sylvia didn't hurt ya too bad, did she?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I'm alright."

"You held her off good enough. Damn broad's crazy. Didn't know you were crazy or stupid enough to fight with her."

I hid my smile. It made me feel good to hear Dally say he was proud of me for holding off Sylvia. "Yeah, it was because of you we were fighting anyway."

He snorted. "Well I set her straight. She ain't gonna come near ya." He lifted his head up. "Hey, what's up with you and Darry anyway?"

I got comfortable, seeing how I would be here for a while. "I dunno. He acts different now."

Dally knew all about Darry acting different. He experienced fist hand many of times but Dally is something else. He's loyal and he knows who comes first and to him, it's my brothers and their friends. They were the one to take Dally in and show him the ropes of how to survive here, Darry being the main one. I don't think Dally's forgotten about that.

"I remember when we were kids," he said with a sly grin. "You used to always get all upset when Darry and Soda and I would go out together. I remember one time you got real upset because you felt lone or something dumb, and Darry agreed to let you tag along for the first time."

I moved around in my seat, thinking of the time he was referring to. It'd been years ago.

"We ended up going to the park for some stupid reason," he went on. "I think it was 'cause of you. Darry and I threw a football while you played. Then you got mad because we weren't playing with you. So you decided to go on the monkey bars. The high ones. I guess you wanted to show us how _well_ you could cross them."

I looked away as he paused to smirk. He elbowed me in the rubs as if he wanted me to join along.

"You landed flat on your face," he said, adding another smirk. "You started cryin' too. Darry ran right over to you and you got blood all over you. Once I got over there though, you stopped crying and turned all red. Then you told us you were fine and you were going to show us you could do it and you tried about twenty times before you finally got it. It took all damn day but you did it. You remember?"

I felt my cheeks turn bright red. As tempting as it was, I wasn't about to follow Dally down this painful memory lane. "No, I don't remember."

He shrugged, propping his feet up on his coffee table and changing the channel again. "Darry ain't a bad guy, Curtis."

I knew he was right. I never said Darry was a bad guy. Darry was just Darry. He wasn't like Pony and he wasn't like Soda. I never really knew what Darry was really like seeing as how there was so much age between us.

"I just miss the way things used to be." I leaned my head back, resting it on the back of the couch. "Before my parents died. Before Darry got all these responsibilities. Before we hated each other."

Dally glanced at me from the corner of his eye. "He don't hate you, Curtis."

I swallowed hard, fighting to keep my chin from quivering. "He just sees me as some annoying kid."

"You_ are_ an annoying kid," he cleared up. "_Were_ I guess. Last time I checked, you hadn't even had your first kiss yet and then I get back and hear about Timmy? Damn you work fast."

I slowly stood up, turning my back to him. I crossed my arms over my chest. "You really think I'm just some dumb kid? I've had my first kiss. Randy, not Tom. I'm not a kid. You didn't think I was that night at Buck's."

"Why do you care what I think?" he threw back, standing up himself. "You said yourself you don't. Why do you care what I think of you?"

"I'm not just some kid, ya know?"

"Yeah, right," he said as he reached up and grabbed my arms. I tried to shrug him off but he was stronger and ended up pulling me closer, until we stood only about a foot apart. "Why do you care what them Soc kids say?"

I looked up at his dark brown eyes staring right into mine. "I don't."

"So you don't care what that blonde bitch says every day when you walk into class?"

"No."

"Seems like you do."

"I don't."

He let go of me, turning so his back was to me. I took a deep breath and started looking for my books, giving up on the idea of him taking me home and just doing it myself. I got down on my knees and picked up my things.

I could feel him standing over me. I didn't pay attention to him, keeping my eyes on the floor.

"You really think you're just some poor dumb kid?"

I gathered up my notebooks, holding them to my chest. "Leave me alone. I'm going home."

He jerked me up from the floor, causing my books to fall and crash to the ground. He held me by the arm tightly. "They're just stupid pricks. Why do you let it get to you like that? You think I care what ape face calls me? You think I care what all those rich snots say when I walk by? Why do _you_ care so much?"

I rotated around to face him. He lightened up on my arm. "Do you think I'm some dumb poor kid?"

He stared at me for the longest time, not answering, not moving. Then he gently reached out and moved a loose strand of hair out of my face. He got close to me, putting his hand under my cheek and holding me there.

I touched his face gently. I could feel my face turn dark red as his lips got close to me. "Don't," I begged quietly. I shut my eyes and pulled away from him. "I can't do this anymore, Dally. The other night was a mistake. I know what kind of guy you are."

He cocked an eyebrow, looking amused. He backed away and crossed his arms. "Oh you do? Well, let's hear it."

I turned around, facing him. "You think you're different. The bad boy. The lone wolf of the bunch. The one who breaks all the rules. A cool guy. All the ladies love you. All you have to do is walk in a room and they're on you in a heartbeat."

He got a giggle out of that.

I continued, "You like it though you act like it's no big deal. It's all part of your act. Playing hard to get then once they get to a point where they'll jump through hoops for you, you act like mister bad ass again only this time you make sure they know you're interested and you are."

He shrugged, being proud of himself because he knew it was true and found no shame.

"So you call them nice things like 'baby' and 'boo'. They are like putty in your hands and you're loving it. You whisper right into their ear, telling them how special they are and how you've never seen anyone like them before. They giggle, flattered and so excited they can't contain themselves. Then you playfully nibble their ear of kiss their necks."

I paused to look at his face. He raised his eyebrows, motioning for me to carry on. "On to the finale."

I let my fingers crawl to his hand and left them there, imitating his moves. "Then you lean in real close. You let your lips do all the work. You kiss them lightly and then break, leaving them wanting more. So they kiss you this time, passionately. You kiss back and ease your hand behind their neck. Then, suddenly, you break free."

I stood up, smiling at my act. Dally looked up at me, even more amused than ever.

"You give them that signature look," I said as I did it. "Cocky yet willing to do anything for her. You give her a wink. She's so turned on she can't sit so she jumps up and runs to you."

"Then what?" Dally asked, getting up and standing in front of me.

I stared at him. "You wrap your hands around her because it's time."

"Time?"

"Yeah," I said seductively, wrapping my own hands around his neck. "Time to..." I took a dramatic pause, leaving my arms there as he looked into my eyes. "Time to use them and leave them before they have time to blink."

I dropped my hands to my side and took a step back from him, wearing a satisfied grin on my face.

He blankly stared at me for a mere second before he smiled as cocky as ever. "You have me all figured out, don't you Curtis?"

"You tell me."

I nearly stumbled backwards as Dally suddenly let go of my arm, only to move his hand to my back and pull me closer. I nearly lost my balance completely when his lips came crushing down on mine. I wanted to kiss him back and slap him at the same time. Instead, I only stood there confused and angry and nervous, until he pulled away from me.

I was at a loss for words as Dally took a step back, a scowl on his face, despite the fact that he had just kissed me.

"Then_ go, _Princess," he pointed to the door. "Walk out that door and I'll never speak to you again."

I stood, still collecting myself. I wiped off my mouth with the back of my hand. "What was that?"

Dally gave me a wistful smile. "You say I don't care." He sneered. "Ya know, I'm a real sensitive type once ya get to know me."

"You're an asshole, you know that?" I asked, knowing full well that he did.

He shrugged. "Never said I wasn't."

I could feel my cheeks turning pink. His sent was growing stranger and I licked my lips, tasting him and his sweat still on them.

"Well, then," he replied, leaning closer to me. "I guess it did work, huh?"

I didn't know what I was doing. He was inches away from me. I could smell the coolness of his breath. My mouth watered. Absentmindedly, I put my hands around the back of his neck and pulled him closer as my lips hesitantly brushed his. He didn't move or question it. He instead, wrapped his arms around me, kissing me back.

I guess forgetting about Dally was out of the question. Whether I liked it or not, I was addicted, and there's no going back now. Here I was, kissing Dallas Winston. There's defiantly no going back now.


	9. Spewing Venom

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

A week went by and Dally hadn't shown up to school. No one seemed to mind or notice when his name was called out on the roll and no one answered. No one cared that it'd been a whole week. We won a football game (finally), someone got beat up out back on the field, someone got a blowjob in the boiler room, and Marcie got caught kissing the gym teacher.

No one asked about Dally or even looked back at his open seat as another day past and he wasn't there to yell out a sarcastic remark when roll was being taken. No one expect me.

I hadn't heard from Dally since the kiss. I got no call. No home visit. On Monday, after the weekend, I bought a new outfit. Something short like Sylvia wore. I spent my whole pay-check on it. I was so thrilled when I showed up at school and went into English class, I even hot ironed my hair, only to find him still nowhere in sight.

I don't know what I was thinking. It was Dally. He wouldn't notice if I shaved off my whole head. He didn't care that he kissed me or I'd kiss him. Maybe this was all part of some big joke. Like getting me to actually fall for someone like Dally. Maybe he was just doing all this to tease me again. See how far I can be pushed and then vanish into thin air again.

Oh, wait. He already did that.

"Mr. Winston, it's a pleasure of you to finally join us."

I gazed up from my reading, blown away by the sight. He stood in the doorway, his books under his arm and jacket collar turned up, hiding his face. He had his hand in his pocket and he was only looking at Mrs. Wilson.

I breathed out and nervously starting tapping my pencil over and over again on my notebook paper. I noticed quickly that no one else in the class room even looked up from their books. I waited patiently for something to happen. His sarcastic remark to her. A sly smirk maybe? Maybe just an eye roll before he took his seat.

Dally didn't do any of these things and not even Mrs. Wilson spoke. Instead, the two stared blankly at each other. From where I was sitting, Dally's jacket still covered up his face. I wondered why the sudden change in fashion and soon found out as he turned on his heel, keeping his head down, and walking down the aisle.

There were very dark and noticeable bruising all across the outlining of his eyes and nose. He had a band across the top part of his nose and he slicked his hair down to cover the bruises that were across his forehead.

I stared, watching him slowly pass me. I searched to make eye-contact but he was only focused on the ground below him.

I quickly spun back around in my seat and looked to Mrs. Wilson for more help but she had gone back to her desk and started grading papers. A slight panic was still washed across her face and she kept giving Dally slight glances.

I looked over my shoulder at the boy slumped down in his desk, only looking at the papers on it. He had his hands in his pockets and feet spread out. His collar was still flipped up and the shadow from his forehead was blocking his face.

Dally was known for fighting. Ever since I met him, he was always coming around with cuts and bruises. One time he crawled into the house with two broken rips and a broken ankle. Darry had to carry him all the way to the hospital. Dally would never tell us what all happened during his fights. He only told us if he won of not.

I could tell by the look on his face today that he didn't.

I scrambled for a loose sheet of paper from my notebook. I clicked my pen and started to write:

_What happened to your face?_

I kept my eyes on Mrs. Wilson as I reached around my back and dropped it on his desk in front of him. I sat back in my desk and got my attention back on the pages I was supposed to be reading.

My mind raced for names of Dally's enemies. He had so many so it was hard to place whose punches these belonged to. Tim was always Dally's rival so his name came up first. Tim didn't hit this hard. Not in the face. Those were low blows to him and Dally. They went for ribs and cuffs.

I felt something hit the back of my head. I looked down at the ground at the wadded up piece of paper under my seat. I picked it up and hid it behind my book as I unfolded it.

_Fight._

That's all that was written on the paper. I looked back again to find that he had actually pulled out his book and had his nose in it. It was a good covering and my guess was that he wasn't reading it. Just using it as a shield.

_With who?_

I passed it back and waited for it to hit my head again.

_No one._

_You ok? You've been gone for a week. Where have you been?_

_Out. Drop it._

I crumbled the paper up in my hand as the bell rang and everyone started shoving their books in their bags and running out the door. I quickly raced out, seeing Dally pick up his pace as he walked down the hallway.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and ran out into the parking lot, stopping once I got to his car.

"You ok?"

He buckled up, staring forward instead of at me. He didn't have his usual sly smile on his face. Instead he was scowling and his brow was arched. "Move."

"I was just wondering where you were at. I'm not moving until you tell me." I tightened my grip on my books. The wind was blowing my dress and everything else around. Everyone was racing off to their cars.

I could see Two-Bit's truck at the top of the hill. He was leaning out of the window with Ponyboy and Johnny beside him. He started waving at me to hurry and come up there. I looked back down at Dally as he started the car up.

"Move. Now," he said harshly. He revved the engine, encouraging me to get out of the way and to do it fast and that he had no intentions of talking to me. "I'll run you over."

"You won't." I stepped back a little and away from the smoke coming out of the back. "I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be."

He fired up the engine, filling my lungs with smoke, and driving away faster that he came.

I stood, watching the car speed down the parking lot and down the ramp and out on the main road. I hugged my books to my chest and wondered just exactly what Dallas Winston had gotten himself into.

* * *

"Do you know where Dally's been?" I walked into the gas station, making the bell ding. Soda and Steve were sitting around at the cash-register, reading magazines and drinking Cokes. I stood in front of them. "He's all banged up."

Soda glanced up from his magazine, raising an eyebrow. "Since when do you care where Dally's been at, Dan? He probably got in a fight with some guy. It's Dally."

Steve propped his feet up on the counter, flipping the page in the new car magazine they just got in today. "Probably Shepard knowin' Dal. They're always gettin' into it about somethin'."

"I don't think it was Tim. I mean, he's _really_ banged up. Has he not said anything to ya'll?"

Soda breathed out, putting his magazine down and looking at me for the first time. "No. He hasn't. He's probably gotten into some trouble with some guys and it back fired. He's probably fine, Dan."

"Why are you so worried anyway?" Steve asked, smacking around his gum, not taking his eyes off his page.

I sat down on the counter, taking a sip of Soda's Pepsi. I tried to hide my blushing face. "He just looked bad at school today and he hadn't been there in a while. I was just wondering."

"You and Dally are good now, aren't ya?" Soda asked. "He drove you home the other night. I saw you two down the street. Darry's gonna kick your butt if he finds out you rode in a car with him ya know?"

Steve looked up this time, curious now himself. "You rode in his car? Damn, he ain't even let me on her yet."

"Yeah, just to take me home," I said, thinking quickly of an excuse. I crossed my fingers, hoping Soda wouldn't tell Darry.

Soda giggled, shaking his head, finishing off his soda, and standing up. He chucked the can in the trash and walked by, ruffling my hair. "Sure, Danni. I believe ya. Do you believe her, Steve-O?"

Steve gave him a thumbs up, going back to his magazine. "Yupp."

"You're not going to tell Darry, are you Soda?" I asked with pleading eyes..

Soda wasn't one to tattle, especially not to Darry. You could trust Soda. That's why Pony says he takes all his problems to him. Soda swears he's not smart but truthfully, he doesn't know how smart he really is. He's not good with numbers or books or school stuff, but Soda knows people.

"Nah," Soda said, standing beside me. "You're on your own though if he sees you in that car."

I grinned. I wish Darry was more like Soda. I didn't see how four people could be related like we were and be nothing alike. I could just image Soda being the oldest and being in charge of us. Everything would be perfect then.

I stood up, making my out the door when Soda called out to me. "Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Be careful with Dally. Just….watch yourself."

* * *

I walked across the street, tugging on my strings to my uniform.

The diner was more crowded than usual tonight because it was homecoming Saturday and that meant everyone and their cousin's cousins came down for the affairs. Football was the sport in town and everyone always showed up for the games.

Every Friday night for as long as I can remember, we were at those games. Darry was the starting front lineman on varsity freshman year. Mom and Dad would get so excited and wear school colors and bring cow bells and jump up and down screaming with every play. We got dragged along too and it was always a family thing to go out and cheer Darry on.

Darry was pretty popular in this town at one time. I remember always walking into shops with him and everyone rushing up to him like he was a celebrity and asking him about the next games and what he thought was going to happen.

Darry always enjoyed all the attention. Who wouldn't? Mom and Dad were so proud of him. This was the only chance he had of going to college because they couldn't afford it.

All was looking good until the third game of Darry's senior year. He was hit, hard. He was on the ground for a good ten minutes before he could even roll over. He tore his knee to pieces, destroying any chance of playing the rest of the year or getting any kind of scholarships. He didn't come out of his room for weeks

"Hey, Danni!" Laura came skipping into the dinner, her brown hair swaying down to her back. She came and sat in front of the counter, grinning from ear to ear. "How are you doing?"

"Ready to go home and sleep for twelve hours," I answered, wiping the sweat off my brow. "Why are you here? I thought you were going over to the house tonight?"

"Soda's picking me up here in a few. You mind if I stay here until he comes?"

Laura was one of the lucky girls to snag Soda for this week. Like I said, Soda was the handsome one. Every girl dreamed about being with him. He had movie-star good looks and a great personality to go along with it. He was every girl's dream and Laura was living that dream, taking on a whole new list of enemies as she did.

Laura was gorgeous, to say the least. She has thick honey brown hair and big green eyes and she was always smiling. She had long, slim legs that went on for miles and wore short dresses to show them off. She was what every guy dreamed about. Too bad this relationship wasn't going to last long.

Soda had one thing stopping him from seriously dating, and her name was Sandy.

"Sure."

We got along better than Cherry and I did. I liked Laura. I thought she was fun and pretty and a lot of boys would look at me when I was with her. I always envied her looks though. Every girl in town did. I wondered what it felt like to be that beautiful and know it too.

"We haven't talked in _forever_." She spun around in the spinning chair and watched me go from table to table. "How's school? Are you dating anyone or have your eyes on someone?"

I placed table seven's drinks down and went back behind the counter. "No. Not really."

"Not really?" She jumped at that. "So there's someone you like?"

I shook my head, getting back to work. "Sorta. I mean, not really. It's just...complicated."

"How so?" she asked, still spinning around and following me with her eyes. "Does he not like you back?"

I lightly laughed. I picked up some plates from table five and put them away. "No."

"Too bad for him then," Laura said. "Any boy would be lucky to have you, Danni. It's his loss."

I've heard this speech before. From my mother, Angela, even my brothers. It's the speech everyone uses, whether they mean it or not, when you get rejected. 'You're so pretty. He doesn't deserve you.' I wonder how many people really mean that.

"It's not a big deal." I shrugged it off, going back to working. "How are you and Soda anyway? Still good I'm guessing."

Laura beamed. She always did whenever someone brought up Soda. You could see the love in her eyes every time she got to talk about him. It made me feel bad knowing her future. "Great. He's a super _nice_ guy. I can't wait for our anniversary coming up!"

"You guys are lucky."

"You'll find a guy, Danni," she said kindly. "I'm sure when you do, he'll be the best one out there. Don't give up hope. Who is this guy anyway? Do I know him?"

"No," I answered quickly. "He's just some guy from school."

Laura thought for a minute and gave me a sympathetic smile. I used to get those smiles all the time right after my parents died. I grew to hate them so much. "Don't give up hope. Maybe it'll work out. You never know."

No. No you don't.


	10. Yesterday's Over

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I walked by myself on the way home the next day after school. Dally had skipped again. I told Two-Bit I was sick and just needed to clear my head for a little while which he accepted and drove on. Neither one of us had seen Ponyboy. I figured he was walking home by himself too. I walked slowly so I wouldn't catch up with him. I just wanted to be alone.

I looked down at my feet the entire way. I avoided every crack in the sidewalk, tiptoeing around.

Tim and I never told Angela what had happened between us. We both knew what kind of blow up that would create. Then one day, she walked in on us and figured it out quickly. She didn't talk to me for weeks until Tim told me to piss off for good and she called to comfort me. I feel like she still hasn't quite forgiven me for it so we don't mention what happened. She doesn't want to know and I don't want to tell her. I just swore never to do it again.

"Someone help!"

The scream came from down the street a little ways. It was loud and more shouts followed it by more boys. I knew the sound of that scream and I knew the tone well enough to know what was going on just down the road. I picked up my pace to where I was running.

Just a few yards away, three boys stood over one who was on the ground, arms up to cover his face from the blows he was getting. The punches didn't stop him from screaming and shouting as he did loudly with each hit. On the ground, there was fresh blood.

I stood back, thinking of the best solution. Ponyboy could hold off the guys for a few more minutes before things got bad so I ran back down the street, running straight into Two-Bit's car.

"Two-Bit!" I yelled, flagging him down. He stopped and stepped out, hearing the screams and shouts not too far away from us. He cursed and went flying down the road.

Shit, Ponyboy.

* * *

"Shit, Danni!"

I pressed the cloth gently on the cut on his cheek bone. His face was covered with dry blood and dirt. The bruises weren't visible yet but I was sure they were going to be nasty. "Darry's gonna kill you."

About a month ago Ponyboy got in a fight with some seniors at the drive-in and ended up with a broken wrist. After what happened with Johnny and the Socs, we try to be more careful. Darry was so pissed at Pony that night that Soda had to drive him to the hospital until Darry calmed down. Darry had his fair share of fights in his day. I remember plenty of them. Now, he says if the cops catch any of us, he could lose custody. So lately, Darry has been on Ponyboy and I hard about getting into trouble.

Ponyboy was pretty messed up. Two-Bit stayed over and helped me get him inside and cleaned up before he had to leave to watch his sister while his mom worked the night-shift. It wouldn't be long until Darry and Soda got home.

"What happened?" I asked, putting more alcohol on the cotton-swab.

Ponyboy closed his eyes as I touched his scrap with the cotton-swab. He winced at the sing. "Michael James has been hassling me and Cherry at school. He bumped into her today and made a bruise on her arm so I got upset and told him off. Him and his friends followed me home from school and jumped me."

Cherry was neighbors with the James'. Michael was upset Ponyboy and Cherry were together. He has been for years. His parents and Cherry's were friends and he thought they were the ones who were supposed to be together.

I cleaned the blood off his right eyebrow. "How do you feel?"

"Fine," he said a bit bitterly. "It's just a low blow, bringing five guys to take on one. I could have taken Michael if it would have just been me and him."

"Yeah," I said. "I know. You could have really gotten hurt. How's your ribs?" I helped him take his shirt off, seeing the bruising where some of the guys had kicked him. I hissed at the sight. "Ponyboy..."

"It'll be fine," he said, trying to get his shirt back on. "Don't tell Darry. He won't see it."

"What about your face? He can see that."

He cussed as he lifted his arms up and the soreness of his sides kicked in. He gave up the task and threw the shirt down. "Will you get me some ice?"

I stared at Ponyboy's bare stomach. He had been a bit on the chubby side as an elementary school student but shed all the weight playing soccer in middle school. Now his features were muscular and defined, sharp and angular.

I got up, patting him on the shoulder. He and I both knew ice wouldn't take away the obvious scars and Darry was going to be coming through the door any minute. I felt bad for Ponyboy seeing how hard he was trying. Ponyboy didn't like controversy which is why I think him and Darry butted heads so much. Darry would yell and Ponyboy would shrug it off, paying no mind and then Darry would take it as an attitude issue. They just didn't understand each other.

Right on cue, Darry and Soda came through the front door. Soda caught Ponyboy's eye, dropping everything and rushing to his side. "Damn Ponyboy, what happened?" He gently touched one of the sore spots.

Ponyboy winced and hit Soda's hand away. "Nothin'. It's not a big deal."

Darry slowly walked into the kitchen, standing over Soda and Ponyboy. Ponyboy turned his head despite the fact that he knew Darry had seen the cuts. I went over to him, handing him the ice.

"What happened?" Darry asked using his deep voice.

Ponyboy slowly pressed the cold ice onto his face. He hesitated before speaking. "Got in a fight."

"I can see that," Darry stated matter-of-factly. "With who?"

"Michael James."

Darry breathed out deeply. He shook his head, going over to get a beer out of the fridge. "You alright?"

Ponyboy nodded, still biting his bottom lip. "Yeah."

Darry came over to his other side, examining the damage. "Gonna leave a nasty scar. You hurtin' bad?"

Sometimes, Darry is like this. He's nurturing and kind and acts like he cares and he does in his own way. It's only rarely we all actually see it. I didn't know Darry well enough to tell you if this was his true personality but I did like it when it came out and I didn't protest to it any.

The school was abuzz with the news of Ponyboy's fight. Rumors were flying. Fights happen here all the time and this is what happens every time. People talk about it for a day or two and then it's just another fight to add to the list.

The Socs vs. the greasers. It's the typical cliché. People don't see that though. It's been going on here since any of us can remember. Our parents even talked about it way back in their day. The poor side and the rich are separated by the two. It's the barrier. It doesn't serve as a barb fence.

"Danni," Randy called me over to him as soon as I entered the class room.

I sat my books down and went over to him.

Randy's mom is my boss which makes things even weirder between us. They own quite a few businesses in town and his dad works at the hospital. Randy's been rich his whole life but his parents hadn't. They've worked for years before Randy was born to get themselves to the other side of town and they finally did it, leaving everyone else behind as they did.

Randy was my first real boyfriend. Normally in our neighborhood, you rarely saw the two sides mixing. We were young. That's what everyone said our excuse it. Maybe they were right. I mean, look at us now. We don't even talk.

I sat down in the empty seat in front of him.

"I just wanted to let you know, I had nothing to do with that fight with Ponyboy."

Dally casually walked into the room, eyeing Randy as he spoke. "Yeah, I'm sure you didn't."

"Dally," I warned. I turned back to Randy. I gently smiled at him. "I believe you. Thanks."

Dally snorted, blowing out smoke from the corner of his mouth. "You gonna fall for that? C'mon, Curtis. It's your brother we're talkin' 'bout. You don't think this guy was right there with his buddies throwin' a punch?"

Randy stood up, sizing up to Dally quickly. "This doesn't concern you, Winston. Butt out."

I put my hands between them, trying to do my best to force them apart. "Hey, just drop it."

Dally pushed me away with one arm, bumping chests with Randy. "What are you gonna do about it, ape face?"

Before Randy had time to form a comeback, Mrs. Wilson entered the room, clapping her hands together and yelling at us to all take a seat. Unfortunately, Dally had other plans than to just sit.

"You think you're better than me?"

Everyone had their eyes on the two. I could see my seat just a few feet away and thought about booking it over to it but two barriers stood right in my way. I stood back, watching just like everyone else in the room.

Randy shook his head. "I wouldn't compare myself to you. You're just some _kid_ trying to be something he's not."

"Boys sit down!" Mrs. Wilson tried to break the two of them up yet she stood in safety behind her desk.

"Go sit down!" I hissed at Dally, pulling him back over to our seats on the other side of the room. Too bad for me it was like trying to move a bolder.

Dally jerked my hand off of him, going back towards Randy. "I'd like to see you say that outside this class room."

"Name a date."

Mrs. Wilson was fuming by this point. She stood back and watched, eyeing at us as a warning. I knew she'd go get the security guard at any minute. She wouldn't handle this herself.

I pulled on Dally's arm again. "C'mon. Just forget about it."

Randy huffed and slipped back over to his desk. He didn't take his eyes off Dally, giving him a self-worthy glare. Dally opened his mouth again and lunged but before either of us could blink: "Ms. Curtis, Mr. Winston, detention!"

* * *

"I don't think you're supposed to smoke in here," I said, watching the smoke float up to the ceiling.

"That so?" he asked, pulling his feet off of the desk and leaning closer to me. He was staring at me, his dark brown eyes piercing mine, causing me to avert his eyes as my face flushed. "You feelin' all right?"

I tucked my hair behind my ear to keep from feeling his breath. "I'm fine, why?"

"You're looking whiter than usual." He got closer. "Am I making you nervous or something?"

I shook my head before I lied it down on my desk. "We're not allowed to talk either."

"Yeah, you're a real rule follower," he said sarcastically.

I kept my head on the desk and breathed out. I didn't even want to look up at the clock. I knew much time hadn't passed. With each ticking second, was another second Darry would expect me to walk through the door and each second that past that I didn't, the angrier I'm sure he got.

"Wake up." I felt someone shake me. I carefully lifted my head up. It felt like ten-thousand bricks were thrown at me. "It's time to go, Ms. Curtis. Detention's over."

I gathered up my things, following Dally out the door. It was five. Two-Bit and Steve were long gone by now as well as everyone else. It was just me and Dally and a couple of teachers left in the building.

I stood outside in front of the door and looked around. I couldn't call Darry. He'd know then I had detention and would lecture me the entire way home and I was sure to get grounded for a few weeks. Soda would just now be getting off work so he wouldn't be home yet so I couldn't call him.

"Need a ride?" Dally asked, turning around and walking backwards as he crossed the road.

I watched him, hoping that maybe he'd fall. "No."

"Looks like you do."

"I don't."

"Who's picking you up then?" he challenged.

I thought for a minute. Any name. That's all I had to come up with. I could see his bike down the parking lot. It was the only thing down there because most of the teachers had already gone home as well. The shiny slick metal was shining.

I stepped on my left foot and bit my bottom lip. "None of your business."

"You and I both no ain't no one coming to get your ass," he said playfully. "You just gonna stand out here all night?"

I looked down the long stretch of pavement that was completely bare and quiet. No cars came around the corner to the school and by the looks of things, none were going to.

I stomped down the stairs towards him. I pointed at him, grabbing the helmet out of his hands. "Straight home."

He winked. "Of course, Miss Daisy."

The material on the bike was hot to the touch. Dally snickered at me as I climbed into the car. "Just don't let me die. Darry'll kill you."

"Shut your trap and enjoy the ride, Curtis."

* * *

"You gotta bring these grades up, Dan." It was eight-forty. It was that time of the evening when Darry would get home and we'd all eat dinner together, just like the loving little family we were and we'd chat about things. Tonight's topic: My grades.

"I got one C right now, Darry. It's not an F or a D. You know I've never made that low before. I'll bring it up," I reassured him, taking a bit of my potatoes.

Darry threw the sheet of paper beside his plate on the table and shoveled another spoonful of food into his mouth. "That's right. You've never made below a B before and I'd like to keep it that way. You're real smart, Dan. You just don't think you are is all."

I circled around my peas. "It'll come up."

"It better. I'd hate to ground you, but believe me, I will if I don't see a B by the end of the month."

I dramatically sighed, getting a stare down from Darry. Soda saved me from another lecture, "Dally got a car."

"Cool!" Ponyboy exclaimed, getting excited. "What kind? What color is it? How much did it cost?"

"You ain't ridin' in it," Darry said sternly. "Dallas Winston can't drive. He'll kill you in no time You hear me, Danni?"

Sometimes I forget Darry and Dally are friends. Darry is just so negative about everything these days, even when it comes to people he cares about. I understand times are tougher than normal and he's had a lot to deal with with Johnny moving in and dealing with the courts after Ponyboy's incident, but I just wanted the old Darry back. The Darry who was nice and my brother.

I gazed up from my food to see him staring me down...yet again. "Why are you singling me out?. I haven't rode with him."

"You better not," he said, waving a fork in my face. "I'm not singling you out. You just don't seem to be paying attention to me. No need to get all excited about it. You _are_ the one that always likes to go against my rules though."

I made a distasteful look. Soda caught on and kicked me from under the table as a warning. I ignored that warning. "I'm the one that _always_ goes against your rules? Like what? Ponyboy's over here talkin' about it. Get on to him!"

"I'm not too worried about Ponyboy at the moment," he said dryly. "I'm worried about you. Dally isn't the type of boy I want you hanging around and I've heard you two have been hanging out together. I know you're into boys now and whatever and I don't want to see you end up with Dally. I'm just giving you a straight up warning."

My temper was rising. Darry had no right to tell me who and whom I could and could not see. "Who cares what you think about the people I talk to anyway? I can talk to whomever I want."

The room got quiet as everyone's forks and spoons hit their plate. Darry was still looking my way. "I have a say in who you talk to. I'm in charge in this house and if I don't want you on a bike or talking to someone, you have to listen."

"You're my brother not my dad."

"Danni just drop it," Soda stepped in.

"I'm your guardian," Darry stressed, his voice raging. "That means I am the one that makes the rules and hands out the punishments. If you don't like the way I'm running things, then the door is right there."

My face twisted into a ball of anger. I narrowed my eyes. "One less kid for you to pretend you give a crap about."

"Go to your room!"

"Gladly!"

I slammed the door to my room and threw myself on my bed. I didn't understand why Darry had to be like this. He was always getting on me about something and I was about sick of it.

I knew one person I wanted to see. One person that I wanted to make me feel better.


	11. Louis Lane

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

"Kiss me," I demanded. "Kiss me right now."

His lips touched mine, gentle at first. His hand went around my neck, pulling me into him. The kisses got deeper, harder, more passionate and faster. There wasn't any time to breathe in this moment.

He laid me down on the bed, his hand on my back for support, and then he went on top of me. The kisses didn't slow as his hands found my breasts and rest there, like he didn't know what do from here and he was afraid of going further or hurting me.

I reached up, taking a fist full of his cotton shirt and pulling him down on me. An electric shock ran through my body as his hand slipped up under my shirt and bra. His hands weren't cold nor do they set me off. He was gentle as he runs his hands over them, slowly easing my shit up over my head.

I gasped for air as he pulled up, straddling me. He pulled his shirt off too, showing off every toned piece of his smooth body. I took a moment to stare, touching my lips. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to savor this moment, this perfect picture.

He lied back down beside me, his hand running down my rib cage slowly, stroking every part of my skin. Chills ran down my spine. We stayed like this for a moment, his face pressed against the curve of my neck. He's humming an Elvis song. I knew the song and I quietly began to hum it to myself.

I sat on the end of the bed, putting my shirt back on.

Is this what it feels like to be loved? Not the love your parents or your friends show you, but the way a man loves a woman. People don't see sex as an expression of love. I didn't either until this moment when everything feels right. I thought it was all about guys fucking girls and girls fucking guys and then there it is. It's over. Good bye.

But this is all different. I can't explain how or why, but as I open my eyes, I see love. I see happiness. I see someone whom I feel this weird feeling for. This person who I can't imagine my life without. This person who cares about me more than himself. Who I care about more than myself. How can I care for someone so much? How can one person mean so much?

Dally looked at me from the bathroom. He smirked and I knew at that moment what I felt.

I was falling in love with Dallas Winston.

Volcano, meet Tornado.

* * *

The next few weeks went on. Dally and I were living in a different world. We continued doing what we were doing, laughing and being happy and free with our lives. Sometimes we just got into his car and drove around and blast the radio.

Our relationship had reached a new level, and had gone to a level I could never imagine. I was falling in love with Dally and I was falling hard.

I stammered around town for a while after one of my adventures with Dally. I didn't want to go home to my brothers. I was happy living in this world that I had created with Dally. This imaginary world that I knew we couldn't live in forever.

"Where have you been?" Darry demanded when I walked through the door.

I sighed, closing the door behind me. I knew I was in trouble. I was supposed to be back hours ago.

"I was out," I said still facing the door. I didn't want to turn around to see how mad he really was. I could tell by his voice I was in for it.

"Oh well that's specific. Tell me, Danni, did you have to work today? Or were you just running around town?"

My insides turned to liquid. My face turned hot and my stomach fell. He wasn't supposed to know about my job.

I slowly turned around to face him. Darry's face was stone cold. Soda and Ponyboy were sitting behind him in dad's chair. Ponyboy was smoking a cigarette and his eyes locked on the floor. Soda was watching me, giving me a sympathetic look as if he already knew what I was in for.

"How did you-"

"Mrs. Adderson called," Darry said, getting up from his chair. He slowly walked towards me. "She said you didn't show up for your shift today." I looked down at the ground. I had completely forgotten about having to work today. "Is it just me or do I remember specifically telling you that you couldn't have a job?"

I looked up at him as he towered over me. "You needed help and I was just-"

"I don't need help," he growled. "How many times do I have to tell you guys that? Damn, Danni, that doesn't give you the right to just go behind my back and get a job. I said no job and I meant it!"

My legs shook. He had not right to be angry at me about this. "Well sorry if I like heat and food, Darry!" I shouted back.

His eyes got big, shocked I would say that. "I give you that!"

"Yeah with my money." I defended myself. "Did you not even notice that your bank balance has been going up every month?"

You mean you've been-"

"Yes Darry, I have been putting money into the bank account for you and Soda's been saying his hourly pay has just gone up. You're welcome."

His face turned two shades of dark red. His fist slammed against the piano. "I don't want a damn you're welcome. Danni, I told you no job and you went behind my back and did it anyway." He wiped around, facing Soda and Pony. "And you two knew about this?"

"I told them not to say anything!" I defended them quickly. "This is between me and you, Darry. Don't be mad at them."

Darry turned back around to me. He grabbed my chin. "You have some nerve. What's gotten into you?"

I shook loose from his grip and hung my head.

"Any more secrets?" he asked. "Are you pregnant now too?"

That made me mad. It took me back to that day outside when Sylvia called me a whore. "No, Darry, I am _not_ pregnant. What do you think I'm a slut now?"

I rolled my eyes. I was surprised I wasn't crying yet. Any time Darry and I have a heated fight, I would be in tears right away. Tonight was different. I was on a high and I didn't want to come down from it. Not even Darry could ruin this for me.

"You _never_ knew me," I snapped as I brushed by him and into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge door only to have it shut back in my face. "What is with you?"

"What is with _me_? What about _you? _All you do is yell and scream and mope around here!. 'm sick and tired of it. I try and help you out by working my brains out and this is how you repay me?"

"You tried to _help_ me? I told you no job!"

I brushed by him, going back into the kitchen. I didn't want to fight with him. I just wanted to walk away from all of this and be alone. "I heard you the first time," I mumbled.

He continued to follow me back into the living room. Pony and Soda were still sitting there watching us. Neither one of them said a word though. I guess they knew that they better not. This fight had been building up for a while now. I was just getting the worst of it.

"You never listen do you? Why do I even try anymore?" Darry trailed behind me.

I wiped around and faced him. "You don't try! You have turned Soda into a walking zombie and Ponyboy is like a mini you now! Can you not see that?"

"What do you mean I don't try? I'm sorry I don't understand you, Danni, but you gotta cut this shit out. I'm sick of the way you've been acting and I think it's high time I do something about it."

He was getting really mad now_. I_ was getting pretty mad. I didn't care if Darry knew or not at this point. Words were coming out like vomit and I couldn't stop them. My anger was ruling my body and taken me over. I couldn't control it at this point. Here we go.

I slowly walked up to him and laughed. "You have no idea do you? Well Darry here's a little insider for you: I used to go out every weekend. I sneak out and go right over to Buck's and throw back a few.…..and do you know what else I do Darry? I fooled around." I smirked. "And do you know with who? Tim Shepard."

His eyes got big. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. I couldn't believe what I was saying.

"Huh uh. We have a good ole time together."

His eyes were fuming with rage. He wanted to hit me so bad. His nostrils were even flaring out. He was mad.

I just had to laugh watching him. "We have _so_ much fun, Darry. Oh and here's another bomb. I'm not a virgin." I laughed some more. "Oh and wait I have more. Guess who it was? Ha, I bet you'll never guess."

I stopped and enjoyed the look on his face. He was _full_ of rage now. He looked like he was going to explode.

I glanced back over at Soda and Pony on the couch. Pony's mouth was wide open. Soda's head hung and he was rubbing his temples. What was I doing? I had just come clean about everything. I couldn't stop. Everything was just coming out like fire balls and my target was Darry.

Darry balled his fist up. "Danni I swear-"

I didn't let him finish. "Go ahead Darry, hit me. Come on I dare you. Knock me across the face like you did Ponyboy over there. You know you want to."

He tightened his grip up some more.

"Danni, come on just take it easy here." Soda popped up. He came to my side, trying to pull me away from Darry. "Let's all just cool down for a second here.

I jerked away from him. "Come on Soda, Darry deserves to know the truth."

Darry's face got redder. He wanted to hit me so badly. I wanted him to. I don't know why but I did. I wanted to feel how much Darry _loved me._

"Can you not guess?" I taunted. "Here's a hint, he just got out of jail." You could hear his heavy breathing a mile away. "What's wrong Darry? Do you not approve?" I joked. "It was real good too by the way."

"Danni," Soda yelled at me, pulling my arm. "That's enough!"

I continued to have a stare down with my older brother. This wasn't near enough.

"You had sex with _Dally_?" Darry finally asked.

I slowly nodded as I continued to smile at him. "But you know me so well, Darry. Didn't you see that one coming?"

"You slut."

"Darry. Just stop you guys!" Soda desperately pleaded with us. Even Ponyboy had joined in and was begging us to just walk away from this.

Our stare down continued, ignoring their pleas. "Is that the best you've got…_big brother_?"

He grabbed me by my shoulders and slammed me against the wall. I could hear one of the pictures fall off as he did. He got in my face as we glared at each other. Neither one of us said a word.

"Guys just stop it!" Soda shouted as he walked over to us. "Come on we can talk about this!"

I continued to look into Darry's ragging brown eyes. He was really mad this time and then it hit me. I can't believe what I had just done. What was I doing? This wasn't me. My heart began beating against my chest and I couldn't breathe. What had I done?

"Get out."

* * *

I practically ran all the way to Dally's. My lungs burned and my tears blurred my vision. What had I done?

"What's going on?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes. "Have you been crying?"

I looked up at him. "Darry kicked me out."

He rubbed his face some more before letting me in.

I walked over to the little bed in the middle of the room and sat down on it. I wasn't crying anymore though. I knew better than to do that in front of Dally.

"Here," he said as he threw a towel at me.

I picked it up and wrapped it around my shoulders.

He sat down beside me on the bed. "What happened?"

I looked down at the ground. "He kicked me out."

He picked up a cigarette and lit it. "Yeah I gathered that part."

I sighed. "I told him everything and he told me to get out."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You told him _everything_?"

"He made me mad and I just kind of exploded. He just makes me so mad!"

"What now?" I shrugged as I felt a tear fall down my check. I didn't know what to do now. "Here," Dally said throwing a pair of clothes at me. "They're mine but, you know, they're dry."

I looked up at him. He was actually being somewhat sensitive. Well sensitive for Dally. "Thanks."

"I guess you're going to crash here?"

I nodded. "If it's ok?"

"Just as long as you don't snore or some shit like that, then were good." He cracked a smile at me.

I half smiled back. I liked this side of Dally.

I jumped up off the bed and headed into the bathroom. I looked at my tear stained face in the mirror. I had dirt all over my tattered face. I wanted to cry just looking at myself.

I gently slipped my top off of my body. I stared in the mirror at all the bruises that were on my upper half. I ran my fingers over them. Some of them were from Dally but the ones on my shoulders belonged to someone else.

I didn't even know that Darry had grabbed me that hard. You could vaguely make out the lining of his fingers on my upper shoulder.

I sighed and slipped the shirt, Dally gave me, on. I looked back up at myself in the mirror. I didn't even look like Danni Curtis anymore. Danni Curtis had brown hair, she didn't wear a lot of make-up and she didn't have tear stains on her checks.

I rubbed the running mascara stains off of my eyes with a dirty rag that was sitting on the counter. I looked around the dirty bathroom that I was standing in. It was covered in mold and dirt.

I sighed as I looked back into the mirror. This is what my life was like now. I didn't have a home or a family anymore. This was where my life was heading, me standing in a dirty bathroom in a rundown building on the edge of town.

This wasn't the way my life was supposed to go. This wasn't what my life was supposed to be like. It just couldn't be.


	12. Wicked Schemes

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

It was a long night that night. Dally snored throughout most of the night. It was like sleeping with a freight train. Not to mention that I was sleeping on the edge of the bed all night and got kicked in the side about twenty times. It wasn't the most peaceful night by any means, but I was here with Dally. Just lying beside him made me feel better.

I rolled back over to the other side of the bed and laid my head on Dally's chest, trying to make the most out of this. He groaned and wrapped his arm around me.

"Morning," I whispered as I looked up at him.

He smiled with his eyes half way opened. "You like the morning life don't cha?"

I smiled. I normally don't get up this early. There was too much on my mind that I couldn't sleep any longer. Every time I closed my eyes I kept thinking about Darry and that fight we had….The look on his face…..The anger in his voice when he told me to get out…..

"What's on the agenda for today?" Dally asked, bringing my mind back to reality.

I shrugged, yawning. "Darry and Soda have work today so we could go by and get my stuff."

He smirked. "What, do you not find my clothes attractive?"

"Do you?"

"Well on me, yeah. I think I look quite _smashing_ if I do say so myself," he mocked, pretending to fix up his collar that wasn't there.

I laughed. "Oh please don't say that."

"Really?" he asked as he ticked me under my arms. "I thought that shit used to turn you on when Randy said it."

I snickered, nudging him off. "Yeah, when _Randy_ said it. You just sound like a dumb ass."

"Hey I can pass for a pretty boy Coc." He puckered his lips up. "I got the looks for it, don't cha think."

"Oh yes, _Sir _Dallas." He smirked and grabbed my foot before I could kick him again. I yelped as he started tickling it. "Quit it!"

"Who's the coolest, handsomest, greaser in all the land?" he asked.

"Hmmm Buck?"

He tackled me down on the bed and started tickling me even more. "What was that?"

"Y-You...are," I said between breaths.

He stopped and looked into my brown eyes. I looked up into his blue ones….His irresistible big blue eyes.

* * *

I took a deep breath as we walked up to the door. I only hoped that they didn't take off today. I could handle Soda to an extent but I couldn't face Darry yet. Not after what all he said to me. Then again, I guess the feeling was mutual.

I slowly turned the door knob and opened the door. It was quite. That only meant that they weren't home. _Thank God_. Now all I have to do is grab my stuff and run.

"I need beer," Dally said as he headed into the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and ran up the stairs. Normal I would protest to him taking all the beer but right now I didn't have the time to care.

I ran into my room and grabbed my duffle bag out of the closet. There was no telling when they would get home so I had to do this as fast as possible. I threw the bag on the bed and then ran over to my dresser and grabbed a big pile of clothes and threw them in. I didn't have time to sort through them, as long as they were clothes I didn't care.

"Danni?"

_Shit_. I stopped my frantic packing and turned around. "Ponyboy? What are you doing home?"

He shrugged and walked in. "It's Saturday? And I live here?"

I nodded and throw some make-up into the bag. "Darry's not here is he?"

He shook his head. "Is that Dally down stairs?" I nodded as I headed into bathroom. He followed closely behind me. "Did you stay with him last night?"

I grabbed some shampoo out of the shower. I figured that, Dally being Dally, he wouldn't have any at his place. "Yeah," I mumbled.

"Look Danni, what Darry said….he didn't…" I could tell he was stalling.

"It's ok," I said stopping him. "You don't have to defend him." I brushed by him and went back into my room.

"Are you ok?" He continued to follow me around the house as I collected what little things I could grab.

I nodded as I zipped up my bag. "Look Pony, I don't have much time to talk but just listen for a minute. Darry and I…..this was bound to happen sometime. I mean you know how it is with him."

He nodded. He knew just as well as I did how difficult Darry had been lately. Neither of us knew what was really going on with him and we figured the stress would build up and an explosion like this would eventually happen. I just still didn't expect this.

"I love you and Soda a lot and nothing's going to change that. I just need to get away now. I need some time to think."

I slowly walked out the door and looked back up at my little house. I had spent six-teen long years in that little house and now look where I was. I was standing outside of it with Dallas Winston. I sure didn't expect this to ever happen.

"You coming?" Dally shouted from down the street.

I nodded and backed away. "Things change," I whispered. I only hoped it was for the better.

* * *

Dally was gone most of the time now. I had no idea where he would go and what he would do. He'd get back late at night when I was sleeping so we rarely ever talked anymore. He stopped going to school and said he wasn't ever going to go back. I tried reasoning with him, but when that failed, I just let it drop. Dally wasn't the school type anyway.

When he was home all we ever did was drink. Dally would bring home bottles of beer and I would drink whatever alcohol he'd bring. I'd drink when I was with Tim some, but this time it felt like I was doing it for a different reason. It'd help me forget things for a while. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop.

"What are you doing up?" he asked me one morning.

"I have school," I said coldly, slipping on my skirt. "What are you doing today?"

He groaned and rolled over on the bed. "I dunno."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my books. "I have some kind of study thing after school so I'll be back around six. I could pick up dinner if you want."

He put the pillow over his head, waving me away. "You care too much about school shit."

I bent down and picked the rest of my book off the messy floor. "This place is a mess."

"Well then clean it."

I sighed. "So I'm leaving."

"Later."

I walked down the street and by the DX. I could vaguely make out Steve's and Soda's bodies inside. If it had been any other day I would go right in there and say hey. I was with Dally now. Dally was my family.

"Hey Danni." Angela smiled at me in the hallway of the school. "I talked to Ponyboy."

I sighed. Angela used to have the biggest crush Ponyboy last year. I thought it was kind of funny actually.

We walked down the hall together. "Do you want to tell me why in the hell you were stupid enough to go all psycho like that?"

I shrugged. "I just got mad." I brushed by her and headed into the girls bathroom. She followed me.

It smelled like smoke in there. All the greaser girls usually occupied the bathrooms for that reason. The Soc girls would just get scared and leave them alone or go rat them out to the principle. Angela pulls out a stick the minute we get inside and offers me one.

I pulled out a stick of lip stick from the bottom of my purse clicking it up against one of the bottles. Angela leaned over and pulled one of them out.

"What is this?" she asked. "Are you serious going to drink this here?"

I rolled my eyes and snatched it back from her. It wasn't like she hadn't brought alcohol to school before. "Don't worry about it." I could feel her glaring at me. "What?"

She shook her head. "What is with you?" I rolled my eyes and continued to apply the gloss. "You blow up at your brothers for no apparent reason and now you're sneaking boos into school? Danni, talk to me."

"Just leave me alone."

She shook her head at me. "Danni, this isn't you. You're acting like me now. You're not like this. Come on just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong!" I snapped. "I'm perfectly fine!"

"Danni, just try. I'm your best friend."

I shook my head. "Yeah. I'm sure you'll really get it. After all you are a mother now."

"What is with you?"

I shook my head and brushed by her. "I've got to get to class."

I stormed out of the bathroom and into the halls. She didn't follow me this time. I heard the bell ring and everyone began to disperse. I watched as the crowded halls soon become empty. I shrugged and kept walking. No, I had a better idea of where to spend my third period.

I walked down the hall way until I got to the door at the end of the hall. There was a big sign on it that said: **Stop here. Please get permission before using this door.** I laughed and pushed it open.

It smelled good out there. It smelled like fresh air. I laughed and took a seat at one of the picnic table on top of the hill. A bird started chirping in the tree beside me. I smiled and reached down into my bag. I pulled out the bottle and a pack of cigarettes.

I sat back and unscrewed the lid of the bottle. The bird continued to chip beside me, and I could hear the breeze whistling through the trees. This was nice. Really nice. I picked up the pack of cigarettes I had sat down on the table.

"No lighter?" Some laughed from behind me. I quickly jumped up and turned around. A young guy was standing behind me with his hands up. "Don't worry I ain't a teacher."

I breathed out a breath of air. "Good."

He smiled and walked over to the table. "You wanna borrow mine?"

"What?" I asked.

He pointed to the cigarettes. "It's gonna be hard to smoke em' without a light."

I looked down at them. "Oh."

He smiled and took a seat on the other side of the table. "I'm Rich by the way." He held out his hand.

"Danni," I said shanking it.

He smiled. "Curtis, right, the greaser who tried to be a Soc last year?"

That's what a lot of people see me as. It wasn't the best title in the world. I rolled my eyes, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "Yeah, that was me."

He laughed. "Yeah, I remember you. Last names Rogers, by the way."

I nodded. I didn't know who he was. He was cute though. He had dark brown hair that came down to just below his eyebrows. His eyes were dark brown like me. By the look of his clothes he was a greaser too.

"So you skippin' huh?" He grabbed one of the cigarettes out of the box. "You don't mind do you?"

I shook my head. "No, help yourself."

He smiled at me. "I like you. You wanna ditch this shit and go somewhere more exciting?"

Was he asking me out? I had Dally though. Didn't I? I wanted some fun though. There was nothing wrong with fun. Dally was always having fun in the middle of the night with God knows who. Dally and I never have fun anymore. Rich seemed….nice. I wasn't about to pass up nice.

"Ok."

"Here we are."

"What is this place?" I asked jumping out of the black impala

He smiled. _Dang he had a good smile_. "It's called a lake."

I followed him over a hill to see a big hole of water in the ground. It had been years since I had been to a lake. I used to love going when I was little. We used to go every summer before my parents died. Darry took us a couple of times after, but those kinds of things suddenly stopped happening.

"Come on, Danni," Rich said running down the hill. "Race ya." He whipped his shirt off and took off.

I smiled. I can't believe I'm about to do this, but every instinct I had left told me to go for it "Wait up!"

I watched him undress. He really was ripped. He pulled the rest of his pants off, reveling his navy blue boxers. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Who was this guy? I'm supposed to be with Dally. I'm not supposed to be doing these types of things. It was harmless though, right? Just swimming in a lake.

I sighed and pulled my shirt off too. He looked up at me and smiled. "That a girl."

I shook my head and laughed. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"If it feels right do it."


	13. Who's That Dude?

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Rich and I began talking during school. I began avoiding Angela and Ponyboy. A week had went by and Dally was rarely ever home now. Talking to Rich just made me feel better. I told him about living with Dally and getting kicked out and my parents. Rich was just nice to talk to. He'd become one of my friends and I wasn't in no place to pass up friends.

Dally came home early one night. I was at the table finishing up my homework when he busted through the front door. "Who's that guy you've been with?"

I gazed up from my work. "Who?"

"You know who."

I shook my head. This is the first conversation we've had in days. "He's just a friend from school. He's no one, Dal. We just talk."

"So you can talk to him but not me?"

I looked back up at him. Was he serious? "You're never home to talk to. Where do you go all night anyway? You can't blame me for being suspicious."

He went over to the fridge, pulling out a beer. "It's my business."

"And Rich is my business."

He glared at me, his eyes blazing. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I ignored him, going back to my work. Things with Dally had been getting hard. I didn't know where we stood anymore. Was I his girlfriend? Were we officially together? Sometimes it really didn't see that way and the only people I wanted to talk to were my brothers.

"Fine!" Dally yelled, marching towards the door. "Don't answer me. I'll just go ask the little prick myself."

I whipped around. "Don't! Nothing happened. We were just talking. You were gone anyway. Why do you care?"

His eyes got red. "Why do I care? Damn didn't we already have this discussion?"

I looked down at the floor. I just wanted to be alone. "I'm sorry."

"What is wrong with you?" He demanded, his voice still raging but there was a hint of sympathy in it. "Why the hell are you acting like this?"

I continued to look down at the ground. "I don't know."

I could hear him huff. Dally would never understand what was going on in my head. I didn't understand what was going on inside my head. This was all happening so fast. Dally and I were living together and we dramatically went from friends to being in a relationship. I had lost my family….Things were getting to be too much. I was losing myself in all of this madness.

"Fine!" Dally huffed. "I'm outta here!" He slammed the door behind him.

I watched as he left.

I got up off the bed and paced around the room. Dally had taken me in. He let me stay with him when I had nowhere else to go. Dally cared about me. I knew he did whether he would ever admit it. I cared about him. I….I loved Dally. I thought I did. I was at the bottom of the low. I had no one. I was alone. No one cared about me….but Dally.

I sat back down on the bed and thought about how my life was a year ago. I seemed to have everything going for me – a loving family, friends that adored me, my brothers, everything that I didn't have now. I sighed.

I got up and headed into the bathroom. I looked into the bathroom mirror that was hung on the wall. I was disgusted with the girl that looked back at me. That wasn't the girl that I was supposed to be. I watched as a tear ran down my check and onto the floor. I wasn't this person.

I loved Dally, but was he the one doing this to me?

I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door.

I brushed by all of the people and ran into the kitchen. I ran over to kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of liquor and I unscrewed the lid and threw it back. I let the liquid run down my throat and into my body. I let it run through my blood. The back of my throat burned and I lost my breath as my insides turned warm. This was the stuff…..the stuff that made everything all better.

"Whoa, look at the baby over here," someone said behind me. "Why does such a pretty girl look so sad?"

After taking the last sip of the bottle I turned around. There standing in front of me was Jeff. Angela's Jeff. His dark grey eyes made my shiver. "What do you want?"

He laughed once he saw my face. "Well looky at you. Not such a happy camper today are we?"

I glared at him. I figured out a long time ago not to speak to Jeff. Jeff and I had met before.

"Ok I can see that you're mad, but that little bottle ain't going to help you any." He point to my hand.

I continued to glare at him, wanting to kill him with my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

He laughed and reached into his coat pocket. "Now this stuff," He revealed a brown bag full of threats "This stuff will blow you away. It can make all those little troubles of yours just go away."

I had heard about Jeff being into big time drugs. He'd gotten Angela into them some. Jeff wasn't a good guy. He made my skin crawl every time I was around him.

He opened up the bag. "Do you want some? Come on sweetie." He ran it under my nose. "Who's going to know?"

I made a face. "Where is Ang at anyway?"

He took something out of the bag and put it on his tongue. "Home with the kid, but who cares anyway?"

He didn't care about Ang. He didn't care about anyone but himself. He was a sorry example of a greaser. I hated that people like him were even associated with us. He was nothing but a sorry excuse for a man. He'd hurt Angela time and time again.

"So um," he said, coughing a few times, "what's with the water works?"

I ran my finger under my eye and looked at the black liquid that was on it. "Nothing." I wiped the rest of the make-up under my eyes.

"Naw love," he said, stepping forward. "It's kinda hot."

I took a few steps back. I needed to get out of here and away from him. What was I thinking even coming here?

"So uh, where is lover boy at?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You mean Dally?" I shrugged. "Beats me."

He cracked another smile. "Well then, it looks like it's just you and me then."

I narrowed my eyes. "Jeff it's never going to be just me and you. Sorry but you're not exactly my type. I think we have had this conversation before."

He raised one of his eyebrows. "I'm not your type huh? I didn't know that girls like you had a type."

My hands turned into fists. Is this what Sylvia felt like all the time when she was with Dally? Did people just assume these things? "What do you mean girls like me?"

He laughed and hopped onto the counter next to me. He reeked of alcohol and pot and grease. It made my stomach turn into knots "You're so naive aren't you?"

"You don't know me."

He laughed. "I don't huh? Well how's this for you, let me guess your crying because you're ashamed of yourself. You ran all the way down here so you can wash it away with all that beer, which by the way ain't going to do shit. You let guys have their way with you because it doesn't matter as long as they give you some attention, and you are down here talking to me because….well I'm awesome." He looked at me and grinned, flashing his yellow teeth. "Am I right?"

I scowled at him. "Go fuck yourself."

"Whoa, that hurt. What's the matter, Doll Face? Can you not handle the truth? Let me make it all better for you." I could hear him jump off the counter and start to follow me.

"Get away, you ass," I spat as I maneuvered my way through the crowd. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"Oh love, come on. I'm only trying to help here. It's not healthy to keep all that bottled up," he shouted from behind me.

I kept walking. I didn't look back and I kept walking. Why did I have to talk to him in the first place?

"Doll face, come on." I could feel him following close behind me. There was nowhere to run in here – nowhere to hide. "I can take all that pain away. Come on, you know you want to."

I started walking faster. I was stopped by someone pulling on my arm. I was too scared to look back so I didn't. I just tried to get lose from their grasp.

"Come on Love." He breathed into my ear. "I'll make it worth you wild."

I tried to break free but it was no use. He had me pinned. _No one can hear me if I scream_. I tried the best I could to run but he was too strong.

"You know, I just ran into Rich," he whispered and my heart dropped. "He told me all about you. You really like him huh? Too bad. He's not your type anyway. You shouldn't aim so high Danni-Dear. He felt so bad for you at the school. He almost actually wanted to be with you. That wasn't the plan though, now was it?"

I tried jerking away, but all my attempts failed. "You ass hole!" I spat.

He sneered an evil sneer. His grip on me tightening and I winced "Now don't be like that. I thought it was a good match up. Sorry it didn't work out though."

"You have Angela. What do you want with me?" I said trying to break free from his grasp.

"That whore with the kid? Come on Danni. You know it's always been just me and you." He breathed into my ear again. I turned away. "Oh come on now," he whispered. "Don't be such a sour puss."

I jerked away. "Why are you doing this?"

He laughed and brushed my hair out of my face. "Why not? You know you want this Danni. You know you want someone to love you, someone to give you a little attention. Well here it is."

He leaned over and kissed me on my neck. I tried to jerk away but he had me locked.

He looked back up at me and laughed. "Your brothers won't give you the love I can. They don't even care about you anymore. They threw you out like trash."

"Let go!" I yelled trying to get free.

His grip grew stronger. "Oh sweetie. Don't be like this. You know it's true. You know they don't love you. You know Dally doesn't love you either. No one does. You are all alone."

I wasn't going anywhere. He knew that and so did I.

"Let's take a trip upstairs, Danni dear." I felt his hot breathe in my ear and I tried to back away. "You know you want to."

I tried to push him off of me, but I was too weak, he was too strong. I couldn't get away from him. I couldn't scream. I couldn't run. I was stuck and I was scared.


	14. Broken Records

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I could still hear him breathing in my ear. His hot breath ran through me, trembling bones and making my insides turn to liquid. I couldn't get out of this, and I knew it. I felt my heart beating faster and faster against my chest. My knees began to shake. He had me locked. He had me trapped.

"Come on," he whispered. "Who's going to know?" I tried to jerk away again as he laughed at me. "Sorry love, but you can't get away from me."

"Please," I begged. I still wasn't looking at him. I was too scared to even see his face.

"Oh come on now. I'm not going to hurt you." He moved his hand under my shirt. "Besides, I thought you liked it this way."

His cold hands touched my stomach making me flinch. He tried to work his hands up to my chest but I moved away so he stopped.

"Oh love, I'm sorry I should have been more sensitive. Shall we go somewhere more private?" he asked as he grabbed my arm.

I shook my head. "Please don't do this, Jeff."

He sneered as he latched onto my legs and lifted me off the ground. I tried to scream but it was silenced by all the yelling. No one was going to notice me. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he quickly silenced me by knocking my head against the wall.

I reached back to my head as I felt a cold liquid seep onto my hand.

"Here we are love. I hope it's romantic enough for you," he said as he kicked open the door to some room.

He placed my down on the bed and brushed a strand of hair from my face. I glared at him. "Dally is going to kick your ass I hope you know."

He laughed in my face, his breath smelling like cheap beer and weed. He rose his hand up and slapped me across the face. I yelped in pain. "I'd like to see him try." He pulled back from me and headed into the bathroom.

I watched him until he was out of my sight. I had only one shot at this and I couldn't mess it up. I looked over at the door. It wasn't too far from the bed. I glanced back over at the bathroom door and then back over at the front door. It was now or never.

I quickly jumped off the bed and took a break for the door. I tried to run as fast as I could. I broke for the door knob only to have barely touched it. His arms grabbed my waist and pulled me back. I screamed as I tried to hang on to the door. He quickly pulled me away and back over to the bed.

"Put me down!" I screamed and kicked but I couldn't break free. "You will never live this down! You will be dead the moment you walk out this door!"

He threw me back on the bed and slapped me across the face again, making tears come out this time. "Do you ever shut-up?" He slapped me again, causing my to fall over on the bed.

I glared at him. "You're going to rot in hell."

He laughed in my face, and took a swing to my mouth. I tasted blood before I yelped out. "Darling, do you really think I care?"

I continued to glare at him. He was going to care. He would never live beyond these walls. He looked at me and smiled. He rose his hand up and hit me again, just for good measure. My face became numb and the taste of blood grew stronger and stronger. "

"I have to admit, you never give up do you?"

I wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth.

He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. His ugly yellow teeth smiled at me. "I thought you liked it rough."

I stared into his stone cold eyes. He was a heartless bastard. He was still smiling his grim little smile. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I spat straight in his ugly ass face.

"You bitch!" he snapped as he tried to wipe it off his face. I tried to make another break but he quickly pulled me back down. He in return hit me in the mouth with his fist. "I suggest you sit still." He hit me again, this time in the eye. I covered my face before he could hit me again. Tears were running down my face.

I looked down at the floor. Where was Dally at? No one was going to find me in here. No one was even going to care to look. Jeff was actually going to do this to me.

He jerked my face back over to meet his. He pushed my face into his as he laid his lips on to mine. I tried to pull away but he was holding me too tight.

"Do you remember our first encounter, Danni? Do you remember what fun we had together?"

I spat out blood onto the floor. "That was a long time ago Jeff."

He laughed. "Oh sweetie, it wasn't that long ago. We had so much fun that night. Don't you remember?"

I didn't look at him. "I was drunk, Jeff. I didn't exactly know what I was doing."

"I bet you don't even remember. You tried to shoo me away. You tried to tell me to take a hike. But I'm like you Danni. I never give up."

I looked down at the floor. I couldn't look at his scum face.

"Awe, why so quite now? Do you not have something smart to say to me? Come on Danni. I would love to hear your pretty voice."

I didn't move. He came over and sat beside me and started playing with my hair. I sat there and continued to look at the floor. Why did I even talk to him in the first place?

"Tell me something Dear," he began twirling my hair around his finger, "what do you see in that dumb idiot boyfriend of yours? Or whatever you call him. You know he doesn't love you right? He doesn't even care about you. He leaves you all alone in a party house while he runs around on you." He laughed. "I thought you were smarter than that Danni."

I jerked away. "He is more of a man than you are."

He took another swing at my face. I winced. He pulled me closer. "Oh Dear, don't be so naive."

He pulled me into his chest and brushed my hair out of my face. I could feel his breath down my neck. I shivered just thinking about it.

"You're so pretty," he whispered into my ear. "You know, I really do hate to do this."

I jerked out of his grasp and looked at him from the edge of the bed. He smiled at me as if he was enjoying watching me struggle.

He jumped onto me and pinned me against the bed. I tried to jerk lose but he held my wrists up against the bed. He wasn't going to let me get lose.

He smiled at me again and ran his finger over my check where he had hit me. He ran his finger down under my belly button. I flinched as his cold hand touched me again. He circled around my belly button.

I tried to think about how to get free. I didn't have many options. He would kill me if I tried to escape again. If I was to break free I had to make sure that he could grab me again.

He circled his fingers around the buttons on my blouse. I made a face as he did. He slowly unbuttoned each and every button until he came to the last one. He slipped his hand behind me and onto my back. I could feel his slimy hand touch the buckle to my bra. I could take this anymore. I had to do something. I couldn't just lay there and take it anymore.

He looked down at me and smiled. I gently raised my knee up to just under his belt line; something Two-Bit had taught me during a wrestling match once. It usually worked every time. I only prayed that I would work now. I waited until he went back to undressing me and nailed him as hard as I could. He screamed in pain and rolled over onto his side, allowing me an easy exit toward the door.

I pushed the rest of his body off of me and tried to make a break for it only to be jerked to the ground by my foot and land flat on my face. I could feel the blood immediately run down nose and onto the floor. It wasn't long before I was being pulled back to the bed by my foot. I screamed as loud as I could even though I knew no one could hear me, or cared to hear me. I kicked his hand off of my foot and tried to get up onto my feet to only have the door jerk open in my face.

"What in the world is all that screaming?"

I stood there in shock as the door swung open. Someone had heard me. Someone came in to help me.

"Jeff?" I looked at the person standing in the door way. Never in a million years did I expect her of all people to walk in on this. Never. "What is going on here?"

I stared blankly at her.

"What are you doing with him?" Angela demanded.

She seemed mad. Why did she seem mad? She seemed mad at _me._ Why was she mad at _me_? "Angela you have to listen to me he-"

"What the hell?" She looked back over at Jeff. "Is this what happens at these parties? What about Dally?" She looked back over at me.

I slowly walked up to her. "Angela, look at my face! How do you think it got like this?" I tried to grab her arm but she jerked me away.

"Jeff, say something!" she shouted as she walked closer to him.

Why was she going over to him? "Angela, look-"

"Shut-up!" She marched over to me. "You whore!"

"What the hell?"

"You are a dirty whore! He is my boyfriend Danni!"

I grabbed her hand before she had a chance to strike me. "Angela, look at me! Do you honestly think that we were having _consensual_ sex?"

Her eyes looked into my eyes and then at the blood on my face and then at my unbuttoned shirt. "He did this?"

I nodded.

"Babe, come on." He got up off the bed and headed for us. I backed up into the door way. I wasn't going to let him come anywhere near me. "Are you going to believe this whore over me?"

"How could you?" She turned to Jeff. "How could you do that to me? To _her_?"

"She didn't tell you did she? She kept that dirty little secret to herself didn't she?"

She was looking at me now. "What is he talking about?"

I glared over at him as he smirked at me. "Go ahead Danni. Tell her about the night we met. Tell her how much fun we had."

"Fuck you."

"Ok then, _I_ will." He took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. "Well sweetie Danni here, she has been lying to you. See she met me long before we met. See she met me the day I got here and she didn't even tell you. She didn't even tell you about our little night together."

She looked back over at me_. _

He laughed and gently turned her head back to his. "See Danni was here the night I arrived. She was so sad too. She was sitting all by her lonesome crying her sorrows in a bottle of beer. I was only trying to help so I went over and asked her what was wrong. She cried and cried but she wouldn't talk to me…. and well with me being such a nice person I knew that I needed to help her so I comforted her a little. She immediately took it the wrong way though. I tried to push her away but she just threw herself at me. She was saying something about needed someone to lover her and-"

"You came on to me!"

"She was so wasted that night that she doesn't even remember. See I felt bad for her and well I just got to this town and hadn't met your beautiful face yet so I thought why not."

She turned and looked at me and then back to him. "You two slept together?"

He nodded. "I'm so sorry sweetie."

"We did not!" I yelled, defending myself. I did remember that night….most of it anyway. I was upset about Tim ditching me and then he came. "Ang don't believe him!"

Her eyes burned holes in me. "How do you know? You were wasted. How do you even remember?"

I looked back over at Jeff who was laughing at us. "You don't remember do you? Ha it looks like you'd remember that part."

I stood there dumb founded. I didn't sleep with Jeff. I couldn't have. I would have remembered that.

"What the hell is this?"

We all turned and looked at who was standing at the door. After all this time…..here he was in the very flesh. He took one look at me and then over to Jeff.

"What the hell did you do?" He stomped over to him. Angela, like an idiot, stood between them. "What did you do to her?"

I stood back and watched.

"Dally listen this is all just a big misunderstanding I mean can't we just…" Angela started.

"Shut-up Shepard. This is between me and your boy here," Dally shouted as he stormed closer towards Jeff. His eyes were hungry for blood, and I wasn't going to stop him. Not yet anyway.

Angela stood there and backed up with Jeff. Dally would hit through her if he had to. Right now I would let him too.

"Shepard move!"

"Man listen, me and her we were just…" Jeff started

"Shut your fucking mouth!" He took one swing over Angela's head and hit him square in the mouth. Angela screamed, ducking under as Jeff grabbed his sore face.

She took that as a hint and ran under them and over to me. I just stood back and watched the show.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Dally asked, giving Jeff another shot in the jaw.

"I didn't do shit!" Jeff screamed back as he tried to stand up.

He wasn't up for long before Dally knocked him back down again. Jeff had blood running down his face. I wasn't even sure that he could see.

"You wanna try that again, Tex?" Dally asked as he stomped back over to Jeff's limp body.

"I told you I didn't…"

He didn't have time to finish before Dally nailed him again. He tried to resist and hit back but Dally was stronger. A lot stronger. He took Jeff to the floor in a matter of seconds and started wailing on him.

"Oh my God, Dally, stop!" Angela screamed beside me.

I stood there dumb founded. Dally was really beating the crap out of him. He wouldn't let up either. He kept a steady hitting motion the whole time. Angela began gripping onto my arm like she was scared or something.

"Danni stop him! He's going to kill him!" Angela cried.

I continued to stand there dumb struck. It was all happening too fast. I didn't know what to do. Jeff deserved this. He deserved every bit of this. I stood there in watched him as he punched Jeff over and over again.

"Danni stop him!"

I stood there with my mouth open. I didn't want this. "Dally…." It didn't even faze him. He carried on doing what he was doing like it was nothing. "Dally, come on. Let's just get out of here." I stepped closer to them. Again he didn't even slow down. "Dally, come on. You're killing him."

He continued to carry on. He acted so nonchalant about the whole thing. I stood back and watched him. He was….he was…._scaring_ me.

"Dally stop it! Dally please you are going to kill him! STOP!"

He slowed his hitting down and looked over at me for a second. I tried to speak again but he just ignored me and went back to what he was doing before. Jeff was going to die. Dally was going to kill him. This couldn't happen, not now.

"Dally!" I walked over to them and tried to pull him away. "Dally come on you're killing him."

I tried to pull on him but he wouldn't budge.

"Dally," I begged.

He stopped and looked over at me. "Do you not think that he deserves this? Look at you!"

I looked over at the boy on the floor in front of me. I couldn't tell if he was breathing. He looked close to death. "Dally look at him! I think he's had enough now let's go!"

He looked back down at Jeff. He didn't even move.

"Dally we have to go!" I yelled as I got up off the floor. "Please?" I tugged on him again.

He took on last punch and finally got up to his feet. He looked back over at Angela who was trembling up against the wall. I felt sorry for her. She's my best friend….she didn't deserve to have Jeff. She didn't deserve any of this. She just didn't know any better. She was blinded by lust.

"Let's go," I begged again as I continued to tug on his jacket.

He huffed at her and busted out the door with me. "We have to go."

I stopped him in the hallway. "Why? Is he dead?"

He shook his head. "No, but I have to get you out of here."

"Do you think they'll call the cops?" I asked once we got home.

He locked the door behind us, shutting the curtains. He shook his head and dug through a draw beside the bed. "Nah, no one calls the cops around here."

I stood there and watched him. I honestly didn't want to go near him right now.

He gave up and looked up at me. "You ok?"

I nodded and lied down on the bed. I could hear him rummaging around in the bathroom. _What was he even looking for?_

"So what happened?" he finally asked.

I shrugged. "What did it look like?"

He was still rummaging around in there. I sat up on the bed and looked at him. "Here," he said throwing me a wet cloth. "You probably need to clean yourself up." He closed the door behind him.

I threw the cloth on my faced and lied back down on the bed. Jeff's image ran through my head. His limp body just laying here on the floor. The blood running off of his face and on to the wood floor. I could hear Dally still moving around in the bathroom until he busted through the door.

I rose up and looked at him. He had a gun. "What the hell is that?"

He walked over and laid it on the night stand beside me. "It's to keep _you_ safe."

He sat down on the bed in front of me and twirled it around his finger like it was a toy or something. "You doing alright?"

I shrugged. "To be totally honest with you, I'm scared to death."

He didn't answer for a while. He knew that I was partly scared because of him. He could tell by the way I kept my distance from him. I knew Dally was tough, just not like that. "He didn't do anything did he?"

I shook my head. "He got pretty far though. Angela stopped the action though when she busted through the door."

I continued to lay there for a while. "Where did you go?"

"When?"

"Before all this."

He shrugged and continued to play with his gun.

I sat up and glared at him. "Can you not even talk to me?"

He looked over at me. "You're crying." I looked at him and ran my finger under my eyes. I hadn't even noticed it. "He really hurt you huh?" he asked, looking the other way.

I looked down. "Yeah," I wiped the rest of the tears off my face. "You know, I really thought he was going to do it." I laughed. "He was so close too. He had me right where he wanted me."

He just simply nodded and looked back down at the gun. I sat there and continued to wipe the tears from my eyes. He wouldn't even look at me.

"I should have killed his ass," he finally spoke up.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "That's all you even care about isn't it? Can't you see how I feel right now?"

He looked back over at me.

"You can't do that, Dally. You can't just kill people. I can't lose you like that." I cried.

He nodded and sat up beside me. He reached his arm around me and let me cry. This was the first time I had ever cried in front of him. I continued to lay there and let him hold me. He had never held me like this before. I was pretty sure he hadn't held anyone like this before. He wasn't acting like Dally. He was actually acting like a person for once. A person who actually showed that he gave a damn.

I cried some more and buried my head into his chest. He didn't say a single word. He just held me and let me cry. This was not the Dally I knew. Maybe he had changed.

I was scared though. Scared to death. Dally had me in his arms. He was going to protect me. He had to. I needed him too. I needed Dally.


	15. Those Chills

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Dally was beside me snoring, as usual, and I'd like to think that was what was keeping me awake, but I knew it wasn't.

I shivered just thinking about it. I looked over at Dally beside me and scooted closer to him. I didn't care if he got mad or not. I buried my head into his chest when I felt him wake-up. I closed my eyes and held my breath as I waited for his response.

He groaned and looked down at me. A small smirk passed his lips. It wasn't exactly the response I was expecting, but I would take it. He was holding me. He was protecting me, and that's all that mattered right now. It's what I needed the most.

I was woken the next morning by running water in the bathroom. It didn't even feel like I was asleep. Every time I thought about it I jolted awake.

I grunted and sat up in the bed. Dally wasn't beside me.

Dally slowly walked out of the bathroom and smiled at me.

I rubbed my as he continued to brush his teeth. "What are you doing up so early?" I asked.

He spat into the sink. "Ah, well I couldn't really get much sleep with all the crying you did last night

I didn't remember crying that much. I thought he was asleep the whole time.

My eyes followed him as he walked over beside me. He sat down on the edge of the bed and handed me a wet cloth. "You should have let me finish him off."

I rolled my eyes and continued to wash my face. "What good would that have done, Dally?"

"Well you know, _personally_ I would feel a lot better about the situation if I pounded his ass some more."

I ignored him. It wouldn't have made me feel any better. I could understand his point. Fighting was all he knew how to do and to him, that was helping. That's just how Dally's mind worked. Instead of comforting and holding me, he thought killing someone would be the same thing.

I sighed. "So…how bad was I crying last night?"

He looked down and fiddled with his fingers. "I dunno. I tried to tune you out the best I could."

I looked down and played with my fingers.

He noticed the hurt in my face. "So uh, you doing alright?"

I nodded and continued to bite my nails. I only did this when I was really nervous. My mom broke me out of this habit a long time ago. I never bit my nails after that until now.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked trying to break the tension.

He shrugged. "You know me, Curtis. I do what comes to me."

I snorted, that was one thing that could make me laugh through all of this. I could count on Dally for that. "Wow that's very profound there Dally."

He started gathering some clothes together for the day. I wonder where he really goes all the time and what he does. Maybe one day I'll just follow him. No, that'll really piss him off. What could he be doing all day? Dally likes to hide things. That's what makes me wonder and what makes me so nervous.

I can't help but think the worse. "So, what happened a few weeks ago when you came to school all banged up?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do."

He slipped a shirt on over his bare chest, shaking out his jeans. "I told you, it was fight. Keep your nose out of my business."

"We're together now. Isn't your business my business?"

He glared over at me, his eyes suddenly turned red. "No. If you think that then you're fucking off your rocker. My business is still my business so keep your nose out of it. You don't want to see what'll happen if you don't."

I scooted back on the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I decided it wasn't worth the fight this early in the morning. "Okay."

"I'm out of here."

That's the thing with Dally, he can be the meanest person in the world when he wanted to, and he didn't notice when he really hurt my feelings and made my heart shatter.

* * *

"Hey, Dan."

I turned around, my books held close to my chest. I couldn't believe who it was that was calling my name. "Steve?"

He walked towards me, holding his books to his side. "I wanna talk to."

He demanded it more than asked it. The second period bell rang and he dragged me out the back door towards the picnic tables. I tried to tell him that I needed to get to class, but he didn't listen. He pulled me by the arm until he pushed me down into a seat.

"Now, listen up, I'm gonna tell you this once and only once. Quit being a little shit and go home to your brothers and forget all about Dally. Alright?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Steve and I had a mutual relationship. We were both cool with each other but we didn't speak all that much, but when we did, it wasn't anything harsh. This, this was harsh.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What?"

"You heard me."

I swallowed, trying not to cry. "You're not my brother. You don't even know what's going on."

"I know you're up Dally's ass now and totally left your family in the dust," he said sternly. "What the hell happened to you? What, overnight you decided to turn into a brat?"

I didn't understand why he was so hacked off. This had nothing to do with him other than that Dally was his best friend and I didn't keep Dally from seeing him.

"No," I said softly. "Did Soda say something to you?"

He turned his head the opposite direction. "I've hear enough, yeah. He's real worried about ya. Says he doesn't know what got into you ever since you started hanging out with Tim and now you're with Dal. You're really with him?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"Why?"

What kind of question was that? "I dunno, I like him."

"Don't."

He was really testing my nerves. "You can't tell me what to do, Steve. Look, I'm sorry Soda is concerned about me, but I'll talk to him or whatever, but don't tell me who I can and cannot date. You have no right. You don't understand-"

"I know he doesn't give two shits about you."

My stomach ached. "What?"

"It ain't personal, Dan. Dal don't care about any girl he dates. So the best thing you can do is just drop it and let everything go back to the way it was."

I looked down at the ground, unable to control my tears any long. I wanted to be angry with Steve and call him out for lying, but something held me back. Maybe I was scared of him. Maybe deep down I knew he was right.

I swallowed. "Why do you say that he doesn't care?"

"Soda and him got in a fight a few weeks ago."

I lifted my head up. It was Soda who had done that to Dally? "What? Why?"

He rolled his eyes. "After you got into that fight with Sylvia he knew something was up with you and him. He went to Dally to tell him to stay away from you. Dal was drunk and I guess Soda pissed him off. Then Dally starts saying all this shit about you and Soda wailed on him."

Small tears came out of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away so Steve wouldn't see them. I never thought Soda would be the one to have given Dally all those bruises. What did Dally say about me that was so awful and why hadn't Soda told me?

I didn't get a chance to ask Steve. He turned his back to me, heading back inside.

"Just go home, little girl. Go home."


	16. Here We Go Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

It had been two weeks since all that happened. Jeff survived and had to be put in a hospital. Dally told me a thousand time that he wasn't going to say anything, but I wasn't so sure. As for Angela, I hadn't heard or seen her. There is no telling where she ran off to. I wasn't sure if I was still mad at her or not. I should be. She believed Jeff over me, her best friend. I've just always understood Angela, and deep down, I think she's trapped by Jeff.

It ran through my mind what all Jeff said though. How he said that he slept with me. How I was all over him that night. How I was too drunk to even remember. I couldn't have had sex with him. I just couldn't have. I couldn't have been that stupid. I couldn't have done that and not even remember, could I?

When I got up the next morning Dally was gone again. He had been the past few mornings. I tried to ask again, but Dally being Dally, he wouldn't even drop a hint. That was just Dally. I knew who he was before we started having sex.

The sun shinned through the blinds and I stood up off the bed and looked around the room.

I hadn't heard or spoken to my brothers or any of their friends besides Steve that one day at school. I wasn't really mad at anyone but Darry, but I just couldn't face any of them. At school I would just turn and walk away.

Opening up the dresser, I looked at my little pink uniform inside. It was a stupid little thing. I hated even wearing it now. Every time I put it on I thought of Darry and our stupid fight. All those things he said to me, and all that stuff I said to him.

What's done is done. There's nothing more I can do.

* * *

"Kind of slow today huh?" Jenny asked me.

Jenny was the new waitress at the diner. She had silk long blonde hair that came down to her waist and big green eyes. She was really cool and liked making fun of the customers more than me and Mrs. Adderson did. Jenny was good for a few laughs, and I needed a few laughs these days.

I smiled. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

It continued to go this way for a while. I was getting ready to call it a day until the door opened reveling four boys. Four boys that I hadn't seen in nearly three weeks. They all shuffled in one by one and took a seat at the both on the other side of the room.

"Do you want me to take them?" Jenny asked me, noticing the drop in my face.

I stood there and stared at them. There was an ache in my stomach. I had known these boys since I was a baby, and yet I couldn't feel more like a stranger.

"Are you ok?" Jenny asked me.

I nodded, collecting myself so I could face them. I grabbed my ticket book off the counter and took a deep breath. "No I'm fine. I'll take care of them."

I slowly walked over to them. They hadn't even looked around to find me. Maybe they weren't here because of me. Maybe they just wanted to eat.

"Hey," I mumbled as I reached their table.

Each one slowly looked over the menus and at me. They looked almost shocked to even see me. Except for Steve. He was the only one to look at me the way he always did, as if he was trying to figure me out.

"Hey there, Danni-Bear!" Two-Bit said, speaking up first.

I breathed easier. So he wasn't mad at me. That was good. I smiled at him. "So um do you guys want something to drink?"

They nodded at each other, confirming their usual order. "Four pops please ma'am."

I nodded and headed back into the kitchen. As bad as I hated to, I heard them whispering as I left.

"Did you see her face? Man, he must have really did a number on her," I heard Steve whisper.

I just kept walking. Who did he mean? Did they know what happened at Buck's? Of course they know what happened at Buck's. I'm sure everyone knows by now. You can tell by the bruises on my face. I try to forget about them, but not enough make-up can cover them up or that night. They have faded for the most part, but today I ran out of make-up and the yellow left overs were still on my face.

My face turned red as I filled their cups up and headed back to their table. I triedt o hide the damage of my face with my hair although it was probably too little too late.

"Here you go." I sat the cups down, hiding my face from them.

Soda looked up at me, his eyes catching mine. The way he looked at me immediately made me want to start crying. "So how are you?"

I sighed. What was I supposed to say? Tell him the truth? "I'm fine."

They all nodded, as if they knew the real reason why they were here and that was to check in on me. "We heard what happened with Jeff," Ponyboy popped up.

"Uh, yeah."

"So you're ok?" Soda asked again, demanding a better answer than before.

"Yeah I'm doing ok."

"So how's ole Dal doing?" Two-Bit asked.

I guess the cat is out of the bag now. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to avoid the hiccup in my voice but failing. "H-He's good. So um can I get ya'll some food?"

"Four cheese burgers and fries," Steve said sternly, handing me the menus.

I nodded. "Ok I'll be right back."

I quickly turned around and headed into the kitchen. They were up to something, that's for sure. Why else would they all pile in here and ask me all that stuff?

I waited around for the food in the back. I didn't want to go out there and face them again.

"Food's up!"

I slowly turned around and grabbed the tray of food off the counter. It was now or never.

"Here you go." I smiled as I laid down the plates in front of them. "So you guys are doing good?" I asked as I knelled down in front of the table.

"We miss ya," Ponyboy said softly, and all four of them looked up at me, awaiting my response.

I sighed, holding back tears. "I miss ya'll too."

Soda put his napkin down, meeting my eyes again. "We all do…..Even Darry."

"How's it going at home?"

"Ok I guess."

Two-Bit and Steve exchanged looks and then looked back over at us. "We're um….going to take this over there." They grabbed their plates and scooted over to the next booth.

I slid into the booth in front of Soda and Pony. "So things are good at home?" I asked.

They nodded, acting like they truly where. I had wondered what things were like without me there. If it was me that was causing all the rifts in the family.

Soda laid his hand on mine. "Danni, he really does miss you. We're all worried about you."

"Even Darry?"

"He went ballistic once he found out what happened with Jeff. He said it was his fault."

I narrowed my eyes. That didn't sound too much like Darry. Maybe I am just giving him the short end of the stick. Darry did care about me. "Why would he think that?"

He shrugged. "He said that if you were at home then that wouldn't have happened."

He might have been right about that. But then again I still probably would have ended up at Buck's that night whether or not I was still living at home. "It still probably would have happened."

Ponyboy twisted uncomfortably in his seat. "So he didn't….he never got…."

I stopped him. "No he didn't. Ang came on just before and stopped it."

We sat there for a while and stammered around. We made small talk. They asked about Dally and school and work and I did the same. I felt a bigger question still lurking around though.

"So um Danni, we really do miss you," Soda repeated.

I nodded, looking down at my hands. "I miss you guys too. It's just that….." I didn't know how to finish that sentence. I didn't know what was holding me back. Was it Dally?

Soda sighed. "Danni, we want you back home."

There it was. There was the reason for coming here. I shook my head as I felt a tear fall from my face. "I can't."

"Danni, just talk to Darry, I'm sure he'll listen," Ponyboy said.

I shook my head again, sniffling as tears came. "You heard him. He hates me. He can't even look at me. I don't blame him either. I mean look at me, look at my face. I'm not the same person anymore. How can you even sit here and talk to me?"

Soda sighed, his hand touching mine again. "Because you're our sister, Danni. No matter what you do, you'll still be. We're family."

I looked down at the floor. They don't even know

Soda soon got up and came over beside me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest to try and cease the crying. "Darry really is sorry. I just know, Danni. You two just need to talk about this. We want you home. You belong there."

I shook my head again. "He won't talk to me. He told me to get out."

He rubbed my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "Danni, you two need to talk. We miss you. He does too, I know it. He really is sorry."

"We want you back Danni," Ponyboy said.

I looked up at him. He had such hope in his eyes. Deep down, I did want my old life back. I wanted my brothers and I wanted my friends and I wanted Angela. I wanted Dally too. I just don't know if I could have both. Family is important….and I think I need my family now more than ever.

"Ok, I'll talk to him."

* * *

Soda promised to pick me up after his shift at work. I waited around forever that night. I didn't really want this conversation to even happen. What was Darry going to say to me? What if he was going to tell me to take a hike? What was I going to say to him? I wasn't going to stop seeing Dally. I needed my family but I needed Dally too.

I stared out into the empty streets. Soda wasn't anywhere in sight. I sighed. What was Dally going to think about all this? He wasn't exactly buddy, buddy, with Darry anymore. Or anyone in their gang for that matter. We basically just stayed to ourselves these days and I felt bad about that. It felt like I had broken up their group. Maybe that's why Steve demanded that I stop seeing Dally and to go home.

"Are you ready?" Soda asked me as he came around the corner. I nodded and followed him. "So are you ready for this?" he asked me.

I looked down at the ground. "Not really."

He laughed. I was glad someone was happy about this. "Man, I missed you."

I couldn't help but grin. I couldn't say the same for Darry though. Sure Soda said that he did but I still had my doubts. "So what does Darry say about this?"

He shrugged. "I guess we'll find out won't we?"

I stopped in my tracks. "You mean he doesn't know I'm coming?"

He snickered and grabbed my arm. "Come on, Danni. Just trust me for once." I sighed and followed behind him. God, help me. "So um what _really _did happen with Jeff?" he asked as we got closer to the house.

I expected that. I shrugged. "What did you hear?"

"Just that he attacked you. Then Dally beat the crap out of him."

I smirked. "Yeah that's about it."

He stared up into the sky. "So um….you're ok and all?"

"It's still kind of hard to talk about, but I'm fine. You have seemed to have forgotten how tough I am."

He smiled and wrapped his arm around me. "I guess I have."

We slowly walked until we got to the little house at the end of the street. I took a deep breath as Soda led me up the steps. This was it. I had to face Darry some time or another, I guess now was as good as time as any.

"I'm home!" Sodapop announced as he opened the door. "Anyone home?"

I slowly stepped into the house. It was actually clean for once. I don't think it has looked like this since my parents died. The boys weren't exactly house wives and I was the one who ended up doing most of the cleaning.

I looked over to the couch where Johnny and Pony were sprawled out.

They waved at me, shooting me reassuring smiles. They seemed so calm. Me on the other hand, I was freaking out to the max.

"Where have you been? It's late."

I watched as my older brother came out of the kitchen. He had a dirty plate in his hands and was cleaning it. He hadn't even noticed me standing behind Soda yet. He looked…..happy though. Not what he looked like last time I was here. Did me leaving make him act like this? Was I the problem all along?

I slowly came out from behind Soda's back and faced him. His mouth immediately fell when he saw me. "Hey," I mumbled

"Hi."

I stood there awkwardly for a while. I expected Soda to say something, or _do_ something.

"What are you doing here?" Darry asked.

I stood there and looked up at Soda. Oh no, this wasn't going so good. I knew I shouldn't have come here. I knew he could push me away. I felt the tears starting to come. Oh no.

Soda put his hand over my shoulder. "She um…She came to talk, Darry."

Darry looked over at me and nodded, making me take a deep breath. It made me feel somewhat better. He seemed willing to speak to me. That was something.

"We'll be upstairs," Soda said as he led Johnny and Pony with him.

I sighed and watched them. What was I supposed to say now?

"So um…have a seat," Darry said, pointing at the couch.

He slowly sat down in his chair in front of me. I couldn't really look at him. I just focused on the floor. Last time I saw Darry it wasn't exactly happy and marry. He couldn't really look at me either and I don't blame him. My face isn't in that good of shape. It says a lot.

"So um….I head what happened at Buck's," he said.

Word travels fast in this town. "Um, yeah. Don't worry though. Dally already beat the crap out of Jeff."

"Good. You're alright?"

I nodded and a long stretch of silence went on. I found myself just looking around the house. I had so many memories here in this living room. I had so many memories in this house. I had so many memories with Darry. Some weren't great, but Darry was my biggest big brother. We had some good times together.

Those were simpler times.

"So you're at Dally's now?" he finally asked.

I nodded, knowing it made Darry twitch with anger. He had to have known I would be staying with Dally. I had no where else to go after all.

"So how's that going?"

I shrugged. "It isn't like living with Prince Charming."

"I bet not."

Why couldn't we just get to the point here? Was I supposed to beg him to let me come back? I wasn't going to do that. Some things were my fault, and I did need to apologize. I just didn't want to be the first one to do it.

"The way you acted that night...I couldn't believe it. What all you said..."

"I'm sorry."

He raised up a hand. "Don't. Not yet. You can't just apologize. I have a right to be angry at you."

"I know."

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you? You act as if I'm not allowed to be angry, to yell at you, to punish you. I don't like doing it, ya know. It's my job now. I know I haven't been the nicest guy lately, but c'mon, you gotta understand."

I did understand, more than Darry knew. Ever since our parents died, it had been hard getting used to Darry acting like my parent. Maybe I was still struggling with it more than I thought.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, breaking down.

Darry sighed deeply, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry for some of the things I said too. I...I shouldn't have called you what I did. I shouldn't have pushed you either."

I looked back down at the ground. I don't think Darry had ever apologized to me before. Not since we were little and Mom or Dad forced him to.

"It's just that…" He jumped off the couch and rubbed his head. "Damn, Danni, you're my baby sister. I'm supposed to look out for you. Mom and Dad trusted me with you and now look. You're living with Dally!"

I stared up at him as he marched around the room.

"Danni, this isn't you. I know you, Danni, and this isn't you. I don't even know who you are any more." He sighed once he saw me crying. "I can't do this with you, Danni. I won't. I won't let you do this to your family, to yourself. I'm not just going to stand by and watch. I'm going to change the way I've been acting….but you gotta do the same."

"I'm so sorry," I bawled. "I'm sorry, Darry. I'm so sorry."

He shushed me as I continued to cry. I cried and cried for what seemed like hours while Darry held me. He held me like he used to when we were kids and I got hurt or when Mom and Dad died. This was the old Darry. This was my big brother Darry who I could count on and who was there for me and who could have fun with me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm not leaving Dally."

He just sighed. I guess he didn't really want to hear that. "I'm not going to make you. I don't like this. I don't like it one bit and there are going to be some rules, got it? Ya'll mess up one time and you're done, got it?"

I nodded. I wiped the tears out of my face. "I can come home?"

He laughed, changing the mood of the room. "Yes, Danni. You can come back home. You have to walk the line though. Things can't be the way they were. I promise to be better but you gotta do the same. Understand?"

"I will, Darry."

This is what I needed. I needed Darry back. I need my family back the way and it was and I was confident that it was going to get that way again.

"So I guess you need your stuff then?"

Dally was not going to be happy about this. Not one bit.


	17. She F'ing Hates Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I got into Darry's work truck and waited on him. Dally wasn't going to take this well and I hated to just spring this on him so soon. He had been saying for two weeks now that I should live with him and forget about Darry. Deep down I knew I could never do that. Maybe Dally thought the same.

"Are you ready?" Darry asked as he got in the truck with me.

I had to get it over with eventually. "As ready as I'm going to be."

"So how is it….with Dally?"

This was really embarrassing. "It's good." I gave the simplest answer I could. "It's not perfect..."

"He been good to you?" He glared at me, waiting for an answer.

I nodded. "He's not a bad guy, Darry."

He kept driving. I rested my head on the window and stared out onto the road. Hopefully Darry would see that I didn't want to talk. I was still feeling weird about the whole situation anyway. Darry and I said things were good now but it was still going to take some time before things were back to normal between us.

Darry slowly pulled up in front of Dally's. I saw his car in the driveway and sighed. "Do you want me to come in?"

I'm sure it wouldn't go over big if my big brother held my hand through this. "No, I'm fine."

"I got to go to the store so I'll swing by and get you then."

I got out of the truck and stood there as I watched him drive away. I sighed and looked back up at the building. I had to get this over with. It wasn't going to be fun in the least.

I slowly walked in and stopped in front of Dally's door. Dally was sprawled out on the bed watching _Gilligan's Island_. That was his favorite show in the world. He would sit there for hours and make fun of how dumb they were. One time he got really drunk with me and I sat there and did it too. It didn't sound like that much fun anymore though.

"Hey."

"Where ya been?" he asked, not sounding as happy as I wanted him to sound.

"I had work remember?"

He looked at my outfit and nodded. He quickly turned his attention back to the TV.

I slowly walked over to him, being careful that I didn't step on anything. This place was such a mess. There's even some glass on the floor.

I sat down on the end of the bed beside him. "So…..what have you been doing all day?"

He shrugged and took another sip of his drink. "This and that." He defiantly wasn't in a good mood. The beer didn't help much either. I sighed. I had to get this over with sooner or later.

"Dumb ass," Dally mumbled at the TV.

I turned and looked at it. I really didn't want to do this with him. Especially since he didn't want to talk to me in the first place. "So uh, Dally, I need to talk to you about something."

He took another sip of his beer. "Speak then."

"So um….Soda and Pony came into work today."

"And?"

"They talked to me…about Darry and stuff. They heard about Jeff and they said Darry was real worried."

He looked over at me for the first time. His face was twisted in a knot that made me sick to my stomach. "He was worried? About _you_?" He laughed and turned back to the TV. "Jeez, now he cares huh?"

It was ok if I talked bad about Darry, but it didn't seem ok that Dally was doing it. It was actually making me a little mad. Dally had no right to judge Darry like that. He didn't know what it was like having brothers and a family like mine. Maybe Dally was just being protective, but I didn't like his tone when it came to Darry.

"Dally, I talked to him."

"You _what_?"

"I talked to him. Dally, I needed to…I…I-"

He jolted up on the bed, marching over to me. "You needed to talk to him?" He towered over me. "Why the fuck did you _need_ to do that?"

I turned my back to him, not wanting to look at him. "He was worried about me. Dally, I just needed to talk to him. I need him. I need my family."

He threw the bottle on the floor causing it to shatter everywhere. "Why the hell do you need them? What about me? Why the fuck do you need them?"

He wasn't getting it. He wasn't going to get it. I felt somewhat bad. Dally gave me a place to stay and listened to me as I cried and now I was just throwing him away so I could go back home to the place I claimed I hated. Dally needed to realize though my side.

Dally never understands anyone else's side.

I wiped around and faced him. "Oh I don't know? Because they're my family, Dally! Can you not see how different I am? How screwed up I am? How screwed up I am from that night!"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I give a shit, ok?" He kicked on of the bottles on the floor causing it to break. "Damn does nothing please you?"

I backed up. My blood was boiling, burning my insides. "Oh hell, Dally, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I want more than to live in a party house and get drunk every night and have sex with you. I need more than that."

"You're such a bitch." I backed up as I watched him pace around the room. "What the hell did Darry say anyway?"

"He wants me to move back….I'm going to too."

He didn't like that. He flipped the night stand over on to the floor causing more glass to go everywhere. I jumped back, trying to get away from him. He was such a child sometimes. I hated how he wasn't even hearing me out or listening. He was jumping all over me before I had the chance to explain.

I shook my head. "Oh yeah, Dally, that's real mature."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that."

He was in my face, his breath hitting me. I stared up at him, refusing not to be afraid. I was tired of him making a fool out of me by making me back down to him. I wasn't backing down now. I wasn't going to be made a fool out of anymore.

"What are you going to do about it?"

He glared into my eyes, smoke coming out of his ears.

Our first real fight. I wanted to stay with Dally, but I didn't want this. I didn't want to fight him and have him make me choose between him and my family. I turned my back to him, gathering up my things.

"And you wonder why I'm leaving."

"Oh hell, just get out of here," he snapped back, throwing some of my clothes on the floor. He marched over to the bathroom and began throwing my things out. "See if I give a shit."

I slammed the drawer close and threw my clothes into a bag. "You are such an ass." I brushed by him as I headed for the door.

He grabbed my arm and swung me over to face him. He tightened his grip on my arm, his eyes shooting holes into me. He wasn't messing around tonight.

"I give you everything and this is how you fucking repay me?"

My heart pounded. "I'm not going to turn my back on my family for you. I really care about you, Dally. I think I might even love you, but they're my family…and I'm sorry, but I need them. I can't stay here. I'm leaving whether you like it or not."

"You're a bitch."

I shoved him away from me. "And you're a fucking ass hole."

He grabbed me by my shoulders and swung me around and into the wall. I winced as my head slammed into it. He actually pushed me. He actually hurt me. As I looked up at him, my anger soon turned into fear. He had never laid a hand on me before and now he had.

Neither one of us said a word. "Go ahead," I whispered. "Do it. Hit me, Dally."

He glared down at me with his fuming red eyes. He didn't say anything, he just stared. He had his fist already held up. I don't know why I encouraged him. Maybe I just wanted to see the real Dally. Was this the real Dally?

"Show me the true Dally. The Dally you've been trying to hide."

He didn't move. I could feel his hot breathe blow on my face. He tightened his grip on my shoulders causing me to yelp. He was strong. I didn't care how much it hurt. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about Dally at this point. I wanted to see what he was really made of.

"Come on, Dally," I teased again. "Are you scared or something? Be a man and-"

Then it happened. I could see it coming. He raised his fist up to hit me. I quickly yelped and turned away only to feel the wind blow against my hair and the smash of the dry wall. I covered my face from him as I turned and looked beside me. There was a huge hole right beside my face.

I brushed the hair out of my face and gazed up at him. He couldn't look at me. I felt the hot tears seep from my eyes. He really did it. He really tried to hit me. After all this time… after all I went through with him. I quickly grabbed my bag off the floor and headed for the door.

I ran into the cold crisp air as tears feel from my eyes. I couldn't believe it. I egged him on, sure, but I never actually thought he'd do it. I never thought in a million years that he would hit me, that he would even try. I guess I should have known better. He was Dallas Winston. No girl in the world could change that. No girl could change who he was. Who he'd always be.

I stood there in the cold and stopped the tears from falling. Darry couldn't see me cry. That would just top off this whole fucking night. I stood there and looked up at the building. Of course Dally wouldn't come running down after me. He wasn't going to apologize. More tears feel from my eyes. I cared about him. I hated to admit it, but I still did. I needed to stop though. I needed a new beginning. A beginning without Dally, a new beginning with my family. I needed to change. I needed this to happen. I needed my old life back.

After standing there for what seemed like forever, Darry rolled up. I quickly wiped the tears away and strolled over to the truck. Hopefully it was dark enough that he wouldn't see that I had been crying. I did not want to deal with that.

"Hey," he said softly as I climbed in. "We good?" I turned my head so he would see my face. "So how did Dally take it?"

I shrugged. "He wasn't home."


	18. And I Love It

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

There is not telling how many times Dally ran around on me. He was never home or said where he was going. He did it to every girl he 'dated' or whatever he called it. What made me think that I was any different. He was _my_ Dally though. I still had feelings for him, despite what just happened. I couldn't shake these feelings off either. They were the same feelings that I had felt in the beginning. I had never felt them before. I couldn't be in love with him. I just couldn't. Not this soon anyway. I _was_ in love with Randy. Wasn't I? I should know what that feels like.

I don't know what my problem is. I need to be here though. I needed to be with my family. The only people who cared about me. I needed my old life back and Dallas Winston was not going to give that to me. He probably made it worse. I didn't need him. I need time to think. I need time to think about my life away from him. I need time to forget about him. To move on from him. I did not need Dallas Winston. I needed to move on.

It wasn't going to be that easy though. None of this was. It was a road to hell now. There was no turning back either.

I faced the door as I heard someone knocking. I didn't want to talk to anyone so I tried to ignore them, but of course they didn't care.

"Danni?" Soda asked as he stuck his head in. "Are you ok?" He slowly stepped into my room. I couldn't tell if he was scared to come in.

I smiled up at him. "I'm good."

He sat down on the bed. "You and I both know that's a lie."

The one down fall of talking to Soda was that he could tell when I was lying. I guess that's the consequences of getting that close to someone. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

He rubbed his chin, unsure of what all to say to me. "So uh…..I take it the talk with Darry went well? Considering you're back home in all."

I leaned up against the back of the bed. I forced a grin. A grin that reassured him that everything was alright and well. "You mean you couldn't hear what we were saying from the top of the stairs?" He gave me a confused look. "I know you were ease dropping, Sodapop. You can't hide things from me either."

He looked to the side, hiding this smirk. "No I guess not." He looked down at the floor, his mood changing dramatically. "He doesn't hate me, does he?"

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged, still looking down at the ground. "For not telling him about you. I mean I'm eighteen, an adult, I'm supposed to be responsible about this kind of stuff."

I could tell he was really hurt. I was so sick and tired of hurting everyone. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted people to stop feeling this way because of me. "Soda he doesn't hate you." I put my hand on top of his. "No one does."

"So uh….Darry told me about…..what's going to happen with you."

"Let the house arrest begin."

He laughed, ruffling my hair. "I never thought we'd have to this with you. You were always the good little princesses."

I smiled. My dad called me princesses all the time. My brothers would tease me about it though. They said that's why I didn't get in much trouble. Ponyboy was the baby too. Mom and Dad never even spanked him. If you ask me, he was the spoiled one. I was just daddy's little girl.

It was hard to think about them in past tense still to this day. "I wasn't all good," I told him with a sneak smile.

He nodded, lifting his head up at all the memories. "Yeah, I know, I remember. You had quite a mouth on you."

"Yeah I did." I started to giggle. "I got a mouth full of soap too."

"Yeah I remember that too." He laughed at the thought and at all the times he too got soap in his mouth. "I remember me and Pony making fun of ya too."

They did that quite often though my childhood. The perks of being the only girl in the family. "Ponyboy now, he never got in trouble."

He shook his head. "No I guess you're right about that. He was the baby of the family. You got in enough trouble for the both of ya." He tried to ruffle my hair again but I fought him off. "I always expected him explode one day though. Do something stupid and get in more trouble than any of us."

"Why?" I asked throwing his hand back down.

He scooted back on the bed, sitting beside me. "I dunno I just did. You always got to watch the quiet ones."

That's what my dad said too. Darry may look exactly like Dad, and have the same name, but Soda acted _exactly _like him. It was scary to see all the similarities, and it made me miss Dad even more, though Soda always kept a part of Dad with us that way. He was going to make a great dad one day. I know it.

I swallowed, working up the courage to ask my next question. "What did you think about me?"

He shrugged, looking confused that I even asked such a question. "I dunno. I expected the whole Randy and acting like a Soc thing, I got that. I just don't get going from Randy to Dally. I don't get the Dally thing."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Is that way you kicked his butt the other day?"

His eyes widened. The end of his lips were wanting to curl up though, I could see that. "Steve told ya, huh? I was just trying to look out for you and make sure...he was going to be nice to you. Then he said something that just made me mad and I went off. I didn't plan on it. I guess Steve told you all that though."

I nodded. I wondered what it was Dally had said, but I decided not to ask. I probably didn't want to hear it. "Yeah. Did you know about him talking to me at school?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "He did it for me I guess. I hate that he was so harsh to you like that and pretty much threatened you. I ain't ok with that, you know?"

I knew. I never blamed Soda for Steve yelling at me like he did. Steve always had a temper….and a mind of his own.

I wanted to change the subject. Talking about Steve or to Steve wasn't at the top of my to-do list. I was still pretty angry with him.

I fiddled with my fingers. "What do you think Mom and Dad would do to me if they were still around and I did this?"

He shook his head, laughing hysterically. "Well I don't think it would have happened if they were around, but," I looked down at the floor he was right about that. I wouldn't have done this if they were still around, "they would probably tan your hide."

That was one reason why I wouldn't have done it. "I'm the princesses though," I teased. I grabbed the pillow next to me and smacked him with it.

He jerked it out of my hand and smacked me back. "Yeah I know. They still would have though."

We both laughed and continued to have a mini pillow fight with each other. I missed this. I missed these conversations with Soda. I missed the old Soda - the old Soda who was filled with so much energy and not stressed out by the world with the need to try and fix everyone.

We finally stopped and I sat up to fix my hair. "Do you think I'd be with Dally?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "If Mom and Dad were alive?" I nodded. "Shoot I don't know about that one. You had some tension between each other from the time you meet." He paused and thought for a minute. "I honestly don't know. Dad would kill him though, I know that."

I sneered picturing my Dad and Dally. "Yeah he totally would." My dad rarely got anger unless it had something to do with us. He would kill any man who ever tried to touch me. Not that he got the chance to very often.

"So Soda…" I said still trying to catch my breath. "Do you um…..still think about Sandy?"

I didn't know if I should have asked that or not. I thought about it a lot. Soda never speaks of her and no one else does either. It had been a while, and it was still a touchy subject. I knew Soda really loved Sandy though. He had even wanted to marry her. What does he think about her now when her name comes up?

He sighed and looked down at the floor. "Sometimes…why?"

"I was just wondering. I know how much she meant to you."

"Do you feel that way about Dally?"

I had to laugh a little. Not tonight I didn't. Any other time, I wasn't sure. I still wasn't sure if this was love I was feeling for Dally. "Uh no….I don't know about that."

"He isn't an easy person to love, is he?"

I shook my head. He sure isn't. "He means well though. I can't see him for a while though." I sighed trying to sound all depressed.

He didn't fall for my pity me act. "Trust me - I was filled in on all the rules." He smiled and hit me again with the pillow. "So don't try and pull anything on me. I'm watching you."

I smiled, punching him playfully in the arm. "Whatever you say….big brother."

"You're not upset about it?"

I shook my head. I wasn't sure what I was feeling right now. I was angry with Dally, but I felt so much better. I hadn't felt this good in a while. "It's complicated."

"I bet so."

* * *

"So how are you doing?" Soda asked me two days later.

I smiled as I poured the cereal into a bowl of milk. "Considering I'm getting out of the house for once, I'm great." I took a spoon full of Lucky Charms.

"Yeah I bet you are happy about that."

"So you are walking me?" I asked, looking up from my food.

I really needed to start washing my hands more after busing table at work.

Soda nodded, taking a spoon full of his cereal. He pointed a finger at me. "So don't try and pull anything."

I was going stir crazy and I needed some air. I hadn't talked to anyone in these two weeks I've been home. No one other than my brothers and occasionally Johnny when he came over. Two weeks and I hadn't heard from Dally either. Sure that was one of the rules that I couldn't talk to him, but he didn't even bother to drop by or call. I guess the last time I saw him was the last time.

I thought about him the whole time though and it felt so wrong. I wanted to just speak to him or smell his sent. It was like an addiction. I couldn't stop thinking about him and what he was doing at that very moment or what he was thinking or if he was thinking about me.

Maybe my life was looking better. I was living back home, I had my brothers. What more could I ask for? Maybe I didn't need Dally. Maybe my life was just fine without him.

Nothing is ever that simple. It's hard to break an addiction.


	19. Window Pane

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

So the highlight of my day was going into work. It's pretty pathetic, right? I got out of the house so I didn't really care where I went or what I did. The fresh air felt so good against my skin and the sun was finally hitting me, making me instantly feel so much better than I had been feeling.

"You know your brother stopped by earlier to talk to Mrs. Adderson," Jenny informed me as soon as I got through the door.

I figured that. I think Darry had told me he was going to stop by and speak to her. He was more understanding of me having a job and allowed me to keep it as long as my grades didn't drop. He also told me he wanted me to keep most of the money to myself, which was nice.

I continued to work for the next few hours until the lunch crowd filled in. Then, as I turned around, I saw him, and my face dropped.

Buck slowly shuffled into the diner leading some poor broad behind him. The girl was barely even wearing clothes and she had to weight about eighty pounds. She looked so sick and tiny.

Buck pushed her towards one of the booths. "Go over there; I need to talk to someone."

His eyes were locked on to mine and I couldn't run away now. He knew I was here and that I had seen him.

He walked over, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He sat down in front of me at the counter. "Hello, baby Curtis."

"Hello, Buck."

He smiled his sleazy little smile back. "So uh, you mind getting me a beer?"

He was only saying that to make me angry. I tried to fight it back and not give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. "We don't have beers here. You know that, Buck."

His teeth flashed at me. Two in the front were missing, the others coated in yellow tar. "I heard you hadn't touched that stuff in a while."

"Two weeks now."

He was enjoying making me suffer. He was doing it on purpose too. His girl was watching him hard from the booth behind him. "Heard you haven't talk to ole Dal either."

I expected a question like this. I shook my head. "Nope, I have not."

How's that going for ya? Are you just about to die?" he joked, smirking as he took some coffee. He sat his cigarette down in the ash tray and stared at me.

I stared back, watching his every move. "Why are you here, Buck?"

"Can I not pay ya a visit every now and again?"

Buck and I weren't friends or anything of the sort. I rarely spoke to him and he rarely spoke to me. He knew nothing about me, and I knew nothing about him. We were strangers, yet here we were, having this conversation like we were friends or even liked each other.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Not without wanting something."

"I'm just curious why you haven't asked about Dal yet," he said as he got out a fresh cigarette and lit it up. The smoke burned my nose, making me thirsty for one.

My eyes glared at the stick. "Why would I?"

He smirked, taking another puff and sending the smoke directly to my face "I don't know. Uh, maybe because you two were doing some pretty bad things together."

"Didn't you hear the latest news?"

He sneered again, shaking his head with amusement. "Yeah I saw the hole in the wall. Damn, did you make him mad."

I was mad too, but I didn't punch a hole in the wall.

"You should really go talk to him," he said.

I huffed, rolling my eyes, trying to put on an act to make my lie seem more believable. "Why would I do that? So I can get my head smashed in this time? Maybe he won't miss this time around."

"Damn are you one stubborn ass kid. I can't see how he stands you," he said, putting his cigarette down. "Nah, Curtis. Really you should talk to him."

I stood there for a moment. Why was he even down here talking to me about this? Buck didn't care. Did Dally send him? Did he actually miss me? "Did he send you?" I asked.

He shook his head, and I felt my heart drop a little. "Just trust me, Curtis."

"Does he miss me?"

He shook his head again, not making eye contact anymore. "You know how Dal is. Let's just say, he talks about you a lot, but if you tell him I told you I will _end_ you."

Who knows if Buck was even telling the truth or not. I know I shouldn't believe him…or go see Dally. I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't supposed to go anywhere but work. I shouldn't believe anything Buck says.

But I say: "I'll go after work."

After my shift was over I walked over to the DX to find Soda. I had to get approval. The last thing I wanted to do was make Darry any angrier or make Soda disappointed. I just hoped Soda was going to be on my side about this.

"Hey, Soda." I smiled as I shuffled into the shop.

Soda was working the counter and Steve was sitting on top of it talking to Evie. I tried to avoid Steve's face as I waved to Evie and went over to Soda. I wasn't ready to see Steve yet or have him say anything else to me. I decided I better ask Soda this in private.

"Can I talk to you…_alone?_"

Soda finished up counting the cash and shuffled behind me and into the break room. "Yeah?"

I twisted a little. This was a hard question to ask. I didn't know how Soda was going to react or how I would react if he said no. "It's about Dally."

"What about Dally?" he asked.

"Soda, I haven't seen him in two whole weeks," I said softly. "I just….I wanted to know if I could go visit him for just an hour until you get off? I won't be long, I promise."

He deeply sighed, and I prepared myself for a big fat no, when he finally turned around. "Don't tell Darry."

I slowly turned the door knob and entered the room. I was taken back a step at the scene I saw. Maybe my stomach virus was back, or maybe I was sickened by the sight.

My heart dropped. Sylvia was sprawled out on his bed with a bottle of beer in her hand. She had all her clothes on though, but that's not what I was focused on. She was on his bed, her legs open for business, and she was grinning at me.

I stood there in shock as Dally slowly walked out of the bathroom. He was only wearing a pair of jeans which made my heart beat even faster. "What the hell?"

"Curtis?" Dally asked, not looking shocked at all to see me.

I shook my head at him, trying to fight off tears. I wasn't going to cry in front of Dally and I sure wasn't going to seem like a baby in front of Sylvia. "Buck came by work. I should have known better."

I barreled out the door and into the halls only to have Dally run behind me and grab my arm. "Curtis, wait!" He pulled me back and gently pushed me against the wall to try and get me to calm down.

I didn't want to look at him. I tried shaking out of his grasp. "Let me go!"

He held me tighter, not letting me move. "Damn, Curtis, listen to me."

"Damn it Dally, let me go. Just go back in there with her!"

He finally let go of me after a while and I got out of breath from fighting him off. I didn't run off though. I just stood there and stared up at him.

He folded his arms over his chest. "You done?"

I breathed heavily, glaring up.

"We weren't doing anything."

I rolled my eyes, not believing a word of his bullshit. He wasn't going to admit to what I saw in there. "Oh, of course you weren't. What was I thinking?"

He turned around and ran his fingers through his hair. "You are so goddamn stubborn!"

I shook my head at him again. "Just go back in there and enjoy yourself, Dally."

I couldn't believe this was happening. I should, but it's still hard to swallow. Maybe I was just naive to think that Dally cared enough about me to stay loyal for two weeks. I wasn't special. Why did I think I was so much that Dally wouldn't act like….Dally.

I tried to walk off again, but he grabbed me again, stopping me from going anywhere. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that we didn't do anything!"

I turned back around to face him. "Do I look stupid to you?"

He leaned in, his nose touching mine as he got in my face. "Stop being a little bitch."

"I have been home for two weeks in agonizing pain and you didn't have the common decency to pick up a damn phone!" I pushed him off of me, trying to escape again.

He wasn't letting me leave just yet. "Well hell, I'm sorry that I wasn't around to fill your ever damn need. Last time you saw me you made it pretty clear that you were done with me."

That made me mad. I don't know if it was from not having a drop to drink in two weeks or what, but my patients was growing thin really fast. "You pushed me into a fucking wall! You nearly knocked my head off! I had a right to be angry with you. I still do!"

He rolled his eyes at me. "I didn't hit you did I? No I didn't!"

"Because I got out of the way! You would have knocked me out if I hadn't. You just missed."

He got back in my face again, his hot breath on my face. I tried looking away as he spoke, "What makes you think that I didn't miss on purpose?"

I rolled my eyes, still fighting back my tears.

He pulled back from me, looking from a distance. "You may think that you know everything, but let me tell you something, you don't know shit."

Tiny tears trickled down my cheeks. "Just go in there and do what you were going to do before I got here."

He rolled his eyes this time. He shook his head. "You don't listen do you? How many times do I have to tell you that we didn't do anything?"

I wiped away the tears, trying not to seem like I was weak and backing down. "You can't tell me that in the two whole weeks that I was gone that you didn't have sex with anyone."

"You don't know shit."

I made eye contact with him again, not afraid this time. "I know you left me. You didn't even come by to see how I was. You let this happen to me. Just as long as you got what you wanted you didn't care."

It was a low blow, and I regretted it as soon as I said it. It was the way I was feeling, but it was different actually telling Dally all this was his fault. Not all of it was. I still had put the blame on him though. It was easy enough to do, especially at this point.

He was madder than before now. "You are such a stubborn bitch."

I cracked a smile at him, fighting through the tears. "You love it."

We didn't break apart for a few seconds until Dally made the first move. He turned around and rubbed his head, pacing around the living room.

"I'm doing fine by the way," I informed him with a snap.

He faced me again. "Damn, what do you want from me?"

I shook my head, tears still coming down. I didn't feel like they were making me look weak anymore. They were angry tears. "Nothing Dally. I don't want a damn thing from you."

"Good."

"Just go screw your whore," I shouted behind my shoulder as I went for the door.

"Fine I will!"

"Fine!"

It wasn't fine.

I stopped outside as I saw one of the bottles I had hidden in the bushes outside. My mouth began to water

I felt a tear roll down my check. I couldn't do this. Not now. Not because of Dally. Not after what all I had gone through. I was better than all this. I just couldn't do it.

More tears fell down my face as I slowly put it back. I wanted it so bad. I really needed it this time. I was in pain and I needed it to stop.

I walked down the street, holding myself with my arms. I couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't gone this far to go back again. I wasn't going to give Dally the benefit of the doubt anymore. I was done with his little games. He didn't even ask me how I was. He didn't even apologize for what he'd done. I had to be done. I had to move on from this. He could have Sylvia. She was more his type anyway. They belonged together. I need to forget about them. I needed to forget about all of it.

I took my time as I walked home. I stopped by Dairy Queen and sat down and ate an order of fires. I hadn't had fast food in two weeks either and I was craving them. I wasn't ready to go home yet either. There was too much going on in my head to think about anything else.

When I did finally decide to go home, the house was almost empty. I was somewhat relieved that I was alone. This way I could go to my room and cry in peace.

"Danni, are you ok?" I looked over on the couch to find Cherry sitting there looking up at me with big eyes. "Why are you crying?"

I rubbed my face, getting rid of the tears. "I'm not crying."

She stood up off the couch. "Do you want me to call one of your brothers?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to bother them anymore. I was already going to have it handed to me when they got home. At least this way I could buy a few hours.

"Is it about the alcohol?" she asked, stepping closer to me.

I shook my head, still holding myself with my arms. I don't know why, but I feel drawn to Cherry right now. "I can't…..Cherry I just can't do it anymore."

Her hand gently touched my shoulder. "It's ok Danni." She slowly put her hand on my back. "Is it about Dally?"

I slowly nodded. "I can't take it anymore.".

She rubbed my back trying to sooth me. I have to say, I never expected something like this to happen between us. I got a vibe from her. A vibe that told me to tell her everything. "What happened?" she asked.

"He hates me."

"No Danni he doesn't. he just-"

"He does!" I shouted cutting her off. "We fight all the time! We yell and scream and I just can't take it anymore!"

I buried my head back into my hands. "Danni it's going to be ok," she said trying to shush me. "We're all here for you."

She pulled me into her chest. I let her too. I couldn't tell you why, but I wanted to. She gently stroked my hair as I cried. She just held me. She held me like my mother used to. That made me cry harder and harder and harder. My head hurt from all the tears and I finally stopped.

"Are you ok?" she finally asked me.

I sat up and nodded. I really wasn't, but for now I was fine.

"Danni! Are you here?" Soda shouted as he bolted through the door. He quickly turned to find me on the couch. "Where have you been?" he yelled, his eyes big and worried.

Cherry got up and left us alone. I guess she could tell that he was mad. He had the right to be.

"You said you were coming straight back!" he shouted, getting into my face. Not like Dally had done. He pulled me up from the couch. "I have been looking all over for you!"

I wiped my face off. "I'm sorry."

He continued to look at me, his face softening a bit. "Have you been crying?"

"I'm fine."

He shook me by my arms. "Don't do that again."

I nodded, trying to clean my face up a bit. "I'm sorry. I really am."

He sighed, pulling away and looking down at the ground. I could still feel his anger with me. "Yeah well, tell that to Darry."

That caught my attention. "You told him!?"

"I was worried sick about you! I didn't know what else to do."

I sighed and slumped back on the couch. I guess he had every right to. I wasn't going to yell and cry about it. I would just have to deal with Darry. As bad as I hated to, I had to do that a lot now.

"How mad do you think he'll be?" I asked.

He shrugged and took a seat beside me. He sighed deeply and rubbed his temples. "Pretty mad. Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

I shook my head at him at him. "It's ok. I think you have covered for me long enough."

Darry really was mad when he got back. He went into this big long lecture about how they trusted me and I blew it. He said that they let me out after two weeks and I run off without telling anyone. I was thinking of other things throughout the lecture.

"Are you listening?" he demanded.

_No because according to Dally I never listen_. "Yes Darry. I'm sorry."

He nodded, looking firm. He turned to the side and messaged his head. "Me too, because you're on house arrest again for another week."

I sighed. As bad as I hated to admit it, I needed the time at home. I needed to stay far away from Dally, and this looks like the only way I was going to get it.

I needed to forget about Dallas Winston. Once and for all.


	20. The Way It Hurts

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

The week of house arrest passed super slowly.

I hadn't talked or heard from Dally either. I was having mixed emotions about the whole thing.

"Danni, telephone," Darry yelled at me.

"Hello?" I asked picking up the phone.

"Hey Danni, it's Tim."

"Hey Tim." Darry was staring me down. I tried to shoo him away but he just sat down at the table to watch me.

"Something happened…..I'm at the hospital right now and-"

"What happened?"

He sighed. "Danni, it's Ang. She's not doing so good."

I felt my heart skip a beat. "What happened to her? Tim, please don't tell me that,"

"Yeah," he said interrupting me. "Jeff happened. Listen I just think that you need to come down here. Me and Curly we…..got to take care of some business."

I knew what kind of _business_ he meant. I turned around and faced my brothers. They were all shooting me worried looks. "Ok. I'll be right down."

I hung up the phone and turned back to my brothers.

"What's going on Dan?" Soda asked. "Is everything ok?"

I shook my head. "Angela's in the hospital. Jeff…..Jeff did something to her." I could barely get the words out of my mouth.

"I'll take you on my way to work," Darry popped in.

* * *

I busted out of the truck before Darry could even hit the brakes. He tried to yell something after me but I ignored him. I had to get in there. I had to see her. She was my best friend. Despite how much I've despised her for these past few weeks, she needed me and I just had to make sure she was ok. I just had to.

"Danni," Tim said stopping me.

I looked down the hall where they were. It was only him and Curly. I figured her parents wouldn't be there. I still felt bad for her that they weren't. I crossed my arms over my chest and breathed out, relaxing myself a bit.

"Where is she?"

They pointed to a room down the hall. "We'll be back later."

I nodded, starting to walk away. I knew exactly where they were going and I hoped they accomplished everything they were setting out to do. I hoped they showed Jeff something about hitting woman.

Tim and Curly would do anything for Ang. They always have. I used to admire that about them. They would risk everything and anything for her, despite how she acted. They'd get mad, yell, and scream, but she was still their little sister. They were her protectors. No one could even compare to them. The three of them, they were family. They were the only family they had. They lived through a lot in their lives but they still hung in there.

They were still family, no matter how dysfunctional and crazy they were.

I knocked on the door before I entered. I didn't want to walk in with some dumb nurse in there examining her or something.

"Angel?" I asked as I walked in. I opened up the door to see her sitting in a bed in the center of the room. "Damn Ang." I said once I saw her.

I got closer so I could take a better look at her. You could barely make out her face. It was torn to shreds. She had a bruise on almost every part of it along with bleeding cuts.

"Ang." I sighed as I gently touched one of them.

"Danni? I didn't think you'd show."

I brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "Why not?"

I already knew the answer. I just wanted to hear it from her. "We weren't exactly on good terms last time we met."

She could barely even speak. I rubbed her cheek gently where there wasn't a sore. "Ang, it really doesn't matter anymore."

"I'm sorry. I should have believed you."

I shook my head. I wasn't going to play the 'I-was-right-you-were-wrong' card with her right now. I didn't have much room to talk myself at the moment. Look where I was with Dally. "Where's Jake?" I asked.

She couched, looking more tired than ever. "He wasn't with me. He's at home now with my mom."

I nodded, relieved he wasn't around when it happened. "Damn Ang." I sighed as I sat down on a seat beside the bed. "How'd this happen?"

"He just got mad and beat the crap outta me."

"Why?" I asked.

She hesitated. "We were talking about the night that….he kissed you."

I looked down at the floor.

"That's not why he did it though. I mean we were just talking….well yelling about Jake and he got mad because I was choosing him over him. I smarted off to him and he exploded. He was really drunk though so-"

"That's no excuse," I said cutting her off. I hung my head. I didn't mean to make it sound so harsh. I breathed out. "Sorry, it's just-"

"You're angry." She nodded. "I know. It's alright to be. It's just…..I don't know. I didn't expect this."

My chest felt heavy. I never would have imagined Jeff to go to these measures. Angela was a tough broad. She fought girls off for me. I just couldn't believe it. "Are you in pain?" I asked.

She shook her head. "They have me doped up on drugs, so I'm good." She smiled at me as reassurance.

My eyes stayed on the ground for a little while. It was tough to look at her swollen eyes and broken nose and cut up face. How could any guy ever hit a girl? Hit her so hard she ended up like this? What kind of monster does that?

"I take it my brothers left."

"Yeah. They went to go deal with _him_ by the sound of it."

She lifted her head and looked up at the ceiling. She breathed out heavily. "Damn, this really sucks."

"It has to stop Ang. I mean I know that you might love him and whatever, but you can't keep doing this. You have a kid now and you can't…..you can't." I could barely get the words out. "You can't do this anymore. I can't see you like this again."

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I had to look away from her to gather up my breath.

"I love you Ang," I said. "You're my best friend and I need you here with me. You won't be here long if you keep doing this."

She nodded, playing with her cords instead of looking at me. "I heard you're done with Dally"

"Man that must suck."

"Are you really all that surprised?"

We sat there in silence for a while. I had never seen Angela so beat down before. She was always the tough one, the one that wouldn't put up with anyone's crap. She had basically taught me how to survive as a girl in this town. She actually used to scare me a little. I never would have pictured us in this situation. If anything I would have picture it the other way around.

"So you and Darry made up?" she asked. I nodded. She laughed. "You two are too stubborn for your own good."

I smiled, hearing someone say that again. "So I've been told." According to Dally, I was worse.

"So what happened with ole Dally? You come to your senses or did he?

I looked down at the floor. I might as well tell someone. "He kind of…..well we were fighting and he pushed me. Then he tried to hit me."

Her mouth opened wider. "He didn't though, did he?"

I shook my head. "I got out of the way. I went to talk to him a few weeks later and Sylvia was there."

She giggled and shook her head. "It won't last."

I looked up at her. She was being serious. "Why do you say that?"

"You love each other too much. I can hear it in your voice as you talk about him."

I _did_ care about Dally. I don't know if I still do. After what all he did to me…..all he said...

"Are you ok?"

"I'm good. It's just…..he's hard to love sometimes."

"Trust me I know how you feel. I loved Jeff more than anyone. I have never really felt love for any guy either, which you probably already know. I would sleep with meaningless guys to just feel a little ounce of it. Which is why I'm guessing you did all that stuff with Tim." I looked at the floor once again. "I just thought he was different. I thought he would do anything for me. I should have listened to you before."

_Knock. Knock_

Mine and Angela's heads quickly turned to the door. I nearly feel out of me seat when I saw who walked through.

What the hell? What was he even doing here?

"Hey," Ang said as he walked in. She looked as surprised as I was. "Nice to see you again."

"Hey, Shepard. Damn look at you." He walked over to her. I just sat there and stared. He didn't even acknowledge me. He gently picked up her chin and tilted it up toward the ceiling. "Damn kid, he really did a number on you huh?"

"How'd you know I was here?"

He gently let go of her. "I know stuff."

I rolled my eyes. Course he knew stuff. He always knew stuff. I stood up from my seat and folded my arms over my chest. Maybe he would notice that.

"Hey," he mumbled out.

"Hi," I mumbled back.

"How ya doing?" he asked Angela, turning back to her and leaving me.

"I'll live."

"So where's your bros at? They go off and beat up Jeff without me?"

She cracked a small smile. "Sorry to disappoint you. I guess you'll have to wait your turn."

He sneered. "I better be invited to the next go around. One way or another, I'm getting my hands on that punk."

"So uh….how have you been?" she asked. I could tell she was trying to get him to say something about me. Dally probably couldn't take the hint though.

He shrugged. "You know me."

She looked at both of us. I could have told her that he would say something like that.

"Ok so I'm tired of being the awkward one in the middle here!" she blurted out while Dally and I were still having our stare down.

I rolled my eyes and gave up.

"How are you doin'?" he asked.

I didn't expect him to ask that. "Fine," I mumbled.

Angela just laughed at us. "Can you two not act like human beings for two seconds?"

Neither one of us said anything. I wasn't the one acting like a complete idiot. I had a right to be here. She was my best friend. What was she to him? It wasn't like he ever gave a crap about her before. Why should I give him the benefit of the doubt?

She looked at us like we were complete idiots. "You two should really talk before I die!"

I looked over my shoulder at him. I wasn't going to be the one to ask. I had done that too many times now, but then again knowing Dally, he was thinking the same thing.

"Well?" she asked.

We continued to look at each other. I still wasn't going to ask. I'd talk to him, sure, but he had to ask. I wasn't giving him anything anymore.

"You want to step outside?"

I slowly nodded. Better than nothing. I smiled at her as I walked by. He held the door open for me and we walked out. I led him over to the waiting room at the end of the hall. Might as well not make a scene in the middle of the hall.

He strolled in behind me as I closed the door. _Please just let this room be sound proof._

I stood there with my arms crossed and watched him. He was fishing around in his pockets looking for cigarettes. I could hear him cuss under his breath as he found them.

"You want one?" he asked, holding out the pack for me.

I shook my head. "No."

He sneered and pushed the box closer to me. "Come on now. I ain't gonna poison ya or nothin'. That's your thing." I stared at the box. He shook it at me. "You can't tell me you ain't smoked a shit load of these since I last saw you."

I slowly took one out of the box. "Thanks," I mumbled as he light it for me.

I took a big whiff of it. I forgot how much I used to enjoy these things. They used to make my day a hell of a lot better.

He took a whiff off his weed. I forgot how much he enjoyed his too. Heck, Dally was the one who got me into smoking in the first place. He used to do it all the time and I would watch him in amazement. Darry and Soda didn't smoke and neither did Ponyboy then. I used to think it was a cool thing to do. My parents would kill me if I did it though, so I stayed away until they died. Then one day Dally came over and offered me one. I fell in love with the things. He even taught me how to make rings with the smoke.

"How's the home life going?" he asked. "You and big bro still biting each other's heads off?"

I shook my head as I fiddled with the bud in my hands. "No, we're good now."

He nodded and blew out another gust of smoke. "She looks bad huh?"

"Yeah she does. That shouldn't have happened."

Silence filled the little room we were standing in. I sucked on my smoke, avoiding eye contact with him. I didn't want to be the first one to speak. I had been the first one every single time. It was his turn.

"So uh….how's life treating you?" he asked, breaking the eerie silence that overwhelmed us.

"Fine." I didn't really want to continue this small talk with him, but I didn't want to be the one to say it. "What about you?"

"Oh just _peachy_."

I rolled my eyes. I could imagine just how _peachy_ it was for him. "I guess your referring to me huh?"

He smirked, not missing a beat. He eyed me, ginning. "Well things haven't been so _peachy_ with us."

Peachy wouldn't be the word I'd use, but it'd have to do. "How was Sylvia?"

He busted out laughing. He held his side until he finally composed himself. "I figured you'd ask that." He wiped the spit off his mouth. "I didn't sleep with her if that's where you're getting at."

I looked down at the floor. "Ok." I didn't know whether to believe him or not. I didn't know what to believe anymore.

"So things are good with the fam'?"

I continued to look at the floor. It was easier than looking up at him. 'It's just Dally,' I kept telling myself over and over again. It didn't help any. "Beats being coped up in a party house all alone while you run around on me."

I could hear him still laughing at me. What the hell did he think was so funny? "You still think that huh?" I didn't say anything. He snickered again. "Well for your information - I wasn't ok? I was actually doing what you wanted for once."

I looked up at him again, confused. "What do you mean?"

He flicked the rest of his cigarette bud into the little trash can in the corner of the room near all the toys. He faced me. "You were whining about money and shit so you know, I decided to shut you up."

I wrinkled my eyebrows at him. "You went looking for a job?"

"Got one too, the day you left." I looked back down at the floor. _Great_. I looked like a big idiot. "Ain't got nothin' to say now, do ya?"

"I shouldn't be the one apologizing here," I said quietly. "I...it's not my fault. You're the one who tried to hit me."

He snorted. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned up against the wall. "Is that what you want? An apology?"

I turned and looked at him. "Well it would be nice to have you say it for once."

"Oh and the things you said to me didn't mean crap huh?"

"Just forget it, Dally."

I could hear him walk closer to me. He grabbed my arm gently. I stared down at it, how soft his touch was compared to the last time he touched me. He spoke, "I'm tryin here, Curtis."

I turned and stopped him. "Then say it Dally. Say what I've wanted you to say all this time. Just say it."

He ran his fingers though his hair and turned away from me.

"Yeah," I snapped. "That's all the proof I need."

He turned back around and faced me. "Ok you want to hear it! Here it is. I'm sorry ok! I'm sorry I actually give a damn about you. I'm sorry I feel shit when I'm around you. I'm sorry you are different than all the other broads I sleep with. I'm sorry I couldn't help you when you needed me to. Ok? Is that what you want?"

I looked up at him, my eyes soft. "You care about me?" I asked. "You have to tell me this time Dally. I want to hear it come out of your mouth. I care about you, more than you'll ever know. Do you me?"

He walked closer to me until he got in my face. His hands cupped my face. "I. Care. About. You."

I continued to look up at him. His blue shinned down at me. I missed that look. I missed those eyes. I missed Dally. I slowly pulled him in until our lips met. I missed this. I missed the fights and the make ups. I didn't know what it was about Dallas Mason, but I couldn't stay away from him.

I gently pulled away from him. I liked my lips. "We can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"_This_! We can't keep having these blow ups and then just running back to each other when it's convenient. I can't do this anymore Dally. I can't keep doing this with you. I...I want more than that."

He nodded, a sly grin coming on his face. "The make-up sex isn't worth it huh?" _Did he seriously just ask that_? "Well what do you want to do then?"

I shrugged. "I can't be away from you. I just can't." I looked back up at him. "You have to promise me that you won't do this again. That you won't hurt me again."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "What about you? You can't tell me that you don't have flaws too."

I sighed. "Ok well here: I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I have been an emotional wreck. You were only trying to please me and I completely shut you down. I'm sorry."

He nodded and looked down at his fingers. "Yeah. I guess I shouldn't have done what I did either."

"I don't want to end up like Angela, Dally. I won't do it. I know you, Dally. I thought that you would never do that to me. I don't want this for either of us."

"I know what you mean. I ain't Jeff though."

I looked up into his eyes. "I know you're not. I really do love you, Dally. I wouldn't be having this conversation with you if I didn't. I would have hung it up a long time ago. The truth is I can't. I just can't. I...I think I love you."

He looked down at me. I pulled him in again and kissed him. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed up against his warm body. It had been weeks since I did this. Three very long weeks. Dally may put me through hell and back, but I loved it. I loved every damn bit of It. I loved the pain. I loved the agreements. I loved our intense personalities when they clashed.

I loved it all.

I loved the way it hurts.


	21. Remember Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

We made out for a while in the waiting room until a bunch of little kids stared staring at us and the nurses told us to leave. It would have been a lot funnier if Dally actually liked kids. Seeing the look on his face was well worth it all.

We jumped into Dally's car and drove back to his place. He kicked the door open and jerked me into the wall as his lips pressed down on mine. He began to undress me as I did him. Before I knew it he was slamming me against the bed.

He ripped my clothes. I leaned up, attacking his lips with mine. We struggled to get each other's clothes off.

I moaned as he inserted himself inside me. It'd been a while since I felt this. I was going to be sore afterwards but Dally liked me that way. It made him feel bigger, I think. I always told him about how much I hurt afterwards and he grew more confident every time. I don't know why boys always want to be bigger. It hurts more that way. They like their woman to feel it I guess,

"What time is it?" I asked once it was all over. I laid my naked body on him, my head resting on his bare chest.

He rubbed his face. He played with my hair that was draped on his chest. "Don't worry about it."

I closed my eyes. As bad as I hated to, I had to worry about it. "I have to get home before Darry does or I'm dead. I just got off restriction. I don't want to go back."

"Damn, you worry too much about him."

I smirked. I had to worry about him. He controlled my life and right now, I needed him on my side, especially since I'm going to give him the news about Dally. I sat up and looked at him. "If I don't get home then he'll put me on house arrest again."

He looked up at me. He licked his lip, begging me to lay back down and kiss him. "You'll live."

I smiled at him as I gave him one last, quick kiss. I snapped my bra back on and got off the bed. "I really do have to go."

He rolled his eyes and complained as he sat on the edge of the bed, finding his pants. "Fine. I'll take you."

I got up and got the rest of my clothes and quickly put them back on. I was sure to put my hair up in a ponytail so Darry wouldn't see the sex knots that were all in it.

"You don't wanna take another round?" Dally asked, begging like a little boy.

I smiled at him as I slipped my skirt back on. I kissed him once again. "I really can't. You'll just have to wait."

"You sure about that?" he asked, cupping my boob and pressing his erection on my leg. "C'mon, Curtis."

I smiled and parted from him and picked his shirt up off the ground. I threw it at him. "Get dressed. Now."

* * *

He pulled the car up to my house. I really did hate to leave him. If I could spend all night with him tonight, the things I would do to him. The things he would do to me and the things I would let him do. "You want me to come in?" he asked.

I shook my head. That was defiantly not going to happen. "Trust me; you don't want to do that for a while."

He raised his eyebrows. "Why is that? You been bashing me?"

I smiled, pecking him on the lips before I got out of the car. "Bye, Dally."

"Later, Curtis."

I smiled as watched him drive away. I don't know what it is about Dallas Winston, but I couldn't stay away no matter how hard I tried. There was something I felt about him that I haven't felt before. He was my drug, and I needed him.

I marched up the stairs into my room. I needed to change out of these clothes before someone smelled Dally's sent on me. Darry would never let me out again if he figured out that I left the hospital to go to Dally's place. He studied my every move now. He went through my room and everything. I guess he wanted to make sure I wasn't hiding anything else.

"Danni, you in here?" Ponyboy asked as he bolted into my room.

"PONYBOY!" I shouted, trying my naked upper body.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry." He hid his eyes from me and completely turned around.

I quickly pulled on a new shirt before he decided to turn around again. "You can turn around now," I said buttoning the rest of my shirt.

He sighed and turned around to face me. His face was bright red. I had to laugh at him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's ok." I laughed. "What do you want anyway?"

He breathed out and went over to sit on my bed. "I kind of….need your advice about something. Well actually I need your help with something. It's about Cherry."

"Ok, well, shoot."

He looked down at the floor and bit his finger nails. He did that when he was nervous too like me. "Well uh…..I have already talked to Soda about this so I don't need you to give me the talk or anything."

What did he mean the 'talk'? "Ok."

"Well uh…..I know you have…..experience in this and uh, Cherry and I, we have been dating for a while now and…" He paused, taking a break. He couldn't even get the words out.

"What are you getting at, Ponyboy?"

He looked up at me. He looked so nervous and was all red.. "I….I….want to have sex…with Cherry."

"Yeah." I giggled. I'd heard this many times. "But she's all 'no sex before marriage, right?"

He slowly shook his head, cupping his hands and looking back down. "She wants to...with me...soon."

My mouth dropped. No way!

He looked back down at the floor and jumped up off the bed. "I knew you'd act like this. But Danni just listen. Soda, he already talked to me and-"

"You want to have sex!" I shouted. "With Cherry! Why are you talking to me about this? I'm your sister! I don't want to picture that! GROSS! Why does she want to do it now?"

Ponyboy rubbed his face. "She thinks we're gonna be together forever and we just want to."

I shook my head. "No. No. Go talk to Soda or something. I do not want to hear about this. No. No. NO!"

"I told you I already talk to Soda. He's fine with it. He even gave me some condoms and-"

"Then why do you need me? Ponyboy I really don't want to have this picture in my brain. You're fifteen!"

He scowled. He shouted, "Almost sixteen and so are you! What so different with me?"

He had me there. It wasn't exactly the best example to set. He just found out about that too. _Great_. This is why I wanted to keep things to myself. "Ponyboy, I just…..I just think that you should think about this."

"I have, trust me. I don't want to be the only virgin in this house anymore."

I about gaged. I did not want to think about Darry and Soda having sex. That was just gross. Way grosser than thinking about Ponyboy and Cherry having sex. "Why do you need me then?" I asked.

He came back over and sat down beside me. "So uh, I need your advice on how to ask her to do it."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Are you serious?"

"How do I…..ease her into this?"

_Oh God I'm going to puke_. "I don't know!" I shouted.

He rolled his eyes, quickly getting irritated with me. "Well how did Dally do it for you? He had to have said something."

I made a face, rethinking it and then thinking of having to tell my brother this. "Don't be too sure about that." Dally didn't say anything. "Look Ponyboy, do I really have to talk to you about this?"

He looked up at me with his puppy dog eyes. "Danni, please? Just tell me. I need help here."

He knew I could resist that look. "Ok." I sighed. "I can't believe I'm going to talk to my brother about this….Urgh! Well you have to make sure she wants to. I mean you can't just break out the condom and expect her to go along with it."

He nodded. "Ok."

I took a breath. "You have to drop hints about it. I mean not like super obvious hints. It's going to take a while since you two don't talk about it, so just be patient."

"Is that what Dally did with you?"

"Yeah. Ok anyway you have to take it slow. Just start talking to her about it. I mean don't be a total ass about it or anything. Just say something about how long you two have been dating and how you both seem ready now. The mood as to be right too. Like you have to have a good place, like a bed room or something privet."

"What about a car?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No way, it has to be romantic for her. A car is not romantic for any girl. It's too crowded and it's going to be uncomfortable for her to start out anyway. Take her to a room or something, but first create the mood."

"The mood?"

"Yeah, you know like light candles, spray some perfume around, maybe have some roses or something."

I was basically rambling by this point. This is just how I wished it would have happened. Besides he was dealing with Cherry here.

"Once you have dropped a few hints about it for a few days tell her you have a surprise for her. Set up the room fist and then go pick her up. Take her to like a romantic dinner or something and then tell her you have to drive to the surprise. Blind fold her or something to keep it a secret. Then you led her up into the bed room. She will melt into your hand like candy."

He smiled, flashing his pearly white teeth. "Is Dally more of a romancer than I thought?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "What do you think? Are we done now?"

He nodded and got up to leave. "Thank you, Danni."

"Hey, Ponyboy." He stopped and turned around. "Just…..just be sure you want to do this. Don't do it because you feel like you have to."

"Danni I want to."

I looked down at the floor. "Yeah, but…just listen to me ok? Having sex is a big deal ok? Just make sure you really want to do this. You can never take this stuff back."

He gave me a weird look. "What are you saying Danni? Do you regret having sex with Dally?"

"Just trust me, ok?"

"Ok, Danni. Thank you by the way. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"You're fine. I'm kind of flatter that you came to me for something instead of the other way around."

He slowly shut the door behind him as he left. Cherry was going to flip out. I didn't even want to picture what was going to happen. I just hope he really does want to do this. I really hope he doesn't end up like me.

* * *

It was quite for the rest of the night. To tell you the truth, it was kind of boring. I couldn't remember the last time I was just sitting around on a Friday night. That was usually the best night of the week for me. Darry wouldn't let me out of his sight long enough to sneak out anymore. I guess I kind of lost interest too.

I got bored just lying in my bed. Darry was hogging the TV down stairs and Ponyboy was somewhere with a book up his nose. My only other option was Soda.

"Hey." I smiled as I walked into his room. He was lying down on his bed with some kind of photo album laying front of him. "What are you doing?"

He motioned for me. "Come here, you have to see this."

I walked over and lied down beside him. He was looking at our old photo album. I hadn't looked at that thing in years. It always stayed in Soda's room after Mom and Dad died. He would look at it every night before he went to sleep. Sometimes I would join him, but he would usually want to be alone. Sometimes I could hear him crying.

"Do you remember this?" he asked as he pointed to one of the pictures.

I leaned a little closer to get a better look. It was a picture of Ponyboy and me. I had a big wad of hair in my hand along with a pair of scissors. Ponyboy was standing beside me with a big clump of hair just sticking on top of his head. He had a big ole scowl on his face too. I looked pretty happy though.

"How could I forget?" I laughed. "I remember how mad mom got at me. You and dad thought it was funny though."

"Yeah I remember. She really was mad at you. Didn't Ponyboy tell you to do it though?"

I shrugged, still giggling at our faces. "I don't remember, but he sure didn't stop me."

"You used to torcher the poor feller."

"I was just more mature and he believed me when I told him stuff."

"Oh, like when you told him there was a layer of cheese burgers under the ground and that if he dug far enough then he would find them?"

I couldn't control my laughs. That was a good day. "He did it too. He was kind of mad though when he didn't find any."

He shook his head and turned the page. My mom had a thing with taking pictures. My dad got her a camera after Soda was born and ever since then she was obsessed with it.

"Look at this," I said pointing to one of the pictures. "Do you remember this?"

It was a picture of him and Steve. "Was that Halloween?"

"You too were some pretty lame cowboys there."

"We really thought we were cool though."

"In dumb cowboy outfits?"

"Oh and you think we were dumb? What about this?" He pointed to one of the pictures on the other page.

I turned and looked at it. It was a picture of me on Halloween. I was maybe about three and I was a princess. Full out pink and glittery outfit. I even had a crown on my head. "Why did you let her dress me like that?"

"Because it was funny."

"What are you guys doing?" Ponyboy was standing in the door way watching us.

"Come here!"

He pulled a chair over and sat down at the end of the bed. "Is that the family album?"

"Look what a geek you were!" I laughed pointing to one of the pictures of him.

"OH GOD!"

Soda and I busted out laughing. It was a picture of him sitting naked on the couch with a children's book in his hands. He covered his face hot red face. "Hey, I got an idea, why don't we show this one to Cherry?" Soda suggested.

"NO!" Ponyboy yelled, trying to grab the photo as Soda pulled it away. "I'm gonna burn that thing."

"Oh, calm down. I think it's cute."

He rolled his eyes and leaned over to get a better look. "What about this? You think this is cute."

It was a picture of me, him, and Soda in the tub. Soda was standing up too showing off his junk. Ponyboy was sitting beside him with a wash cloth in his mouth and I was sitting there crying.

"Look at us. Ain't we something? Why you crying anyway?"

"I always hated taking a bath."

"I remember you used to always cry when mom would wash your hair. You'd hate getting your face wet and you would whine and cry the whole time."

We used to all take baths together until he started doing that, and then we would have to take separate ones. "Look at this," Soda said, pointing to another picture. "I remember this day."

Ponyboy and I leaned forward to get a better look. "Who is that?"

"It's Ponyboy."

I looked closer. It was a picture of him in the hospital. "Is that Darry holding me?"

"Sure is."

"He looks happy." He had a big ol grin on his face and he was looking down at him.

"He was." Soda said. "He had gotten another little brother, but then this one had to come with ya." He ruffled my hair.

II don't remember that side of Darry very much. Once he got into sports and school he distanced himself from us. He was all serious and never had time to play or do 'baby' things. I truthfully never thought he wanted siblings.

"Who was actually happy?" Darry was leaned up against the door frame looking at us. "What are ya'll doing?"

"Come here."

He walked over and pulled a chair to the other side of the bed. "What?"

Ponyboy pointed to the picture if them. "Remember this?"

He leaned over and looked at it. A big smile soon appeared on his face. "Yeah, I do. I remember everything about that day. I was only six but I still remember every detail of it. I had watch this one too." He ruffled Soda's hair.

"What was it like?"

Darry sighed. "It took forever. I had to wait in the waiting room the whole time with Soda. I could hear mom screaming. I wasn't there when Soda was born so I didn't really know what to expect. Then dad came out and got us. He led us into the room. Mom was holding both of you in her arms. Dad took me over and sat me down on one of the chairs. I didn't really know what to think. Then dad took one of the babies from mom. He came over and told me how to hold you. It felt so weird holding a baby. I was too young when Soda was born so I didn't get to hold him. I don't think that I have ever held a baby before. Well then dad told me that I had a big responsibility now. He said that since I was your big brother I had to look out for you two. He said that I had to protect you guys because that was my job. I guess since then I have always thought of ya'll as my responsibility, and I had to look out for you, and make sure nothing happens to you."

I knew what he was thinking. I think all of us were thinking it. I looked down too. "It's not your fault," I mumbled.

He kept looking down but he nodded. We all sat in silence after that. That pretty much killed the mood anyway. Darry did look out for me and Ponyboy the best he could. He couldn't stop us from growing up though. Some things are just meant to happen. No matter how bad they are.

"They would be proud of you," Ponyboy told him quietly.

They really would. Darry was the protocol son. He could never disappoint my parents.

We all looked so innocent in these pictures. We didn't have a worry in the world. Now look at us: Ponyboy was getting ready to have sex, Darry was working like an old man and having to take care of three kids, I was having sex with Dally. Soda was pretty much the only normal one in the bunch.

He was our rock. Without Soda, we would all just fall apart.


	22. Sympathy

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

The day's continued to pass. I was still as sober as ever. Every day I thought about it. It ate me alive every day. School was a problem now too. I hadn't gone because of how sick I was and now I was falling behind. Darry was riding my ass about the whole thing too. I just couldn't concentrate though. All I could think about was Dally and how badly I wanted to see him.

"I don't get it!" I yelled that night at the dinner table.

Ponyboy sighed and threw down the pencil that was in his hands. He put his head in his hands. "That's because you're not trying to get it."

I threw my pencil down too and leaned back in my chair. This was all Darry's big bright idea anyway. He couldn't help me with homework so he hired Ponyboy to do the job. He was doing a pretty lousy job too.

"You're a bad teacher," I growled.

He got up and slammed his seat against the table. "Well you're a lousy student."

I glared at him. "I didn't ask you for this anyway! All you do is yell at me when I don't get something and then act like it's my fault."

He rolled his eyes as he poured out a glass of sweet tea. "You don't even try."

Darry apparently heard us because he soon came into the kitchen. "What is going on this time?"

I huffed and leaned back in my seat. I didn't want to do this in the first place. I was a big girl. I could do my homework by myself.

"She's being a brat," Pony complained.

"You're being a brat!" I yelled back. I felt myself becoming the bratty sister, and I sank back down into my seat. "I just don't want to have a teacher. I can do my homework myself."

"OK that's enough," Darry said stopping us. "Can you two not get along for more than three seconds?" Ponyboy shot me a look which I returned. Darry grumbled and sat down at the table with me. "Damn twins. Give me the book."

I picked up the math book sitting on the table and handed it to him. He opened it up and his face immediately feel when he looked at it.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Math." I said pointing to the cover of the book.

He flipped it over and looked at it. "Since when are you taking advanced math?"

I shrugged. Pony and I mostly did our homework together last year, that's the only reason why I did so well. "Since my teacher last year signed me up."

Darry just puffed out a breath of air. "Well this is going to be fun."

"You don't have to do this you know," I said.

He just looked at me. "Danni, you need help with school so I'm going to help you. It's really not that big of a deal."

I sighed. "I don't mean that. I mean, you don't have to keep doing this with me. I'm better now. It's been almost four weeks now since I've had a drink. I think I'm good."

He sighed and flipped a page through the book. "Let's just get through this stupid thing."

I picked my pencil back up. Darry wasn't going to give up that easily. Things would be a little easier if he would lay off some.

It had been over a week since Dally and I had a fight. I consider that a new record for us. Although it was hard to fight when Darry was just in the next room. See Darry wouldn't let me go see Dally. Dally had to come over here if I wanted to see him, which meant no sex. Dally and my brothers weren't really too friendly anymore. Well Soda and Pony didn't mind so much, but Darry wouldn't even look at him anymore and it made me feel worse. Like I was the one who ruined their friendship forever.

Dally's friends had all figured out what was going on between Dally and me, so they teased us about it twenty-four-seven. I felt like they were just staring at us all the time.

"Well look at the two love birds." Two-Bit laughed as he came into the house. "Ain't they cute?" He ruffled my hair and I smacked him away. "Oh now, save that stuff for the bed room."

"TWO-BIT!" all of us screamed at one.

He just laughed as my face grew redder and redder. Steve was sprawled out on the couch chuckling too. Steve and I still hadn't spoken. Dally spoke to him a lot but I avoided Steve. I was looking for an apology that wasn't coming. Steve was trying to look out for Soda, his best friend. I got it I guess.

"So Two-Bit," Dally said taking a sip of beer. "When was the last time _you _got laid?"

Everyone started laughing again. Two-Bit's face turned even redder than mine. "Last week!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"With who, that girl from Garden City, oh wait I forgot, she dates girls now," Dally said taking another sip.

Two-Bit didn't know what to say and everyone started snickering again. Two-Bit wasn't exactly known for his taste in woman. He just couldn't judge them real right. Steve nearly fell out of his seat he was laughing so hard. Darry was even cracking a smile.

"Thank you," I whispered to Dally.

He nodded and took another sip. He was sitting right beside me and I could smell the beer. My mouth watered every time he lifted it up to take a sip.

"So Dal," Steve said as he plopped down between us on the couch, completely avoiding me too. "Any word on where Tex ran off to?"

He was referring to Jeff. I looked down at the floor. I didn't like talking about Jeff.

Dally shook his head. "Nah, them boys at the station are morons. Knowing him he's probably long gone. Sucks too. What I wouldn't give to be in a room with him."

"How's Angela?" Johnny asked me.

I shrugged. "She came home yesterday. She's still pretty banged up. Doctors say she still has to be on bed rest for a while."

He nodded. He knew what it was like. His father did that to him almost every night. He knew what it was like to be beaten by someone who was supposed to love you.

None of these guys would ever hit a girl. They knew just how wrong that was. I knew they would never let anyone hit me or any other girls either. Some greaser boys were known for hitting girls, but these guys would never in a million years raise their hand to a girl.

It was pretty quiet the rest of the night. Darry had been nagging me about homework and stuff so I finally had to get some fresh air.

"Hey." Johnny smiled at me as he came out onto the porch.

I smiled back taking a cigarette that he was holding out for me. I sat down on the stoop next to him and lit it up. "Couldn't take it either?"

"Nah, Soda, Two-Bit, Dally, and Steve are playing poker, Darry is trying to get some sleep, and Ponyboy is on the phone with Cherry."

I smirked and took another whiff of my cigarette. "I guess we're the odd ones out then huh?"

"Darry lets you smoke now?"

I looked out into the night sky. "He really doesn't have a choice. It's better than drinking."

He nodded and stared into the night with me. It was a crystal clear night. The stars shined down on us. You could see for miles into the valley. I breathed out a breath of smoke into it.

"It's beautiful huh?" I asked.

"It is."

I sighed and took another puff of smoke. I sat my hands down on my knees and pointed out that way. "Sometimes I wish I could just go out there. Just follow the night sky to where ever it leads me."

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking where my finger was pointing.

Johnny and I are the closest out of my brother's friends. I've known him as long as Pony and we all three played together when we were younger. Granted, I was the girl, so it was just Pony and him throughout most of our childhood. Since Pony got Cherry though, and Johnny lived with us for a while, we got closer. Johnny understood me and Dally too. Johnny understood Dally better than anyone.

I put the cigarette back up to my lips. "Don't you? I mean just let life take you instead of you taking life. Just let it lead you to where ever. Just go off and not have a worry in the world. Just let life lead you off into the sky."

He slowly nodded. He understood. Johnny understood every stupid thing that came out of my mouth. He actually listened to me. He got me.

"Are you happy?" he asked out of nowhere.

I looked over at him and nodded "Somewhat….yes." He looked back out into the sky. "Are you?" I asked.

"I couldn't tell you. I never really knew what happiness really was. I guess I am."

"You're away from them. You're not going to go back, Johnny. It's ok to be happy now."

He looked out into the distance, his mind deep in thought. "You know, sometimes…I miss them. I hate to say it but I do. Some nights when I lay really quietly I can still hear them fighting. Then the dogs began to bark. I don't know why….just forget it."

"I understand. They're your parents. It's hard to just get over them. Trust me I know. I know the situation is different with me, but I do understand what it's like."

"Do you miss them? You're parents?"

I blew out smoke until it became a small cloud over our heads. "I don't think of them as much as I used to, and it makes me feel so guilty. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I do. Then I cry."

There was silence for a while. I pulled out another cigarette and lit it up.

It was quiet for the rest of the night. I didn't want to come out of my room so I just layed on my bed and thought about stuff. I couldn't believe the conversation I had with Ponyboy from a few nights before. Is this what he thought of me? Just his sister who loses her virginity at fifteen. It wasn't like I'm expert on the subject anyway.

I couldn't believe Soda just handed condoms over to Ponyboy like that. Why didn't he give him the big brother lecture? That was his job after all. I knew Darry gave it to Soda after Dad did because Darry related more to the subject and he wanted Soda to listen to him.

My mind wondered over to Angela.

Her image from the hospital kept playing in my head. I have never seen the girl so broken down before. She was always the tough one. She used to stick up for _me_, now look at us. She is sixteen and she has a baby. A baby that she had when she was fifteen. That's the typically life of a greaser girl though. Get knocked up and pregnant, drop out of school, party hard, have more sex, maybe get pregnant again, marry a meaningless guy, then pop out another kid or two, and hope it all works out. It never does.

I didn't want that life though. I wanted something different. I want my life to mean something.

Around two am I stared hearing a conversation from downstairs.

"Are you sure about this, Soda? I mean there is no way you can get out of it?" Darry asked.

There was a small knock on my door. I wasn't fully awake yet and I jumped as Pony entered the room. He shushed me and climbed into the bed with me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He shushed me again. "I don't know. Just listen."

The conversation from downstairs continued. "Yeah, I'm sure. I called everyone I know to call. I have to go." Soda sighed. "Man, don't worry about me. I'm strong. I'm going to be ok."

I listened closely. Where did Soda have to go?

"Man, little buddy, like our lives ain't hard enough." Darry sighed too. He sounded real upset.

"We can get through it though," Soda said, trying to reassure him. "I mean the letter said I'd only be there for a month or two. Just until things settle down."

Ponyboy nudged me in the side. "What are they talking about?"

I shook my head and continued to listen closely to every word they were saying. This was serious. I could tell by the sound of their voices.

"It's going to be tough man. When are you leaving?" Darry asked.

Where was he going? What the hell was going on? And why weren't we in on the conversation?

"Thursday."

"We got to tell Danni and Pony."

Tell us what? Hell yeah they had to tell us.

"Let me," Soda said. "I have to be the one to do this."

"She's broken man," Darry said, his tone making my stomach ache. I knew immediately that they were talking about me. "You have to be easy with her, and Pony…..he'll about die or run off again."

Is this what it's about? Is that why I wasn't in on this conversation? I wasn't broken anymore. I could handle whatever they threw at me. I was strong. Pony was strong too. We could handle it.

I grabbed Ponyboy's hand.

"I will. I have to be the one to tell them though. I have to make sure they know that-"

"Tell us what?" I popped in as Pony and I appeared into the kitchen. We couldn't sit by any longer. Soda looked like he had shed a few tears. Darry was his normal stone hard self.

They all looked up at us. Soda still had a letter in his hands. What did that thing say?

"Guys…" Soda sighed, looking down.

"What are you talking about?" Pony asked, stepping forward a little.

I stayed back, just watching everything. Something big was up. You could feel it in the air. It made my heart beat fast and hard against my chest. I couldn't look at Soda, so I focused on Darry to help.

"Could you hear us?" Darry asked.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, not all of it though. What's going on? Where are you going?" They looked back down again. I needed to know. Something was wrong and I needed to know what. "What the hell is going on?" I shouted. "Just tell us, it's not like I'm going to run off and drawn myself in alcohol."

Soda fiddled with the letter in his hands. "Danni that's not what we think."

It was too, but I wasn't going to say anything.

"Well then tell us," Pony said calmly.

Soda looked up at us, tears forming in his eyes. My heart broke seeing Soda cry. It did every time I had to see it. Darry wouldn't even look up. He kept his head down and I didn't know if he was going to start crying too or not. This was big.

And I was scared.

Soda cleared his throat. "I got this letter a few days ago. It says something really bad."

I walked over to the table and sat down beside Darry. He immediately put his hand on mine.

Ponyboy stood by Soda with his hand on his shoulder. "Soda, just tell us."

He sighed and looked down at the paper again. Tears spilled from his eyes and hit the letter, making the ink smear everywhere. "Pony, they want me."

"Want you for what?" I asked.

Darry sighed, rubbing his temples. "Danni, they want him to-"

"No," Soda said stopping him. He was looking up now. He was looking all of us in the eyes. "I need to tell them."

"Someone better tell us something!" Pony yelled.

Soda got up from the table and came over to him. He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I love you, Pony. Don't forget that, ok?" he whispered in his ear. "Everything's going to be fine."

I looked over at Darry. He just shook his head. Something was wrong really wrong. Darry put his arm over my shoulder, pulling me near him as if he was already comforting me.

Pony pulled away. "I love you too, Soda. What's going on? You're scaring me."

He looked him in the eye as a single tear feel from his. I didn't even know what to do. I just kept looking at Darry as if asking him for help. Asking him to fix all this.

"Guys," Soda said softly. He pulled Ponyboy to his side and they turned to face me. Soda sniffled, catching his breath. "They want me…..they need me….."

"Soda, just say it"

He swallowed hard, as he prepared to shoot us all in the hearts. "I've been drafted."


	23. Hear Me Cry

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Those words hit me like a brick wall. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. He'd been…_drafted_? He was going to war? I'd heard what was going on over there from the news. A lot of the seniors at school were crying in the hallways because they too had gotten their letters. I don't know why I thought we would be so special as to not get the black letter. Out of all of us though, out of all their friends, why did it have to be Soda? Why did it have to be my brother?

Pony looked worse than I felt. His face was white, small beads of sweat coming down his neck. Tears feel from his eyes, but he didn't say anything. He didn't say a word. No one did. It was like a bomb was shot off in this kitchen. We all stood still.

I looked at Darry. He was watching Ponyboy too. "Pony, are you ok?"

He didn't say anything. He just stood there. Soda looked at him now too. He hadn't stopped crying. This wasn't his fault. Soda was scared though, I could see it in his eyes.

Darry turned and focused on me. "What about you? You look like you're going to puke."

I slowly nodded. Soda was still standing in front of me with Pony. I don't know why, maybe he thought he was going to fall or something. I felt like I was going to fall over and puke all at the same time.

"T-They're taking you?" I stammered out.

I felt something hot on my face. I reached up and touched my tears.

Soda nodded, sniffling again. "Only for a little while and-"

"You don't know that." Ponyboy snapped and our attention soon went to him. "What if something happens? What if you lose your life over there?"

"Pony," Darry warned.

"No don't!" he yelled back, his face going from white to red. "You know it as well as I do. You see it on the news all the time about how many people are dying over there. What makes him any different?"

Soda tried to put his hand on him. Ponyboy just jerked it away, letting it fall. I wanted to shout to him and tell him to stop all this. He didn't need to do this now. We didn't have the time. I understood his hurt, I felt his hurt, but this wasn't the way to handle it. It wasn't anyone's fault.

Soda looked at his fallen arm. "Pony, just calm down ok? I promise I won't let anything happen to me. You need to stop acting like this though."

"How do you want me to act?" Ponyboy shouted. I felt the tears begin to run down my face. "I mean you are leaving me! I need you now more than ever and you're leaving me! You're leaving us!"

Darry got up from his seat, feeling the same concern I was. I sat back and watched. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to feel. I felt sick. I wanted Ponyboy to stop being angry and stop yelling. I wanted to hug him and tell him it was alright and have Soda hug us too. I didn't want this fight to happen right now. Not now.

"Pony, you need to calm down." Darry tried to come closer to him.

Ponyboy backed away, holding his hands up. "Don't. Just don't touch me."

"Pony," Soda said with pleading eyes. "Please don't do this. There's nothing I can do."

I shook my head as a tear fell. I couldn't believe this. "There has to be something," I spoke up, but all eyes were on the bomb that was about to explode named Ponyboy.

Soda forced Pony to look at him. He picked up his chin so he could see him. So he could look him in the eyes. "Pony, I wish there was something, but there's not. Don't be mad, please."

Ponyboy pulled away.

"Danni," Darry said making his way over to me. He put both hands on my shoulders, rubbing them. I closed my eyes as he spoke, "We're going to get through this."

I shook my head as more tears feel. How exactly are we going to get through this?

"Danni," Darry said again lifting my face up to his. "You have us. We're all going to get through this, together."

Pony stood in the middle of the room and cried.

I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to go somewhere. It was like midnight though. Who in hell could I go to at this hour? There was one person. There was that one person.

"Pony, say something," Soda said, reaching out to him.

Ponyboy's head dropped, and he stared at the ground. I tried reading him, but failed. "You can't leave me, Soda. You just can't. I need you."

"Listen to Darry," he whispered to him, forcing his face up. "You listen to him ok? He's going to take care of you guys. You have to trust him though Pony. You have to let him. It's just as hard for him as it is for you."

Ponyboy shook Soda off once again, backing up against the door. "I just need some air."

"Pony," Soda said trying to stop him.

Pony turned and stormed out the kitchen and out the front door. Soda and Darry tried to yell after him, but he just kept going. I sighed and laid my head down on the table. This was too much. This was too much right now. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to close my eyes and when I opened them, I wanted a different picture than this right here – my brother going off to war.

Soda exchanged a look with Darry. Darry bobbed his head towards the back door "Go," He instructed. "I'll stay here with her."

I didn't look up as I heard the back door shut again.

"Are you ok?" Darry asked as he came over to rub my back.

I nodded. I really wasn't. I was really dying inside. Having Darry here made me feel better. This was the Darry I knew and I was grateful to have him here rubbing my back and making sure I was ok. I needed Darry right now, and whether Ponyboy wanted to admit it or not, he did too.

I raised my head up and sniffled.

Darry stroked my hair. "You should go to sleep. It's late. We can talk more about this tomorrow after school. Soda will find Pony and everything will be ok."

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "He's really leaving?"

He nodded rubbing his chin. "It sucks, huh?" He shook his head, and I could tell he was chocking up so I tried not to watch. "I'm so sorry, Danni."

I scooted my chair back, getting out of it. I hugged onto Darry, burying my head in his chest. I didn't want to leave this position. Darry hugged me back, tightening his grip. I heard him hiccup a sigh, and I knew that this was all real. It was real for all of us.

After a while, Darry patted my back and pulled apart. "You should get some sleep."

"Okay."

"If you want to talk you can,"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I just want to sleep."

He nodded, turning around and going to his room to be alone.

Soda was really leaving. He was really going to go down there and do this. There was nothing I could do either. There was nothing anyone could do to stop this.

I ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind me softly enough so Darry wouldn't hear. I threw myself on the floor and emptied my stomach into the toilet. I couldn't take this.

I jumped up and headed into my room before Darry decided to come up here and check on me. As hard as I tried though, I couldn't sleep. I needed to talk to someone about this. I needed some air.

I knocked on the door in front of me, desperate for it to open up. I was already in tears and I knew this wasn't the half of it. I needed to see him. I need to be with him tonight.

The door soon flung open in my face. There he stood in nothing but a pair of white briefs. "Glory, what the hell?" He rubbed his eyes and groaned about a thousand times before he even looked to see who it was. "It's like two in the morning, Curtis. What are you doing here?"

I looked up at him, blinking through my tears. "I just needed to talk to you."

He pulled me into the warmth of the house. "Have you been cryin'?"

I nodded as I stepped closer so he could see me. I sighed heavily and held myself with my arms. "Soda's leaving. He's been drafted and he's going."

The look on his face was the same as Ponyboy's. He turned his back to me, pacing around the room a few times before calming down.

"Darry know you're here?' he asked as he took me into the bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He gave me a cup of water from the sink and sat down next to me.

I shook my head, taking small sips of the water. "He's leaving, Dally. He's leaving and I can't do anything about it."

He sighed, and his hand went to my back. He gripped my shoulder. "You know he can always run up to Canada. I hear there are some hot broads up that way."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I fought it off. I wiped off my face with my hands. "Can we just talk about something else?"

He nodded, putting his hand back down. "So uh…..I hear the cops are after Jeff."

I I didn't really want to talk about that either. "Curly and Tim get him yet?"

He smirked. "They're in the slammer again."

That caught my attention. "Why?"

"They're idiots, that's why. They jumped him in a park, in bright day light, in front of everyone. Cops showed up and Tex took off. Who knows where he is now." He stopped talking and held me still. "You look like you're about to puke or somethin'."

I looked up at him. I could feel my eyes begin to over flow. He just stared, unsure of what to do. I'd never broken down this much in front of him, and deep down, Dally wanted to do something, but he just didn't know how. I knew this was hard for him. It was harder for me though.

I sniffled, chocking on my sobs. "He's really leaving, Dal. He's going to go down there and risk his life. He's leaving us."

He looked down at the floor. He really was having a hard time here. I had just sprung this on him. Soda was one of his best friends.

I let the tears spill out. Dally was still looking at the floor and I decided to put him out of his misery. I gently lied my head on his lap and shut my eyes tightly.

"You ok?" Dally asked me, his hand stroking my hair gently.

I shook my head. "No. Can you take me home?" I asked.

He nodded, neither of us moving yet. "When's he leaving?"

"Thursday." I sighed, sitting up. I turned and faced him.

"You look like shit."

I nodded as I wiped some tears away. "Yeah. It's just...I thought that things would get better. I guess I shouldn't think that though. They never do."

He sighed and jumped up off the bed. He kneeled down in front of me. "He ain't gonna die, Curtis. He'll come home. Hell, I'll even jack a boat and sail on over there and drag his skinny ass back."

I had to laugh. It was small, but I had to. I could just picture Dally doing that. "Thank you."

He nodded, pulling me back up to my feet. "Come on. Let's get you home before Super Dope finds out you're gone."

The next day was hard. I didn't say a word. I just sat around and watched everyone go crazy as Soda was about to leave. Their gang headed over too to say their good bye. I sat back in silence even though Dally was there. I let them have their time as I watched from a distance. I didn't want to talk anymore. I was the same way after my parents died. I was just numb.

Ponyboy had made his way back home with Soda early that morning. He seemed somewhat better. He was dying though. We both were. We fed off of each other.

"Are you ok?" Johnny whispered to me, drifting away from the rest of the boys.

I shook my head. "No. I'm not."

Darry had been watching me like a hawk today. I guess he figure since I was upset that I'd want to drink. I did. I wasn't going to do it because of Soda though. He had been through a lot with me and I wasn't going to do that to him. I just had to sit back and fight it.

"Well, guys I guess this is it." Soda sighed as a taxi pulled up to our house on Thursday morning.

Everyone got up and hugged him. Ponyboy, Darry, and I sat back for a minute. Ponyboy was crying again and I tried to fight it back. I didn't want to cry right now because I knew I wasn't the one going off to war to fight for my life. Eventually, tears silently rolled down my cheeks.

"Don't do nothin' stupid," Dally warned him as he pulled away.

Soda sneered and then looked over at us – his siblings. Ponyboy went up to him first. He ran over and locked up with him in a tight hug filled with tears. Soda just whispered to him. It must be tearing him up watching Ponyboy act like that.

"You gonna come over here or what?" Soda smiled as he let go over Pony and turned his attention over to me.

I slowly walked over to him. He held me tight in his arms. "Take care of yourself, Danni. Everything will be fine. I promise. I'll write you too ok?" He kissed me on my head. "I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered, my heart breaking. I needed to be strong.

He pulled away and then latched on to Darry next. Darry chocked up a little before saying, "Take care of yourself, little buddy."

"I will. You take care of the youngens now." He smiled at us, shooting us a small wink before backing up towards the taxi.

I wanted this to all be a dream. I wanted to wake up tomorrow to Soda's famous pancakes and I wanted to spend the day watching him fix cars at the DX. This wasn't a dream though. This was reality, and I had to face my reality whether I liked it or not.

The taxi honked its horn again and we all headed out. I watched as my brother put the green army bags into the back seat. He gave us one last famous Sodapop smile as he opened the door. "Take care of yourselves."

The door slammed shut and then he was gone. I watched as the yellow car carried my brother out of sight. He was gone, he really was gone. No amount of alcohol in the world could fix this. It couldn't fix this hole in my heart. A tear fell from my eye as the car disappeared out of sight. Soda was gone. He was gone and I was left here without him. We all were. I only pray to God that he would be ok. He had to be ok. He just had to be.


	24. Isn't as Easy

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Days continued to pass. Everything was slow around the house. No one really talked. Darry had picked up extra shifts at work to make up for Soda not bringing in money and Ponyboy was too far up Cherry's butt to even be home most of the time. I was there by myself a lot. Work was slow these days so I wasn't working too much. Darry was on my case about school too so I walked the line with that. The last thing any of us needed was the state coming around again.

Soda was gone. Not a day went by without me thinking about him. Some days I come home and expect him to be there just like he was before. That's just my fantasy. Soon I realize Soda is gone…but Soda's coming home. Soda's defiantly going to come home. He's not like my parents. Soda's coming bacl.

I just had to take my mind off things for a while. Dally wasn't much of an outlet these days He was working. Actually working. He had gotten that job a while back. I never actually thought he'd go through with the whole working thing. He did though. He was a bartender at some bar on the other side of town. I wasn't allowed to go there.

I just mainly hung out alone at home. Steve and Two-Bit never came around much anymore. I'm not sure where they went. There were rumors going around that a bunch of guys in the neighborhood were going up to Canada to get out of their letters. I wasn't sure if Steve and Two-Bit were a part of that or now, but if they were, I wish they had taken Soda with them.

I hadn't drank yet either. I had all the opportunities now too, but I didn't. I couldn't tell you why but it didn't really appeal to me much anymore. I spent my Saturday nights cleaning the kitchen now and then tuning into _Star Track_ with a bowel of pretzels.

"Anyone home?" Ponyboy hollered from the living room.

"In here." I yelled back as I finished cleaning the dish that was in my hand. "What's up?" I asked as he walked into the kitchen with a solemn expression on his face.

He shook his head at me, pulling out a chair from the table "I need to talk to you."

I put the dish back down in the soapy water. "Ok then."

"Sit down," he said seriously, pointing to the table.

I did. "Are you ok? You look upset."

He threw his hands on his head then bringing them down and rubbing his face. "I'm _so_ stupid." He pushed himself away from the table and got up. "I'm really stupid."

I watched him pace around the room. "What'd you do?"

He shook his head. "I should have listened to you." He kicked the table. "I'm so stupid."

"What did you do?" I asked again, pressing the issue more. Whatever this was, it was serious if Pony was acting this way. "Just tell me."

He sighed, calming down for a second to catch his breath. "Do you remember what we talked about a while back? Back before Soda got drafted? I told you what I wanted to do?"

I was tired and I really didn't want to try and remember. "Pone, I'm real tired. Just tell me. I'm not in the mood to try and figure it out."

"Do you not remember? Danni! I had sex with Cherry tonight!"

I sat there, my mouth wide open. Maybe I was tired, or I couldn't believe it, or I was grossed out. Whatever it was, I couldn't speak. I was mute. I couldn't wrap my brain around this. Ponyboy and Cherry don't have sex. Cherry wasn't having sex until marriage. They couldn't have….

Oh I didn't want to think about this.

"I did everything you said to do and she went along with it."

I closed my mouth, ready to speak. "What's the matter then?"

"Do you not get it!" he practically yelled. "I had _sex_ with her!"

I wasn't getting it. I really needed to get more sleep these days. "So?"

"I shouldn't have!"

I shook my head. I deeply sighed. This wasn't making any sense to me at all. "What do you mean?" I asked. "What happened? Save the details though, please. I'm still only your sister."

He shook his head and paced around the room again. He put his hands over his head and focused on the floor. "She went with it. She seemed happy too."

I was getting too old for this. "I really don't see the problem here."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I regret having sex with her. It wasn't like I thought it would be and I hated it. I know I'm a stupid loser, but I didn't like it."

I looked at the floor, obviously uncomfortable with this situation. Where was Darry when I needed him? This wasn't the conversation a brother and sister should have together.

I lifted my head up, thinking of something to say. "Did she like it?"

He shrugged, still pacing back and forth. "I don't know. I was too scared to even ask. We were just in the middle of it and she seemed to like it ok."

And Darry was where again?I closed my eyes, not wanting to picture anything. "You used a condom right?"

He nodded. "Danni, just say something."

I sighed. What was I supposed to say to this? "You shouldn't regret it. I'm not just saying that. You love Cherry, she loves you. It's fine, don't worry about it."

"That's all you have to say? Don't _worry_ about it?"

I wasn't Sodapop. I wasn't good at giving these big motivational speeches that just made everything feel better. I had nothing. Absolutely nothing on this subject. I didn't want to talk about this subject with my brother, let alone give him a speech about it.

I looked up at him. "What do you want me to say?"

He turned away, blowing me off. "Man I wish Soda was here."

That did hurt a little. I was trying my best.

"Well he's not," I snapped a little too rudely. I rubbed my face with my hands. "Listen, I'm sorry for you. You really love Cherry though. She obviously loves you too. She wouldn't have had sex with you if she didn't. Why do you regret it anyway?"

"I don't know. I just thought about what you told me before about being absolutely sure about it because I wouldn't want to regret it."

Great, so this was my fault. I shouldn't have said anything like that. I didn't regret having sex with Dally and I shouldn't have put things in Ponyboy's head. I guess that's what happens when you come and talk to your sister about sex.

"I'm sorry about that," I tell him. "I should have never told you that. Just forget I ever said anything."

I turned around to face him. I looked up into his puppy dog eyes.

"Sit," I said pointing to the table. "It's complicated ok? Just because I said that doesn't mean you should regret what you did. I truly believe that you and Cherry love each other. There is nothing to regret. You both are old enough to understand the commitment of it. It's ok. Really."

He looked up at me, a little bit of light in his eyes. "Thanks, and be a pal and don't tell Darry."

I got up to get back to the dishes. "You should tell him, Pone. It'll make him feel good that you came to him. He may not be Soda, but he's still your big brother, and he loves you a lot."

"I might," he said and then left me alone.

* * *

Later the next day, the door slammed open, waking me up from my peaceful nap on the couch. I rolled over and groaned. "Go away! I'm trying to sleep!"

Footsteps came closer to me. When I opened my eyes, I saw Dally's looking down at me. "Yeah, real nice to see you too."

I looked up at him, happy he came by. "Hey."

"It's been awhile."

I nodded and fully sat up on the sofa. He pulled me up to my feet and I wrapped my arms around him. I was thankful to see him, and this was my only way of showing it, whether Dally was uncomfortable with it or not.

He smirked, pushing me off a little. "Yeah, yeah, get off."

I pulled away from him. "What's going on?"

He shrugged and headed over to the fridge. "Didn't you hear?" He pulled a coke out of the fridge. We didn't keep beer in there anymore. "Apparently we're partying it up tonight."

"Why?"

He popped the cap off and poured the drink down his throat. "Ask them."

I turned around as Cherry and Ponyboy soon made their entrance into the room. I turned my head back to Dally. I couldn't look at them anymore. I got a mental picture in my mind every time that I did not need or want. Is that the way everyone feels when Dally and I are in the same room together?

"Did you hear the news?" Ponyboy asked.

"What news is everyone talking about?"

They both smiled at me, telling me they were obviously up to no good. "We're going on a double date!" Cherry said, winking at me as she did.

I turned to Dally. "What?"

"We apparently haven't been on one."

I looked back over at Cherry and Ponyboy. I had never thought about the fact that Dally and I never really went on a date. Sure I would like a date, but right now? Tonight? I was enjoying my nap on the couch. I was going to invite Dally to take one with me and that was going to be out 'date night.'

I cross my arms over my chest. "Whose bright idea was this?"

"You can thank us later," Ponyboy said, patting me on the back and practically pushing me out the door.

I turned back and looked back over at Dally. "What do you think about this?"

He headed into the living room. "If it will get you off my case, then I'm all for it. Just no dumb ass chick flics. I ain't doing that shit."

.

"Can we go see it please?" Cherry whined to Ponyboy.

I smirked at how much control Cherry had over Ponyboy. I nudged Dally in the side and whispered into his ear, "Now you see, I'm not that bad. Consider yourself lucky you got stuck with me."

He sneered, pulling back up. "You're bad enough. I can barely handle you."

"Is it ok with you guys?" Pony asked us once he gave in to seeing the movie himself.

Dally pulled a weed out of his jacket and handed me one. He lit both of ours. "What does the broad wanna see?"

"_Casino Royal." _

Dally narrowed his eyes, and I had to laugh. She should have known that Dally would never go with that pick. I wouldn't even go for that pick. "What the fuck is that? Is it French?" he asked her. He added a shrug. "I hear they're good for sex scenes."

"No," I said, looking over the rest of the movie titles "It's about some chick and James Bond. It's a chick flick. You won't like it and complain the while time."

"It's not a chick flick," Cherry spoke up. "It has action in it.

I shrugged. I didn't care what we saw just as long as Dally wasn't complaining to me the whole time. "Whatever you want. I'm not into this thing anyway."

"Nah," Dally said looking at the movie selections and picking one. "Ah here we go." He pointed to one of the posters._ "The Graduate."_

I looked up at it. I had seen it advertised in the paper and read what it was about. I had tons of time to read the paper and things like that now. It came in handy sometimes.

"What's it about?" Ponyboy asked, looking up at the poster.

"About some guy who gets caught having sex with his girlfriend's mother," I explained, blowing out smoke from my cigarette.

"No!" Cherry and Pony said at the same time.

I rolled my eyes and walked up to the ticket both. "Five for Bonnie and Clyde please?"

I don't know if you're supposed to hold hands on a date. The last date I went on was with Randy and I was fourteen. Cherry and Ponyboy are holding hands, and briefly, I think of grabbing Dally's, but I know that won't end well. Besides, he's holding the popcorn and my drink. That's enough for me.

The previews started and Dally nestled into the seat beside me. He held out the popcorn for me to take a handful. "Don't eat it all, I paid for it, it's mine."

I rolled me eyes, this was really a blast so far.

The movie wasn't as interesting as I thought it was. Dally was enjoying it though. Anything that had to do with sex and guns he was right there. Ponyboy and Cherry were actually enjoying it too. My mind was elsewhere though. Once in a while, I would shut my eyes and drift off until gun shots fired, waking me up.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," I whispered to Dally.

He waved his hand to shush me. "Yeah, yeah."

I rolled my eyes and left. Some date this was. I went out front and took out a cigarette. There was a young couple standing in front of me looking at me. They looked like Socs so I turned away. I glanced over to my right at the group of people that strolled through the theater. I smiled a half smile as they approached me. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Hey," Randy mumbled as he walked by me.

I watched as the rest of his group brushed by me as they smirked. Of course Randy couldn't talk to me. I was a greaser and he was with his Soc friends. I took another whiff of my cigarette. He would never acknowledge me when he was with them.

I went from one extreme to the next with this one. I dated one of the head Socs in town and now look who I'm dating. Dallas fucking Winston. At least he wasn't embarrassed by me. He was even on a date with me. What girl can say she actually went on a date with Dallas Winston?

I shuffled on back into the theater and into my seat beside Dally. He was laughing his ass off still, which made me smile. He was enjoying this, and that alone made me happy.

"Watch this!"

I leaned closer to him and layed my head on his chest. I took a deep breath and watched the movie. I may not have Soda or Randy, but I had people who loved me. People that I loved. Soda would be back and everything would be ok. I would be ok. As long as I had these guys I was good. I had to be.


	25. As It Seems

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I sat alone in my room the rest of the night. Dally and Cherry both stayed over for a while after the movie. One of Darry's work friends had taken him out to a bar so he could have some time off, so we had the whole house to ourselves. They stayed over until we ran out of food and Cherry's curfew came. Dally took her home and now it's just Ponyboy and I left.

I thought I heard Darry come home. I lied back down on my bed and shut my eyes in case he decided to come up to my room. I wasn't supposed to be up this late since I was still technically being punished and all.

"Danni?" Darry asked as he knocked on my door. "You ok?" He slowly walked in.

I rubbed my eyes, acting as if he had just waked me up. "I'm fine. How was work?"

He sighed and took a seat on the end of my blue bed. He was obviously exhausted. "Tough. I didn't mean to wake you. I just….wanted to check up on you."

I'd caught Darry doing this a few times at night. He wasn't sleeping much, and at around two am, he'd come upstairs to check on Ponyboy and I. I'm not sure why, but maybe before he went to bed he just needed the satisfaction of knowing that at least we were safe.

"I heard you went on a date with Dally tonight." He cracked a smile at me.

I rolled my eyes, smiling at the sound of that. I went on a date with Dally. "Yes. It was nice."

"Good. You need to have fun once in a while. _Good_ fun."

I nodded, turning my head at the way he said good fun. "I'm going to turn in. I'm real tired."

He ruffled my hair before standing up and heading for the door. "Night kid."

"Night, Dar. Take it easy ok? I already cleaned the house."

He looked over at me. " You really don't have to do that."

"I want to."

I slept throughout the night that night, which was shocking because that hadn't happened in a long time. Usually I would jolt awake with some dream about Soda. Not tonight though. Tonight was a good night. If only tomorrow would be the same.

"Danni up!" Darry shouted from down stairs.

I groaned and looked over at the clock. I had to work today. The one day I could actually sleep I had to get up at nine in the morning and work the breakfast shift.

"Hey!" I said happily as I went into the kitchen. I walked up behind Darry as he was scrambling some eggs up. "What's for breakfast? I'm starving."

Darry looked over at me from the stove. "Since when do you eat breakfast?"

I shrugged. "Since I got hungry?"

"Get dressed first."

I rubbed my growling stomach and went back and ran up to my room to change. I could hear Ponyboy snoring from his room. I slammed my door shut a little harder than normal, hoping it would wake him up. My idea didn't seem to work, so went back down stairs.

After I inhaled my breakfast Darry drove me to work. We drove in silence until we reached the little diner at the end of the street.

"Here," Darry said handing me a couple of dollars before I jumped out of the truck.

I looked at it, counting out around five dollars. "What's that for?"

He pushed it further to me. "For you. Go fix your hair."

Last year, when Ponyboy and Johnny went to Windrixville, I had bleached me hair along with Ponyboy so he wouldn't feel so bad about doing it. It had gone from dark brown to a Barbie's hair color in a matter of minutes. I had been keeping up the bleaching until just recently when I didn't have the time or the money to keep it up.

"I can't take your money," I told him flatly. I especially couldn't take it for doing something as silly as turning my hair back to brown.

He shoved it at me, not backing down from the argument. "Yes you can. I got some to spare. Just take it."

"I have my own money," I said pushing it back, not backing down either.

He sighed and glared at me. He laid the money down on the seat. "You really are stubborn."

I sneered. "Who do you think I get it from?"

"Just take the money, Danni. I want to do this for you so just let me."

I looked back down at the money. It looked like an awful lot for a hair job and I was wondering why he was so willingly giving me cash. "Why do you want me to change it back so badly?"

He shrugged, putting his hands back on the steering wheel. "I didn't want you to change it in the first place. You just ran off and did it yourself when you took off with Dally. Just take the damn money and shut your mouth."

I smiled back. It was nice to see Darry kidding around again. It was showing his age more. I took the dollars. "Thanks Dar."

"I'll pick you up after my shift."

It was rare Darry ever offered me money. I usually had to beg him whenever I wanted clothes or something. We didn't have a lot of it to go around, not even when Mom and Dad were around. Mom had taught me to sew, so I mostly made my own clothes and settled for only getting things on my birthday or Christmas. I have my own money now though. Although Darry does give me two dollars a month for _woman _stuff. He doesn't like to talk much about it with me. He just pulls the bill out of his wallet and hands it to me without a word. We both know what it's for though.

Work was crazy. People were coming in left and right. I couldn't seem to focus either. I kept on thinking about my hair. I could never get it back to the color it once was. Ponyboy grew his back out after it had happened which was probably what I was going to have to do. I could at least get it cut. I hadn't had a haircut in two years.

I don't know why I kept the blonde for as long as I did. It made me look like Sylvia. I guess I just liked the idea of being a blonde and standing out for once. Dally seemed to like it too.

"Danni! Danni, are you here?" someone yelled from up front.

I walked out of the back room to find Steve frantically searching for me. What did he want with me? We haven't had a conversation since that day at school.

"Hey," I said coming out from the back. "What's going on?"

He breathed out a breath of air and came over to me. He was panting like he ran all the way over here. "Can you leave?"

I made a face. "I don't know. Why?"

He tried to regain his breath back. "We really have to go, like now!"

"Why?" I asked again. "I can't just leave without an excuse."

He sighed, and leaned over. "It's Johnny. Man, Danni, there's cops and paramedics all around his old place. I think something's up with one of his parents. Two-Bit and him are already there with Pone. We got to go." He grabbed my arm, pulling me behind him.

I explained what was happening to Mrs. Adderson and she was really understanding and let me go.

Steve and I sat his car in silence throughout most of the ride. I still wasn't sure why he decided to come and get me. I usually wasn't involved in anything his gang did, so why was I here in this car with Steve.

Wasn't he supposed to be in Canada?

"What do you think's going on?" I asked, breaking the silence.

He shrugged and kept his eyes forward on the road. "I got the call at work. Pony just said something was up at Johnny's old place and to get you."

So that's why I was here. It must be serious if I had to come.

Steve speeded all the way there. I was surprised that we didn't get pulled over, though Steve never gets pulled over for speeding. He was swerving right and left. I just sat back and took a death grip onto my seat until we pulled up to the little shack.

Steve slammed on his breaks and we ran out. He was right. Cops and ambulances were surrounding the place. Something big happened. Johnny's parents fought all the time. It wouldn't surprise me if they killed each other. I had suspected that for years.

"What's going on?" Steve asked as he ran over to Two-Bit, Pony, and Johnny.

Johnny had a slum expression on his face. He wouldn't look at us. He just stood there with his arms folded staring at the old shake he spent all his life in. He hadn't spoken to his parents in months. Not since the fire at the church happened. Right now though, I could see into his eyes, and there was worry and concern there.

"We don't know, man," Two-Bit said. "We heard the sirens and came over here. They've been over there for at least thirty minutes."

This place used to scare me when I was little before I knew Johnny lived there. Soda and Steve would tell me that it was haunted and if I walked by it, a ghost was going to come out and eat me. I wouldn't walk by that place for months. The place looked like something out of a horror movie. It was about the size of my parent's bed room and the boards that were holding it up were rotting. The roof had a few holes in it as well. It was surrounded by a chain link fence like mine. Only mine was less creepy looking.

"I don't hear anything," I said biting one of my nails.

Ponyboy hit my hand out of my mouth. "Well just shut up and listen."

I ignored him and put my hand back in my mouth to bite off another nail. I brushed by him and headed over to Johnny. "How you doing?" I asked.

He continued to look straight forward. "Fine."

"Man I'll go over there and ask myself!" Two-Bit scuffed

"And why would they tell _you_ anything?" Steve snapped. "You don't live there."

"I'll go," Johnny mumbled, stepping forward. "It's my place after all. They have to tell me something I guess. Maybe it's not too bad."

"You sure?" Pony asked.

Johnny nodded and took a step forward. I watched as he went over to one of the paramedics that was standing in the yard.

"Man this is great," Two-Bit huffed. "One of them old crows probably killed the other one."

"Where's Dal at?" Steve asked, looking over at me.

I shrugged with my fingers still in my mouth. I really need to stop biting my nails when I'm nervous. I put my hand down my by side. "I don't exactly keep tabs on him."

He looked at me weird. "Ain't you two together or something?"

I shrugged again as I bit off the nail to my middle finger. "Do you know where Evie is?"

He didn't say anything, just turned away. Half the time I didn't know where Dally was at. I didn't even hear from him sometimes. I trusted Dally enough to let him go. Dally didn't like questions or to be suffocated anyway. He was a free mustang and he had to run. Besides, he worked a lot now. That's where he was most of the time.

I watched as Johnny nodded at the paramedic and headed back over to us.

"So?" Steve asked.

Johnny looked down at the ground. "My dad died. Cirrhosis. It took his liver or somethin and he just died on the floor. Ma called the cops and stuff." He shrugged his shoulders. "No big deal."

I looked over beside me at Two-Bit with my mouth open. He was thinking the same thing I was. "No big deal?" he asked. "Johnny…."

Johnny just shrugged once again. "Sorry to take you guys away from work."

* * *

Johnny stayed with us for a few nights after that. He didn't talk either. Not to Darry and I at least. I was hoping he'd talk to Ponyboy about things but I could tell he wasn't telling Ponyboy things either. Pony and I had stayed with him the whole time too. We didn't talk much. We just stayed together. I don't know why but it seemed to help.

"Wanna go to the store for me?" Darry asked me.

I shrugged and got up off the couch. "I ain't in the mood to get my hair done, so don't even bother to ask."

He handed me some money. "Milk and eggs."

I walked down the street as the blazing sun hit me. It was only April and it was already getting hot out. I, sadly, missed the snow. I liked snow. It was beautiful to wake up and see everything coated in white snow. Winter was my favorite, even as cold as it was. It was beautiful.

"Well look what we have here."

I looked up from the ground to see the platinum blonde standing in front of me. My heart skipped a beat, and I hate it did. I shouldn't be afraid of her. She wasn't as tough as people said she was. Angela was tougher. I could take Angela, so I could take Sylvia.

Maybe I'll start to believe that.

"Move," I huffed, brushing by her.

She jerked my arm back around to face her. She didn't waste any time before raising her hand up, hitting me smack dap in the eye.

I stumbled backwards, and grabbed my face. "What the hell?"

She grabbed my arm and swung me into the empty ally beside us. She grabbed me by my hair and swung me to the ground. I tried to fight her off but she was faster. I yelped out and tried to cover myself the best I could. My head was ponding. I couldn't even see let alone get back up to my feet.

"Get off me!" I yelled as I tried to kick her off.

She took about three more swings to my face. I rolled back over and kicked her off me. I stumbled back up and on to my feet. I couldn't even stand up straight. She stood up too and laughed at me. "Come on Danni. Hit me. Take one good swing at me."

I glared at her and held my bloody face.

She laughed. "I thought you liked to fight. Guess I was wrong. You're just all talk and no game."

I glared at her and tried to take a swing at her. I was so dizzy that I missed and nearly feel on my face.

She laughed at me and jerked my up by my hair. She pulled me up to face her. "Not so tough now are we?"

She let go of my hair. I bent down and held my swollen face. I watched as blood dripped down my fingers and onto the hard ground.

I could hear her laugh at me. I didn't look up though. I didn't even want to see her face. "See you around, Danni. Let that just be a little reminder to you next time you decide to mess with me."

I grunted my teeth as she left. I could barely lift my head up. Blood ran down my face and onto my shirt. I felt like my head was going to explode. I didn't even do anything to her. Was she just that crazy? What the hell happened this time?

I stumbled over to the trash can and spit out blood. I didn't even get in one hit. I sighed and gently lifted myself back up. I couldn't feel my head. I groaned and stood up.

Damn.

* * *

I caught myself on the door knob as I got to my house. I still couldn't feel my face. Darry was going to have a fit about this.

"Damn what happened to you?" Two-Bit shouted as I entered the house.

My face grew red. I was hoping that no one was home. Girls in our neighborhood got beat up all the time, just like boys did. Boys wouldn't normally hit girls, but girls sure did hit girls. I remember Angela telling me about fights she'd get into. I'd even witnessed some of them. I just never thought I'd be the girl who got into one of those fights.

I stumbled over to the kitchen door way. Darry immediately saw me and jumped up from the table where he was sitting. Ponyboy looked at me with his mouth open.

"What happened to you?" Darry asked as he came over to me. He lifted my chin up to get I better look. I hissed in pain. "Who did this to you!?"

"Said she got in a fight," Two-Bit said with his mouth full as he entered the kitchen with us.

Darry was still holding onto my chin. I shut my eyes and tried not to cry.

"Pony, go get the first aid kit outta the bathroom," Darry told him as he wiped some blood off the side of my face.

"Looks like she handed it to ya Danni-Bear," Two-Bit said taking a look at my face too.

"Here sit," Darry said, helping me over to the table

I winced in pain as I took a seat on the wooded chair. Two-Bit, of course, took a seat with us at the table. I wondered if Two-Bit's family missed him. He was over here more and more as the days Soda was gone kept adding up.

"Here," Pony said handing Darry the kit. "Do you need ice?"

Darry nodded as he looked at my face again.

"I'd say so." Two-Bit smirked.

Darry gently turned my face back around to face him as he dabbed a cloth onto one of the cuts I had. I winced again as a stinging pain hit my cheek. Tears ran down my face.

"Who did this, Danni?"

I sighed as Darry dug through the kit for some alcohol. I didn't want to be a rat, but I figured Darry wouldn't give up until he heard the whole truth. "Sylvia."

Two-Bit coughed as he choked on his food.

"Sylvia?" Darry asked, glaring at me. He had fire in his eyes. The anger wasn't towards me.

"Dal's Sylvia?" Two-Bit asked.

"She's not his anymore," I said lightly.

Darry just shook his head as Ponyboy handed him some ice. "Do I even want to know what it was about? I have a good guess. Jesus."

He poured some of the alcohol onto a cotton ball.

I prepared myself for the pain it was about to bring me.

"Hold still," he said as he grabbed my chin to steady me. I hissed as he dabbed the ball onto my face. "Sorry," he mumbled. He eventually pulled away allowing me time to breath. "So how did this happen?"

I sighed as I watched him get a new cotton ball out. The last one was completely covered in blood

"I got to do this again. Sorry," he said as he repositioned my face.

It took all the energy I had not to yell out in pain. "She just attacked me," I said, grinding my teeth to fight through the pain from the alcohol.

"Why?"

I shrugged as he lowered his hand. I didn't want this to come back around to Dally and Darry blame him for this happening. It really wasn't Dally's fault. It was his fault for dating someone as crazy as Sylvia, but he didn't cause her to jump me. Sylvia had a mind of her on.

"She just came at me," I told him the best way I could. "She said something after she was done about that should teach me. I didn't do anything to her though."

He nodded and grabbed the ice that was sitting beside him. "Hey, Pone, will you go stir the soup for me?"

"Are you mad at me?" I whispered.

Darry shook his head as he repositioned the ice. "It doesn't sound like it was your fault. I'm just kind of upset it happened, and who it probably happened because of."

I looked down. I hated the sound of that.

"You should take a shower and clean yourself up."

I nodded and got up from the table. At least I wasn't in trouble. I had been in enough trouble this past month. I couldn't do another week of house arrest.

Where was Dally at?


	26. Empty Threats

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

School was the worst part of my days. Darry made sure I went every day. Social services heard about Soda and they paid a surprise visit. I'm not sure how it went, but Darry wasn't in a good mood after they left. He reassured us that everything was fine, but Ponyboy and I knew better to believe Darry when he said the word 'fine.'

Ponyboy loved school. He had a lot of friends. Angela dropped out soon after her and Jeff's fight which meant I didn't have really anyone other than Ponyboy. He let me eat lunch with him and his friends, but I still felt like I was the odd one out.

The girls would just stare at me when I walked through the halls and whisper. Everyone knew I was with Dally now and everyone knew about my little encounter with Jeff. It was all I had in me to walk through the halls and no listen to what was being said around me. That was hard, and I just tried not to cry.

"She's the girl that's with Dallas Winston. I hear she's a major whore too."

"Yeah, I hear she even tried to sleep with her best friend's boyfriend. She was totally wasted too."

"Yeah, my boyfriend says he sees her at Buck's a lot and she is all over everyone. She reminds me a lot of that Sylvia girl. What a whore."

"No wonder her brothers kicked her out."

There was nothing I could do. That wasn't even the half of it either. Sometimes it was a lot worse. I still had bruises from my fight with Sylvia on my face too which made people talk even more. People talk about the unknown, and they make up things when they don't know the truth.

Darry just told me to ignore them. How was I supposed to do that though? He had never gone through this. He was Mr. Popular in high school. He never had this problem. It was a girl thing.

_Cough. "_Whore" _Cough._

I kept walking.

"That's her," I heard some girl whisper behind me in class.

"Are you sure?" the other one asked.

"Hey!" I looked over to see one of the girls looking at me. She had been in a lot of my classes. She had light blonde hair that was pulled back with a barrette and big blue eyes. "Are you the girl that's with Dallas Winston?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. She knew that. Everyone did. She was just asking to be mean.

She giggled along with her friends that were beside her. "Are you _still_ with him?"

I gave her a weird look. "Yeah, why?"

She looked to her friend and laughed again. "Well we saw him the other night."

"She should know." One of them smirked. "I'd want to know."

"Know what?" I asked.

"Well we saw your boyfriend at the party Friday night at the old warehouse."

"And?" I asked, still not sure if I should engage with these girls. I knew they were up to no good, but I didn't turn around. I listened.

"He was having a pretty good time."

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

They snickered again, turning and looking at each other. The girl with barrettes leaned forward. "He went upstairs. With _two_ girls. He didn't come down for a while either if you know what I mean."

My face dropped, and I know they saw it too. I didn't know what else to say. I just looked down at the floor as they laughed at me.

"Look at her face!" One of them laughed, and I swear I could feel her pointing at me. "She looks like she's going to puke!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered up my books and ran out the door. Tears feel from my eyes as I headed for the bathroom. I busted through the door and grabbed a hold of the sink. I couldn't even breathe. No way Dally could have done that. No way. They were just trying to be mean

I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked like a complete mess. I felt like I was going to puke. This wasn't happening. He wouldn't do that to me.

I hadn't talked to him in days though.

The last period bell rang meaning that school was over. I looked up at the mirror again. It defiantly looked like I had been crying. I did the best I could to wipe the tears away before I headed out of the bathroom, keeping my head down until I found Ponyboy and Cherry.

"What's wrong?" Cherry asked me once I reached the front lobby.

Ponyboy looked at me, studying my face.

I wiped my eyes. "Nothing. Let's go."

I walked by them and they followed, taking the hint.

We kept walking all the way home in silence. I could hear them whispering behind me but I was too mad and hurt to care to listen. They wouldn't understand anyway. They were the perfect couple.

"Curtis!" someone yelled behind me. I kept walking. "Curtis!"

I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn around. Pony and Cherry came over beside me. "Go," I whispered to them. "Just go on."

They exchanged looks with each other as Dally made his way over to us. They stood, not taking my instructions to leave us alone.

"Can't you hear?" Dally asked once he reached me.

I slowly turned around to look at him.

His eyes got wide as he saw me. Then he cracked a smile. "What happened to your face?"

I ignored the question. I'd save that argument for another day. I looked up at him, my eyes filling up with tears again. I stayed silent, wondering if I really wanted to talk about this with him or not. I wanted to know, but at the same time, I didn't. I was scared he would say something I didn't want to hear.

I swallowed and decide to come out with it. "I heard about you."

He fixed up his collar, a smirk on his lips. He laughed sarcastically and turned his head to the side. "Oh really? I didn't know I was that popular."

I pressed my lips together. "I'm serious."

He laughed, looking over behind me at Pony and Cherry. "What happened to her face?"

Pony waited for a response out of me, but when I didn't speak up, he sighed and spoke up for me. "She got in a fight with Sylvia."

He looked back at me and tried to hold back a string of hysterical laughs. "Looks like she lost too."

I shoved him, releasing some of my anger. "Shut-up!"

He went backwards, his eyes getting angry. Dally doesn't like to be touched like that, especially not from me – a girl. He stepped forward. "What's your problem?"

I glared at him, trying not to cry too much. I wish I could control my tears better. I should have learned a long time ago not to cry over Dally. "Did you not hear me the first time? I know what you did."

He shook his head and looked back over behind me at Ponyboy and Cherry. "What's going on now?"

I shoved him again. "Don't ask them. This is between me and you!" I glanced over behind my shoulder at Cherry and Pony's wide eyes. "I said leave!"

They gave me once last look before slowly backing up. "You sure you're alright?" Ponyboy asked one last time before stepping backwards.

"No," I said indignantly but he could read the doubt in my tone. "I'll be home soon. Just let me handle this."

I turn my back, hoping they'd finally leave.

"What?" Dally asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Spit it out."

I looked back over at him and shook my head. "I talked to some girls today. They told me about the party you went to Friday night," I asked with my stomach hardening in anticipation for the answer he was going to give me.

He shifted uncomfortably. "So what?" he said loosely with a shrug. "I didn't know that was a crime."

"Then why didn't you take me huh?" I pressed, marching towards him. The tears suddenly stopped. "Why did you just show up by yourself?"

He rolled his eyes. "I ain't got to take you nowhere. You ain't even allowed to go out." He lowered his head so it was right in my face. "I went to a party. So sue me."

I bite my tongue from lashing out more than I wanted to. "They told me that you went upstairs with _two _girls."

He rolled his head back and laughed. He straightened his back, wiping his face clean of expression. "Oh and you believe them? God, now that's some funny shit there."

"You're not denying it, are you?"

"Why the hell do you believe everything you hear anyway?" he asked, getting out a cigarette and putting it in-between his lips. "So what I went to a party? So what if I didn't take your stupid ass?"

The comment hurt more than I thought it would. I didn't move. I just stared at him, feeling dumb, embarrassed, and _little_. "Because we're _together_, Dally."

The smoke from his cigarette burned my eyes. He leaned forward again, blowing it directly into my face. "Is that what you think? You don't own me, Curtis. You never will."

My hands went into fists and angry tears started to form in my eyes. I wiped them away quickly and tried to seem strong. How could he say such a thing to me? I thought I meant something to him. He liked me. We liked each other. We went out on a date. Maybe I was just stupid and naive enough to ever believe that Dallas Winston ever cared about me.

He just said he didn't.

"Nothing to say now, do you?" he asked, pulling back and taking another drag.

I breathed in through my nose, trying not to cry. "You had sex with me. You just used me. You used me just so you could sleep with me!"

He shushed me. "Your brother is right there, just shut the fuck up."

I shoved him, my anger coming out uncontrollably. "I don't care!" I shoved him again as he started to back up. "I hate you!"

He grabbed my arms again. "Calm your ass down!"

I jerked loose again. "No. How could you?" My arms went limp as I chocked on a silent sob. My voice softened, "How could you do this to me?"

His eyes glared down at me, a crisp smirk appearing on his face. I wanted nothing more than to slap that stupid smirk off his smug face.

"Hey guys," Ponyboy said, trying to break us up. "Maybe we should just go home."

"And what about _you_?" Dally asked, not paying Ponyboy any mind. "Whatever happened with you and that Rich guy that night? I know damn well you were doing something. Don't act all high and mighty to me. I know who you really are, so don't try and hide it."

"Don't act like the victim here," I whispered.

Tears were running uncontrollably down my face. I wrapped my arms around myself, just wanting to go home and cry alone. I wanted to be alone. Maybe it was time to say goodbye.

"Just go away," I said softly. "Just stay away from me."

"Gladly."

My body seemed to burn as he left.. My throat, my eyes, my cheeks, my legs, my heart all burned. I watched his back growing smaller and smaller as he left me standing there. I wanted to scream something hurtful after him, something that will cause him as much pain as he caused me.

"I hate you," I mumbled to myself. "I fucking hate you."

* * *

Weeks past. I hadn't seen or spoken to Dally. He didn't make an effort to contact me either. Johnny was still living with us for the time being until he could figure something else out. Sometimes he would stay with Two-Bit and his family and sometimes he'd stay with us. He didn't talk much lately and I knew something was bothering him.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked one night.

He was reading some sheet of paper that he was holding. "Nothing." He hid the paper under his leg and look up at me with his big brown eyes. Why?"

I pointed to the paper under his leg. "You have had a death grip on that for about an hour now. Anything you want to tell me?"

"I just got this in the mail."

"Who's it from?"

He shrugged. "I've been thinking a lot lately about stuff. Stuff about my parents. My dad mainly."

Ponyboy was in the living room with us. He sat up as soon as he heard that. "What about them?"

Johnny reached under his leg and pulled out the paper. "I guess I should tell ya'll. I've been thinking about my mom too. She sent me this." He unfolded the paper and laid it out in front of him.

"What does it say?" Ponyboy asked, getting up from his seat.

A tear feel from Johnny's face. He quickly wiped it away. "She wants me back." He took a deep breath trying to regain himself. "She wrote this to ask me to come back. She apologized…for how they treated me."

I crawled across the sofa and placed my hand on his shoulder. "Johnny…"

He shook his head. "I don't know what to do. She's my mother. She treated me like shit and now she wants me back?"

Ponyboy stood over us in disbelief.

I gently rubbed Johnny's back. "Johnny, you don't have to go. You can stay here. We all want you too. You don't have to go back to her. She doesn't deserve you."

He wiped a tear from his eye. "I kind of want to go. I kind of want her."

Ponyboy huffed, turning his head. "I don't want you to go."

"I figured you'd act like that." Johnny sighed. "I've made up my mind. I've already talked to Darry about it. I mean, things ain't gonna be real different. Just like old times with me next door."

Ponyboy shook his head, but sat down beside us. "I want you to come over here if anything happens, alright? Anything, alright?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She's your mother. Maybe you two need each other."

* * *

Day's past. Johnny was gone. His mother seemed alright. She said she was sober now and she was ready to start over with him.

Dally still wasn't around. He didn't call anymore either. I was still numb about the whole thing. I didn't really know what to do or say. I didn't even know what to think about it all. I was still sick about it all. Sometimes I would get so upset that I would make myself throw up. It bugged Darry too. He kept on beginning me to go to the doctor but I said no every time.

I sat on the sofa, holding my stomach from my latest sick spell, when Darry came into the room.

"Turn on the news," Darry told Pony that night.

He grabbed the remote and flipped it on. Darry kept up with the war now that Soda was over there. I tuned it out most of the time. I didn't want to be reminded about my brother fighting for his life over there. We hadn't heard from him but I had written him letters a few times.

_"In the Central Highlands of South Vietnam, Americans intercept North Vietnamese Army units moving in from Cambodia. Nine days of continuous battles leave hundreds of North Vietnamese soldiers dead._"

I sighed at that and then looked back down at my school books. I hated even hearing about it. People were dying. My brother could be one of them for all we knew.

"You ok?" Pony asked me.

I looked up and nodded. He nodded back and turned his attention back to the TV. He had been taking this harder than anyone. Soda was his best friend. I could hear him crying about it some nights when he thought everyone was asleep. I wanted to reach out to him sometimes but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He didn't talk much about it or about the night he ran off and Soda went after him

Darry came off as unemotional about it all. He was hurting though. I could read him really well now. I wanted to say something to him but I didn't know what. He was still a little hacked and me, and I didn't even know how I was feeling about it all. We all lost a brother though. A brother that held us all together.

"There's a letter for you in the kitchen," Darry told me, leaving the room.

I sighed and folded up my books. I didn't want to do this homework anyway.

I walked into the kitchen and placed myself at the table. I picked up the only envelope that was laying there.

_To: Danielle Curtis_

I sighed and slip my finger across the top, ripping it open. I hadn't heard my real name in months. It always reminded me of my mother when people would say it. I pulled out the white sheet of paper that was inside of the envelope. I took a deep breath as I unfolded it.

_Dear Danni,_

_Dang I miss you. Sorry I haven't been writing you back until now. I just got all the letters. Things are just so crazy over here. Truthfully I'm surprised I even got them. I'm glad you wrote me though. I've really missed you guys. I miss hearing you and Darry argue at six in the morning. Sorry I just had to say that. Now my wakeup call is someone blowing a blow horn in my ear. I would take you two over that any day. I'm glad to hear that you two are getting along. He really needs you and Pony both. Just remember that he's hurting too. He might not show it, but he is. Sorry to hear about Dally too. Sounds like things are pretty rough between you two. He does love you though. I can tell. If he really did sleep with those girls then you need to talk to him about it. You can't just keep ignoring him. If he really did it then fine, you just need to figure out your feeling and find out where to go now. You still love him though. I'm not sure that will go away. Talk to him, Danni. You better tell me how it goes too. Sorry about Johnny too. I think he needs to be with his mom though. They're both alone now. Maybe she has changed. Things are crazy here. I've never experienced anything like it. You wouldn't even imagine what it's like here. I don't think anyone could ever dream about how bad it is. I'm really lonely here. No one is like me here. Everyone is just gun hoe on defeating the enemy and shooting and killing until we win. I just want to serve my time and get it over with. Try telling these drill sergeants that though. I'm safe though, so stop worrying. I've been staying out of the fire for now. I think about you guys every day and how much I miss just sitting on the couch and watching Mickey Mouse with Two-Bit. Tell the guys I miss them and I'm doing good. Take care of Pony for me too. I know he's hurting. He needs you and Darry both more than you know. He really is hurting. Take care of Dar for me too. He needs you too. I love you so much Dan. Take care of yourself and try not to worry about Dally too much. You two will work it out. Love that strong can't be broken that easily. I love you all so much and I will be home soon safe and sound. I promise._

_Love,_

_Sodapop Curtis_


	27. High Off Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

It has been weeks since I've seen or heard from Dally. He doesn't bother to try and reach me either. It bothers me that I actually miss him. I'm so sick and tired of being treated the way he treats me, but I just couldn't stay away from him. He makes me feel something, and when I'm around him, nothing else seems to matter. He makes me forget every little problem I have. I guess that has somewhat to do with the fact that he creates new problems for me to focus on. I'm just alone all the time now and it kills me. Darry works all the time, and Pony is doing his thing with Cherry, which means I'm still sitting at home all the time with nothing to do. I don't even have Dally to fight with now.

Some nights when I sit alone in my living room I think about just heading to Buck's again. I remember all the memories I've had over there. All my problems just seemed to vanish. Darry wouldn't notice if I went over there now. He didn't get home till eleven and then he just crashes in his room. He wouldn't even notice I was gone.

I lost all desire to do that though. It just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

"I can't believe you!" I heard Darry yell from downstairs one night. "I'm working my ass off and then you go and do that! I don't need this Ponyboy. What in God's name where you thinking?"

I sat up on my bed and tried to listen. Darry hasn't yelled at us like that in a long time.

"I said I was sorry!" Pony snapped.

I had never heard him talk to Darry like that. He's usually takes more caution with the way he talks to him.

"Don't use that tone of voice with me!" Darry shouted back. "I'm still the one in charge here and I won't be talked to like that. You better watch yourself, I'm already pissed as hell and you sure don't want to make it any worse."

I walked over to my door and pressed my ear against it. I debated on going down there and breaking them up but I didn't want to get a lashing either.

"Whatever," Ponyboy mumbled. "It wasn't even that bad."

"It wasn't that bad?" Darry challenged back, growing angrier. "You almost get yourself arrested and you don't think it was that bad!"

He almost got arrested? No!

"It wasn't a big deal! You're acting like I murdered someone," Ponyboy said back. "You got called into the station before too when you were my age."

"Yeah, and Dad tanned my hide right after that," Darry said. "You're going to bring the state down on our ass again. We sure as hell don't need that."

"Oh, because the last time was all my fault," Ponyboy snapped. "I said I was sorry. Can we just leave it at that?"

I cracked the door listening for Darry's response. "Don't talk to me that way. I don't need that."

"I didn't mean to do it ok?" Pony said with a snotty tone. I've heard this argument before and it didn't end good the last time. Ponyboy wasn't even slacking off.

"Didn't mean to do what?" Darry asked. "Huh, Ponyboy? Didn't mean to get caught? Didn't think I would find out? I'm not doing this, Ponyboy! I'm not letting the social services come down on us again! You aren't going to go and get yourself thrown in jail. It's not going to be happening. I'm sick of you disrespecting me! Just because Soda's gone-"

There was a pause. I even hung my head. That hurt.

"We'll talk more when I get home. I'll decide your punishment when I get back."

I held my breath as I heard the front door slam shut. I cracked the door open all the way as Ponyboy stomped up the stairs.

"Ponyboy," I gently opened the door a little. He was lying down on his stomach on the bed. "You ok?"

"Yeah," he mumbled into his pillow.

I sighed and walked in. I'm not good with this comforting stuff. I sat down at the end of his bed. I couldn't tell if he was crying or not, but he was defiantly upset. "You wanna talk 'bout it or something?"

"How much did you hear?"

I shrugged. "I guess all of it. What'd ya do?"

He laid his head sideways on the pillow. "I was walking with Cherry downtown and some other greasers were teasing her. I didn't know who they were or nothin', but it was making me mad. Then they touched her and I flipped. I pulled that blade out Dally gave me not knowing the cops were driving by. They saw me and put me in the car."

I looked to the floor. People were always teasing him and Cherry. I would get fed up with it too. "They call Darry?"

He nodded. "He came and dragged me out of there. He was mighty pissed off too. He didn't listen to me or nothing." He took a deep breath. "I guess that's why I got mad. He just assumed that it wasn't for a good reason of nothin', he just started in with the yelling."

Sounds like Darry. Lord knows I've had my fair share of yelling fits with him. "He's just like that. He don't mean nothing by it," I tried to explain.

"I just wish he'd cool it once in a while." He flopped back over face first on the pillow.

I sighed. Here come the words of wisdom. "He tries hard, Pone. After that big blow up me and him had a few months back, I've just seen him differently. He has a lot on his shoulders and it's just hard on him, and sometimes he just needs to let off some steam. I'm not saying he's doing it in the right way, but he really doesn't mean what he says. Trust me - he only wants to help you."

He huffed out into the pillow. "He just treats me like the bad kid or something."

I had to laugh. Was he serious? "Trust me - you're not the bad kid."

"But you're just like him. Not in a bad way, but he just sees himself when he looks at you and stuff. He didn't do the stuff you did, but he still sees it. You've changed. You took to heart what he told you and he respects you for wanting to change."

I guess he had a point. I wasn't the favorite though. I was probably his least favorite. "It still doesn't matter. I just get Darry. He loves you, you're his favorite, Pone."

He made a face at me. "How ya figure?"

I shrugged. "He's always coming down on you so hard because he wants you to do good in life. Make something better of yourself. He knows you're the one who can do it. He wouldn't try so hard if he didn't care about you."

He flopped back over on the pillow. "I just wish Soda was here."

"I do too."

No one could replace Soda. No one could do the things Soda could do. No one could be like Soda.

* * *

I lied in my room that night and thought about Dally. I could hear Darry lecturing Ponyboy in the living room. He was calmer now. I mainly just tuned them out with my thoughts about Dally. It was killing me that I haven't seen him and it was killing me that I was thinking this way. I shouldn't. It's wrong to want something as bad as he is for.

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't keep doing this with him. I couldn't keep letting him hurt me like this.

I slammed my head down on my bed. I was tired of thinking about this. I was tired of being so addicted to him. He treated me like shit. He didn't give a damn about me. He said it himself. He only wanted sex and now that I wasn't giving it to him as much, he went out and got something on the side. What did I expect? This is what he did to Sylvia all these years.

I picked up a glass of water from my nightstand and threw it at the wall. I hated this!

Tears fell from my eyes. I was in love with Dallas Winston. Madly in love.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

* * *

I had to work more lately. Soda wasn't bringing in money so Darry and I had to pick up the slack. I didn't care much though. It beat staying home all alone watching reruns of _Bewitched_. It took my mind of Dally for a few hours a day too. That is when I wasn't watching the door from him to just run in here and talk to me. I gave up on that after a while too though.

I walked alone down the streets until I reached my neighborhood. I found a rock and started kicking it down the road.

"Curtis!" someone yelled behind me.

I quickened my pace; eyes set on my goal of reaching where the neighborhood started. If I just reached them before he could catch up I'd be safe. Just a few more paces…I took a deep breath and continued to walk and kick my little rock.

"I'm talking to you. Damnit. I know you can hear me!"

I tightened my jaw and pretended once again not to hear him. Jogging footsteps came from behind me and I felt his hand hit my shoulder. All of my muscles tensed at once as I remembered him pushing me against the bedroom and taking my virginity. He pulled me back to face him. My eyes fell to the ground, focusing only on his shoes and not on his face.

I sighed as I heard him catch up to me. I whipped around and faced him. "What?"

His eyes were fuming red. He was mad. He sighed in a frustrated sort of way and kicked at the ground with his foot. "Buck saw you at the diner talking to super Soc." He spit it out so fast that the words slurred together and I wasn't sure that I'd heard them at all.

Randy had stopped by the diner and we talked about Soda. Randy owned the place. He was always coming by and once in a while we would talk about how things were going. It wasn't anything to get mad over. Randy and I had nothing between us anymore. I wasn't sure we really ever did. We live in two separate worlds.

Wait, was Dally jealous? Word sure does travel fast in this town.

I narrowed my eyes into razor-thin slits suspiciously. "So?"

"He said it looked like a pretty good conversation you were having," he said. His face twisted into something horribly ugly and resentful.

I hated him. Positively hated him. Why did he care so much anyway? It certainly wasn't because he liked me this much. I knew that. He admitted that to me yesterday when he said that we weren't in a real relationship. Was he just trying to pick a fight with me? Was that it? A week ago, I never would have said anything but maybe a shrug and a quiet 'okay'. But that wasn't who I was anymore.

Dally had changed me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned on my left leg. "Oh and you believe him?"

"You believe everything everyone tells you."

Here we go again. "We were just talking." I took a threatening step toward him, pushing my face into his, my lips almost touching his face. "To use your words - I didn't know that was a crime."

I could hear the dogs in the distance barking along with us. I could tell him everything right now. Everything I was feeling. I could tell him I hated him and missed him all at the same time and that I was so angry and sad. But I don't say any of this.

"We were _talking_," I stressed again seeing his face twist into more knots. "It's not a big deal. We're not _together _anyway, right?"

I tried to walk down the street but he pulled me back around to face him.

"I don't know why I bothered with you in the first place," he spat. "You always seem to have a fucking problem about everything. It was just a goddamn question. Jesus."

My eyes burned with angry tears wanting to come out. "Oh, I'm so sorry I don't like people yelling in my face, or getting cheated on, or having my brother all the way in 'Nam. I'm sorry, but I have better things to worry about that _you_."

He grabbed my arm and tightened his grip. "You are such a bitch."

"And you're a lying ass hole."

I felt myself back away and, I admit, I was blushing a little bit. But it felt amazing, releasing, and refreshing to say something like that to Dally. I could say more, I really could have, but I didn't want to push my luck with getting away with it. I took a deep breath and smiled. I stormed off and up to my porch.

"Don't walk away from me." He entered the house. Luckily no one was home to hear us fighting this way. Dally wouldn't have followed me in if he knew Darry was home.

I turned around and looked into his red eyes. "Can you not talk to me like a normal human being? Or hell better yet, your girlfriend?"

He laughed, rolling his head back. "Oh, is that what you think you are?"

Repulsed and broken hearted, I stepped completely away from Dally, wrenching my hands away from him. My emotional roller coaster crashed violently, sending me spinning off somewhere into the void that had gradually been growing bigger ever since I'd recognized my agonizing crush on Dally. This was all a big mistake, and I was starting to realize that now.

I tried to run away and up to my room, but he pulled me back around to him. I felt tears gathering quickly and I tried to swallow them down in vain. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

"I heard what you did with Jeff," he snapped.

I felt my cheeks burning red and Dally's hands seemed to loosen from my wrists. I tried to snatch them away but his grip only tightened again.

My heart sank to my stomach. I couldn't breathe. I turned around and looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"He told me what happened that night you two meet."

My eyes narrowed angrily and I felt the same flare start up inside me that I had gotten a few minute ago outside when I was fighting with Dally. I felt myself bursting, unable to hold it in. I was so angry and hurt and sad all at the same time and I had to release some of it.

Why the hell was Dally talking to him? When did this happen? What the... "What?" I asked.

"He told me about you having sex with him," Dally snapped back like quick fire.

My eyes got big. I took a few deep shaky breaths, fists clenched "And you believe him? When did he tell you that?"

He smirked at me and I felt like screaming. "When I was in jail," he said. "He told me about a lot of stuff that you were doing. I didn't believe him at first until I saw you for myself. I was out of jail for a few days before I meet up with you. I dropped by Buck's to see for myself what you were doing. Got a pretty good picture too."

I pushed him back. "He told you, didn't he?" I demanded to know, voice shaking with emotion. "He's the one who told you what I did! How could you believe him? How could you even talk to him about that?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

This wasn't happening. He was lying.

I put my hands on top of my head. My voice was raw and I wiped my eyes, heaving out gasps in order to stop crying. "Shut up! Shut up!"

"Make. Me."


	28. Drunk From My Hate

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I stared at the space he had been standing in only a moment before and felt hopelessness and loneliness open inside me just like that hole in the floor would have. I stepped away from the wall, numb, and hesitated to speak up. I didn't want to back down and seem like a baby and for Dally to have the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. I had to speak up and say something to him. Anything to hurt him as much as he hurt me.

But he spoke instead, directing my eyes towards him. "You don't have anything to say for once?"

I took a step back, looking down. My message was clear. I withered against the brick, letting my ragged breathes slowly gain control again. I shook slightly and bit my lip so hard that it began to bleed. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything," Dally snapped. "You're doing this to yourself."

"I didn't do anything to you!" I cried, tears running down my cheeks. My voice was low and icy when I spoke again. "I loved you when no one else would. I gave you everything."

"You didn't give me shit," he growled lowly. "'Least nothing I couldn't get from Sylvia or another broad."

"I loved you more than anything and this is how you treat me?"

He just looked at me. Eventually, he shrugged, acting as if he was giving up. "Well apparently I'm a dick, so why does it even matter? Oh and nice hair by the way. Brunettes ain't really my type."

"What is wrong with you?" I sobbed, not understanding his anger towards me. I should be the angry one here. He had accused me of doing something with _Jeff._ That's the thing about Dally, he wouldn't let you be mad at him. He had to be mad at you.

Was he mad that I had supposedly done something with Jeff? Was he mad that I didn't tell him? There was an endless list of reasons, but in the end, he was furious with me, and I was just as furious with him.

"I loved you," I spoke softly. "Could you not see that? I'm sorry you think I did this with Jeff but it's not true. What's the difference anyway? You slept around on me just a few weeks ago. I never cheated on you, Dally. I loved you and you couldn't love me back. That's the problem here."

He glared at me. He took a strong step forward, getting into my face. I felt hot breath on me as he spoke, "And you wonder why your brother kicked you out. If I had to live with such a bitch then I would have sent you packing a long time ago."

"Get out," I whispered, not having the strength to speak louder or even cry. I didn't want him to know that I was crying because of him. I wouldn't let him have that. "Leave. Now."

He looked away disdainfully and retreated to the door, letting the screen door bang shut behind him, sounding like the sharp shot of a gun.

Hours past. I had made progress and moved from the floor to my bed. My brothers eventually came home and I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was sleeping, but my sobs were too loud. I couldn't stop crying. I had loved Dally, and it didn't mean anything to him. He'd lied to me and continued to hurt my feelings with no regarded to how I felt. I cheated on me, and then made me feel like crap for doing something that I wasn't sure happened.

I cried as I thought about the good times I did with Dally, and all the time I had wasting on my first love. I regretting giving Dally my virginity. He didn't deserve to take that from me.

"Danni?" Darry asked, coming into my room. His eyes searched my face worriedly. "Are you okay?"

I wished the tears wouldn't show and prayed he wasn't being observant enough to notice them. No such luck.

"You're crying," he told me, as if I didn't know.

"Darry…" I tried to think up some kind of an excuse to get my brother to stop being protective and let me get away.

"Is it Dally?" he demanded in concern. I guess that ever since he learned about me and Dally he had been assuming something like this might reoccur. His voice was hard and low when he spoke next. "Was it Dally, Danni?"

I buried my head in my pillow. "Can you just leave me along for a few minutes…please?"

I thought Darry seemed to understand, but then I felt his hand on my back. He began to rub circles and spoke softly, "What happened?"

The more I felt his touch, the more I cried. "I really want to be alone, Dar."

He sighed and slowly got up off my bed. "I'll be down stairs if you need me."

The door closed behind him. I breathed out a breath of air. I missed Soda. He would know exactly what to say to me - after he kicked Dally's ass of course. The thought made me cry harder. I needed Soda. I needed my brother to come home. I needed my life to be ok again. I needed to feel happy again.

I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. I wasn't supposed to be like this. I needed Dally to love me, I needed my brother back, and I needed to be happy.

* * *

A few days past. Darry and Pony kept their distance from me. I hadn't talked to anyone about what happened either. I hadn't really talked to anyone period. I stayed in my room and wallowed in my sorrows. Darry kept on trying to get me to talk but I couldn't say it out loud. I didn't want him to worry about me either or stir up more drama with Dally.

I sat at the table that night and tried to focus on the homework in front of me. I had fallen way behind with all this going on, and Darry started riding my ass again about it. Exams were coming up soon too and if I fail, Darry would kill me.

_*Ring*_

"Phone!" I yelled, hoping someone would get it so I didn't have to speak to anyone. Besides, I really had to do this homework and catch up with my school work.

Darry ran into the kitchen and gave me a look. I shrugged and looked back down at my homework.

"Hello? Yes this is Darrel Curtis. What do you mean he's been _shot_?"

I dropped my pencil and turned completely around and look at him. His face was ghost white. I could feel my heart getting ready to beat out of my chest. He meant Soda, didn't he? They were calling to tell us our brother was dead, weren't they?

Ponyboy soon entered the room once he heard. He was almost as white as Darry was. Darry looked at both of us with his mouth open. I held my breath as I waited for him to say something. He nodded his head and slipped into the bed room.

"What happened?" Pony asked me.

I shrugged and bit my nails. "Someone's been shot."

He looked over at the door with his mouth open. "Tell me it's not Soda." He turned and looked at me. "Tell me it's not Soda, Danni!"

Tears were beginning to seep down his face. I shook my head and looked down at the floor. He shook his head and sat down at the table with me. He laid his head down and cried. I felt like I should hug him or something, but I couldn't move. My heart felt like it was going to explode and my legs were shaking so bad I thought they were going to fall off. I kept my eyes locked on the door waiting for Darry to come out. I thought I would be able to tell if Soda was gone or not. I thought I could just feel it. I didn't feel that way though. I didn't feel like he was gone.

Darry soon slowly came out of the bed room. He just looked down at the ground as he hung up the phone. Pony's head shot up and looked at him. Tears were streaming down his face. "What did they say?"

Darry continued to look down at the floor. This wasn't a good sign. I just stared at him, waiting for a response.

"What did they say Darry?" Pony yelled again.

Darry didn't say anything. Soda can't be dead. He just can't be. "Dar, say something," I said.

He looked up at us. He wasn't crying yet. That was a good sign right? "Soda's been shot."

His words were so calm. How could he possibly be calm about this? "Is…he…is he…" I couldn't finish that. I couldn't even bring myself to say that.

"Darry what did they say?" Pony shouted, banging his fist on the table and making me jump. I've never heard Ponyboy raise his voice like this before. It was starting to scare me to see him this way. "Tell us!"

Darry sighed and slowly dragged his feet over to us. "He was shot last night. He's in surgery right now. They don't know what's going to happen."

My eyes went to the floor. In other words, he was dying. This was all really happening. Soda might die and there's nothing any of us could do about it.

"So he's not…dead?" Ponyboy asked, his voice a lot calmer than it was before.

Darry shook his head. "They said they'd call in the morning to tell us the outcome."

The outcome of whether our brother was dead or not. He was half way around the world and we couldn't even see him. We couldn't even say good bye to him. I could hear a chair slam against the table and someone run upstairs. I knew it was Ponyboy. He couldn't take this. He would just die if something where to happen to Soda…..if _this_ happened to Soda.

"Danni," Darry said. "How are you doing?"

I shook my head. I didn't know how I was doing. I was just told my brother had been shot and might die and I was feeling absolutely nothing. I just felt like dying. I slowly got up from the table and went upstairs. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing but I just felt like I needed to do this.

Ponyboy's was face down on his bed. I slowly walked in and took a seat at the end of it. I took a deep sigh and waited for something to happen. For anything to happen.

"Don't even bother telling me everything will be ok," he snapped.

I shook my head and played with one of the blue squares on his comforter. "I'm not. I just…want to be here...with you."

He didn't say anything. I don't think he wanted to be alone either. I could hear Darry slowly coming up from the stairs too. "Hey." He sighed as he leaned against the door.

"Hey," I said looking over at him.

He slowly came over and sat beside me on the bed. He gently put his hand on Pony's leg. "They said they'd call back early in the morning, so we won't know anything for a while."

I had a feeling this was going to be a long night. I looked around the little room that belonged to Pony and Soda. The walls were white and posters were all over the place. On the left was a big hole. Soda, Pony, and I did it one day when we got the bright idea to play baseball in here with one of those big huge balls that Darry had brought home. Mom was mighty pissed at us, but Dad just laughed and gave us some plaster to fix it. Soda wouldn't hear of it though. He liked that stupid hole. It brought a smile to my face every time I looked at it. I think it did him too. It reminded us of how happy our childhood was. How happy all of us were before my parents died.

"It smells like him in here," I finally said. I didn't know what else to say. It always smelt like Soda in here. He put on enough cologne to fill the hole in the ozone layer. I liked the smell though. I missed that smell.

I looked at Darry. He reached over and wiped one of the tears that feel from my face. I hadn't even realized I was crying until now. "He has to be ok," Ponyboy cried. "He just has to be."

Soda was going to be ok. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't. I don't know what any of us would do.

I gently lied myself on the bed and rested my head on one of Pony's leg and my legs on Darry's lap. He began to rub one of them as more tears fell from my face. Darry was hurting just as bad as we were. I just wanted to lay here like this. I wanted to lay here with my brothers and let everything be ok. I wanted to escape from all this, just for a while, I wanted to pretend that everything was fine. Dally and I were fine, Soda was downstairs cooking cake, and we were all ok. I just wanted to believe this. Just for a while.

I looked up to the ceiling remembering what my mother had always told me. If he was really there, then he couldn't let this happen. _God please, please protect him. Please protect my brother. Don't let him die God. I don't know how we can ever live without him. God just please, please, look after Soda. Please God, don't let him die._

* * *

I slept there that night. Darry tried to wake me up a couple of times to get me to go in my room but I didn't want to leave. He even tried to carry me one time, but I groaned in protested so he put me back down. He eventually fell asleep with us too. We all just piled into the tiny bed and crammed ourselves together and went to sleep. We needed this. We all might hate each other sometimes, but we need each other at the same time, and for now, we were all we had.

I was woken up by Darry scrambling off the bed. I could vaguely make out the phone ringing, but then again, I thought I heard it all last night too. I just rolled over and pretended like I was dreaming again.

"Danni, Ponyboy!" I groaned and rolled over to see Darry standing in the door way. Maybe I wasn't dreaming.

I looked to Pony. He was still sound asleep. God, he could sleep through anything. I nudged him with my foot. "Wake up, they called."

He rubbed his eyes and looked over at Darry too. "What's going on?" he asked groggily.

I held my breath as I waited for his response. This was it. Had my brother died or not? The million dollar question. I watched Darry, waiting for him to say something. He just shook his head as a big smile came across his face. He was smiling? He was really smiling!

I scrambled to the edge of the bed as did Pony. "He's alive!"

I looked up to the ceiling and laughed. I don't know why, but I just had to laugh. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I couldn't even believe what he was saying. Ponyboy had gotten up and Darry was swinging him around the room. I still felt like I was dreaming.

I got up and joined them. Darry put Pony down and quickly grabbed ahold of me. I buried my face into his chest and continued to laugh. "His plane will be here in an hour."

I pulled away and looked at him. "He's coming home?"

He nodded his head. "He's fine and they're sending him home to recover." I grabbed a hold of him again. This wasn't happening. Just no way! Darry eventually pulled me off of him. "Get ready, we need to go."

* * *

We drove the rest of the way in silence. We laughed and blasted Elvis. It was Soda's favorite. Darry speeded the whole way to the airport. I guess he was just as anxious as any of us to see Soda. I looked at the window at the sun shining down. Soda was coming home. Maybe things were looking up. Maybe this was God telling me that I was better off without Dally. Maybe that's what I needed all along. My family was finally going to be complete.

The airport was only about thirty minutes from my house and with Darry driving about eighty miles an hour; it didn't take too long for us to get there. We pulled into the parking garage and Darry was off. Pony and I jumped out and followed him.

We ran around in circles. I had never been in an airport before so _I _had no idea where I was going. Darry led us around like little lost puppies all over the place. I wanted to ask someone, but Darry wouldn't hear of it. That's a man for you. I didn't care though. I was going to see Soda so I didn't care about anything at the moment.

"_Flight 287 from Vietnam is now arriving at gate 13."_

"That's it!" Darry yelled dragging us to the other side of the airport.

I couldn't believe this. Everything was happening so fast. My brother was coming home. He had survived the war, he had been shot, and now he was coming home. I couldn't comprehend this.

"There he is!" Ponyboy yelled, pointing across the room.

I turned around and looked down the runway. There he was, walking over to us with a limp. He was moving slowly, struggling to keep up. His shiny black hair shinned under the lights and his green eyes smiled at us. As he got closer you could make out his movie star smile. It had been a month since I'd seen that smile. I couldn't even breathe. There he was. The closer he got, the harder my heat beat. He still looked like the Soda who left a month ago. He looked like our Soda.

Ponyboy was the first to take off. Soda dropped his bags and met him in his arms. He smiled as he spun around in a circle with his little brother in his arms. I smiled at them. Ponyboy cried into his chest as he tightened his grip on him. He didn't care if he had been shot and almost died or not. He was going to do this. He was going to spin his little brother around like he was five years old again.

Darry walked over there to meet them. Ponyboy let go of Soda and gave Darry his turn. Darry smiled and gripped onto Sodapop. He was crying too. I hadn't seen him cry in a long time, but there he was. I felt tears fall from my eyes as well. This was my family. The family we were supposed to be.

"We're so glad you're back, little buddy," Darry sobbed, patting him on the back.

Darry let go of his grip and Soda looked over at me. He smiled his movie star smile at me. I couldn't help but smile back. I really missed that look. He held his good arm out for me.

"Come here," he said, motioning me to him. "You ain't gonna hurt me."

I slowly walked over to him. I wanted to cherish this moment for as long as I could. I finally reach him and he gripped my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. I buried my head in his shoulder and took in his presence. He still smelt like Soda. I missed this smell so much. I felt the tears fall as I gripped onto his shirt. He laughed and rubbed my back. I missed this so much. I could feel my legs begin to shake again. I still couldn't believe this was happening.

"I'm home now," he said to me. Ponyboy came over to the other side and held on to us. "I'm finally home."

Darry joined in on our group hug and cried with us. We stood there for what seemed like hours and cried together. We didn't care who saw us or who was staring.

Soda finally pulled us off of him. "Nice hair." He smirked and ruffled my hair. I grinned at him. Of course he would notice that out of everything. "Let's go home."

We laughed. Soda was here. He was finally here. He was finally home. We walked out into the outside world. I looked up into the light blue sky. _Thank you._


	29. Same Routine

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Saturday morning I found myself in Soda's room. It had been a week since he'd been home and I hadn't had the chance to talk to him. I was studying nonstop for exams and Soda went to a lot of doctor's appointments these days. Last night Steve threw him a surprise welcome home party in our back yard. Soda was so excited to see everyone again. He said it was one of the best nights of his life.

This morning, I decided to go to his room to see him. It'd been such a long time since we really sat down and talked. Soda knew about Dally and our last fight. Well, he only knew what Darry told him.

"What kind of stuff did you guys say?"

I turned away. "It doesn't matter anymore," I said vaguely, avoiding the question. "We're done."

He cast me a glare. "Are you sure about that?" he asked, raising an impatient and annoyed eyebrow.

I had been debating that question myself. Before when Dally and I fought, I always wanted to make things right and go back with him. This time was different and the feelings I once had for him were starting to vanish. I replayed all the hurtful things he said to me over and over again and each time I would get so angry with him and then I would feel hurt again.

Then I start to wonder, did I hurt Dally too by any of the things I had said? Could Dallas Winston have his feelings hurt too?

"I think I'm sure," I admitted softly.

Soda understood this stuff. He understood me. He has since we were kids. He probably knows Dally the best too. He, out of everyone, strangely understands all of this.

He patted my hand. "Things will turn out ok."

I considered this. "I hope so. I feel weird about Dally."

He nodded like he understood exactly what I had meant. "Love doesn't just go away. Trust me; I know. In my opinion, I think he was scared."

I rose up from the bed. Was he serious? Are we talking about the same person? Dally is the most fearless person I know and Soda was saying he was scared of _me_? "Scared?" I asked.

Silence filled the room and for a second I saw something flint momentarily across his eyes. Concern. Worry. For me. "I think he was falling in love with you and he was scared. I don't think he really knows what that is and it just freaked him out."

"I told him I hated him," I admitted, looking down at my hands.

"You did?" he asked tentatively, his voice gentle and soft.

I nodded, regretting it. I had told Dally multiple times. Maybe that was why he was angry with me. Hate is a big word. "He just made me so mad. I don't know. The things he said…..they really hurt me. I guess I just wanted to hurt him."

Soda sighed and circled around the lining of the sheets on the bed. "I get it."

"I'm going to take a break for a while."

"I think you should. Maybe just decide if the things he said to you hurt you enough to….." He trailed off.

I shrugged, feeling even worse about what I had said to Dally. I had never thought about hurting him before. Just him hurting me. "I don't know if he'll want me back."

He winked. "Trust me, he will."

"How did you get shot?" I didn't know if I should've asked that or not. After all he apparently hadn't told anyone. I wouldn't want to relive that.

He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. I couldn't tell if he really wanted to tell me or not. "It's a long story."

"I've got time," I said trying to convince him to talk to me. "You can talk to me. I'm a good listener."

He sighed and took a deep breath. "Ok then. It all happened about two weeks ago. We were getting ready to attack enemy territory. It was a nightmare. The enemy troops came in the middle of the night while we were sleeping. I didn't know what was going on at first until the siren went off. All I knew was that it was bad if that thing went off and that usually meant to run, or so I've been told, and when someone tells you to run there, you listen.

"I jumped out of the tent to look outside at the damage that was being done. Our troops were running everywhere, and shots were being fired left and right. It was like a scene in an old war movie, only it was more real and way more terrifying. I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed my gun and followed them like I knew what I was doing.

"It was a pretty dumb idea though. I didn't know what I was doing and I wasn't real good at using the gun. Everyone was yelling and I just got so confused and just began running around in circles trying not to get hit or get in the way. After a while of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I decided to look for a place to hide out, but that didn't work so good either. It was dark and I couldn't see too good.

"I ended up walking right on to enemy territory. I hid behind one of the big oak trees and just held my breath. I couldn't think of anything else I could do. Hours past and they still hadn't noticed me, so I thought I was doing pretty good. All I could think about was you guys and how you all were waiting on me to come back. I just shut my eyes and waited."

I figured Soda had thought about us while he was down there. Hearing all of this made me tear up, and then I noticed his eyes watering up as well.

Soda cleared his throat. "After a while, I thought that it was over considering I wasn't hearing anymore yelling or shots being fired, so I started to go back to the camp. That's when it happened. I felt pressure on my leg as I fell to the ground. I blacked out as soon as I hit the ground so I don't remember how it ended. My troop leader who found me said that they shot down the guy and then drug me back to safety. He reminded me a lot of Darry. Not much of an emotional feller. I guess that's just the way you have to be there though. Next thing I know they're sending me off on a plain."

He looked down to the floor. I tried to gather the words to say. I didn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say to that? "Wow." Was all that came out. "Were you scared?"

He nodded as if he didn't care how dumb of a question it was. "Every minute of every day. I would think about you guys, and it would help, but I was terrified. These men had families too though, and all they cared about was winning the war. They didn't even care about getting home to their wives and children. I just didn't get it. I talked to one soldier and he told me all about his family. He had a wife and two little girls under the age of three back home."

He paused and looked up at the sky. He was trying to hold back the tears.

"He talked about them every day to me. I liked hearing it. It was someone acting human for a change. He kept on saying that all he wanted to do was to see them again." Soda looked back up and tried to control himself. He now had tears falling. "I watched him die. I watched him be taken away from this Earth, be taken away from his family. His children will grow up without a dad now. I couldn't do anything about it either. I just wonder why that didn't happen to me. He had more reason to live than I did."

"Soda-" I tried to say.

"Don't," he said stopping me. "It's true and you know it as well as I do. I'm only eighteen; he was a grown man with a family. Sure, I had a family too, but he had a wife and children. I just don't get it. I'm happy to be alive, I really am, but why me? Why did I make it out alive when so many people didn't?"

What was I supposed to say to that?

"I get why you're not saying anything," he finally said. "I mean it's a lot to take in. I don't know how I would feel if someone told me this. That's not even the half of it though."

Not even the half of it was probably right. I really had no idea of how much he really went though. I probably never will.

"How many people did you watch die?" I asked trying to find something to say.

He shook his head as more tears slowly slid down his dirt covered face. "Maybe ten. I lost count."

I looked to the floor. He didn't deserve that. No one did. How could you even...do that? "Did you…kill anyone?"

He shook his head. "I had pliantly of chances, but…..I just couldn't bring myself to. I watched the souls just be lifted from people, and I just couldn't do that to someone. I couldn't take someone's father, son, husband, away from them."

We had lost my parents, life meant more to us now. Everyone deserves a chance to live. I knew Soda felt the same.

I glanced up at him. He was crying now. I felt a tug on my heart as I watched him cry. He observed me again. I leaned over and wiped some of the tears that feel from his eyes. He grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"I love you, Soda," I told him, crying too. "I'm glad you're home."

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night to screaming. Blood wrenching screams echoed through the house.

I jumped up from my bed and ran to where it was coming from. I sprinted to Soda and Pony's room to discover Soda clinching for dear life onto Darry. I couldn't grasp what I was seeing.

I saw Ponyboy who was sitting beside Darry and Soda, rubbing Soda's back.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Ponyboy gazed up at me from the edge of the bed. He looked terrified. "It's nothing," Soda said wiping some of the sweat off of him. "I didn't mean to wake you guys."

I stood there and waited for Darry to say something. "Are you sure you're ok, Soda?"

Soda slowly nodded, climbing back into bed. "I'm good. It was just a dream. I didn't mean to wake ya'll up. You should go back to sleep."

Darry sighed and slowly got up from the bed. "If you need me, I'm right downstairs. We can talk tomorrow, alright, little buddy?"

Soda nodded as Darry closed the door behind him.

"What was that about?" I asked Darry as I followed him down the ha;;

He sighed, rubbing his face. "He had a nightmare. By the sound of it, it was pretty bad. I expected this to happen. It's hard on someone to go through what he went through."

I looked over at the door remembering what Soda had just told me not too long ago. "Will he be ok?"

Darry slowly nodded. "In time. Just go back to sleep while we still have some night left."

I wish I could have done something to help Soda. He shouldn't have to go through this. No one should.

* * *

Angela came over the next day. Her face was fully cleared of any cuts and bruises and she'd even lost some weight. She looked so much better than she did before and I was proud of her for getting cleaned up. Sometimes it does take something bad to happen to a person before they decide to change. Angela was a prime example of that.

"So I heard some things about Dally," she said right away tenderly.

I took a steadying breath to calm down. "What'd ya hear?"

"He's been going to Buck's a lot. He hasn't been alone either."

I figured that. I turned my head away from her and sighed heavily "Well we're not together anymore. I guess he can go to Buck's with whoever he wants to."

"He owes you a damn apology," she snapped, trying her best to make me feel better.

I shook my head, my face still turned away from her. If I started crying, I didn't want her to see me. I think I'm done crying over Dally though. "He ain't going to give it to me."

She narrowed her eyebrows at me. "You're not even going to try anymore?"

I pondered that. "Do you want to go out tonight?"

She shrugged and jumped up off the bed. "Well you know me." She cracked an evil smile. "I never say no to a party."

I looked over at her and smiled. "Let's go then."

* * *

The adrenaline this party house brought to me was priceless.

I'm not sure why I decided to come here. Maybe I just wanted to see Dally in the act. Maybe I wanted to get some action of my own. Maybe I wanted to make him jealous. Maybe it was all three. None the less, I was here, and Angela had dressed me in her best outfit, and I was ready to try and have a good time.

"You sure you want to do this?" Ang asked me before we walked in.

I nodded, stepping up the stairs.

The place had people everywhere. It had been months since I experienced something like this

"Well if it ain't Ms. Angela Shepard," some drunk stammered as he approached us. "You brought a pretty girl with ya too!"

I stood behind Angela, wanting to stay away from him. "Do you see Dally yet?" I yelled over the music.

She peeked her head over the crowed and shook her head. "Not yet, but I'm sure he's here somewhere. Tim says he's here every night drinking. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Why don't you keep looking and I'm going to get a drink."

This was a bad idea. I'm not supposed to be at Buck's anyway and it doesn't look like Dally's even here. Darry would be so hacked if he finds out I'm here. I should just go on home. This was pointless.

"Danni? Danni is that you?"

I turned around to see a dark brown haired boy standing behind me. I was taken aback by who it was. I hadn't seen him in a long time. We ran across each other a few times back when I hung around Tim.

"Byron? What are you doing here?"

He cracked a sly smile, holding up his beer. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"How have you been?" I asked, stepping closer to him.

He looked down at me, smiling at my closeness. "Just fine. What about you?" He took a sip of his drink. "Do you got any boys in your life?"

I shook my head. "What about you? Any girls around?"

He laughed and shook his head. Byron was always a free spirit. He didn't like to be tied down by girls. "Nah, not at the moment anyway. Why you interested?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

I shook my head and took his hand. I wasn't _not _interested, that's for sure. Byron was cute. Cute enough for me to dance with and talk to. I led him over to where everyone was dancing. "Just dance with me!"

"What do I get in return?"

"We'll see how you do first." I smiled and grabbed ahold of his chin and made him look at me.

Time began to wind down. Byron and I continued to dance. He pushed his body onto mine and I did him. Soon, things were getting intense between us, and I wasn't thinking straight.

His free hand pressed to my back again. I parted my lips easily, kissing back. His brow knit together in passionate. His chest pressed to mine, constricting deep breathing and gasping though my nose rather than my mouth was difficult. Byron shifted to kiss my bottom lip like he knew I enjoyed it and I groaned shamelessly. This only encouraged him and he took a step closer, his jeans rubbing against my bare legs. Adrenaline shot through me thickly and I pressed both my lips eagerly against his again.

"Who's that dude giving us the stink eye?" He slurred in my ear, stopping the kiss for a second.

I poked my head around him to see who he was referring to. If it wasn't the little devil himself. He was busy drinking away with Sylvia and a bunch of other girls.

As soon as I saw him, I went back to kissing Byron, harder and more passionate.

"He your boooyyyfriend or something?" Byron slurred again, whispering into my ear.

I pulled his face down to the left side of my neck and he kissed it gently. "Don't worry about it."

Time continued to pass. Dally snuck in a look every now and again and I did the same.

"I'm going to get a refill. Want anything?" Byron asked me, waving the beer bottle at me.

I wiped my lips where his had just been. Byron was a good kisser, but I knew he was trouble and I shouldn't be doing this with him. "Uh no, I'm just going to hang out here for a while."

He nodded and ran off into the kitchen. Byron may be trouble, but I wasn't scared of a little trouble.

I followed him into the kitchen where he spotted me. "I thought you said you didn't want anything," he said, raising up with a beer and putting his hands on my waist.

Dally was in plain sight of us now and he could hear every word we were saying. I licked my lips. "I just can't stay away from you."

He slipped his hand under the back of my shirt and hummed. "Well why don't we go upstairs and make this night go a little bit better?"

I glanced over at Dally and his cluster of girls. They were throwing the drinks back. Dally was watching me though. I could feel his eyes on me all night.

"What do you say sweetheart?" Byron asked again, his hand going up my spine.

I turned around to wrap my hands around his neck. I pressed my body onto his and my lips onto him. Maybe this would shut him up for five minutes while I think. I wasn't going upstairs with him, I knew that for sure. This was just buying me some time to figure out what I was really doing here.

Byron eventually pulled away from me as we both ran out of breath. "Damn, you really know how to please a guy."

I glanced behind me at Dally. He wasn't looking at me but he was pissed. I turned back to Byron. "You don't even know what wonders I can do." I ran my finger down his chest and stopped at his belt.

He stopped kissing me and grabbed my hand. "Let's go then." He pulled me out of the kitchen and into the living room.

I stopped in the middle of the room once I was out of Dally's sight. I wasn't going up there with Byron and I needed to get away before things got bad. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to get a drink."

I slowly reentered the kitchen. Dally was laughing it up with Sylvia as they played some kind of drinking game. He didn't even acknowledge me.

What was I doing here again? Dally didn't care about me or what I was doing. He didn't let on at least. We weren't together any more, and he could care less about me and who I was with. I had just been so stupid with this plane.

My cheeks grew red with embarrassment and anger and regret.

The only other thing that was in there was two full cartons of eggs. I slammed the door in anger.

Wait, EGGS!

* * *

"Damn, I've been looking all over for you." Angela came up to me as I approached her outside. She always hung out outside and smoked.

"I was around." I shrugged, pulling out the carton from inside my jacked.

She glared at me and then glared at the eggs. She took a long drag of her cigarette before speaking, "Why the fuck are you holding a carton of eggs?"

I smiled and took one out of the box. It was so cold on my bare skin. This was going to be perfect, just perfect. "Follow me."

I led her around the building to where Buck always parked his car. I knew whose car would be out there too. Angela followed me without asking. She probably knew what was going on and didn't care to speak up to stop me. She loved trouble and she was sure going to love this.

"Again I ask why the fuck do you have eggs, and why are we back here?" she asked, taking another long drag from her cigarette.

I looked at the car in front of us, a sly smile appearing on my lips.

I placed the egg I was holding into her hand and took another one out for myself.

I threw the egg up and caught it in my hand. I did it over and over again and Angela's smile soon appeared across her face as she looked back over at the car.

"Oh fuck, are we…."

I cracked a smile and looked at the shiny new Ford car. This was my game now, and I intended to win. "Fuck you, Dallas Winston." And with that, the eggs went flying.


	30. Steal Knife

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

Everything was moving slowly. It was so dark outside but you could see for miles into the valley. I looked over at Ang again. She really was happy. I hadn't seen her like this in years. She had gone through so much in the last few months, and now look. She didn't have a care in the world. She was just happy to be alive. We didn't need boys to make us feel this way. We could be happy just by doing this. She could be happy without Jeff…..and I could be happy without Dally. I was happy without Dally. No matter what, I was going to be ok.

I was going to be just fine.

"What is the police saying about Jeff?" I asked Angela the next day.

She shrugged and picked the baby up from the ground. He was getting bigger now.. "They're still looking for him."

They'll never find him. "You are pressing charges though, right?" I asked.

She nodded and picked up one of the toys off the ground for Jake to play with. "I have to be careful though. Some lady came by the other day and told me, they might take Jake away." She sighed. "Have you heard from Dally?"

I shook my head.

She started fiddling with her fingers which told me she was serious about all this. "Do you know how many I've been with?"

I shook my head. I didn't know the number anyway.

"I've lost count." She laughed loosely. "I'm sure you know that though. I've been with more guys than Sylvia. Piece of shit guys that meant nothing with me."

"Angela-" I started to say.

"How old were you when you had sex for the first time?" She asked interrupting me. "fifteen, right? I was thirteen. It's young right? Too young to have sex." She looked up at the ceiling. "It was a fun night too, let me tell you that."

"Ang-" I tried to say again before I was cut off.

"It happened at Buck's. I was only a kid and it was my first time there. Tim and Curly went all the time and I thought it was some cool thing to do. I didn't exactly know what to do there. I wasn't experienced in sex and drinking yet, so I was just lost. My brothers ran off after a while with some whores and I was alone. I didn't know anyone else there so I just sat on the couch by myself.

"Then I saw this guy." She laughed. "He was a looker. He had dark black hair and brown eyes that just memorized me. He wasn't your normal greaser guy. He came over and talked to me and I thought it was the best thing in the world. A guy, a good looking guy, actually talking to me of all people. He was nice too. He seemed like a pretty cool guy. We talked for a while and then he started kissing me. I was on cloud nine.

"After a while he asked me if I wanted to continue it upstairs, and with me being an idiot I said yes." She paused and looked down at Jake.

I just watched her.

"He led me up to one of the rooms. I thought we were just going to make out. I thought I was the coolest girl in the world. Damn was I dumb. He took me in and locked the door behind him. We sat on the bed and made out for a while. It all seemed perfect. Then he pulled out a condom. I'd seen them before just lying around in my brother's room, but I never thought twice about them. I knew then what he was going to do to me." She sighed as she fought back the tears. "I tried to push him off and tell him no, but he pushed me back down. He was twice my size and there was no way I was getting out. He told me if I screamed he'd kill me. I cried as he just worked me over like I was nothing."

"Ang-"

"I cried the whole time. Once it was over I curled up in a ball on the bed. He didn't say a word. He just left me there."

She looked up at the ceiling again.

"I didn't know what to do next. I slowly got up and just went home. I locked myself in my room for days. My brothers couldn't even touch me without me freaking out and crying. I didn't tell them though, I didn't tell anyone.

"I saw him around at school a few times. I'd just run the other way or lock myself in the bathroom. After a while I knew I'd have to do something. I wasn't going to allow any guy to take advantage of me again, so I went back to Buck's a few months later. I pulled in the nearest guy I could find and let him have it.

"I wasn't going to let another guy have sex with me without my permission. I wanted to feel what sex was really about. The love that you're supposed your feel. I never got it though. I went through hundreds of guys and I didn't feel it once." Tears fell from her eyes. "That's why I slept with so many. That night that Jeff tried to do that with you, I knew exactly what was going on I saw your face and I knew that look, I saw his and I knew that look too. It shocked me and I didn't know what to do. I just… I flipped. It just brought back old memories."

"You're not like me." She turned and looked at me. "I don't want you to be like me. I see it coming though."

"Angela, I'm not-"

She shook her head, stopping me. "I know you think the same thing. I can't change, but you can."

I looked to the floor. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

She laughed and played with one of the toys on the floor. "The second biggest whore in Tulsa telling people she got raped, I'm sure that'd go over big."

I looked up at her. I felt her pain. "You can change. You can be-"

"This is who I am. Who I'll always be." She looked up at me. "You're not though. Promise me you won't end up like me."

I didn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say to that? "Ang, I-"

"Promise." She said. She really wanted me to say it.

I looked at her tear stained face and then up at her big brown eyes. They didn't show the perkiness they showed last night. "I promise."

She sighed and picked up her baby from the floor. "You don't want my life. You have a future. Forget about, Dally. Be happy with your life."

I wasn't going to become her. I wouldn't let myself.

* * *

Days continued to pass. I heard a lot of rumors about Dally. Girls at school made sure they told me every little detail about it too. I tried to tune them out the best I could. It was hard though. Really hard. I still had feelings for him, whether I liked it or not. It was hard to hear those things. I thought he'd at least miss me or something, but he doesn't. I should have expected that. Dally doesn't miss people. He threw me away like yesterday's trash.

Jeff is still on the run. It scares Angela to death too. She calls me crying almost every day now saying she thought she saw him. I think she's hallucinating. Jeff was probably long gone by now.

The days that past passed very slowly. I had nothing better to do than study, and work. Ponyboy even had more of a social life than I did. In the past year it's like we traded places. He has the life I once had and always wanted to have.

I let myself become the girl I am now. I'm changing though. Slowly but surely I'm picking up the pieces of my shattered life.

I still get sick all the time too. It's weird. I refuse to go to the doctor though. Darry nags me about it all the time, so I just keep my pain to myself. I guess it must just be PMS or something. The longest PMS I have ever had.

"Danni, come here!" someone called from down stairs.

I slowly got up from my bed. I had been glued to that thing these past few days.

Soda was sitting on the couch with a Pepsi in his hands and Ponyboy was smirking on the chair next to him. "Darry's got a date." Soda smirked.

I perked up and raised my eyebrows. "A date?"

Darry doesn't date anymore. He used to all the time back before Mom and Dad died. He was a hit with all the girls in high school. He played football so a lot of Soc cheerleaders even had an eye for him. Darry went out with a couple from what I can remember. I was still young and so I didn't pay much attention to my brother's love life. I did know that he hadn't gotten out much since high school. I figured he was just waiting until Pony and I got out of the house before he started dating again.

Ponyboy covered his mouth to hide a laugh. "He's freaking out too."

"With who?" I ask.

Soda shrugged and sipped on the edge of the can. "You remember that Kathy girl that he went out with once last year?"

I liked Kathy. She came to the house a few times when I was little and she gave me a lot of her old dolls. "Yeah, they went to prom or something together in high school right?"

He nodded, remembering it too. "Well she's back in town, and our big bro has been talking to her."

"Shut-up." Darry huffed as he entered the room. He buttoned up his shit and shook his head.

I turned and looked at him. He looked nice. He was wearing a shirt that actually didn't have a stain on it. He smelt good too like fresh rain and soap. Not his usual mix of oil and dirt.

"Wow," I said still at a loss for words. He hadn't looked like this since my parent's funeral.

"Yeah, I know, I look dumb," he grumbled, fixing up his shirt again. "Just don't rub it in."

I shook my head. Soda and Ponyboy were rubbing it in, but I didn't think he looked dumb at all. "No, you look good," I reassured him.

He sighed and sat down in his chair. I could tell he was real nervous about all this. Soda and Pony laughing at him about it didn't help things too much either. He was Darry. I guess I expected him to date some, but I didn't expect it to be right now. We hadn't even heard about Kathy. Darry did keep his personal life to himself a lot though.

"Do you know how long it's been since I've actually been on a date?" Darry asked. "I don't even remember what to do."

"Don't miss when you try and kiss her." Soda snickered alongside Ponyboy.

Darry smacked him on the arm and mumbled something that sounded like a cuss word.

"You'll be fine," I said trying to make him feel better.

He nodded and then gazed up at me. He smiled a small smile. "I'm taking her to the diner then to a movie. Do you think that's ok?"

He was asking me relationship advice? Me? Soda was probably better at this than I was. Or even Ponyboy. He had been with Cherry for a long time.

I shrugged. "Don't worry so much."

I sat down on the sofa beside Ponyboy and Soda and began to watch the lame cartoon they had on. Darry was pacing around the living room, not wanting to pick Kathy up too early or too late either. We kept trying to tell him it was ok just to leave, but he never did.

I put my feet up, relaxing.

"What are you doing tonight, Dan?" Darry asked me.

I shrugged, grabbing Soda's chips and eating some. "Probably hang out here with these two."

"I got a date," Pony popped up as he got up from the couch to go get ready.

Soda nodded and got up. He limped over to me. "Yeah, I'm going to hunt some action with Steve tonight." He ruffled my hair as he walked by. "You can come too if ya want."

I shook my head as I hate another chips. Yeah, that was something I really wanted to do on a Friday night. Hanging out with my older brother and his best friend. Steve would have a fit if I came. He still wasn't too fond of me and I wasn't sure how I felt about him either.

Oh well, more chips for me.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I told him. "I'll hang out here by myself and watch a movie or something."

Darry raised his eyebrows. "On a Friday night?"

I'd been staying home alone on Friday nights ever since I got on house arrest. Dally and Angela were my only friends and Angela had a baby to take care of and Dally and I….we weren't on right now. So I was stuck by myself for a while.

"No, trust me I'm fine here." I shot him a small smile to reassure him. "Don't worry about me."

He sighed and came over to ruffle my hair even more. "I'll always worry about you."

* * *

I woke up to Soda shaking me awake. When I was little and fell asleep on the couch, I'd wake up in my bed. My dad or Darry would always put me there. I guess that's when you know when your childhood is over – when you fall asleep on the couch and when you wake up, you're still on the couch.

If Soda's leg wasn't hurt, I'd like to think he would have carried me up to my room.

I sat up and rubbed my head. "What's going on?"

Soda sat down beside me. "Just got home. Have you been asleep this whole time?"

No. I made some food a while ago I think. I've been asleep for an hour or more though. "How do you think Darry's date is going?" I asked him.

He started snickering right away. "He's probably sweated through his shirt already."

Darry did always seat a lot.

I drifted back to sleep until Ponyboy came home. He and Soda talked about Cherry. I guess Soda knew about the deed Ponyboy had committed with Cherry while Soda was away. I was glad Soda was back just so I wouldn't have to talk to Ponyboy about this kind of thing anymore.

Soon Darry came home. He was smiling which only meant good things. I was still a little hazy from my naps so I didn't hear what all he said about how it went.

"She ain't changed," he said, gleaming. "She's still as pretty as ever. She's smart. Like real smart. She's going to school to be a nurse. She's almost done and she's going to move down here."

He went on and on all night and all three of us stayed up and listened to him. It wasn't every day you say Darry this happy and I can easily say all of us were just as happy for him.

Darry yawned. "I guess I'm going to go on to bed."

Soda winked at him. "So, Dar. Did you guys make it to the back seat tonight?"

We all screamed at him at once. "Sodapop!"


	31. Barely Breathe

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night.

I kept thinking about Darry and how happy he looked tonight. He was glowing. I once glowed like that. I once felt those same butterflies in my stomach. Now my butterflies were dead. My feelings were nothing more than memories. Dally crossed my mind a lot, and each time, I feel a little bit of those old feelings starting to come back.

Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe I should have given him the benefit of the doubt.

I sighed and slammed my face down in my pillow. No. No I couldn't think like this. What Dally did was wrong and I was better off without him. I'd find someone new and I would be alright without Dallas Winston.

I just have to keep telling myself that – even if it is a lie.

"Danni, get up." Darry barreled into my room and shook me. "It's seven a.m. Get up or you're going to be late."

I dragged myself out of my bed. I didn't feel like getting ready at all. Those thoughts from last night kept playing over in my head and my stomach was actually cramping up.

Ponyboy was already read and downstairs eating breakfast. I slowly took a seat in front of him. He had his face in a book and was slowly eating the chocolate covered cereal and the burnt toast Darry forgot to get out of the oven.

"What do you want to eat, Dan?" Darry asked from the stove.

I shrugged and put on my best sick face. "I don't want anything."

He would give me something anyway though.

Soda soon made his way into the kitchen with us only wearing a pair of underwear. I could see his scar on his leg and I turned and looked away. I shouldn't be staring.

He limped over to Darry with shaggy hair covering his face. "What's cooking Dar?" He stuck his head over the stove.

Darry swatted him away with the spatula. "You're going to get your face brunt off one day."

Soda shrugged and grabbed a piece of toast that was laying there, making a crunching sound as he bit into it. "I'll still be the good looking one."

Darry swatted him with the spatula again. "Yeah, yeah."

He looked over at the dark circles under Soda's eyes. They had been there for a few days now. We all noticed them. Soda doesn't sleep at night any more. I can hear him shout out at night still. It's the worst thing you can possible hear.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" Darry asked him as we all went silent.

Soda shrugged and put more butter on the bread. "I'm fine, Dar." Darry sighed and continued to scramble the eggs. "I get enough ok?"

"Just take some of my pills," Darry told him. "Come on, you can't do this forever. You got to sleep sometime."

The doctor gave Darry sleeping pills right after he had an attack at work one day. Darry didn't sleep much either when Ponyboy went missing or soon after Mom and Dad died. I keep forgetting how much stress Darry must have been under during that time. I don't know how he held it all together.

Soda just sighed and wiped his dirty greasy hands on the dish rag. "You need them more than I do. Besides I'm fine."

Darry just shook his head. "There's plenty of them Soda. I don't even need them much anymore."

Soda glared at him. "Really? How long are you working today, Dar?"

Darry turned away and didn't answer.

"You're going to kill yourself doing this."

"Bills need to be paid," Darry said coldly.

"What about you, Dan?" Soda asked turning to me. "Can you maybe pick up some more hours at work?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Darry soon cut me off. "Her hours got cut last week, and I wouldn't want her working extra anyway. And don't you try and pick up more either. I find out you do, and I'll skin you. You hear?"

Soda was just starting back at work today and Darry was already giving him a lecture about it. Soda would pick up more hours in the end, though he really shouldn't. He was on his feet all day and the doctors all warned him about it not being good for his leg.

Soda just sighed. He knew it was a never ending battle as did the rest of us. "I just worry about you, Dar."

Darry didn't reply. He went back to cooking and pretending that none of this happened.

I really didn't want to go to school today. I needed the day off to think. Besides, my stomach was really acting weird. It wasn't time for me to start my period yet but I was cramping like crazy.

Getting up, I went over to where we keep the medicine and got out an Ibuprofen.

"Darry?" I asked as he finished cooking the plate of eggs no one was going to eat. "Can I please stay home today?"

He came over and placed his hand on my forehead. "You don't feel hot."

"I have…..girl problems."

He stepped back, as if I had just told him I had a deadly disease. He hated it when I brought up my periods. His face turned a little whiter and he swallowed.

"You can't stay home because of that," Ponyboy pointed out. "You get your period all the time. So do all the other girls."

I focused on Darry, ignoring Ponyboy. "Can I?"

He swallowed again. "Ponyboy's right. You can't stay home just because of that. Is something else going on? You know you can't just cut school."

I tried to do the puppy eye thing Pony does, but of course it never works. "Dar, I'm just…..I don't feel too great. I've barely missed all year, and I just need today. Please, I won't ask ever, ever again."

He rolled his eyes at me, knowing I'd ask again. "I still don't see why you want to stay here." He walked back over and cleaned up the mess he made.

That wasn't a yes or I now. I walked away and left him alone so he could think about.

"What's cooking?" Steve yelled as he barreled into the house.

It hadn't been too long since I'd seen Steve, but he'd changed. He looked older now. His dark black hair had grown out to his eyebrows and he had a five o'clock shadow to match. He looked more like twenty five instead of nineteen.

"Eggs?" Steve said in disgust. He went over to the fridge. "Damn do ya'll not keep beer anymore

I turned my head away.

"Oh yeah, shit." He looked at me. "Sorry."

I glanced over at Darry who was still cleaning up the egg mess. "Darry, please?" I begged again.

Steve came over with the plate of cake and sat at the table. "What does the twerp want?"

"She wants to cut school," Ponyboy informed him.

Darry walked into the living room and crossed his arms over his chest.

" I looked up at him. "Dar, please. I promise I'll clean or do whatever you want." He let out a long sighed. "I just really need today off."

He took a deep breath. "I'm going to get ready for work. I'll think about it." He turned and went upstairs.

"So uh, Danni," Steve said with his mouth full. "I hear you and Dal broke it off."

I shrugged. We weren't exactly on, but it didn't matter. "You're a little behind on that drama show." Ponyboy smirked from the other side of the table.

I shot him another look. "How'd you hear?" I asked turning to Steve.

He shrugged and took another big bite. "I saw Dal with Sylvia at the drive in. Said ya'll ain't together." He got up and took the plate with him into the living room.

It hurt to hear him say that Dally was back with Sylvia. I expected them to try it again, just maybe not this soon. Maybe I had a little hope still left in me.

I got up and followed him. He was about the only person in the world that might know what was going through Dally's head, and I planned to get every detail out of him. "What else did he say?" I asked sitting down in the chair in front of him.

He grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels. "Said ya'll had some blow up or something and he just got fed up with ya." He looked at me and sneered. "Can't say I blame him."

Any other day that would be my time to leave, but I needed to know everything he knew. "He was with Sylvia? Did he say they're together?"

He rolled his eyes. He was getting annoyed with all these questions. "Man, Dan, I don't know. It ain't my business what ya'll do. I ain't getting involved in your soap opera."

I'm sure he told Dally everything he knew about me.

I was about to say something smart, but Soda soon entered the room shacking his wet hair everywhere. Darry soon entered the room too looking for a clean shirt.

"You about ready?" Soda asked Steve as he pulled his DX shirt on.

Steve nodded and licked the last bit of chocolate from his dirty fingers. "Let's hit the road."

"Pony, we better get going," Darry hollered into the kitchen.

I looked up at him. He still hadn't given me my fate yet.

He sighed once he saw me. "I want you to actually get some sleep. No going out. If you need something you call Soda at the station. Got it?"

I slowly nodded my head trying to hold back a smile. "Thanks, Dar. I owe you one."

* * *

I debated for a long time about picking up the phone. In the end, I found out that I was weak, and I had to talk to him. Maybe I was jealous. Maybe I wanted him back. Maybe I just wanted to hear his voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

It was silent. I cleared my throat, hoping he'd say something, but he didn't.

"I…I just wanted to call you. Soda's back, you know. He's doing good. You should probably go see him or something. It'll make him real happy. He started back at the DX today."

Again, there was silence. I almost hung up the phone, when he finally spoke up. "You didn't call me just to talk about your brother, did you?"

I shook my head. "No….How are you?"

He smirked. "Fine. Just fine. You?"

I shrugged, not knowing how I was. "So are you with Sylvia now?"

"What's it to ya?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to know."

He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "Nah. She may visit me here and there. I don't kiss and tell though, ya know. I'm real classy about that."

I leaned against the wall beside the phone. I've stopped using my head, and now I feel so stupid for crawling back to him. I can't hang up the phone though. I was in a war zone with Dally. A war zone where both of us fought our feelings.

I wondered if he felt the same as I do now. "Can we talk some time?"

"Why?"

I bit my lip. "I just want to talk about you."

"About my car?"

My heart stopped and I looked to the floor. "I-"

"Save it."

The line went dead.

The pain in my stomach was getting worse. I was cramping yet I wasn't bleeding yet. I figured this was just a normally thing and stayed off my feet all day and caught up on sleep.

I tried not to think about Dally for the rest of the day until Ponyboy came home and my day of relaxation was officially over.

I woke up, holding onto my stomach. It was in knots and hurting more than this morning.

"What happened to your arm?" Ponyboy asked me, motioning towards the big bruise I had gotten from egging Dally's car.

I looked to my left at my bandaged up arm. I ran my finger across it and sighed. "I fell."

He gave me a 'you're an idiot' look. "Sure you did."

I glared at him. I wasn't in the mood for him to be sassy towards me. I really wasn't feeling good now. "If you have something to say then say it."

"You've just been really secretive lately since Dally dumped you."

My heart skipped a beat and my hands went into fists. "Sorry I'm not perfect like your little girlfriend."

"Oh don't bring her into this." He snapped throwing the book down on the table. "Everything I say to you, you turn it around to insult her. She never did anything to you."

"Okay, sorry. Just leave me alone, alright?" I turned my head, hoping this argument was over, but it was far from it. I could feel it.

"What is your problem this time?" he snapped back trying to get me riled up. "Is it because of Dally?"

I shake my head. "Just leave me alone."

"What's going on?" I looked up as Darry entered the room.

Ponyboy just shook his head. "I'm just tired of biting my tongue when it comes to her. I'm sorry if you've had a bad year. I'm sorry your jerk of a boyfriend won't talk to you. I'm sorry you don't have alcohol to help you. It's not our fault. Get over yourself."

I couldn't believe he was saying all of this. Had I really been playing the pity card?

"Pony…." Darry warned raising his voice slightly.

Ponyboy rolled his eyes. "Again it's all our faults."

I lunged at him, but Darry pulled me back lifting me up off the ground. "Enough with you two!"

I jerked lose from him. "Why don't you just screw your little girlfriend?" I snapped. "Since you just love having sex with her all the time."

Darry let me lose, his face falling.

I stormed off into my room and slammed the door shut causing objects on my dresser to break on the floor. I sank down against the door and began to cry. I missed Dally, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for fighting with my brother and I hated myself because my stomach was throbbing.


	32. Throw em' Down

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

I spent the rest of the night alone in my room. I heard Darry talking to Ponyboy and I felt bad for ratting him out like that. He trusted me, and I threw that away. I wouldn't blame him if he never spoke to me again, and the way things were going, he wasn't going to. I deserved it. I knew I let the anger get the better of me and I was going to apologize as soon as I got the chance.

I needed to stop hurting everyone I love.

Around midnight, I drifted off to sleep. The pain in my stomach stopped long enough with the help of some pills.

Soon though, I was jolted awake with a stabbing pain in my side. "Oh my God!"

I clinched the side of my stomach as it felt like someone had just stabbed me with a knife. I could barely move. I could barely breathe. This wasn't right. Something was very, very wrong.

Rolling onto the side of the bed, I was able to stand up. The harder I clinched my side, the easier it was to walk. I thought about screaming out, but maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought. I didn't want to wake Darry up when he had a double shift in the morning. I was fine.

I had to be fine.

I eased the door open that led to my brother's room. Pony was on the left side snoring up a storm. I gently stepped over the magazines and junk food that was all over the floor. "Soda," I whispered as I gently shook him. "Soda, wake up."

I winced as another pain shot up my spine.

He groaned and rolled over to face me. "What's…what's going on?"

I shushed him as Ponyboy rolled over in his bed. "I need to talk to you." I held my stomach as more pain came. Something was seriously wrong

He gently sat himself up at the end of his bed. "What's going on?"

"I-It's my stomach," I explained, sweating uncontrollably. "It hurts. Soda, I don't know what's going on but it hurts and something isn't right."

He jumped up as he saw the look on my face. "The side of your stomach?"

I nodded, bending over as more pain came. "It hurts."

He took my hand. "We need to tell Darry."

* * *

The ride seemed to take forever. Soda had woken Darry up and he was driving us to the hospital. He said something about my appendix and I dreaded going to the hospital and having surgery. I hated hospitals and I knew we didn't have the money to pay for this.

I leaned my head against the window and tried not to cry. If I cried, it hurt worse. Every time Darry hit a bump I wanted to scream out in pain.

Once we got to the hospital everything was just a blur. I was in so much pain that I eventually ran into the bathroom and puked for at least twenty minutes. It didn't matter anyway; the emergency room was in no hurry to take me back.

"You ok?" Soda asked me once I came out. He was standing by the door, making sure I didn't die or something.

I slowly nodded and took a seat on one of the blue chairs. It was three in the morning and the room was filled. Mothers with newborn babies, fight victims, the occasional drunk, and then the abused or raped. It was a circus in itself. I just sat back and tried to control the pain as I waited for my name to be called. Soda was right beside me holding my hand while Darry filled out paper work. We told Ponyboy what was going on but he didn't want to come. I didn't blame him any.

Soda held my hand tighter. He was real worried about me. I hated to even drag him into this. He just got home from war, this is the last thing he should be doing.

I eventually ignored the pain long enough to sleep before Soda started to shake me. "Danni, they're calling for you."

I gently lifted my head up and looked at the nurse standing in the door way.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Soda asked.

It was a given Darry was going to go back with me. I shook my head, hoping Soda would get some sleep while I was gone. "I-I'll be ok. It's no big deal, right? Just a little surgery."

He nodded, giving my hand one last squeeze before letting me go.

* * *

A few days later I was feeling better. I had finally gotten my appetite back and I could walk without a problem now. The only problem was I had a large scar on the side of my stomach. Soda said it was cool and made me 'tuff' but I knew I couldn't hear a bathing suit again.

Darry stayed with me up until it was time for me to leave. He didn't talk much about what had happened; only he was glad it wasn't any worse than it was. He scolded me for not telling him any sooner than I did.

We got back to the house around five. Ponyboy was on the sofa, but he left the room once he saw me. He hadn't spoken to me, not even while I was in the hospital. I had apologized to him while I was in the hospital, but he was still angry. It did hurt that he wouldn't come see me or that he wasn't concerned.

"Are you going to bed?" I asked Soda and Darry once we settled inside.

Darry rubbed his head. "I got work. How are you?"

I shrugged and sat down on the sofa. I pulled my knees up to my chest. I was a little sore, but I would be alright for now. "I'm alright."

He sighed and ruffled my hair as he pulled away. "Can I get you anything?"

I looked up into his eyes. He looked exhausted. "Do you know where the heating pad is?"

He nodded as he went off to go get it. I pulled a blanket over myself and relaxed until Darry came back with it. It felt good against my skin.

**XXXXX**

I must have fallen asleep after that because I was jolted up by Darry shacking the crap outta me.

"Stop," I groaned as I came to. "What?"

He gave me a small smile. "I got to go to work. You gonna be alright?"

I rubbed my face and looked around. The sun was out now. I sat up only to realize that it was bad idea. I grabbed my stomach and winched.

"Dar have you seen my book?" Pony asked running down the stairs.

I looked up at him with hope.

He glanced over at me. I shot him a small smile but he turned away from me and it stung more than you'll ever know.

Darry came back into the room and handed him some old torn up book. "You never answered my question," he said to me. "You going to be alright while Soda and I are at work?"

I nodded, settling into the couch. "Yeah. Go."

"I told you before Two-Bit, the dog doesn't really give a shit about how big it is." Steve snapped as he bolted through my house.

Two-Bit shortly followed him. "I'm telling you man, it's weird. He like stares at my junk." He motioned down towards his male parts.

I rolled my eyes. Oh how I've missed these two. "Hello, girl in the room."

They both turned and looked at me. Two-Bit cracked a big smile at me. "Well looky who it is."

He plopped down on my stomach causing me to wince out in pain. He immediately jumped up and looked down like he sat down on a kid or something.

Steve laughed and hit him on the arm. "See told ya you were getting fat."

"Damnit Two-Bit, I'm going to kick your head in one of these days!" Darry snapped at him.

I leaned back down on the couch and flipped on the TV. Nothing was on this early but cartoons. I just left it on thinking Two-Bit would come back in and watch it with me. Surprisingly, I wanted someone here with me. I don't know why, I just didn't want to be alone.

"Soda, hurry up we're going to be late!" Steve yelled with his mouth full in the kitchen.

Ponyboy soon came back down the stairs and went into the kitchen with the others. He didn't even look at me. Two-Bit came into the living room and glanced at Pony as he walked by.

"What's up with that?" he asked, referring to me and Ponyboy.

I shrugged, trying to play dumb. "Bets me."

"Anyone seen my shirt?" Soda asked as he ran down the stairs with a towel wrapped around his waist.

Two-Bit looked up at him and barked. "Damn someone's lookin' fine today."

Soda rolled his eyes and grabbed the dirty shirt from the laundry basket. Darry came into the room and looked back at me. "You need anything?"

"Uh, nah, I'm good."

He nodded. "Call me if you need anything, got it?" He asked before going out the door.

Steve strolled in and crammed a piece of cake in his mouth. "Damn where'd he go now?" he asked, referring to Sodapop. "Jeez, the one time I actually need the money and he's going to make me late."

"What cha need the money for?" Two-Bit asked.

Steve flicked a piece of cake at him. "So I can send you to an institution."

Two-Bit turned and grabbed his legs pulling him to the ground. I turned my attention back to the cartoon trying to make sure they didn't see me laughing at them. That would only encourage them.

Then they stopped as the door opened behind me. I figured it was Darry and he just forgot something, but then Steve and Two-Bit started to stare at me.

I narrowed my eyes at them and look up behind me.

"Hey," he mumbled.

If I wasn't sitting, I would have fallen over. I felt a tug on my heart as he slowly shut the door close. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and it made my heart beat against my chest.

And with that I was alone with him.

"What's with the heating pad?" Dally asked, pointing at it on my stomach.

"I had my appendix taken out…..It's for the pain."

He busted out laughing. I stared at him blankly and waited for him to stop but he didn't. Soon he took a seat on the sofa and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it up and laughed one last time. "Damn, I thought you were pregnant or something. Shit am I glad to hear you say that?"

I looked down at the ground. I couldn't imagine finding out I was pregnant with his child, but did he have to make it sound so mean?

"Thanks for my car by the way," he said, nudging me. "I really enjoyed my Saturday scraping dead chicken off it. You're lucky I didn't call the cops on your ass."

He wouldn't have. Dally never calls the cops because he isn't a rat. Even if he did, the cops wouldn't believe him or care. Everyone down at the station knew who Dally was and I knew none of them were ever going to help Dallas Winston out with anything.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Wouldn't be if I didn't think it was important," he said, taking a long drag of his stick. "Thought maybe I'd get my damn apology."

I glared at him. "_Your _apology. I didn't do anything to you."

He just smirked at me like I was an idiot. "Course not. I forgot, you're Miss Perfect, you can do no wrong."

"Just shut up." It wasn't even worth the fight anymore.

"Why don't you just go whine about it to Soc boy?"

Soc boy? "Why don't you just go fuck Ms. Queen of all whores?"

He got a laugh out of that. He blew out smoke and crossed his legs. "Maybe I will. It sure seems to be making you squirm a bit. What, Curtis? You still love me?"

"Don't make it sound like a joke," I said. "It isn't a joke. I did love you. I did. Just because you didn't care about me doesn't me I didn't care about you."

He didn't respond, which was rare for him.

I sighed. "What would you have done if you would have found out I was pregnant?"

He sneered. "Run for the hills."

I looked down at the ground. I snorted. "You would have. You wouldn't have cared."

The couch shifted and I felt him in his ear. "Don't tell me how I would act. You don't know shit."

I scooted away from him. "Oh I'm sure you would have had a big input. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. It's my body. I could do with it how I please."

"Me being the father wouldn't have mattered?"

I shook my head. "Can we stop talking about this?"

"You're the one who brought it up," he pointed out, backing away and recrossing his legs. "And I'm sure you'd make a great mother."

I glared at him, my heart beating faster and my blood boiling. "You're an ass hole."

He shrugged. "You knew that when you fucked me. What else is new?"

I wanted him out. Why did he have to show up here? He didn't care about me. He was just out for hurting my feelings and making me feel bad about myself. I was sick of it and I didn't need this from him.

We sat in silence for a while. Dally's not exactly the easiest person to talk to. I knew that when I was eight years old and met him for the first time. Besides, now he hates my guts. I hate his guts. We hate each other. We love to hate each other. Only he was better at hating me that I was at hating him.

"What now?" I asked. I don't know why I did. I just didn't want to sit here anymore.

"You with anyone?"

"Randy?" I asked and he shrugged. "No, he has a girlfriend. I'm not with anyone."

He smirked and looked away. "Hasn't seemed to stop you before. Handing out oral sex to every damn kid that passed by didn't seem to matter."

He was refurring to Tim and I glared him down. "Handing out sex to every whore who gives you the time of day didn't seem to matter too much either, now did it?"

He just smirked like it was a joke. "Well looks like I'm going to hell then. Least I know I won't be alone." He eyeballed me.

"Can you tell me what exactly Jeff told you," I asked the question I'd been wanting to ask since the moment he told me. "I just want to know what happened."

"You had fucked him."

I waited for him to say something else but he didn't. "Is that it?" I asked and he nodded. "Dally just tell me. It's not like it matters anymore."

He jumped up from the chair. "It doesn't matter anymore? You can just fuck a creep like that and it doesn't even matter anymore?"

I looked up at him. Why was he getting mad now? "I don't know what happened. You seem to know more than I do. I was just asking."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He looked over at me behind his shoulder. "Once a whore always a whore."

I sat back up on the couch. " I just asked a question. We haven't talked in how long? I figured the least we could do is talk about what happened."

"I found out how much of a whore you were and moved on. There, ya' happy? That sum it up enough for ya?"

"So we're over?" I asked out loud for the first time. "Thanks so much for the good bye"

He turned his back to me and went into the kitchen.

"Don't pin this on me like it's my fault," I shouted after him, making him stop. "I didn't do anything to you! Do you even care what I've been doing or thinking days after that fight? Do you even care to ask me? You don't, Dally. You don't."

"No, I don't," he snapped.

"Can you not own up to anything?"

He stomped over and got in my face again. I winced as he began to yell "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot! You're the one who threw yourself at _me_. You're the one who started all this shit to begin with! You're the one who fucked around like a whore and got herself into all of this!"

"Right this is all my fault!" I shouted back, making my stomach ache. "Own up to something for once in your c life. I'm done being the victim here! I didn't do anything to you. I loved you and gave you everything and you just left me. You just left me just like that!"

He turned and glared at me. His eyes showed something I'd never seen before. He was so mad he couldn't stand it. "Fuck you."

"No!" Angry tears were running down my face. "Don't you dare! I'm done letting you talk to me like that! I'm glad we're done! I'm glad you're out of my life. You did nothing but make it hell." I wiped some tears from my face. "Just go on with your life. I don't care what you do anymore. I could care less about your pathetic self. I can do ten times better than you. I don't need _you_."

I crossed my arms over my chest. I was too tired to yell anymore. I was surprised he wasn't yelling anymore. I just called his life pathetic. He would have up and killed me right then and there.

"I think you should leave now," I told him softly, clearing my throat

He still wasn't yelling as he got up to leave. He slammed the door behind him causing a gust of wind to blow through my hair. No witty remark as he left no name calling, no nothing.

And I didn't care. I no longer care about Dallas Winston. He could fuck Sylvia as much as he wanted. I didn't care. I truly did not care. I'm over it. He hurt me one to many times. I was done.

I'm over Dallas Winston, once and for all.


	33. Don't You Hear Sincerity?

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

* * *

The day's seemed longer now. Summer was just around the corner and I was officially done with exams and out of that place for a while. That was the main reason I was so excited about going today. We did it every year when school let out and I really needed a day like this. Everything seemed to be going better than ever now and today hopefully would go the same way.

"So who all is coming?"

"Steve said he had some big announcement to make so I'm not sure who all he's going to want to show."

"You about ready?" I asked Darry as he gathered his stuff up.

He nodded and looked up at me. "You got on that stupid poka-dot thing on?" I laughed and nodded. They always made fun of it when I wore it. I couldn't part with it though. It had too many memories behind it. "We can leave when Kathy gets her."

"Kathy is coming?" I asked not really knowing what else to say.

He looked back up at me. "Yeah is that a problem?" I shook my head. He chuckled. "That's right I forgot, you haven't really met her yet."

I slowly shook my head. I met her when I was like twelve but that was a long time ago.

He laughed and ruffled my hair as the someone knocked at the door. "Hey." He smiled as he slowly revealed the slim blonde beauty that stood there.

She smiled a swift smile at him as she slowly walked through the door. I had always remembered her as being pretty but never this. She was…..beautiful. She had dark gold locks that came just below her shoulders and sparkling blue eyes that just glowed.

"Hey," she said as she walked up to me with her hand held out. "You must be Danni."

I smiled back and shook it. "And you must be Kathy."

She grinned as her eyes glowed in the light. "I've heard tons about you."_ I bet she had._ "You've grown up so much since the last time I saw you. I must say you are very pretty."

She was calling _me _pretty? Darry walked over and put his arm around my shoulder. "Wonder where she gets her good looks from."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh Darry, aren't you full of yourself." She looked at me again and winked. "I can only imagine what you have to go through living with this." She motioned toward Darry.

I laughed. I liked this girl already. "I'm the one who feels sorry for you. You have to kiss this guy."

She laughed and Darry swatted me upside the head.

"Child abuse!" Two-Bit yelled as he came back in the room with Ponyboy and Cherry.

"Who's riding with who?" Darry asked them.

Ponyboy shrugged and threw his arm around Cherry's boney shoulder. "We're riding with you guys no matter what."

I looked over my shoulder at Soda who just shook his head. He only said that because Darry's truck only had four seatbelts and he didn't want to have to ride with me. So I guess that answers my question of yes he's still mad at me. He had every right to.

I just had to stand back and hoped he'd come around in time.

* * *

Soda and I got stuck riding with Two-Bit the whole way to the lake. It wasn't all that bad. We just blasted The Beetles and I sat back and laughed while we sang along.

"_You say goodbye and I say hello_," Two-Bit sang along with the radio.

"_Hello, hello," _Soda and I sang.

"_I don't know why you say goodbye. I say hello."_

Soda and I held back our laughs. You did not insult Two-Bit's _musical skills_.

I laughed and let my hair breeze through with the wind. "So any idea what this big announcement Steve is going to make, about?"

They both shook their heads. "Must be pretty important cause' he said we all had to be there."

I nodded and stuck my head back out the window. "All of us?" Soda asked Two-Bit.

"Yeah...oh," Two-Bit said stopping and looking over at me.

I looked back over at him. "What?" They both looked at me like I was stupid. Was I missing something? "What? I don't get."

They both exchanged looks before Soda spoke. "_Everyone_ is coming. All of his friends."

"Yeah, I got that the first time. What's the big deal with that?"

They exchanged looks one last time before blurting out: "It means Dally is going to be there."

I looked down at the floor and shrugged. I had forgotten about him being friends with Steve. It hadn't crossed my mind that he might come. "It's fine. Dally and I….it's just water under the bridge with us."

Soda continued to stare at me. "So you're ok with him coming today?"

I shrugged and leaned out the window again. "I want you guys to be happy as friends again. I don't want to stand in the way of that. Dally and I were fine. Don't let me affect the way you feel about him."

The both nodded, accepting that and Two-Bit turned up the music and we didn't say anything about it again.

* * *

"Bout time ya'll got here." Steve smirked as he came over to help us unload the trunk.

Evie strolled up right behind him in her bright pink bikini. "I'm starving." She leaned on Steve's shoulders, grinning from ear to ear. He put his hand around her waste and squeezed her hip bones.

"You gettin' in the water Danni-Bear?" Two-Bit asked as he whipped off his shirt.

I pulled mine off too and tossed it on the hood of the car. "You bet your ass I am." I slipped my shorts off and threw them into the grass. "Race ya!"

I took off before he could argue. We ran through the tall green grass until we reached the wooden dock that led out into the dark water. "You cheated!" he complained.

I laughed and stuck my tongue out. "You're just a sore loser."

He rolled his eyes and did a full flip and into the freezing cold water splashing it all over me. "Hey!"

He splashed more onto the dock. "Oh I'm _so_ sorry."

I looked over at everyone else making their way over. Everyone was here. Steve brought Johnny and Evie and then there were the rest of us. Dally was nowhere in sight. I sighed, slightly relieved.

"Get in!" Two-Bit yelled splashing more water my way, chilling my bare legs.

I took a running start into the ice cold water. It may be summer but it was still ice cold. "It's freezing!" I shivered as I came up for air. I held my body with my arms.

Two-Bit chuckled and splashed more water on me. "You're such a baby."

The others came over to the dock. "How is it in there?" Soda asked us as he put his feet in.

"Come in and try it pretty boy!" Two-Bit yelled as he pulled him into the water splashing all of us.

Darry stood over the dock, looking in. "I sure ain't getting in that." He started to back away.

Kathy shook her head and jumped right on in with us. "Suit yourself!" she hollered sticking her tongue out at him.

I took another dunk in the water. I loved this place. It was a family tradition every year back when my parents were still alive. They'd drive us and a few of our friends down here every summer right after school let out. It was some of the best times of my life here. This is where I learned how to swim, how to ride a bike, got my first kiss.

"Let's play chicken!" Two-Bit said as I came back up.

Steve rolled his eyes and huffed as Soda laughed. We played every time we came here. Two-Bit made us play for hours one time.

"Why do you wanna play that dumb game every time? You lose every time you play," Steve complained.

"I do not!" Two-Bit protested. "The only reason I lose is because I have a lousy partner!"

Steve shook his head. "Oh it's all my fault you let a girl push you down every time." He motioned over to me. "Just get a new partner then if you don't like it."

I looked to Soda and we snickered. We always beat them every time we played. No one else wanted to be their partner so they always got stuck with each other. They always ended up fighting about something and eventually stumbled over and into the water. It didn't take a lot of effort on our parts.

"No way," Soda said laying an arm across my shoulder. "You stick by the tradition. You two against me and Danni."

Steve rolled his eyes and swam over to Two-Bit cussing under his breath the whole way.

"We better win."

Steve shook his head as he bent down in the water to let him up. "Just stay up for more than five minutes this time."

"Then hold still!"

I hoped up on Soda as he dunked down. "You're going down."

Two-Bit stuck his tongue out at me as Steve cussed about Two-Bit being too fat. "We'll just see about that."

They stumbled over to us and Two-Bit and I put our hands together getting ready to start. It seemed like forever a go that we started playing this. The first time I was six and they made me play because I was the smallest and easiest to lift. I thought it'd be fun so I went along with it. Only it was just my luck Soda accidently pushed me too hard and I hit my head on the dock.

I hit it so hard I couldn't swim up to the top. Darry was in there with us and he had to pull me back up. That's how I learned how to swim so well. We've just always played this game, no matter if you got hurt or not.

"Ready to go down Danni-Bear?" Two-Bit asked narrowing his eyes at me.

I narrowed mine back trying to put on the best face I could. "Oh you know I am."

"Go!" Steve yelled.

Two-Bit wasn't a softy by any means. Heck he was really strong for looking the way he did. His scrawny little arms could really do a number on you. He pushed me right and left as Soda desperately held my legs to steady me.

"You're cheating!" I said as he tipped over to push me back.

"Didn't say we had to play by the rules." He winked at me before giving one hard push and we were in the water.

Soda was beside me trying to get the water out of his nose. Steve and Two-Bit just laughed and high fived each other.

I shook the water out of my ears and looked at Soda. He cracked a smile and looked over at me. "Look who decided to venture out onto the dock."

I looked over at Darry slowly walking beside Kathy as she drug him over to the edge of the dock.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

I looked over at him and smiled, slowly nodding.

"Steve you distract him," Soda whispered as he helped me out and onto the bank. Steve nodded and swam over to Darry and Kathy.

"You go that way, I'll go this way," I whispered as I snuck around the other side.

He slipped to the other side of the dock. "Ready?" he asked.

I nodded as we took off. "Hey superman!" Soda screamed as we collided into him.

Darry let out a huge yell and landed flat into the ice cold water with us. "I'm going to kill you guys!" he hollered as he came up.

Everyone else was laughing and Kathy looked like she was about to pee herself. "You scream like a little girl." She laughed holding onto her side.

Darry laughed too and splashed some water on her. "Oh so this was your big bright idea huh?" He got out of the water and chased her off the dock.

"No I promise!" She pleaded as she giggled more.

He and picked her right up and threw her into the water beside us, despite her pleas "You are so dead!"

It was then I saw that look on Darry's face. The look he rarely showed to anyone. A look that showed his true feelings that he tried to keep buried behind his tough completion. He was in love with this girl.

"Come on guys!" Evie shouted at us. "Get the grill going we're starving."

"You're turning blue." Johnny smiled as he handed me a towel.

I wrapped it around my ice cold shoulders. "You should have been in there with us," I chattered through my teeth.

He went over with the boys to start up the grill. Johnny didn't do water. Never has. It was one of those things you just stand back and don't say anything because you already knew the answer as to why.

We walked over to lay down under the tree with Cherry. She looked kinda lonely now that Ponyboy decided to hang out with the boys. I felt bad for her deep down. She tries so hard to fit in here but she always falls short. She doesn't really fit in with all of us here. We try and make her feel comfortable but none of us have anything in common with her.

"So how long have you and Ponyboy been together?" Kathy asked her.

Cherry slowly looked up from the book she was reading. "About five years now." She beamed just thinking about it.

"You guys are cute together," Kathy told her.

She nodded and looked over at him, still grinning. "We have our problems like everyone else though."

"Wasn't another guy supposed to be here?" Kathy asked looking around.

"That'd be Dally," I answered softly. "We don't know where he's at. Probably in Texas still."

She studied me. "You don't sound too happy about that."

I watched as a big spark of fire arose in the grill. They had finally gotten it to catch fire. We all got up and went to where the food was, our stomachs grumbling.

"It took you guys long enough!" Evie snapped as she grabbed a hot dog off the plate.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Says the girl who just sat on her ass and complained about it the whole time." He threw a bun at her. "It wouldn't have killed you to help out."

"Where is Dally?" Evie asked as she looked around like Kathy did. "I really want to tell them now."

"He's coming," Steve told her, aggravated himself. "Just hold your damn horses."

It took all I had in me not to just bust out laughing at these two. They're like the little old marry couple you see at the super market just yelling away at each other like no one else was around.

I piled my plate full of food and got out of the cross fire before I got burned. I went over and stood beside Johnny who was quietly eating by himself under a tree. "Hey."

"Hey," he said. "Isn't that Dally's bike there?"

I looked where he was pointing. Slowly stepping off the black bike, he stood. His slick black hair down in his face and his hands in his dark blue jean jacket with a cigarette in his mouth. There he was.

"Well look who decided to stroll on over!" Steve put a hand up to his mouth and shouted at him.

Dally smirked and strutted over to the others without a care in the world it seemed like. "I'm here ain't I?"

I looked down and played with my food with my fork. He was back really soon. I wondered if he got what he was looking for but I wasn't going to dare ask him. I bit my lip and stabbed my hot dog with my knife.

"Are you ok?" Johnny asked me.

I nodded my head slowly. "He's just been gone for a while."

"He was with the Shepard's, right?" Two-Bit came over and joined us. "I heard they're in some deep trouble with the cops."

I stared at him. "Tim and Curly? When?"

"When they got back from Texas," Two-Bit said. "They got arrested down there for assault I think."

I swallowed hard. I hadn't heard any of this. I wondered what Angela thought about all this and why Dally wasn't in trouble and why he was here, acting like nothing happened.

"Ok everyone come over here now!" Evie said, gathering us all over in one place.

Steve came up beside her and put his arm around her waist and tugged her closer. "Ok is everyone here now?"

We all nodded and looked up at them waiting for this oh so exciting news. "Well you guys all know we've been dating a while now-"

"A year and a half," Evie said correcting him.

He rolled his eyes and nodded. "Excuse me, a year and a _half._"

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm but let him continue on.

"The point is we really love each other, and-"

"We're getting married!"

All of our mouths slowly dropped open as she held her hand out for us to admire the diamond ring that was held tight on her finger that none of us even noticed until now. I couldn't close my mouth.

"Married?" Two-Bit blurted out, being the first one to speak.

Evie nodded and jumped up and down.

I looked around at everyone else who had the same look on their faces. I mean sure Evie and Steve loved each other and had been dating for a while, but _married_?

Soda was the first one to get up. and go over to them. He had a big ole grin on his face as he walked up to give Steve a big hug. "Congratulations, man."

"Thanks," Steve said, patting him on the back. I hadn't seen him like this before. He actually looked really happy.

Soda smiled and pulled away. He looked over at Evie who was still bouncing up and down. "I figured this would happen." He laughed and hugged her. "Congratulations."

Once the shock got over everyone they got up too to share the love. I walked over to Evie and wrapped my arms around her. I couldn't believe it still. They weren't that much older than I was and they were going to be a wife and husband.

"So when the big is bang going to happen?" Two-Bit asked.

Evie and Steve exchanged looks and held hands. "Two weeks!"

And the look was back.

"Two weeks?" Darry asked. "Don't you think that's too soon?"

They shook their heads. "It's just going to be small and we just want to go ahead and get it over with," Evie answered. "We just want to start our lives together." She looked up at Steve and laid a small kiss on him.

"I want all of you guys to be my, you know, grooms men or whatever they call it," Steve said pulling away.

"Awe man," Two-Bit complained. "Are you going to make me where that dumb penguin suit?"

Steve laughed and punched him on the shoulder.

"Well damn, ya'll are really tying the knot ain't cha." Dally smirked as he took a sip of his beer, congratulating them both with a smirk on his face. "It still ain't too late to run while you can Stevie boy."

Evie shoot him a look and then went back to eating. Steve just laughed and continued high fiving the guys.

I was happy for him. It's not every day you find someone you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with. I mean look at these two. They're only eighteen, but they really got it all figured out. They love each other with everything they have left. Money doesn't matter to them, good looks, a nice car, none of that matters. They love each other for who they were. As opposite as they may be they love each other and they're going to spend the rest of their lives together.

Everyone was going crazy running up to the two high fiving them and spreading the love around. I was really happy for them. They really belonged together.

"Hey," Evie said coming up to me. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Uh, sure." I scooted over some so she could sit down on the grass with me.

She smiled and sat down. She looked over at where all the boys were at. "They're all really close huh?"

I looked over. "Yeah they really are. We've all practically known each other our wholes lives."

She nodded. "Do you think I'm rushing into this?" She turned and looked at me. "I mean you've known Steve longer than me. Do you think he really wants to marry me?"

I looked over at the boy she was referring to. I had known that boy since I was two years old. He hadn't changed a bit either. Soda, drug him over to the house one day after he meet him at preschool. They were best of friends since that very first moment when they met. Steve was still the little terror he was back then - hadn't changed one bit.

"Yeah, yeah I think he does. I've never seen him act this way about a girl before." I looked back over at her. "He really loves you. Trust me, I know."

She smiled and tucked her dark brown hair behind her ear, flattered. "I have something else I want to ask you," she went on. She took a deep breath. "So this is really embarrassing and I know we kind of… aren't that good of friends."

I let her continue.

"See, in every wedding you have to have the same number of bridesmaids as you do grooms men. Well most of my friends will be out of town that weekend so you know, I need one more."

"So you're asking me to be _your_ bridesmaid?"

"You don't have to," she said softly. "I just need another one because I have no one else."

In other words no one wanted to be her other bridesmaid.

"So will you do it?"

"Sure Evie, I'll be your bridesmaid."

"Ok just come by and pick up your dress next week then."

I nodded as she went back to where the others were.

"Ay," someone called behind me.

I looked up at the guy who slowly sat down beside me. "Hey," I said slowly.

He smirked and looked over at the two love birds as Evie wiped ketchup off Steve's face. "She'd wipe his ass too if he'd let her."

I laughed and looked down at the grass.

"What do ya think about all that mess?"

I watched him as he sucked back a beer. "They seem in love, so I guess I'm ok with it." He smirked and continued drinking. "So are we on speaking terms now?" I asked slowly.

"Whatever you wanna call it." I nodded and turned back to looking at the others. "How ya been?" he asked.

"Pretty good actually." I looked over at him. "What about you?"

He shrugged and just continued to drink. "Peachy."

"That's nice."

He smirked again. "You know this is the first time in a month we've had a conservation that didn't led to you biting my head off bout' somethin'."

I laughed and shook my head. "It's still early."

He smirked and took another sip. What I wouldn't give for him to just let me touch the bottle.

"We good now?" I asked turning to him. "Like we can be civil with each other now?"

He laughed and threw the empty bottle down. "Whatever floats you boat, Curtis."

I sighed and looked over at the others. "So listen, I'm sorry about….not telling you and everything." I looked over at him. "You were right, you deserved to know."

He nodded and looked across the field. "Guess it doesn't matter much now anyway."

The wind began blow my wet hair. It'd been so long since we actually had a conversation about this.

"Can I ask you something?" He shrugged so I went on. "Just tell me the truth, Did you cheat on me, ever during our whole relationship?"

He slowly shrugged and took another sip of beer. "Does it matter?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "It just matters to me ok?"

"Nah, Curtis."

I looked down at the grass and picked at the strands that stood tallest. "I'm sorry, about flipping out on you about it. I guess I just jumped to conclusions."

He nodded and leaned back to rest upon the tree behind us. "Seemed to do that a lot."

I slowly nodded as I continued to play with the grass. "So I hear Jeff's in town." I looked back up at him. "Do you know anything about that?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Ain't like I'm buddy, buddy with the guy, Curtis. Ain't heard a word. Don't care to either."

I nodded and looked across the field at everyone jumping back in the lake. "Shouldn't of said that to you either."

I took a deep breath. "Thank you, I guess we just both over reacted. I was a mess anyway. You had a right to be mad I guess. The whole situation just shouldn't have happened."

He nodded and threw the empty bottle into the grass to fish around for a cigarette.

"You really with Sylvia?" I asked. "Like have you-"

"No," he snapped. "Ain't touched the broad."

I slowly nodded. I didn't know whether to believe him or not. What reason did he have to lie to me? "So you're doing good?"

"Fine, Curtis. Just fine."

He wasn't _just fine_. None of us were _just fine_.

We may never be again.


	34. Stoop So Low

"Explain to me again why I have to go to this?" I asked.

She laughed and handed me some earrings to throw on. "Because Missy May just loves you so much and wants you to be in her picture perfect wedding."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I don't see why I have to go to this thing though. What is a bachelorette party anyway?"

She shrugged and dug through my jewelry box. "Who knows. Have you heard any more from Dally?"

I played with the necklace in my hand and shook my head. "Not since the day at the lake."

She nodded and went back to fishing around in the jewelry box. She didn't really care about Dally and mine relationship status. I guess it was getting kind of old. "I think I saw Jeff the other night."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Really?"

She nodded. "I was walking home from the store with Jake and I thought I saw him following me home."

I simply nodded and turned my attention elsewhere remembering the warning Tim gave me. _Stay low. Don't come out unless you have to, especially not at night, and do not tell Angela. _"I'm sure it wasn't him. Jeff is long gone. I wouldn't worry about it anymore, Ang."

She nodded and turned away. I should have told her. She deserves to know that the creep is still around. "Do I look dumb?" I asked showing her the dumb outfit I had to wear.

She cracked a laugh and nodded. "Evie will be very impressed."

I laughed and grabbed my jacket off the bed. "Gosh I wish you could come with me."

She smirked and shook her head. "Yeah, that's my lifelong dream right there. Being in Miss Prune's grand ol' wedding. No thanks."

I laughed. Angela and Evie hated each other. Angela used to have this big crush on Steve a few years back, and when Angela has a crush; boy does she have a crush. She doesn't give up until she gets what she wants. Well now you see Evie had her eyes on Steve as well, and she wasn't going to give up on that without a fight. She ran right after Steve and slept with him the first chance she got. Angela was so mad she punched the bitch square in the jaw sending her to the hospital. Of course Steve as right there holding her hand and Angela lost out on that battle.

"You are coming to the wedding though, right?" I asked.

She slowly nodded. "Steve asked Tim and Curly and told them to bring me, so I guess I have to."

I sighed and threw the eyeliner pen down. "Do you still think about Jeff?"

She looked over at me. "Sometimes. I'm over him of course, I just kept thinking about him." She laughed. "Dang he was good Danni. Best damn sex I've ever had." She turned and looked at me again. "What about Dally? Do you still think about what you could have had?"

I looked down at floor. "Sometimes." I took a deep breath. "We were once so happy together. I actually thought for a few minutes that it would actually last and I had changed Dally." I shrugged and went back to putting makeup on. "I'm happier without him. I just can't be with him. It's for the best."

She smirked. "You can't lie to yourself forever."

I looked over at her. She was serious. "What do you mean?"

She smirked again and sat down on my bed. "I know you love him Danni. I can hear it in your voice every time you talk about him." I looked back at the floor. "You miss him a lot. It's ok to admit it."

I shook my head and went back to applying my makeup. "I can't. Admitting means it's true, and I can't let it be true." I threw the lipstick down and looked at her. "I'm over him."

She smirked and got up from the bed. "Whatever you say, Danni." She walked over to the door. "It's ok to admit it. It'll make you feel better." She winked at me and left.

I looked up at myself in the mirror. I didn't look how I used to anymore. I looked like the girl I used to look like back before Dally entered my life. My rosy read checks were red with life again, and my eyes didn't show the sadness they once did. I was happy now. Happy without Dally. I didn't miss him. I just couldn't.

* * *

"Here take this over there!" Evie yelled pushing a plate of fruit in my face as I came through the door. "Hurry!"

I rolled my eyes and took the plate over to the table. I hadn't been here two seconds and I already wanted to ring her skinny little neck. I took a deep breath. It was her wedding tomorrow. This would all be over soon.

"Sandy!" She squealed as someone came through the door.

I stuck a grape in my mouth and looked at the girl who came in. Sandy Dueler. Dang, if I never thought I'd see that girl before. I watched as she ran up into a hug with Evie. She looked good for of having a baby. You couldn't even tell by just first looks.

"Hey, Danni!" She smiled once she saw me. "I haven't seen you in forever. How ya been?"

I half smiled at her and nodded my head. "Fine," I wasn't going to be too friendly with the girl who crushed my brothers heart. Soda cried for days over this girl and she didn't even care. She just left him without another word. "How's the baby?"

She smiled. "She's fine. She's about six months now. My mom has her right now."

I raised my eyebrows. I didn't even know it was a girl. "So you'll be bringing her tomorrow."

She smiled and nodded. I rolled my eyes and went back to setting everything up. The nerve she had to just bring the kid around here, and in front of Soda. That was just a slap in the face right there.

She came over beside me. "So you've been doing good?" She asked popping a grape in her mouth. I nodded. "You look different. You're all grown up now I see." I nodded and fiddled around with the food. I was in no mood to talk to her. She acted like nothing was wrong at all. "How's Soda?"

I looked up and glared at her. I picked up an empty plate and carried it to the back. "He's fine, no need to worry."

She sighed and followed me. "Danni," She slammed her hand down on the table and stopped me. "Come on it was like a year ago."

I threw the tray in the sink and glared at her. "You still don't care do you?" She gave me a confused look. "He loved you more than anything in the world and you just left him. He was going to marry you Sandy, he was going to give you everything and then you just leave him on the side of the rode like a piece of trash."

I turned away from her and cleaned the tray off. "It was a year ago, Danni. I was young, and I was pregnant. It wasn't Soda's. I just couldn't do that to him. I couldn't just let him throw his life away like that. I thought he'd be fine."

I snapped around and looked at her. "Well he wasn't fine Sandy. He cried every damn night for weeks after that." Her mouth opened. "Though you would know that if you even read one of his letters."

She looked down at the floor. "I made a mistake, Danni. You can't tell me you've never done something totally stupid that you knew was wrong."

I rolled my eyes and went back to cleaning the tray. "All I'm saying Sandy is Soda is still broken." I threw the rag down in the sink. "Don't go opening old wounds."

I brushed by her and into the party room. I was done talking about it. She better not go talking to Soda tomorrow or I swear to God… "Danni, this is Anna, Anna this is Danni." Evie said introducing me to another one of her stuck up friends.

"Hi," I said sticking my hand out. She smirked and turned away to go talk to some other girls. I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a fun night.

* * *

"Ok, ok, let's play!" Evie yelled as she gathered everyone together to play another one of her dumb games. "Danni you coming?"

I shook my head. "I'll be there in a minute; I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

I walked into the kitchen to start cleaning some of the plates. "Want some help?"

I looked up behind me at Sandy peering over me with a dry cloth in her hand. "Not wanting to go play another bridal game either?"

She laughed and shook her head. "So we didn't really get a chance to talk before. What's been up with you?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Yeah, sorry I kinda snapped at you. It just makes me mad to see him hurt like he did, and seeing you just enraged me again."

She slowly nodded. "Yeah, I get it. He's your brother. It's a family thing."

I nodded and went back to cleaning. "Things have changed since you've been here." I laughed. "But what about you, how's the mommy life going?"

She shook her head and laughed. "Hell." I smiled. "I love it though. I wouldn't take it back for anything."

I slowly nodded. "So it's a girl huh?"

She smiled and nodded. "Isabelle. You'll really like her."

I nodded and scrubbed some gooey stuff of the plate. I hated Sandy the first time I met her. Maybe it was just the fact that she was dating my brother and it made me mad because he'd rather hang out with her than me. Once she came around though she took me under her wing. I thought it was the coolest thing in the wrold to be hanging out with someone as cool as her. She was my friend for a long time. I talked to her about everything. She taught me how to get a boy and how to flirt without looking like a tramp. I looked up to her for the longest time.

Then she just up and did that to Soda. It crossed the line with me. I swor to myself I would never talk to her again not after what she did. Soda loved her though. More than he even let on. He nearly died when she left. Gosh I can still remember those nights where he cried himself to sleep. Ponyboy running off too about the same time didn't help too much either. He grew to accept the fact that she was gone though. Not that he's been on a date since. He still wasn't over this girl. She was the love of his life and she just left him. It's not an easy thing to get over.

"Danni, get out here!" Evie screamed from the other room. I looked over at Sandy who just shrugged. I threw the rag down and went out to see what the problem was. "I think someone's here to see you."

I looked up at who she was referring to. My god. "Dally," I spoke softly. "What are you doing here?"

He looked over at me with a beer in his hands. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I saw the look on his face that I had once seen on my own too many times. "Dan-nni?" He stuttered.

I took a deep breath. Great this was just great. "Yeah, it's me Dal."

He smirked and stumbled over to me nearly causing me to fall. "Well look at you." He smirked. "Hanging out here with all these old prunes." I heard one of them gasp and I rolled my eyes. "Hey We-well look if it isn't San-d-y."

I looked behind me at the look she was giving me. I rolled my eyes and tried to help Dally up. "Danni!" Evie yelled. "Control him!"

I look over at her and rolled my eyes. What did it look like I was doing here? "H-hey you-you shut your trap!" He yelled at her.

"Dally shut up." I mumbled as I continued to try and help him to his feet. "You're embarrassing me!"

He stumbled and just looked at me. "I-I'm embarrassing y-you, in front of these people?" I gave him a pleading look.

"Danni just get him out of here, now." Evie snapped.

Dally turned around and looked at her. "You-you know what you-you're a bitch."

He laughed and stumbled some more as Evie glared him down. "Dally, come on," I said trying to drag him out.

"No!" He yelled. "You know as well as I do she's a bitch. You say it all the time."

I looked over as Evie crossed her arms over her chest. Great, as if this couldn't get better. "Dally, just step outside for a minute with me." He mumbled something as I helped him out the door and onto the porch. At least he couldn't embarrass me out here. "What are you doing?" I snapped once we got outside. "You're drunker than Cooter Brown!"

He smirked and stumbled over to lean on a pole. "I ain't that drunk." He took another sip of the bottle in his hands.

I reached over and snatched it away from him. "Dally, come on!"

He grumbled and tried to get it back but only managed to about fall on his face. "Damn jus-just cut me a break."

I rolled my eyes and poured the rest of it on the ground. "What are you doing here Dally?"

He smirked and looked up at me. "You're pretty."

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms over my chest. "Come on, Dally. Why are you here?"

He smirked again and stumbled over to me again. He smelt like a college frat house. "Come on." He teased. "Let's head over to my place."

I pushed him off. "Dally you're wasted. I'm not going anywhere with you."

He looked at me like a poor kicked puppy. "Wh-what?" I rolled my eyes and turned away. He grabbed me hard and made me face him. "Just one time, co-come on."

I jerked away. "Dally no," I shook my head and rubbed it. "You're wasted. I'm not doing that."

He glared at me before grabbing the empty bottle from my hands. He slammed it against the white post making glass shatter everywhere. I sighed and watched him as he turned back around and faced me. "Yo-you want this." He grabbed my arms and held them together. "You wanted this!"

I pushed him off of me. "Dally, no, no you're really drunk and you're going to hurt yourself." I looked at the blood leaking from his palm where glass had pierced it. I grabbed his hand and held it. "Just let me take you home."

He jerked it away from me. "I c-can get home by myself."

I rolled my eyes and stepped in front of him and onto the grass. "You can't drive home like this." I reached for the keys in his hands. "Dally please just let me take you."

"No!" He yelled holding them above my head. "I-I can do it myself. I don't need you!"

I jumped up and tried to grab them from him. He laughed and dangled them higher. "Damnit Dally give me the keys."

"You got to say please!" He teased laughing even harder.

I grumbled and rolled my eyes. "Please give me the keys Dally."

He laughed and dangled them higher above my head as I desperately tried to reach them. "Your boobs giggle when you jump." He laughed.

I stopped and glared at him. Really? Really was this happening now? "Dally, come on stop fooling around."

He laughed and threw them into the grass behind the building. I stopped and glared at him as he laughed. "Go-good luck finding them now."

I shook my head and glared at him. No way was this happening. God help me. I grabbed his hand and led him into the darkness of the back yard. "Help me find them." I snapped as I looked around. I couldn't even see anything.

He just stood there and laughed. "You-you're going to be out here all night."

I rolled my eyes and looked behind some bush. This was just great here I am with Dally's drunken ass looking for a pair of keys so I could, without a license, drive him home. "Dally help me!"

He laughed and just looked at me. "Yo-you're going to have trouble driving my car with my house keys."

I looked up and glared at him. You have got to be kidding me. "Dally give me your car keys now."

He dangled them at me. "You-you got to come get them."

I huffed and stomped over to him. He dodged me and went the other way. "Dally this isn't funny anymore."

He laughed and dangled them at me again. "Pretty damn funny to me." I rolled my eyes and tried to grab them again. "Come on, Curtis." He smirked.

I huffed and tried one last time to grab them only to knock my head on something hard instead. My head jolted back as I came face to face with the hard wood of the oak tree. I pulled away as I felt a cold liquid run down my face. Great, now I was bleeding. Didn't that just top everything else off?

I looked up at Dally who just smirked at me. Glad to see how much he cares. I grumbled and grabbed the keys away from him. "Just get in the car."

* * *

I had never even driven a car before. Not on an actual rode anyway. Dally just smirked the whole time as I about killed us three times. Glad to see he was enjoying this.

"Wh-what are we doing here?" He asked once I pulled up to my house. "I-I ain't staying here."

I rolled my eyes and took the keys out. "I got to get something. Just stay here and don't move. I'll be back."

I slammed the door shut and threw my heels into the grass as I run into the house. Gosh I was so screwed now. Just my luck Darry will walk outside and see the lovely image of Dally's drunken ass in the passenger side of the car I was driving. God this was a mess! I quickly threw my hair up and tried to run into the kitchen only running right into some.

"Geez, Dan." He huffed as he held his head. "Why are you in such a big hurry?" I rubbed my head and looked up at Soda. Thank God it was Soda. "You're bleeding." He stated rubbing some of the dried blood from my head.

I huffed and wiped some off. "Yeah, it's been a long night."

"Ain't you supposed to be at Evie's thing?" He asked.

I huffed and nodded. "I kind of have a problem." He just looked at me. I took his hand and led him over to the window.

He pulled the curtain back to see Dally's dark blue Camaro sitting in the drive way with his drunken ass sprawled out. His mouth opened. "Is that Dally?"

I nodded. "He showed up totally wasted and I couldn't just let him drive home. I don't know what I'm doing here Soda."

His mouth was open as he turned back around. "You-you drove him here?" He asked.

I slowly nodded. "I didn't have a choice. He was going to get himself killed."

The front door slammed shut behind as. I turned and looked. Great, just great. "Wha-where am I?"

I rolled my eyes. I was so dead now. "I thought I told you to stay in the car!"

He smirked and stumbled around. "I-I got bored." He looked over at Soda. "He-hey it's Soda."

He just laughed and shook his head. "Damn Dal."

"Can w-we go now?" He asked.

I huffed as I heard footsteps coming down stairs. Yeah, I was for sure dead now. "What's going on down here?"

We all turned to see Darry coming down the stairs. He rubbed his eyes before he saw us. They nearly bugged out of his head after that. "He-hey Dar." Dally stuttered. "Ni-nice shorty shorts."

I smacked myself on the head. Oh god here we go. "Dar, everything's ok. We-" Soda tried to say.

Darry stomped all the way down and stood beside me. I looked up at him. He grabbed my chin as he got a closer look at my face. I pulled away to try and explain but it was already too late. "What did you do?" He yelled as he slammed Dally into the wall.

I huffed and walked over to them. Here we go. "I-I didn't do shit!" Dally yelled trying to push him away.

"Are you drunk?" Darry yelled letting go causing Dally to almost fall on the floor.

I walked closer to them. "He didn't do this Dar." I said slowly walking over to him. "We were just-"

Dally stood back up. "I-I ain't done shit to her!" He yelled. "Sh-she did it to herself."

Darry slammed him back into the wall holding his arm at his throat so he couldn't move. They glared each other down. "You ever and I mean ever touch her or even lay a hand on her, I swear it will be the last thing you ever do. Clear?" He yelled.

He smirked back. "Crystal."

Darry pulled away causing Dally to fall again. I stood back and watched not knowing what else to do. Dally couched around for a minute while he was on the ground. Darry was still standing over him glaring him down.

Soda brushed by me and over to Dally helping him up. "Come on Dal. I'll take you home."

He helped him over to the door and led him out. I sighed and looked up at Darry. He didn't even move. I took a deep breath and brushed by him and into the bathroom to clean my cut.

Well wasn't this night a real ball. Remind me never to be in a wedding again. "Let me do it." Darry sighed as he came in. I looked up at him as he grabbed the wet wash cloth from me. He pointed to the toilet seat. "Sit down."

I sighed and took a seat. "He really didn't do this."

He sighed and pulled out a Band-Aid from the medicine cabinet. "He was really drunk huh?" I nodded as he pealed the paper off an applied it to my forehead. "So I guess I shouldn't ask you if you had fun or not then."

I laughed and shook my head. "No, no I wouldn't do that."

He smirked and threw the wrapper away. "Get some sleep."

I looked up at him. "What, no lecture?"

He smirked and turned away. "No, I think you've had a pretty rough time as it is tonight." He clicked off the light. "Go to sleep, and please don't worry about Dally."

I laughed and nodded. How could I not worry about Dally?


	35. You Promised Her

**So I'd like to say, Thanks soooo much to the ever so wonderful, you taryn at six, who is an absolutely _amazing _beta.! **

**With her help I do hope I can make this story better than what it once was. So without further ado:**

* * *

As I looked at the box sitting in front of me, I sighed. I had put off all of this time opening it.

It was nearly two years ago when my life and my family's life was shattered into pieces. A tragic accident turned our lives into hell. We were left and our eldest brother was basically forced to carry the burden. He was pushed into working hard, making sure we had a roof over our heads, and that food was supplied everyday. The other brother dropped out of school to pursue a career as a manager at a gas station so he too could help with the bills. The younger brother was involved in the killing of a Soc and fled to a faraway land to just get away from it all. And then there was me. The only daughter leading a life filled with beer and sex and practically losing it all along the way.

We had all faced problems since that dreadful day. The day two police men knocked on our door to tell us that our parents were never coming home again. Then there was this box. The one thing that my mother held closest to her heart. The one thing I still had left to remember her by. I refused to open it when Darry gave it to me the day after the funeral; I didn't want to open it and have all the emotions of that day come flooding back to me.

I took a deep breath and ran my hand over the wood, tracing each flower with the tip of my finger.

I didn't understand why it was so hard. It was just a box. What's the big deal about that?

I pried the top off, revealing the only valuable things my mother owned to her name. This was the one thing she brought with her when she left her horrible childhood home.

"Danni, you coming?" someone yelled from downstairs.

I sighed and picked up the little, pearl earrings that once belong to my grandmother. They may not be worth a dime, but they were her most treasured item and the only thing that I had left of her. This was what I was wearing today. My mother's spirit carried with them.

"I'm coming!" I yelled as I brushed off my dress and stood up.

Evie made us wear these pink, frilly things. To be quite honest, I think she did it on purpose.

Before heading down, I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't mind to look in it anymore, because I was happy with what I saw and with what I was now. I was going to be fine. Just fine.

"Well lookey, lookey at Danni-Bear!" Two-Bit hollered as he got up off the couch. "Nice outfit." He smirked.

I smiled. "Nice tie."

He stuck his tongue out before Darry pushed him out of the way to look at me. His mouth dropped open. I rolled my eyes and came all the way down off the stairs.

"I know I look dumb. Don't rub it in."

He shook his head as Soda came into the room still trying to fix his tie. "Darry, help me!" he whined.

"You-You look beautiful," he said, grinning at me and giving me another once over.

I smiled and walked over to him.

Soda looked up from his tie to take a look at me. A big ol' grin came across his face "Well, look who's wearing a dress."

I rolled my eyes and tightened up his tie, choking him before I decided to tie it. "Shut your trap."

He laughed and shook his head. "Just can't believe Evie got you to wear that."

I laughed too and shook my head. "Yeah, it was a great day." In other words, I tried the best I could to scratch and claw my way out of this.

Two-Bit came back in the room with Johnny. "Damn, Two-Bit. Don't go gettin' soused before the wedding. Evie'll have my head," Steve snapped, snatching the beer out of his hands.

Two-Bit huffed and slumped down on the couch. "It sure would be a lot funnier if I was drunk!"

Soda and I laughed. Everyone else was thinking the same thing. At least if we were drunk, it wouldn't be boring by any means.

"When are we leaving?" Ponyboy asked, coming down the stairs.

Darry rolled his sleeve up and looked at his watch. "Kathy and Cherry are meeting us there, so I guess we can leave in about twenty minutes."

"Evie said to be there by one," Steve said as he came back in the room. "I ain't in no mood to deal with her moody ass on my wedding day, so let's go."

We all rolled our eyes. Heaven forbid something happen that wasn't supposed to.

* * *

"Damn, where is my vial?" she yelled, running through the dressing room we were in.

"I'm sure it's here somewhere," Sandy said, trying to reason with her.

"I need it now!" she screamed, throwing junk here and there just to find the dumb thing. "Don't just sit there," she ordered us. "Find it!"

Before I got my head bitten off, I stretched and tried looking like I was doing something.

Someone called out, "I found it!"

Relieved, I sat back down.

"The photographer is here, Evie. He wants to know when you'll be ready," her mother said, sticking her head in the door.

Evie rolled her eyes. "Does it look like I'm ready, Mother?" She snapped, "Just tell him it'll be a minute, would ya?"

Her mother pinched the bridge of her nose. "Evie, he's getting paid by the hour, so-"

"I don't care," she barked. "Tell him to wait!"

He mother just sighed and closed the door. If I had ever talked to my mother like that, it'd be the last thing I'd ever say.

I sighed as my finger traced my earrings.

Everything's okay. Everything's going to be okay.

Once the wedding finally got started, Evie was a bit calmer than before. Her dress was beautiful. It had a lace trim and a long trail that led behind her. She really looked stunning.

"Do you, Steven James Randle, take this woman, Eve Rose Messer, to be your lawful wedded wife?"

Evie turned and batted her eye lashes at Steve as she waited for his response.

He looked at her and flashed a big smile. "I do."

"And do you, Eve Rose Messer, take this man, Steven James Randle, to be your lawful wedded husband?"

Steve was still smiling at her. She smiled back and nodded her head, small tears seeping out of her eyes. "I do."

The pastor smiled and closed his bible. "In the name of God, I declare you two man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Everyone started clapping, and he gracefully grabbed her face and pulled it towards his. I smiled and clapped. She may be a bitch and he may be a jerk sometimes, but there wasn't any denying that they were made for each other.

The newly weds, all bright and grinning, turned to the standing audience and joined hands to walk down the pedal covered walkway. We all smiled and then, one by one, we all followed.

"Well, hello there, Ma'am," Soda said, sticking out his arm for me to take hold of it.

I smiled and shook my head.

We all were told to file into the room where the "cocktail hour" was to be held.

"Well, what'd ya think about that?" Soda asked me as he popped a cube of cheese in his mouth.

I laughed and bit off a chocolate covered strawberry. "It was nice. He really loves her, huh?"

We simultaneously turned and glanced at them. Steve was whispering something in her ear, and Evie was laughing. It was one of those Hallmark moments in the making.

Soda nodded. "He always has."

I looked over at the cluster of girls at the other side of the room. Right smack dab in the middle was Sandy. "What do you think about that?" I asked, taking another bite.

He looked over and shrugged. "She ain't talked to me yet." He shrugged again. "I don't really care."

I nodded. Oh, but he cared all right. Soda would always care about that girl. As bad as I hated to admit it, he still loved her.

"You talk to Dally yet?" he asked, popping a grape in his mouth.

I scanned the area until I spotted Dally; he was busy popping pain pills - or what looked to be pain pills, anyway. "Nope. Did he say anything when you took him home last night?"

He shook his head. "No…nothing."

I studied him. He's an awful liar. "Soda, come on. Just tell me," I pressed.

He sighed. "I…he was really drunk anyway."

I shot him a dirty look, and he took in a lungful of air. "He still likes ya, okay?"

Well, I kind of figured that, considering he wanted me to have sex with him last night and the day before that. "What did he say exactly?"

He squirmed in his seat, and his eyes were focused on the table. "Come on, Danni. Don't make me say it."

I looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Please, Soda?"

He turned away. I laughed and went to the other side where he could see me. "Please. For me?"

He shook his head and laughed. "Fine, you win." He took another deep breath. "He said….he said he wanted the sex again. He said it was the best he ever had."

I just looked at him. I had heard that before.

Soda continued, "He said, well, he kind of said he loved you."

I made a face. "What do you mean, 'kinda'?"

He sighed. "Look, Danni, he was drunk. I don't really know what he meant and-"

"Soda, would you just tell me?" I said, cutting him off.

He took another deep breath. "He said he never slept with Sylvia. He said it…it wasn't the same as it was with you. Then he mumbled something about loving it and all."

I sighed and threw the toothpick I was holding in the trash. "That doesn't mean he loves me, Soda. That means he loved the sex. That's all he ever cared about."

I turned away and looked at Dally. He was talking it up with Johnny about something. I faced Soda again.

"So, you don't feel the same way?" he asked.

I shook my head. "It's over. I'm done. Dally doesn't mean anything to me anymore. We're done. Dally promised me the world, and I, stupidly, believed him. It's just over and done with."

I sighed and twirled my hair around my finger and thought of what Angela said to me. _You can't keep lying to yourself. _

He put a hand on my shoulder and lightly squeezed. "You just need to do what's best for you." He smiled at me. "If you're happy without him, then don't go back. It's for the best."

I nodded as he went off to go talk to Two-Bit.

It was for the best. I was doing this for me. I was happy without Dally. He promised me everything, and I got nothing. Well, you know what? I don't care. I'm my own person. I'm perfectly happy just by myself.

"I have been looking _all_ over for you!"

I smiled at Jake as Angela basically threw him in my arms.

"I've been right here," I said in my best baby voice.

She rolled her eyes and fished around in her diper bag, looking for a bottle. "Damnit," she cursed. "Must of left the damn thing at the house."

I bounced Jake on my hip. "Don't look at me. I left my spare one at home."

She rolled her eyes at my sarcasm. I take it she isn't in the mood. "Damn! Where'd Curly get off to?" she yelled, eyes darting everywhere and in search for him. "I can't take this anymore!"

I smiled and grabbed the bag from her. "Just come to the bar with me. I'll buy you a drink and everything will be fine."

She huffed and followed me. I knew she wouldn't turn alcohol away for anything.

"Dally looks awful chipper today," she said, looking over at him as he popped another pill.

I nodded and paid for her drink. I slid it over to her. "He came to the party last night."

She smirked and took a sip of it. "Oh, bet that made things exciting. Was he his normal, charming self?"

I rolled my eyes. "He was drunk. Like, Cooter Brown drunk."

She laughed and tried to control herself. "Damn! Now there's a party. What happened?"

I sighed. "Other than the fact that he embarrassed the crap out of me? Nothing out of the ordinary. I just took him over to my place and Soda drove him home. I've been avoiding him all day."

She smirked again. "Why you doing that for?"

I turned and looked at her. "Because we're done. It's done and over with."

She laughed and took her drink back. "Whatever you say Danni."

I continued bouncing the baby on my knee.

"What's that all about?" She asked pointing over behind me.

I looked over my shoulder. It was Soda and Sandy huddled in a corner together. "Nothing good, I can tell you that."

Angela took another sip of her drink. "I never liked that broad." The corners of her mouth upturned. "Too good for _her_ own good. Thinks she's better than everyone else."

I continued to bounce Jake as he giggled. "Looks like she's in the same boat as you now."

She smirked and circled her finger around the top of her cup. "Not that she'd ever compare herself to me. People think us greasers are all the same. Damn if that's wrong. I ain't nothing like that broad, and she ain't nothing like me."

I looked back behind me at the two. Nothing alike. She was a teenage mom just like Angela. How could they be nothing alike? I sighed as I watched them talk. "She means well. She's a good person, Ang," I said, turning back around.

She rolled her eyes. "Any food in this place?"

"There should be some over there." I pointed to the tiny table set up near the back. "Go help yourself. I'll watch Jake."

She smiled and hopped up.

"The things I do for you mommy," I whispered to Jake. He giggled and he chewed on his hand.

I could never do what Angela does. Not in a million years. I could never be a mother. I could never have one person depending on me for everything and to keep them alive. I could barely keep myself alive.

I glanced back over at Dally as he talked to one of Evie's friends. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the rest of Angela's drink and chugged it down. I deserve it.

"Look whose back in the saddle again."

I looked up as Tim took a seat in front of me. "Thought you were done with that," he said.

I rolled my eyes and sat the glass down. "I just needed a sip."

He smirked and stuck his finger out; Jake grabbed it. "She run off and stick you with him?"

I glanced over at her to find that she was flirting with some group of guys. Of course she did. I looked back down at the baby. "It doesn't matter. I can watch him."

He pulled his finger back. "Yeah, sure."

I sighed and continued to look at the top of the baby's head. "Have you heard any more about Jeff?"

He shrugged. "Lost the lead." He shook his head and took a sip of the drink he ordered. "No idea where he ran off to now."

I nodded slowly, letting the information sink in. He was probably long gone by now anyway. "So, what are you going to do now?"

Tim looked at me. "Nothing I can do. Just sit back and wait. You sure you got the kid?" he asked as he got up.

I nodded. "I got it. Just go have fun."

He smirked and walked away.

I pulled Jake closer to me.

_Everything was going to be fine. Everything was going to be okay._


	36. It's So Insane

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

**A/N: Thanks to you tayrn at six, for beta reading**

* * *

The ballroom was breathtaking. Individual candles were lit and placed at each name tag and tall flower center pieces took up most of the table. The lights were dimmed and rose petals were scattered across the floor. The room looked like it cost hundreds of dollars. I still questioned who was shelling out the money for all of this.

"Where's your mommy?" I asked Jack, bouncing him on my hip and looked around the room. Angela had me stuck now, all right.

"Hey, Curly!" I shouted over the blaring music. "You seen Ang?"

He looked around the crowded room for a minute and then shrugged. "See she left you with the kid. Good luck finding her now."

I repositioned Jake on my hip and huffed. My eyes darted through the room. Everyone was dancing away like they didn't have a care in the world.

"Ah," a dark voice spoke behind me.

I turned and looked. "Hey."

He smirked and came over closer to me. "Looks like you got stuck with baby duty for the night." He motioned towards Jack.

I nodded and bounced him on my hip. "No telling where Angela ran off to. My guess is to pick up some guy to take home." He chuckled and raised a glass of beer to his lips.

"You like the wedding?"

"Weddings are for chumps. Never saw the point in em'."

I looked towards the glass he was holding. "So, uh, the other night-"

"I was wasted," he snapped. "It ain't nothing."

I huffed. "So everything you said-"

"Ain't nothing," he barked again. "Don't sweat about it."

I sighed, knowing it was a pointless battle. Getting Dally to talk to me like a normal person was always a pointless battle.

"You just going to act like this every time I come around ya?"

I looked up and examined him for the first time. He cleaned up pretty nice for a guy who's never worn a tie in his life. "Act like what?"

He raised the cup back up to rest on his lips. "Don't play dumb."

I looked into his crisp, icy blue eyes, making my heart melt. "Do you want to go somewhere and talk? Somewhere more private?"

He took a minute to think it over before motioning me to follow him. He led me out into the cold quiet hallways. I stayed a step or two behind him as he stopped in front of a crystal blue table.

I rested Jake on the top and looked at the boy sitting in front of me.

Dallas Winston. Arguably the toughest greaser in Tulsa. Rumored to be a cold, unloveable bastard who cared for no one but himself; a bastard who was believed to have no mercy. As Ponyboy once said, "He's the real character of the gang." He likes to blow off steam in gang fights with whoever was dumb enough to challenge him. He was said to be the most dangerous member of the bunch—not even Darry wants to tangle with him. The local police have a large file on him the size of Texas that gets bigger with every passing day. He was even arrested at ten years old.

Cold, unloving, dangerous, uncaring, tuff, an unloveable bastard, good for nothing, heartless - all words I'd heard too many people describe him as.

I saw none of that in the guy sitting in front of me. This was the man who I gave my heart too, the man I once loved, and the man who shattered my heart into pieces.

"You going to say something sometime today?"

I took deep breath trying to remember what it was I wanted to say. "I still love you." I paused and took a breath. "I don't know if that will ever go away, but it's still there. You obviously have feelings for me too."

He nodded and pulled a cigarette from his jacket pocket. "Your point?"

I sighed. "My point is - I can't feel that way anymore, Dally." He glanced up at me, not responding so I continued. "I mean I know that sounds dumb, but I just can't allow myself to love you, not after-"

"Not after what?" he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

I blinked a few times, remaining quiet.

"Spit it out already!"

I looked to the floor. "Not after the way you treated me."

He smirked and stood up, slamming the wooden chair against the table.

"Dally, come on," I called as I eased up off my seat.

He just shook his head. "I was so horrible to ya, huh?"

I looked back down at the confused baby who was a barrier between us.

He turned back around and faced me. "I was so horrible to you when I let you live with me after you family sent you packing, when I got a damn job to please your ass, when I beat the hell out of the bastard who hurt you, when I kicked Sylvia to the curb after she beat the shit out of you. But none of that matters, right?"

I looked down at my white, Montgomery Ward heels. "Don't make this any harder, Dally."

"Oh, shit. Come on, Curtis," he barked. "If I'm so horrible, then why'd ya stay with me so long, huh?"

I continued to look at the floor, not wanting to see the possible flare in his eyes.

"Oh, but no, you still love me. Don't even give me that shit; I don't need your pity." He stopped and rubbed his head. "You know what? Screw you."

He waved me off and started to leave.

I jumped up from my seat causing the chair to fall to the floor. I grasped onto his arm and stopped him.

He didn't turn around.

"Dally, just let me talk. I'm not pitying you, and I mean it."

He glanced at me from behind his shoulder.

I continued, "I just…- I can't be with you. I'm happier now and-"

He let out a bitter laugh. "Sorry I made your life so damn miserable."

I sighed. "Dally, I just think we're better off apart."

He jerked his arm away and began to walk away again.

I stepped closer towards him. "It's just-"

"Don't," he said calmly. "Don't bother, Curtis. I get it." He smirked and started to walk away. "Hope you find some happiness in your life."

"Dally," I walked over to him again. "Please don't act this way."

His eyes narrowed. "How do you want me to act? he snapped. "Go lead your picture-perfect life."

I looked up at him. He didn't look back. "I just-"

"Don't!" he yelled, his voice going higher. "Get lost, Danni. I get the fucking picture."

I stood there and watched as he walked away. Every impulse inside of me told me to go after him, to just do like they do in all of the movies and let him sweep me off my feet and kiss me- to only have him kiss me like that again.

I shook my head. This was the right thing to do. It was for the best. Leaving Dally was the best thing for me.

* * *

"Danni," someone called for me. I looked over to see Angela running towards me. "Sorry, I had to take care of something."

I handed her the baby. "What's going on?"

She took him onto her hip and huffed. "Just Tim's dumbass getting on my case again." She waved it off. "Don't worry about it. What's eatin' you, anyway?"

I rubbed my aching head. "I talked to Dally. Told him it was over and done."

She smirked. "I take it by that look on your face that he didn't take it so well?"

I shook my head. "It's done now."

"You don't seem too jazzed about it," she said, wiping the drool on Jake's mouth.

I shook my head and rubbed my temples. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Whatever you say, Danni." She walked away without looking back.

I folded my arms over my chest and headed back to the bar. The music blasted through the room. Couples were dancing right and left to it, like the night was all theirs.

I sighed and rested my head on the counter.

"Wow. You look like you've been hit by a bus." I slowly picked up my head and looked at the boy smiling down at me. "Hello to you, too."

I sighed and held my head. "Soda, what are you doing over here?"

He smiled and looked around. "You wanna dance?"

"Dance?" I asked.

He smiled and held out his hand for me to take. I smiled at little and took it allowing him to led me out onto the dance floor. "So what's with the face?" he asked as I placed my arms around his warm neck.

I looked up into his sparkling green eyes. "What was with that little conversation you were having?"

He spun me around and smiled. "Why, I don't know what you're talking about."

I laughed and hit him. "Come on, Soda. Tell me all the juicy details."

He laughed too and looked up at the ceiling. "We just talked, Dan."

I moved him over to the other side making him look back at me. "Well, what about? I'm not going to give up."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Fine, I'll tell ya."

I smiled at my win.

"We just talked about how things went last year. She apologized for not talking to me and just leaving me the way she did."

I took a minute to gather what he said. "So, is there something going on there now or-"

"No." He glanced over at her as she was spun about by her dance partner. "I love her, always have….We just can't be together."

I knew how he felt. "You still love her, though."

He nodded. "I'll move on, though. She will, too. It's just the best thing for us to do. It…it brought me closure to just talk to her about it."

I looked down and watched as my shoes swayed back in forth with us. I could feel his pain. He may not say it, but he was hurting. I could feel the pain scrub off of him and onto me.

I looked back up as he gave me a reassuring smile. "So, you okay?"

He brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "I'm good, Dan. Where'd Dally run off to, anyway?"

"I think he took off." I shrugged. "He got…a little upset."

He let out a small laugh. "What happened this time?"

I took a breath. "I told him it was done. That it has been for a long time and that we should just move on. He, well, he didn't take it real well."

"He wanted to get back with ya, huh?"

I slowly nodded.

"Why didn't you? I thought you-"

"No," I snapped before he could say it. "I'm tired of people saying that. Dally and I have been done for a while now. It's over - end of story. Show's over; that's all she wrote."

He smirked and stared into my eyes. He didn't believe me for a second. "All right then,"

I blew a lose piece of brown hair back out of my face. "What do you think about them?" I pointed to our older brother. "You like her?"

He looked over at the love birds. "Kathy and Darry? Dang, ain't that a fairy tale waiting to happen?"

I glanced over at them. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and her head rested on his shoulder as her dark pink dress swayed with them.

"What do you mean?" I asked, turning back and looking at him.

He shrugged and twirled me around again. "I mean she was always the one that got away from him."

I made a face and looked back over at them.

"She dumped him right after high school, Dan. He was a mess after it. Don't cha remember?"

Not exactly. I was twelve at the time and wasn't too interested in my big brother's love life. Darry kept those types of things to himself anyway. He was like Dally in a way. A closed book of emotions. No one goes in, nothing comes out.

"Well, he wouldn't even get out of bed for a month," he went on. "Mom was a mess over it. Bout sent him to a hospital or somethin'. Thought he was going to kill himself."

My head snapped back. "Was it-"

"Yeah, it was that bad," he finished for me. "I'd never seen him like that. No one could talk to him or anything." He sighed and tightened his grip on my hip. "He moved on, though. Picked himself back up and got back in there. When she came around again…I don't know, it bothered me. I didn't want to see her leave him again like she did."

"So, it's like you and Sandy," I spoke up.

He sighed and blew out a breath of air. "Suppose so. Never really thought about it like that; I guess you have a good point." He chuckled a little. "Lordy, we could all write a book about our love lives, huh?"

I giggled. "The never ending Curtis love lives. Bet we could make a best seller out of it."

The song stopped and he released me. I stared up into those crystal green eyes he had. How I wish I was blessed to have gotten those from my mother. Whoever said that blue eyes was the prettiest hadn't seen Soda's eyes before.

"Danni."

I turned around to an angry mother nearly charging towards me.

"I need to talk to you. NOW."

I looked at Soda as he smirked at us. "I'll leave you gals alone then."

I watched as he walked away. Something told me I'd want him here to referee for us.

"I can't believe you," she snapped, not missing a beat. "How could you do that?"

I looked back at her. Golly was she fuming about something. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play the dumb act with me," she barked, wagging a finger in my face. "How could you do that to him, again? He's my brother Danni! Did you even plan to tell me about it or were you just going to let it go like it was nothing?"

She was starting to gather looks. I rolled my eyes and grabbed her arm to lead her somewhere where she could yell at me in private.

"Angela, it wasn't a big deal. I-"

"Not a big deal?" The baby she was holding began to whimper. "You can just do that and it not be a big deal? I thought you were done doing that."

I huffed and grabbed the baby from her before she caused him to have a panic attack. "I am done with it. If you would just let me talk, I could have told you that."

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest.

"It was one time. I don't even know why I did it, but I did. Call me crazy, but I made a mistake. Can you get off my case now?"

She huffed and turned her attention elsewhere. "Tim is just pissing me off. I can't even stand to be near him anymore."

I sighed. I'd heard this story oh-too-many times. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that. What's going on this time, besides the fact that he told you what we did?"

She spun back around and looked at me. "He treats me like shit, Danni!"

I inwardly sighed.

Angela continued ranting, "Ever since I had the kid, he treats me like the family whore. Like I'm a failure or a disgrace or something. I can't take it anymore. I need out."

I looked down at the happy, little boy in my arms. I knew all about Tim and Ang's problems. If I wasn't hearing it from one, I was hearing it from the other. Tim couldn't stand Angela anymore; that part she had down to the nail. Last, I heard he was on edge about kicking her out into the streets. Angela…she's just Angela. It's not like they didn't fight before she had Jake.

A couple months ago they got into a big blow up. Her and Jeff decided to take some money they "found" in Tim's room and head up to New York for some ungodly reason. Tim up and had a fit. He went into her room and threw everything out the window and left it in the rain. It wasn't like anyone in that house was going to care anyway.

Once she came back, he couldn't control himself any longer. She threw a temper tantrum, and he finally set his anger free. I just happened to be there and see the whole thing. It was a mess. They shoved each other right and left, spat out every horrible name in the book, and threw about anything they could get their hands on. I'd never seen anything like it. It was like a circus that I had front row seats to.

I thought Tim was going to explode and punch her or slap her or something. That's something Tim Shepard retains himself from doing. He would never hit a girl, even if you held a gun to his head. Angela was no execption. Never had Tim hit that girl, even though she deserved it a few times. No, Tim was a good guy; he was a good brother to her.

"Ang, he loves ya all right, it's just-"

"No!" She tried to hold back the tears that were ready to fall. "He hates me, Danni. You know it as well as I do. He won't even look at me anymore."

I sighed and continued to look at the baby. He didn't deserve all this. "Ang, I just think-"

"Just watch him," she said as she handed me the diper bag. "I have to…I got to do somethin', okay?"

She ran her hand through her long black hair and ran off.

"Ang!" I yelled after her. "Angela wait."

It was already too late. She was gone. "Looks like it's just me and you again, Jake."

* * *

The day seemed to drag out forever. Evie made the most of her wedding. Every little detail was thrown in there. Each table had the correct number of flowers, there was an exact even number of guest so everyone could have a dance partner, the music was just a perfect proportion of fast and slow, and the food was severed at an exact time in an exact order. Everything was perfect. If only she knew what was going on, on the outside of it all.

Ang was nowhere in sight, either. You get hold of her kid for a few minutes and she's going to make the most of it.

"Hey, Jake!" I smiled once he looked up at me. "Where's your mommy at?"

He giggled and threw around the blue rattle in his hands. She got an easy baby, that's for sure. Doesn't have his momma's fiery temper - yet. Thank Jesus for that.

It seemed like just yesterday I was holding her hand while she went through the process of being pregnant with him. Every morning puke breath, doctor's appointment, continuous peeing, I was there for her. Holding her hand and telling her everything would be okay, even though I knew she was in for a world of struggle. A world that would never be the same again.

The day she had him was one for the books. I got the call at, like, four in the morning to hear her screaming her lungs out and throwing every cuss word in the books out. I rushed over to the hospital and held her hand like I was supposed to do. It took five long, agonizing hours. She kicked, screamed, cussed; she even ended up throwing a bed pan at Curly's head.

Once it was all finally said and done, Jake came into this world. The moment he came out, our hearts stood still. I'd never seen a baby come into this world before, but let me tell you, it's really something. She grabbed him and held him like there was no tomorrow. I'd never seen her care for something so much, especially something that caused her so much pain and heart ache. It was her baby; she was going to make the most out of the crappy situation she got in. She was going to make her life worth something.

That's what she said anyway. Angela is a good mom in her own way. She loves her baby more than life itself. That's more than I can say. Look what I was about to do to my baby. Tim shouldn't treat her like he does. She tries her best, given the circumstances. She was a good mother. She was a good person. No one's perfect.

_How long does it take to talk to Tim? _He doesn't even talk that much. Longest conversation I ever had with him lasted ten minutes - and that's pushing it.

"You wanna go find Mommy?" I asked the now sleeping baby.

I carefully eased up and headed out the double doors. The narrow hallways were empty. Music was blasting from the inside so you wouldn't even be able to hear anything out here anyway.

_Where is she?_

I walked around the whole building looking right and left. She must've really took off this time.

I huffed and turned on my heel to look in the only place I hadn't looked.

The clear air breezed through my messy hair. It was finally feeling like summer outside. I stepped on a leaf that fell from the oak tree and made it crunch. I really hoped she was out here and Tim and her hadn't killed each other.

"I told you I was sorry! How many fucking times do I have to say it before it gets through your head?"

I sighed and turned the door knob. By George, I do believe I found her.

"You ain't sorry for nothing!" he yelled back at her. "Grow up for once and own up to your mistakes!"

She shouted back, "My baby is not a mistake!"

I eased myself into the storage building, taking a glance at her. Black tears ran down her rosy cheeks.

"I can't believe you'd even say that to me!" She cried, wiping the tears away.

He grumbled and rolled his eyes.

I eased myself behind a big box that hid me from their sight.

"Grow up," he snapped.

"I hate you!" she screamed. "I can't stand you! I'm tired of you treating me like shit all the time!"

"Then leave!" He barked, "hit the road. I don't care."

"Shit," I cursed as the baby's rattle fell to the floor.

I held my breath as they just continued to yell. I eased down to the floor and under the table where it fell. They were still at it with each other. Looks like they'd run out of things to say after a while.

"Just say it, Tim!" she demanded. "I screwed up. I'm a failure. You hate me; I get it!"

I peeked out the crack in the white table cloth.

Tim just shook his head at her. "You still don't get it do you?"

The door slammed open silencing them. Just then a gust of wind came rushing through the room.

I separated the crack a little more to get a better look at the dark man who swiftly strolled through the door. That very moment would haunt me for the rest of my life.

The two stood there with mouths open, not knowing whether to run or fight.

"Je-Jeff?" she managed to choke out.

A sly smile ran across his face. "Hello there, doll face. Miss me?"


	37. Flames That Burn

**A/N: Major thanks to Independence Undervalued for her, ever so wonderful, reviews. You rock. :-) **

**you tayrn at six,** **is awesome too and a _miraculous_** **beta as well as a very talented writer. **

* * *

Like an engine, my heart began racing.

He stood tall and confident. His bleached hair was greased back, and his eyes were cold, almost lifeless. And then there was that smile. Slick and haunting, making you want to tremble at the mere sight of it.

My throat tightened, but I remained hidden underneath the table.

"Wha-what..."

"Shh," he whispered as he stepped closer. "There's no need for explanations, love."

"What are you doing here, Jeff?"

He laughed and shook his head as he slowly began to inch closer to them. "Timmy, Timmy, Timmy... Do I not get a 'hello'?"

Tim's nostrils flared.

"Hope jail was nice and cozy for you. Didn't mean for you and your brother to get in so much trouble."

Tim kept his gaze firm and held his ground as he gripped a hold of Angela's arm. "I'm gonna ask you again. What are you doing here?"

Again, Jeff rolled his head back and chuckled as if Tim were just a pesky fly on the wall. "Come on, Timothy. Do you mind playing nice? I mean, your baby sister _is_ watching." His eyes flicked to her. "Hello, love. How's the kid doing?"

Tim stared him down as he tightened his hold on Angela. "Don't," he spoke lowly but full of venom.

Jeff crooked his neck and looked over at him. "What's wrong, Tim? Don't like me talking to sissy here?" He, once again, looked at Angela, arching a brow. "She's a big girl now. I think it's high time she talk for herself; don't you think so, love?"

Angela glared at him, clutching onto Tim. "Don't call me that," she spat.

He shook his head and wiped the spit off of his face. "Don't be like that." He stepped closer. "Used to make you pretty happy when we were... you know."

Tim took a step forward to him, only making him laugh.

"Come on, Timmy." He turned his cheek. "Take a shot. Right here."

Tim didn't budge. He kept his position unwaverable in front of his sister. It didn't look like he was going to lunge for the attack just yet. No, Tim was the wait-till-the-time is right kind of guy. He'd strike when least expected.

"Not so talkative now, are we?" Jeff asked, lighting up a cigerate. "Darn. I was hoping we could have a friendly, little chat here, guys."

No one moved.

I glanced down at the sleeping baby cradled in my arms. Once checking if he was okay, I squinted to get a better look out the crack again.

Jeff puffed smoke at the two. "Come on, guys. This isn't any fun."

My fingers protectively clutched the baby closer. Something wasn't right; I didn't like where this was going - at all.

"Jeff, what do you want?" Angela asked calmly.

He shook his head and laughed. "Sweetie, you won't have an idea of what I want." He took a step forward, now in front of her. "Though, you did please me well for a while. Well, that is until I got bored with you."

Angela glared up at him. "Just back off."

He looked amused at her attempt to scare him. "Do you really think that's going to work?" He reached over and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I thought you had a little bit more sense than that."

She slapped his hand down. "Don't you touch me."

Jeff stepped back a little and glared at her. "Now, don't be like that, love. I'm only trying to be nice here."

She folded her arms over her chest and looked up at Tim, who had been oddly quiet through this whole thing.

"Timmy, Timmy. I hear you kept pretty good tabs on me," Jeff went on. "Guess you slipped up, huh? Not as good as you thought you were."

Tim remained unfazed. He kept the same hard expression he had kept the whole time.

"Not even going to say it are you?" Jeff teased. "Come on, Tim, admit it. I'm _better_ than you."

His upper lip twitched with anger. "Get out of here."

Jeff stepped back and laughed bitterly. "Or what? You going to kill me? Knock me out? I'd like to see you try."

He didn't move. Angela looked up at him with pleading eyes. This wasn't Tim. Tim didn't back down when someone challenged him. Something _was_ wrong.

"So disappointing." Jeff sighed. "I was really looking forward to that. Guess you don't got it in you." He turned to Angela again. "What about you, love? Anything you wanna get off your chest? Now's your chance."

She tightened her grip on her brother's bicep. "Just leave, Jeff. Please?"

He shook his head. "Honey, you know I can't do that. I came here to finish what your brother started." He looked at him. "Isn't that right, Timmy? Go ahead. Tell baby sister all about your screw up."

Tim lunged forward before stopping himself. I stared at Jeff, who laughed and reached behind him to pull out the shiny, silver toy he brought with him. "Now, Timmy, that wouldn't be too smart, now would it?"

Angela gasped and stepped behind Tim. A fully loaded gun aimed high at Tim's head.

I covered my mouth and scooted back until I hit the wall.

"Come on, Tim," he started. "Let's see how tuff you are now." He looked down at the gun and smirked. "Not too tough with this thing waving around, are we?"

"Jeff," Angela pleaded. "Please,"

"Sh," he told her as he stepped back forward. "Don't be scared, love. This will all be over soon."

She looked at the object in his hand with wide eyes. Tim kept his position secure in front of her as if he knew what the plan was here. "Just don't."

Jeff shook his head and twirled it around his finger. "I don't think you're in any position to be telling me what to do, Tim." He held it back in his hand. "In fact, I think I have all the power here."

My legs shook as I tried not to breathe too hard.

"What do you want?" Tim growled.

Jeff looked up from his weapon and laughed. "You know, Timothy. Why don't you share with the class exactly what happened that day you and brother came to see me."

Tim stood frozen like a statue. Angela continued to look up at him, afraid to look at the monster aiming the gun at them. Through the crack, I could see her left hand begin to tremble with fear.

"Not going to share with the class, Tim?" Jeff arched an eyebrow. "I thought you'd be happy to tell us your story. Go ahead - tell little sister how bad you messed up. Tell her _why_ this is happening."

Again, Tim didn't move. He didn't even look anywhere else but at the man standing in front of him.

This wasn't Tim.

"Fine, I'll do it," Jeff huffed as he turned to Angela. "See, love, your big brothers decided to pay me a visit about a month ago. You know, after I set you straight." He winked at Tim. "See, he thought he was going to show me a little lesson, defend his sister's honor - her knight in shining armor. Blah, blah, blah. Well, your brother made the mistake of underestimating me. I'm tough, sweetie. Tougher than your brother here."

Angela looked up at her rock-still brother. Her pleading eyes looked at him, as if knowing where this conversation was going.

"I told him what was going to happen if he layed a finger on me." He twirled the gun back around his forefinger. "He didn't listen, though."

Angela looked back over at him with tears in her eyes. She knew. She knew what the plan was. What Jeff warned Tim what was going to happen. She knew it was happening. "Jeff, come on. It doesn't have to be like this."

He ignored her and focused on his gun. "Now, love, you and I both know it does."

Tim glared him down, obviously not knowing what else to do. Long black tears seeped down Angela's face as she looked at him with terror. "Tim? Tim! Say something!"

He stood his ground, not speaking a word. "Go ahead, Timmy," Jeff taunted. "Say something. Say how sorry you are for causing all of this."

"Go to hell," he growled.

Jeff shook his head and let out a dry chuckle. "No, I don't think I will." He aimed the gun toward him. "Not yet, anyway."

He pulled the trigger back, landing a bullet on his foot. Tim jumped up and held it, not even uttering a sound.

Angela gasped beside him as she tried to negotiate with the monster in front of her. "Jeff. Please, please don't do this."

He turned and looked at her. "He's fine," Jeff insisted.

Tim glared up at him as blood seeped from his wounded foot.

"- Just a little reminder for him to watch his mouth next time."

Angela looked at her brother as he recomposed himself. "Jeff, this isn't what you want." She looked back at him. "We loved each other. How can you just do this to me?"

He laughed at her. "How can _I_ do this to _you? _Love, you did this to yourself. I gave you a chance to be with me." He walked over and faced her. "We could have been so happy together."

He brushed her cheek with his free hand.

She stared at him with fear in her eyes. "We-we still can."

He pulled away and shook his head. "It's too late for that, love. I gave you a chance. Whores like you don't get two."

Tim grunted his teeth beside them as he tried to stop the bleeding from his foot. It took all his strength not to strangle the bastard.

"We can be happy again," she begged. "We can be a family. We'll run off away from here. Far away where no one can bother us." She stepped forward and grabbed his hand. "Come with me."

He smirked at her and gently layed his lips upon hers. He laughed as he pulled away. "I don't think so, love."

She looked up at him with pleading eyes as water poured out of them. "Please."

He shook his head and looked back over at Tim. "Why so quiet now? Nothing to say? Are you too scared to say it? Come on, Timmy. Let me hear it."

Tim didn't budge. He just looked down at his wounded foot, avoiding looking at the creep. Jeff walked over to him so Tim could see him.

"Why so quiet, Timmy?" he asked again. "Does someone have a boo-boo?"

Jeff kept his position in front of him and stared him down for what seemed like forever.

I felt like I was going to scream any minute. I didn't know what to do. Tim had always warned us Jeff was dangerous, but this…this is flat out scary. He was going to kill us. We weren't going to make it out of here alive. Angela knew that too. She knew what Jeff's intentions were.

"Jeff," she spoke softly. "Can we just talk this through? Let's just sit down and talk for a minute."

He glanced over at her and laughed again. "Love..." He walked over toward her. "Come on, you know better than that."

He grabbed her chin and tilted it up to meet his eyes. "Jeff."

"Sh," he cooed, placing a finger on her lips. "There's no need for words, love."

He put his hand around her waist as they turned around to look at Tim. I leaned forward to get a better look at what was happening.

"So, Tim." He pulled Angela in closer. "Wanna step up and be the hero today?"

Tim slowly looked up at the two. He took one look at the fear in his sister's eyes, knowing there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could say to stop this all from happening. It was happening; the question is: how does it end?

"Tim, say something," Angela pleaded. "Please?"

"Yeah, Tim," Jeff mimicked. "Say something. Say what's on your mind. Feel free to share with us."

"Let her go," he finally said.

Jeff shook his head and clicked his tongue. "No can do, tough guy." He pulled the whimpering girl closer to him. "See, I have a job to do here. You know that though, don't you? I thought you would be the one to understand."

Tim stared him down. Blood was running uncontrollably down his foot and onto the floor, making a red puddle below. He kept from hollering; he kept still.

Jeff clicked his gun back up. "This is getting boring." He yawned for emphasis. "I thought you'd at least put up a fight. Instead, you're just going to stand there and watch this? My, my Tim; I underestimated you, my friend."

Tim looked blankly at him.

It baffled me that he wasn't even going to fight him off. People held guns to Tim all the time. He seemed to come out a head every time. One time, at Buck's, some drunken bastard pulled one out on us out. The drunk started stammering around about killing us both by sending a bullet right through our heads. If I wasn't wasted myself, I would have been terrified. Tim showed no emotion, though. Instead, he calmly walked up to the guy and busted his nose, snatching the gun from his reach.

This was Jeff. Jeff was a scumbag who couldn't put up a fight to save his life. Why couldn't Tim just run up to him and pound him to the ground?

"Tim!" Angela screeched at the top of her lungs. "Don't just stand there!"

Jeff smirked at her before looking over at the helpless guy standing in front of them. "Yeah, Tim, help her out. Rescue her from the bad guy. Be the big brother you're _supposed_ to be."

Tim's lips began to twitch with anger again, and his fingers curled into fists. "Just let her go."

Jeff shook his head. "Do believe you already tried that, Timmy. Not going to work. Put up more of a fight than _that_."

He aimed the gun at the shaking girl. Angela began to cry again, being careful not to move.

My breathing slowed.

"I'll give you a little momentum then." Jeff wolfishly grinned. "You come fight me, and I won't shoot your sister in front of you."

"Tim," Angela screamed. "Please!"

He glared back up at the creep that stood in front of him. His eyes bore holes into Jeff's. "You fucking bastard."

He lunged toward him. Angela weaseled out of Jeff's grasp and ran over to a wall behind the table. Tim got in one hard punch before Jeff whipped around and layed one right back to meet him.

I watched in terror as everything went in slow motion.

Tim tried to grab the weapon from his grasp, but Jeff was faster. He layed a right hook Tim's jaw. causing him to stumble back a little. His foot leaked blood all over the floor as he tried to lunge again, only to meet the end of the gun to his face. Jeff nailed him as hard as he could, sending him to the ground with a loud thud.

He was out like a light, but I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. I held my breath and waited for the monster's next move.

He stepped back and admired his work. Angela was uncontrollably shaking in front of him, her feet glued to the floor as she watched helplessly, praying on her brother's life.

Jeff aimed the gun at Tim's forehead. My arms and legs shook as he put his finger up ready to pull the trigger back.

"You know what?" He laughed. "I'm not going to even bother."

He looked over at Angela as she cried for life. "Jeff, please."

He laughed and stepped over the still body on the floor. "Love, don't cry." He wiped a tear that fell from her face. "There's no need for crying."

She shook her head and attempted to back away from him. "Don't. Please."

"Shh," he cooed. "It'll all be over soon. Remember?"

He backed up and looked at the still body on the floor. Blood freely ran off his face as well as his foot.

"You know he deserved it." He looked back up at her. "He wasn't a nice person, love. He tried to make our lives troubled, and you know it. He tried to keep us apart. And then he had the nerve to come and threaten me?"

She shook her head as her bottom lip quivered. "He didn't mean it."

Jeff shook his head. "Oh, but he did. See, he told me if I didn't stay away from you, then he'd kill me. _Me, _out of all people. He couldn't see the love I had for you. He couldn't see that I was only doing what was best for you."

She looked at her brother's body lying helplessly on the floor, surrounded by blood. She tried to control herself as she turned and faced the man standing in front of her again.

"I told him this would happen." He laughed. "He just didn't believe me."

He looked back down at his gun. The gun he intended to use.

"You know what I have to do." He looked back up at her. "You know I have to, love."

She shook her head as she cried uncontrollably. "Please, please, Jeff."

He shook his head and aimed the gun at her. "Sorry, love. I did love you, you know. Sorry it had to end this way."

He aimed it higher at her head. "Please!" She begged one last time.

"Bye, love." With that, he pulled the trigger.

All was silent.

Her body fell limply to the floor without a sound.

I tried to control myself as tears seeped down my face. I could see the blood trail starting to form where she landed.

"Mmm," I looked down at the baby in my arms as he began to whimper.

"No," I whispered. "Please, shh; it's okay."

His bottom lip began to quiver as his eyes fully opened. He let out one loud cry as tears over flowed his eyes.

"No, no," I whispered. "No, please. Shh."

Footsteps began to become louder as I tried to shush the crying baby in my arms.

"Shh," I begged one last time.

I held my breath as the footsteps came to a halt. The opening in the table cloth was slowly pulled back, revealing a sly smile.

His yellow teeth grinned down at me. "Why, hello there, Danni-Dear."


	38. So Evil

**A/N: you taryn at six, is a magnificent beta! Reviews are much appreciated. :)**

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I felt even more vulnerable as I peered into his gray eyes. The cold glare in them gave me chills, and his sinful grin had my stomach twisting in knots. I knew I was screwed; my head in a whirl, my sweaty palms, and my heart pounding so hard that I could barely hear anything around me was enough of a hint.

"Why so quiet, my dear?" Jeff whispered.

I gaped, but nothing came out of my dry throat. Looking stupidly at him would be of no help - and I knew that - but the fear was furthering, slowly pulling my senses away.

"Aw, Danni-Dear. What's wrong?" he asked, staring intently.

I shook my head and tightened the grip I had on Jake.

The table above us was hauled off the ground and flung to the side as if it weighed nothing. Body beginning to tremble, I remained silent and scooted back against the far wall. As of now, I could only imagine how Jake was feeling, the poor kid.

He gave me a confused, sleazy look. "What's wrong, dear?"

I avoided those stony-hearted, gray eyes and tried looking for an escape.

"Dear, don't be scared." He lowered himself in front of me to brush a lose piece of hair out of my face. "There's no need to be scared, okay?"

Our eyes meet.

His breath ran down the nape of my neck, engendering goosebumps along my arms. I shivered, eyes immediately averting his glare.

Jake's fists balled up, and he began to whimper.

Brow furrowing, Jeff looked down at the kid. "What's wrong, little one?"

"Jeff," I murmured. "Please."

He gently grabbed my chin and jerked it up to meet his eyes.

I blinked, holding my breath.

His lips twisted. "Hello."

I wriggled from his grasp, his immorality flooding through my ears.

"Don't be like that," he spoke. "Play nice, huh?"

"Go to hell," I grumbled, gritting my teeth.

He rose, and I held my breath, waiting for his next move. The gun freely dangling from his hand made me wary of saying the wrong thing. When someone holds that to you, you better watch your mouth. To even step out of line one time, your head would be blown away in a matter of seconds. You wouldn't even have time to beg for mercy.

"Now, that wasn't very nice," Jeff teased, wagging a finger.

I looked up. His cunning smile looked down at me. "Just…just let me go."

He clicked his tongue as he paced around the room. "No can do. Looks like you got yourself in a bit of a jam here."

I watched as he walked around like he didn't have a care in the world, like he hadn't just shot two people. Two people that were still lying helplessly on the cold floor, surrounded by puddles of their own blood.

"What're you gonna do to me?" I demanded.

He glanced at me from behind his shoulder. The ends of his mouth curled up. "It wouldn't be much fun if I told you now, would it?"

I glanced toward the unmoving bodies, their chests still, giving no signs of breathing. That could be me. I would want help, to see my family and friends and life again, much like they would.

_Get up and help them. Do something. Don't just sit there._

I could feel hot tears run down my face. There was no controlling them now. My legs shacked from underneath me. I felt my heart getting ready to pound out of my chest.

_Thump, thump, thump._

Jeff mumbled something as he looked at me.

My head popped back, realizing what was happening. "Wh-what?"

He fully looked over at me and smirked. "Looks like you're in a real pickle there."

"Jeff, I-"

"How'd you pull this off anyway?" he asked, sitting down in one of the dining chairs. "I mean, it's kind of funny if you really think about it."

Funny? Funny wouldn't be the first word to pop up in my mind.

My eyes wondered back to the limp body hidden behind a table. The only thing I could make out was her thick, black hair being drenched by a pool of blood. She was slowly dying.

"Come on, Dan, talk to me."

My head turned to meet him. His legs were crossed and the gun layed on his lap. His mannerisms were not that of a killer. No, he wasn't a killer. He was a monster.

"Why?" I managed to choke out. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged and looked back at his gun. "Were you not listening? I had a job to finish."

I watched him play with the weapon in his hands. A Remington handgun. Dally owned one of the same ones. They had a big blow out sale not too long ago and sold a bunch for just a few dollars because ol' Mr. Copper had just got busted for drugs and was going to the big house.

The bottom of the handle was a deep black and the silver was rusted. A hook was on the back to load the gun, and then there was the slim bar that came out from it. The slim bar that could put any man to permanent rest in a matter of seconds.

He sat there and played about with the trigger, as if tempting himself to pull it back and end me.

"Ain't much of a talker today, huh?" he asked.

I glanced up as he walked back over to me. My eyes narrowed as he inched closer.

"What's the look for?" He bent to my eye level. "Come on. No wise comments today?"

I glared.

The baby in my lap had been oddly quiet through this whole thing. Somehow he knew of the danger we were in.

"That's very disappointing." He sighed and stood back up. "Tell me something, Danni. Did you ever figure out that little problem you were having trouble with?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I whispered.

He cracked a laugh and rubbed his chin. "Yeah." He glanced behind him at Angela's body. "You were fair, my dear. But her... Damn she was something. It's a shame, really."

I kept my eyes focused on him, afraid of what would happen if I looked away.

He swiftly turned back around. "That was a magical night, you know?"

A sly smile crept onto his face. "Still don't remember?" He took a step closer. "Aw, that's too bad. I thought you were a little wiser than that."

He kneeled back down, a few inches from my face. I meet his blank stare, not daring to look elsewhere.

"Let me give you a tip, my dear. It's not too smart to take drinks from strangers." He rose back up, giving me a minute to take in what he just said.

Drink from strangers? The whole night he was referring to was just a blur in my mind. I could vaguely remember him being there...but a drink from a stranger?

My head shot back up. "You...you drugged me?"

He chuckled cold-heartedly. "Well that would be very obvious, now wouldn't it? But wrong again; _I _did no such thing."

My mind began racing. _He _did not such thing. Tim wasn't there that night. That much I remembered. It was the night I sucked down about ten beers and we had a big fight, then he just left me there to find for myself. If it wasn't Jeff or Tim, who could've possibly done it?

"Still not clicking, huh?" He sighed. "Let me tell you a story, then."

I looked up as he fiddled with the gun in his hand. Out of instinct, I fidget.

"You see, what I told doll face over there was partially true. I'm not much of a liar. That's a sin, right?" He looked back down at me.

Silence.

"Well, it was one of my first nights in town... and well, I was looking for someone to…fill my needs, I guess you could say. I strolled over to ol' Bucks and found little ol' you just sitting on the couch crying your eyes out."

I gazed at the baby cradled tightly in my arms. He hadn't taken his eyes off this man either.

"See, I was just trying to be nice. I went over to you and you shooed me away. Told me to take a hike, if I remember correctly," he went on. "That's something you don't know about me, dear. I don't like to be told 'no'."

I tried to focus my attention on something other than him and this conversation.

"You remember Rich, right? In fact, I seem to remember you taking a liking to him not too long ago. Am I right?"

I remained still, refusing to look up again.

"He was with me that night. I had noticed you eyeing him a couple of times, so I thought of a plan. Since you wouldn't give me the time of day, I'd get you to give it to someone else." I could hear him smirk. "You liked him. Giggled your head off at every little joke he told you."

His footsteps echoed as he came closer to me. I held my breath and waited.

"Like I said, hun; you shouldn't take drinks from strangers."

I blinked a couple of times and looked back up at him. "He drugged me?"

"Bingo." His lips snapped together as he said it. "The rest of the night... well, you get the picture."

I took a minute to think it over. No. No, I'd never seen him before until a few months ago. He was _lying; _it was written all over his face.

"So you… raped me?"

He sat back down on one of the chairs. "That's a bit harsh. I wouldn't call it _rape; _it was more of an act of passion."

I looked away from him, it now finally clicking in my mind that he wasn't lying.

"Now, don't be that way. You seemed to enjoy some of it. That is, after you stopped that screaming stuff. Then we all had a grand time." He chuckled.

My head snapped back around. "We _all_?"

He rolled his eyes. "Once again, I really thought you were wiser than this."

"Rich," I whispered.

He clapped his hands together. "Congratulations, my dear; you have figured it out. Bravo."

I stared blankly at him. "You two…Both of you?"

He grumbled and stood back up. "I had to make some sort of deal. I don't mind sharing." He winked at me.

I was taken aback for a minute. They took advantage of me.

I scooted back farther against the wall. The more I thought about it, the dirtier I felt. I shivered as new goose bumps appeared on my skin.

What had he done to me?

"Too bad your lil' boyfriend couldn't help you out then," he went on.

"You…you and Rich raped me."

He grumbled and stood back up. "Yes, yes, we all know this. I'm a horrible person - blah, blah, blah. It's in the past, dear."

I shook my head. "How….how could you do that to me?"

He took a glance at me and chuckled. "I just shot two people. I'd say my conscience is good."

I stayed as close as possible to the wall as he walked around the tiny room we were locked in. My mind was racing. All I could do was sit here. Sit here and not even attempt to save the lifeless bodies on the floor - or even myself.

"Jeff," I whispered. "Please, can we talk about this? I can talk to the police; just…you have to let me go. We have to get help. They're gonna _die_. Jeff, _please_!"

He chuckled from where he stood. "It's too late, my dear." He turned on his heel. "She's already dead."

I blinked a few times, trying to calm myself. I could see the puddle of blood start to get larger and larger with every passing second. The baby in my arms began to whimper once again. I looked down at his innocent face. There lay his mother, his mother that was dying right in front of him.

"Why, Jeff?" I asked raising my voice. "Why her? She never did anything to you but love you, even when you beat her, lied to her, and treated her like shit! How could you just _do_ that to her? She has a baby, Jeff. A baby that is going to grow up without his mother! Why, Jeff, _why_?" Tears freely dribbled down my face and into Jake's black hair.

I watched as the terrible being stared blankly at his gun, refusing to acknowledge me. My heart beat faster and faster the longer he remained silent.

"We have to help her," I spoke through tears. "Jeff, she is _dying_. Please don't make me watch her die!"

He glanced over at me, his eyes filled with anger now. "Fine, I won't make you watch."

He started to walk toward me.

I sighed with relief. "We need to... we need to call. There's a phone inside; you can go get it while I stay here with her."

He didn't stop. His footsteps were starting to get closer to me.

"Jeff, please go get help," I begged one last time. "We need to do something. Save her."

The ends of his lips curled upward. "I'm not going to make you watch her die. That'd be cruel."

I looked up into his deep gray eyes as they sparkled with the light. Those eyes were once so beautiful. Once filled with so much life.

"Go get help," I whispered.

He shook his head with the evil grin still plastered on his face. "No, my dear; I'm not going to make you watch." He took a minute as if to collect himself. "I'm going to let you join her."

He raised the gun up pointing it at my head.

I felt my voice go away as my heart seized to beat. The small child sitting in my lap stared up at the man with tears running down his flushed, chubby cheeks.

"Why don't we put the child down, Danni?" He said calmly. "He doesn't need to be hurt in all of this."

I bit my lip as my chin began to quiver.

"Go ahead, Danni. You don't want to be responsible for his life too. Now do you?" he asked. "You've already let two other people die."

I slowly shook my head. "No, Jeff. Please?"

He simply rolled his eyes and waved the gun towards me. "Move it along now. I really don't have time to hear your pleas."

I looked to the floor. My whole body began to shake with fear. Could I just sit here and die?

"I'm doing what you asked," he said with a bite in his tone. "You said you didn't want to watch her die, so here's a solution."

My mind was rushing with ideas, but none of which were useful for me or the two lying on the floor. No one would hear my screams; he'd end them before I got a chance to even let them out.

"I can help you, Danni."

I glanced back up, unsure if it was him who spoke those words.

"Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you. I'm going to bring them their only daughter. Their little angel is coming home. I thought you'd be happy about that?"

I slowly breathed out. "Don't."

"They're waiting, Danni. It's your lucky day. Just put the child down, and it'll all be over."

I tightened my grip on the one thing that was keeping me alive. "No."

"Come on, now," he cooed. "You know you want to see them. I know you, Danni. What exactly do you have to live for? Do you really think that family of yours cares if you die? They've moved on with their lives. You're just a burden to them."

"Stop."

"Life would be so much easier for them if you were to just….disappear. I'm doing _everyone_ a favor!" he shouted with excitement. "Now, no one will have to deal with you any longer."

"Stop it."

"Dally doesn't care, either. You let him walk out that door. He treated you badly? How about how bad you treated him? You were quite a little bitch to him." He shrugged. "He's gone now. Probably off fucking another whore right about now. He can't save you today, my dear."

"Please stop." I shield my eyes.

"Put the baby down, Danni. It'll all be over soon."

I repositioned Jake on the edge of my thigh. "No."

"Put the baby_ down_!" he shouted.

"_No_."

The noise rang through the quiet room. A bomb had been set off. I winced at the sound, but felt nothing. My body was filled with adrenaline.

The world seemed to stand still at that very moment.

In an instant, my entire body was filled with an ungodly pain, a pain that I had never felt in my life. Fire. It felt as if there was a fire burning my insides, slowly eating away my life. I grabbed my upper thigh, feeling a warm liquid seep through my fingers.

My screams were silent. My throat still dry and unable to utter a single sound. My eyes were still glued shut.

I wouldn't look. I couldn't allow myself to see the wound. The pain sent chills down my spine. Never in all of my years had I experienced such pain as this.

"That should give you some momentum." He snorted. "Now, are we going to cooperate?"

My hands clasped my wounded leg.

The child's screams were silenced along with mine. Not a sound filled the room.

"Put the child down, dear, or I'll shoot you both," he growled. "Do it now."

Tears ran down my face and into my burning wound.

"Do it now!" His voice rang.

I let out a shaky, deep breath. "Jeff... please."

The gun clicked as he reloaded it, and I prepared myself for what was to come.


	39. Wind at his Back

**A/N: Props go out to my super de dooper beta reader, you taryn at six. **

**Reviews are very much loved. **

* * *

I refrained from looking up.

I wasn't going to watch myself die.

I couldn't die.

In those old movies you watch when the damsel in distress is dying, they couldn't capture the emotions that were running through me. In fact, they sucked at that part.

I felt my stomach churn and the tears threatening to spill from the brim of my eyes.

Every memory I had came rushing through my head, piece by piece. My fifth birthday, Soda throwing me in a pool to teach me how to swim, my mother showing me how to cook, my first kiss, my first sexual experience. All the good times I had experienced in this life were going to soon be ended.

I'd pictured myself dying before. Somewhere on an old farm with my husband of fifty years, sitting in a rocking chair beside me. A big gust of wind would blow by, taking my soul with it. I would die peacefully. I would die knowing I had lived my life to the fullest and gotten everything out of it that I could. I would be a grandmother of a dozen kids, and a mother of three beautiful children. My husband would be one of the finest men there was. He would be my prince charming. He would die with me.

This?

This is something I could never, ever, in my wildest dream, imagine. My life hadn't even started yet, and here I sit about to have it taken from me. The many dreams I once had were about to go up in smoke. But there's no stopping this, and I accept it. I know I won't be leaving here alive.

I took a deep breath as I tried to control my body. I sure wasn't about to let Jeff get the satisfaction of watching me squirm.

"Not even going to put up a fight, I see," he spoke up.

I slowly shook my head and bit my lip, my eyes falling heavy.

The sound of him laughing echoed, and I imagined that scum look on his face with his finger on the trigger.

I inhaled a lungful of air.

"Put it down!"

I slowly cracked open an eye.

"Put the gun down, Jeff!"

I opened both of my eyes and was taken aback with what I was seeing.

Jeff grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Really? What is this, some kind of bad romance movie?"

He growled. "Put it down."

"Dally," I whispered.

"You really know how to make an entrance, don't you?" Jeff commented.

Set in the palm of Dally's hand layed the hand gun he always kept hidden under the mattress in his room. A Remington hand gun; the same kind that was being pointed at my head this very second.

"I'll shoot you!" Dally warned. "Put the gun down, and step away!"

"No need to shout." Jeff huffed, slowly turning to face him. "There. Satisfied?" He waved the gun in his hand as if a signal for surrender.

Dally gave him a scowl before looking over at my shaking body.

"Oh, please," Jeff whined. "She's fine; I didn't lay a finger on her pretty, little head, so don't get that look on your face."

Dally turned his head to look back at him.

I quickly turned my attention back to the blood drenched floor where her lifeless body lied. Time was passing. The more that passed, the less chance she was going to have. The less chance all of us were going to have.

"You shot her?" Dally's voice rose.

Jeff cocked his head back to glance at my seeping wound. "Sorry about that. I should have been more considerate." He turned back to Dally. "I should have aimed higher."

"You fucking bastard," Dally said lowly.

"No need for name calling." Jeff sighed. "I know how to aim. It was just a warning, so you can call off the dogs."

The bottom of his lip began to twitch with anger. His blue eyes were overflowing with angst.

"Dally," I breathed out.

From the corner of his eye, he glanced at me.

I motioned my head over to the pools of blood just a few feet away.

His eyes flicked to the limp bodies. "The fuck did you do?"

He snickered. "The world a favor."

"You're sick," Dally spat.

My eyes stayed glued on the lifeless body surround by blood. My heart sank with each passing moment that her chest didn't move.

Angela Shepard doesn't die.

That's not how this story is supposed to go. She had so much more heartache to go through. Her child was supposed to have at least one parent in his life. Angela Shepard does _not_ die. That's not how this is going to go.

"We need to get help," I spoke, my voice too far too weak.

The two continued their bickering as if everything else stood still.

"Don't act like you are any better than _me," _Jeff berated. "I've seen the way you treat your _broads." _

His finger that rested on the tip of the gun twitched. "I ain't no killer."

Jeff snorted. "Sure you're not. That stuff you boosted about in the slammer never happened, huh? Sounded like you had some time back in New York."

"I ain't killed no one," Dally repeated, eyes narrowing at the man in front of him.

"Nor have I," he teased. "I'm just doing something you aren't man enough to do."

"I swear to God-"

"Dally, stop it! They're dying."

The two didn't take their eyes off each other. It was like an old, western movie show-down scene. Both were unwilling to move until the other one did first. But now wasn't the time to play; especially not this pathetic game.

"God Damnit, Dallas!" I screeched as a shot of pain rang through my body once more. "Shit."

"Yeah, Dallas," Jeff taunted. "Help - be the big hero in this story."

"Watch your mouth," he mumbled under his breath. "I'll end you."

Jeff let out a small chuckle. "You would have done it by now. You're not man enough to pull that trigger back."

"I'll blow your head right off."

"Then _do_ it."

Silence.

They both stood frozen.

My mind raced in circles as I tried to come up with the words to say. There were two people lying here dying and all these two wanted to do was see who was the bigger man.

I looked down at the blood slowly escaping from my wound. The pain had disappeared; at least I couldn't feel it, anyway. My mind wasn't focused on that. My eyes were attached to my childhood friend who was surrounded by red.

"Dally." My voice cracked. "Help."

"Yes, Dally." Jeff cooed. "_Help."_

Silence - again.

"He's not going to be able to save you, my dear," Jeff droned on. "He doesn't have it in him. It's not like he loves you, anyway."

Dally snarled. "Shut up."

"You know it's true; she knows - we _all _know, Dally." He smacked his lips together. "You don't love anyone. The word _love _is just one word you failed to learn."

Dally didn't answer.

"Go on. Tell her you love her," Jeff soothed. "It'll be the perfect ending to this _fairy_ tale."

"Fuck you-"

"Oh, now," he mocked. "That's not the kind of language that should be used in front of a lady."

I took a couple of deep breaths.

"I can say it," Jeff went on. "Why can't you? Got daddy problems or something?"

"Fuck off!" His voice shook the room.

I looked to the baby sitting on the floor as the two continued to go at it. His eyes were wide and filled with fear. I kept him on my right side to protect him from seeing the horror that laid only a few feet away. He pacified himself by sucking on his hand as he intently watched the show that was being performed. If I couldn't save anyone else, if I couldn't save myself, I'd save him. This small child's blood would not be on my hands.

"Oh, Danielle," Jeff called. "Are you still alive, honey?"

I slowly lifted my head to look at Dally. He'd yet taken his eyes off the monster.

My voice came out quiet, "Dally."

"Why don't you just get lost before I send a bullet through your head?" Dally threatened.

"Nah," he said. "I think I'll hang out here for a little while."

I clasped my hands onto my wound, trying to stop the flooding. My blood grew cold as my head started to get heavier. That large amount of blood made my stomach twist.

"You're going to have to-" I coughed - "get help."

"She's dying," Jeff breathed out. "You really want that on your shoulders, that you couldn't save the one person who loved you? Aw, isn't that sad?"

"Dally," I choked out.

"Go on," he teased. "Help your lover out. She needs you, Dally. She's going to die if you don't do something."

Tiny beads of sweat dripped down his forehead as his arm began to shake slightly.

"Shoot him," I screeched. "Just shoot him."

"Yes, Dally," Jeff pressed. "Shoot me. Go save your gal."

Anger was written all over his face, but he didn't pull it back. His eyes were bloodshot and his body was getting ready to overfill with the angst he was holding in. He wouldn't do it.

A laugh filled the room. A laugh of pure evil. "That's right. I knew you didn't have it in you."

"Just get out of here!" His voice shook as it tried to come out strong.

"All that stuff you bragged about in jail was a loud of shit," Jeff said. "Why don't you tell us what all you really did in New York?"

Silence.

"Fine. You guys really aren't much talkers, huh?" He took a deep breath. "Dallas made us believe he was a real badass. Told us he'd kill a man in a heartbeat. He was the toughest greaser there was. No one could mess with him. No one could break him." He clicked his lips. "Looks like someone did."

I bit my lip as a shot ran through my body once again. I held on with all my might trying to make the pain go away. I had no strength to even let out a cry.

"Are you really the toughest greaser in all the land?" he asked. "From where I'm standing, it looks like I am."

"Dally!" I cried, unable to endure it any longer. "_Dally_!"

His head snapped to look at my agony.

Everything else happened with the blink of an eye.

Jeff lunged. He took a mighty leap and swung the gun across his face, filling the room with a loud crack. Dally stumbled as he tried to remain upright. The gun that once was held in the palm of his hand was sent flying across the room.

"Dally..."

Blood ran from the side of his mouth. He wiped it away as Jeff eased over towards him, now holding all the power.

"Run."

"Now who's the big bad greaser?" He chuckled.

_"No." _

_"_Come at me now, Dallas," Jeff challenged. "Let's see what you got without your gun."

I gently rose my head, feeling nothing but the tears run down my stained face. I could see the end. I could see how this story was going to end now.

"Come get it!" Jeff yelled. "Be the hero _now_!"

I thought about screaming. I thought about calling to him and telling him to run. I thought about telling him I loved him; that I always had loved him. I couldn't scream. I felt my throat caving in as that monster got closer and closer to him.

"Hit me!" Jeff said.

Dally looked up at him with fire burning in his eyes.

He lunged. The same way Jeff did, he lunged.

His hand reached for the Remington that layed glued to Jeff's palm. In an instant, Jeff stuck his fist out.

They both were dancing. A never ending dance between for life. To whoever retrieved the gun would be the one to stay.

Tears continued to caress my cheeks as multiple sounds filled the room.

Jake was screaming at the top of his lungs begging for someone to end this. The grunts between Jeff and Dally overpowered him as they both swerved right and left. And then there were my cries. My cries that weren't heard but were in my head.

_Get up, go help them. Get the gun! Angela's dying and you're just sitting here! Stop them! Save Dally. Save Angela. Save Tim. Save them all, Damnit!_

I sat and watched as if this were a performance, as if they were putting on a show for me to watch and enjoy. It was all going to end with one dying. I knew this. One of us was not to make it out of here alive.

An ear shattering sound filled the room. All stood still, if only for a few seconds.

The room began to spin round and round. I was losing. We were losing.

What was happening?

Slowly, a body fell to the floor with a loud thud, making the ground beneath me shake.

"No," I breathed out. "No."

Jeff's back faced me as he looked down at the body that struck the floor. The body that now layed at rest.

Hot tears ran and ran. I couldn't move; I couldn't breathe. I stayed still and watched as the man I loved laid still on the hard ground with a monster standing above him. The evil son-of-a-bitch that would rot in hell. The son-of-a-bitch who had just won this battle and was to end my life, too.

Slowly, he turned to face me, the same grin he had on his face when he found me ran across his face.

His steps were loud.

I couldn't do anything but watch and wait for what was to come.

"Well, now that that's done..." he trailed off, his smile widening.

"No," I pleaded. "Please, don't."

He laughed at my attempts to save myself. "It's too late."

He took the Remington and aimed it high towards my head.

Jake began to scream louder, but his cries were ignored.

"It'll all be over soon," he said. "Just shut your eyes and count to ten."

"No." I shook my head. "Don't.

"Shhh. "He placed his free finger to his lips. "Just hush, darling. It'll all be okay in the end."

I shut my eyes, allowing the lose tears to seep out. I sucked in what little air I could - my last breaths. Every inch of my body shook with fear.

My mother's face popped up in my head. Her arms were spread wide - just ready for me to run into them. Dad stood beside her, happiness running across his handsome features.

They were ready - for me.

I wanted to feel her touch again, and I wanted to hear his warm laugh. I wanted to see them.

How I wished to see my brother's faces again, too.

I'd tell Ponyboy I was sorry, tell him that I admired him all my life. How I always wished to be more like him. I'd tell him to enjoy Cherry, to be with her for the rest of his life because that girl loved him more than life itself. I'd tell him to get along with Darry and to see a movie for me and take Johnny with him. I'd tell him to live the rest of his life for me. For his twin sister.

I'd tell Darry that he was a good brother, and that I loved him and to not work so hard, to take time and enjoy the simple things in life. I'd tell him to lay off Ponyboy some and to not worry too often. I'd tell him to marry Kathy and have a few little rugrats and to just be happy. I knew he'd make a great dad, just like he was a brother. He was my hero.

I'd love to see Soda's reckless grin and to tell him that he's my best friend and no one could ever shift the relationship we had. He needed a gal, too, I'd say. He's too good-looking to be single. He needs to enjoy life like he once did and not worry about me like he spent the last few months doing. He needed to be happy, like the old Sodapop. The Sodapop I loved with all my heart.

"Ready?" Jeff had the nerve to ask.

My chin quivered as I took in another breath.

I thought of Dally. I thought of the many nights we shared together just lying on his bed, talking about nothing. I wish I could feel the warmth of his lips on mine again and embrace each other's presence all night, to lie on his chest, too. To just tell how much I really loved him - how much I always had.

"Goodbye, Danielle."

My eyes stayed closed as I calmed myself. I wasn't going to squirm any longer. I wasn't going to beg, and I wasn't going to plea. My time was up. God was calling me, and I was answering.

"Until next time."

Then, the sound of the Remington hand gun pierced through the silence.


	40. Lost Your Mind

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan or obviously the _Outsiders_.**

**A/N: you taryn at six, is a wonderfully, amazingly, gifted beta.**

* * *

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

All was silent. The only noise was that of a body hitting the ground with a loud thud.

I kept my eyes closed as I felt my lungs gasp for air. Oxygen quickly fulfilled their thrust, allowing me to breathe. I _was_ breathing. I was still _breathing_.

Slowly, I opened my eyes to the horror that was in front of me.

My blood turned icy in my veins and my stomach dropped to my knees.

My screams were silent as I looked at the dead body staring up at me. His crystal, lifeless eyes looked up at me. Blood ran from his greasy hair, making a large puddle on the floor. The gun that was once in his hands was beside me.

I glanced over at it, not knowing whether to take it or not. If I should run for the hills or stay still and face the killer dead on.

Then another loud thud filled the eerie room.

The noise came from in front of me.

I swiftly looked up at the person who'd just saved my life, the killer who had put the monster down to rest.

He stood looking down at the evil son-of-a-bitch he just killed, not showing any emotion whatsoever.

I was taken by awe.

Blood ran from the tip of the hero's forehead, dripping onto the floor beside the wounded villain.

He remained stationary in his position over the evil being as if ready to strike again. His cold, brown eyes were filled with anger and dread.

Neither of us spoke a word; all was still.

My eyes turned to see the other two bodies lying on the floor. No movement came from either of them as blood continued to circle them both. Their chests layed still as can be, showing no life.

The baby beside me was crying silent screams, uncontrollably, as if begging us to move. As if praying the supreme God to come and save him from this terrible nightmare he was living, for anyone to take him away from this mess he was in.

I felt a gush of pain as I watched the blood pour onto the floor from my leg making a puddle of its own. It memorized me and turned my stomach to see that much blood. Never before had I seen that color come out of a human being before.

"Get help," I quietly spoke, breaking the silence.

No one moved.

He stood emotionless above me. Shock was written all over his face.

I squeezed my eyes shut against a sharp pain that ran up my leg. My throat was closing in making me unsure if I could yell any louder. I wanted to blame it on the cold chills that were filling the air, but I couldn't kid myself; I was losing.

"Go get help!" I shrieked. "NOW!"

He paused for a moment before gathering the full extent of my shouts. As fast as he had shot the devil, he headed for the door.

Dead air filled the room again as I crawled on the floor to reach the body closest to me.

His face was as white as a ghost and a bloody circle was drawn on the side of his dark, gray t-shirt.

I gently picked up his head, cupping it with my hands. "Dally," I whispered through tears. "Dally, please. Please... Dally."

I took my eyes to a different direction, toward the bloody mess just a few feet from us.

I squinted my eyes shut refusing to look any longer.

Long tears strolled down my face. I didn't know whether it was from the pain I was feeling in my leg or the pain in my heart.

"Dally," I spoke through sobs refusing to look at the deathly look on his face. "Please?"

Vibrations filled the floors, and the ground under me shook.

My eyes remained closed as his head rested in my hands. My pleas were put to rest by the gasps and screams of people running through the room. Shouts of help filled the room along with 911 calls.

I didn't move.

I slowly felt myself becoming weaker and weaker, but I remained still; I couldn't leave him.

"Danni!"

A gust of wind came towards me as I felt a person rush to my side.

"God, Danni you're bleeding!"

I opened my eyes and looked only to the body in front of me.

"Ponyboy!" The same person shouted through the screams of the others.

Arms were wrapped around me as I was dragged from my place. Dally's head slowly fell to the floor as I was pulled aside.

"Danni, Danni, look at me!"

Tears continued to fall as people rushed to his aid. "Dally."

"She's bleeding real bad, Soda!"

I was pulled in closer, now able to see the two holding onto me. "Sodapop, Ponyboy?"

Soda nodded, his eyes wet and red. "Yeah, Dan, it's me. You gotta stay with me, okay?"

I looked over at my other half beside of him. He too shared the trembling horror in his eyes.

My thoughts raced back and forth. Everything was moving in fast motion.

Sirens filled the room from the outside.

I looked over toward the crowd surrounding my best friend's body. Tears ran down each person's face as some desperately tried to help her. It was too late for help.

My head grew heavier with each passing second. It seemed almost impossible to hold it up any longer.

My limp body landed into Soda's arms as he tried to help me back up. "No, no, Danni; you have to stay up."

"So-da," my voice cracked.

Someone gasped. "Oh God."

"We got to get her to the ambulance! She's losing too much blood!"

Strong arms hauled me from the cold ground.

"Darry?" I asked the person carrying me.

"Yeah, yeah, Dan. I'm going to get you some help."

My lungs felt as if they were going to burst. Cold sweat beaded down my face and back, chilling my body slightly.

"Darry," I spoke up as I was layed down. "Darry, stay with me."

My arm were grabbed by cold sweaty hands. "I'm here, Dan. I got you."

"She's lost a large amount of blood," said a stranger.

The bed began to move. The bodies moving about were blurred as my eyes grew heavy.

The last thing I saw was darkness.

"Danni, come on, Danni! Wake up! Damnit, Danni!"

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

_The sun was just sitting in the valley._

_Danni's mother was inside, desperately trying to get dinner down before Danni's father returned from work._

_Her oldest brother had strolled in an hour ago, reeking of sweat and dirt._

_Her father should have been here by now. She knew the exact time he always came home._

_Her feet dragged in the dirt as the swing she was resting on swayed back and forth with the wind. The rusty chains squeaked with each gust. She watched as her shoes made perfect, straight lines in the dirt. Using the tips of her toes, she drew a smile. A smile she shared on her own face._

_Danni could hear her mother humming to herself in the kitchen. She'd hum every time she cooked. Music was what she enjoyed most besides her family. She'd teach Danni every song she knew. Sometimes Danni wished she still remembered the many songs her mother sang to her._

_Looking back down at her torn pink tennis shoes, she sighed. The bottoms were tearing off and the tops were caked with dirt. The laces were torn to shreds and had become untieable. Instead of bothering with the task, she tucked them into the shoe. Boys and girls at the school would often stare at them, wondering if she even had enough money to eat. She'd turn the other way and act like she didn't hear their whispers._

_Her mother had promised new ones this winter. She'd worry about them each time Danni put them on her feet. She knew people would stare and talk. To pity the poor child whose family couldn't afford shoes seemed to make them feel better about themselves. She knew she had to get her decent footwear._

_Winter came and went and the shoes were still worn upon the girl's feet. Danni didn't mention the promise to her mother when it was not fulfilled. She knew about the money troubles her parents faced on a daily basis. The shoes were fine - fine enough for her._

_She looked back down at her feet and laughed as she drew a heart._

_Darry kept bringing some girl over to the house to study with, who had hearts drawn all over her notebooks with Darry's name written inside of them. Danni's momma didn't like the girl too much. She'd often find meaningless work to do in the kitchen just so she could keep an eye on the two._

_Danni didn't see why her mother worried so much. She was just another one of Darry's friends; she just so happened to be a girl. Danni somewhat liked the fact she was a girl. Not too many girls ever set foot inside her little house. To have one show interest in her made her world go round._

_She thought about writing a name in the dirt to go inside the heart like Darry's friend did. She had about twelve boys in her second grade class to choose from. All she had to do was pick one of them._

_Boys were gross. None of them appeased her in the least. She had enough boys coming around her house to not even want to interact with another one of those dirty, gross beings._

"_Beth!" a voice called from the front yard. "Beth, come out here!"_

_Danni placed her feet on the muddy ground and stopped herself as the wooden gate leading into the backyard jerked open._

_Her father calmly dragged along a young boy behind him, a baseball cap hanging down over his dirt covered face._

_Her father stopped once he saw Danni sitting in front of him._

"_Hi, sweetheart," he greeted. "Where's your mother at?"_

_She stared blankly at the boy her father held by the upper arm. He wouldn't look up to see her. He looked like one of the many boys her brothers brought home with them. His jeans were dirty with holes in them and he didn't look like he showered much._

"_She's inside."_

_Her father nodded and shouted her name again before the back door opened._

_Her mother walked out, a dish rag still in her hands. Her long brown hair was draped down her back as the wind made it dance._

_Danni always saw her mother as beautiful. One day she hoped to look just like her. To just have that natural beauty._

"_What's going on?" her mother asked, eyeballing the hooded boy her father held onto._

_Her father let go and looked towards his breathtaking wife in awe. He gave her the same look each time they were reunited, like he'd been gone for years and been with the torture of not seeing her face._

"_Hi, honey." He gave her the same grin her son would give her when he knew he'd done something wrong. It still took her by shock how much the two looked alike._

"_What's going on dear?" she asked, tone a bit annoyed by him ignoring her the first time._

_He looked toward the boy himself and then sighed. "Son, do you want to introduce yourself?"_

_The boy slowly raised his head and turned toward Danni's mother. From underneath the cap you could vaguely make out the crystal blue eyes he tried to hide._

"_Naw, I'm good," he smarted off._

_Her father sighed and looked to his wife again. "Honey, this is Dallas Winston."_

_A questionable look came across her mother's face. "Hello, Dallas."_

_He gave her a half-nod before the man holding onto him let go._

"_Stay here for a minute," he said sternly. "I have to have a word inside with my wife."_

_Danni raised up from her swing as her father winked at her before entering the house._

_She turned her attention back to the boy who kicked about a dirty rock._

"_Hi," she spoke shyly._

_He glanced up at her and smirked, not bothering to say it back._

"_So, your name is Dallas?" she asked, taking a step closer._

_He fully looked up at her, examining every inch of her small body. "What's it to ya?"_

_She stopped before moving closer. "I don't know."_

_She looked at her feet as she heard him laugh at her._

_"Nice shoes."_

_She looked back up at him. His light blue eyes were fully shown now. She was taken aback by their beauty. "I'm…-I'm Danni. Danni Curtis."_

_He lifted his head to look into her eyes. "So?"_

_She blinked a couple of times. Who was this boy and why did he have to be so rude about everything? "I was just saying."_

_He shook his head and chuckled. "Damn."_

"_That's a bad word," she mumbled under her breath._

_He narrowed his eyes at her. "So?"_

"_So you're not supposed to say bad words."_

"_Says who?" he challenged._

_She looked at him like he was foolish to even ask that. "My mommy and daddy."_

_He snorted and looked her over once more. "How old are ya?"_

"_How old are you?"_

"_I asked you first."_

_She shook her head and backed away a little. "Eight."_

_He nodded slightly before looking elsewhere._

_She didn't know what it was about this boy but something about him scared the living daylights out of her. She didn't want to run though. She didn't want to back down._

"_Are you going to answer my question?" she spoke softly._

_He turned back to her. "Nah."_

_The two stared at each other, unsure what to do next. Some unearthly attraction kept them both from backing down, keeping them from going the other way._

_Both hearts pounded. They stared into each other's eyes as if they were having their own conversation._

_Neither could look away. They both knew nothing of what was happening to them._

_The backdoor soon swung back open. "Well, Dallas, it looks like you'll be spending a lot of time here."_

_The two stopped the stare down and looked up._

"_You're going to be helping me out around here until you pay off Mr. Anderson's window you smashed in."_

_Danni looked back at the boy as he glanced at her._

"_You can start tomorrow," the man finally said before he walked back out to his truck. "I'll give you a ride home in a minute, Dallas."_

_They both watched as he disappeared beyond the front of the house._

"_So, you smashed in a window?"_

_"What, are you deaf and stupid?" He snarled._

_She took a step back, too scared to smart back. "No."_

_He just laughed at her and leaned against the gate. "Damn, you're one dumb broad."_

"_No, I'm not," she quietly challenged._

_He shook his head and looked off into the distance. "Whatever you say, Curtis."_

_She stared at the boy leaning up against her fence. His tuff posture wanted to make her turn and run to her mother. His dirty clothes and face made her look upon him in disgust. His cool mannerisms told her he thought he was too cool for his own good._

_She knew she didn't like this boy already. Everything about him was what she was taught was bad. No, she didn't like this scary boy._

_Her heart beat faster every time she thought about it. Whatever was going on inside her head she knew._

_She knew there was something about Dallas Winston, whoever he was._

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

"You have to help her!" Darry shouted at the men. "Do something."

The bed was wheeled away from him as it spun down the hall.

Two nurses held him back from going any farther. He didn't want to leave her.

"I have to go!" He pushed back. "She's my sister!"

The pretty blonde tried to reason with him, "you need to stay back. We're going to take care of her, sir. You can't go back there; you have to wait in the waiting room."

"Dar-ry," Sodapop hiccupped. "Just come sit down. Th-there is nothing more you can do."

Darry turned around to see the tear stained faces of his brothers. Ponyboy looked only to the floor as he tried to silent his sobs. Sodapop tried to give him a reassuring smile as he wiped his own tears away.

"Damnit!" Darry cursed as he slammed his fists against the hard wall.

"Come on, Dar," Soda gently said. "You need to just take it easy."

"She's dying," he breathed out. "She's dying, Sodapop. _How_ can I take it easy?"

"Darry, she'll be okay." Soda placed a hand on his brother's back. "We just need to keep hope."

Darry slumped down in one of the green chairs and buried his head in his hands. A tear wasn't shed from his stone hard face. All that came out was a long, deep sigh that he had been holding in since the dreadful day started.

"All that blood," Ponyboy chimed in. "How can someone lose that much blood?"

Sodapop and Darry had it all over their nice white button-up shirts. Darry had yet to notice the stains on his hands, nor did he care to notice them. His sister had been shot. Dallas Winston and Angela Shepard had been shot. The last goddamn thing on his mind was how dirty his hands were.

"Gosh, Darry," an enchanting young blonde came strolling through the waiting room with heels in her hand. Her arms wrapped around Darry's broad strong shoulders as she took a seat beside him. "What's going on?"

He shook his head and resumed his position.

"They took her away," Soda answered for him. "They said she lost a lot of blood, and she went out on the ride over."

She took a deep breath and began to rub what little hair Darry had not pulled out. She softly hummed his favorite Beatles song, coddling him like a mother. A glimmer of hope and love shined through her hazel eyes.

Ponyboy jiggled his leg up and down as he chewed at his nails. The only thing that ran through his mind was how he'd been treating his sister the fast few days. Sure, she deserved it, but what if this was it? What if he would never get the chance to hear her annoying voice again?

Soda's mind did flips as he refused to sit. He had to keep busy somehow. He couldn't just sit and think about their situation. The mental picture he had locked in his brain would haunt him for some time. To see the people you love look like that...with that much blood...that helpless...it's something a man shouldn't go through, let alone a mere boy.

"Where is she?" a piercing scream came through the hallways. "Where is my daughter?"

Her slurs ran through the whole west end of the hospital.

All four hung their heads in pity as she desperately tried to make sense of what had happened to her only daughter. How are you supposed to tell a mother that her daughter was dying? How are you supposed to tell anyone that?

"Where's everyone else at?" Darry asked through his fingers.

"On their way here. Some are talking to the police and trying to help clean up what was left of the wedding. It's storming pretty bad out there," Kathy answered as she circled his red ear lobes. "You want me to get you two a clean shirt?"

"No," he grumbled underneath his breath.

"Darry, I just-"

"Don't," his voice was stern and fierce. "This should have never happened."

Soda raised his head to take a look at his miserable brother. "It did, Dar. There is nothing no one could have done to stop it. Sometimes things just happen."

"Why does it always got to happen to us?" his voice shook as his head jolted up. "Ain't we been through enough as it is?"

Soda turned and looked at his younger brother who was fighting back tears. Soda knew just how much they had been through. Soda knew how much Danni had been through. He knew her better than himself.

He also knew Dallas. Dallas was a fighter. No way could he die. Dallas Winston could never die by a bullet. He was the type that was to live till his forties and then die, not by a bullet or a knife but just falling down the stairs because he was too drunk to watch his step.

He wasn't going to die. No one was going to die. That just couldn't happen. Not now. Not to them.

Ponyboy, on the other hand, couldn't shake the feeling of death. Death was in the air of this hospital. Deep in his heart he knew someone wasn't going to make it out alive.

He thought a lot about that stupid fight, too. All those things he said about her…how could he have done that? That's his twin, his other half.

And here she was, on her death bed and he wouldn't be able to utter a simple apology to her. She may die thinking he hated her, that he cared nothing of her.

Tears made their way down his cheek as he continued to think about it. It was the only thing he _could_ think about.

How he prayed he could just tell her one last time that he loved her. That she wasn't nothing. That she was his twin sister who he loved and cared for and always would despite his words.

A blood curdling sound filled the sorrowful room.

The sound of death.

"Get the paddles!" someone ordered.

"No." Darry pushed his way over to the door to see the doctors surrounding a body that lied on a white stretcher.

"It's not working!" one of them shouted.

"No..."

Sodapop soon joined his side as they both watched in terror. "Darry, who is that?"

"I'm going to call it."

"Darry, _who_ is that?" his voice began to break.

Darry said nothing as he looked on blankly.

"Darry!" Soda cried.

The swarm of people lifted up to look at the dead body.

"Time of death: 4:15."

A gust of wind filled the room as the soul left the lifeless body.

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

* * *

**A_/_N: So who do you think it is?**


	41. I Still Fight

**Disclaimer: I do not own the _Outsiders_.**

**A/N: Thanks to you taryn at six for beta reading.  
**

* * *

There was this high pitched beeping coming from my right. When I tried to open my eyes, they felt like they had been glued shut. I blinked it away and opened them to find myself in a tiny, white room.

It was too freaking bright in here. The beeping noise was still going on next to me, and all I could move was my head.

I doubled over, blood pooling in my mouth. The copper taste was making me sicker than I already was.

I gently sat back up, my body sore. The top of my leg ached unmercifully. It was cold in this compacted room. The only things in here was a sink and the bed I was laying in. The white covered walls were blank, showing no emotions, no happiness and the sheets I layed on matched the atmosphere of the room.

My mouth watered for a cigarette. My nerves were shot, and the one thing that trailed in my mind was a cancer stick. I thirsted for its touch on my dry lips. If there ever was a time someone was in need of one, it would be now.

I rubbed my aching head, trying to tune out the horrid noise coming from my right. I felt like I had been hit by a fucking bus.

I rested my head against the wall behind the bed frame. My mind ran in circles as I desperately tried to remember how I got here.

The grumble of my stomach took me by shock. I hadn't fully realized how long it'd been since I had eaten a decent meal. That going on with the taste of blood, and the pain in my leg told me something was really wrong.

_An ear shattering sound filled the room. All stood still, if only for a few seconds._

_The room began to spin round and round. I was losing. We were losing._

_What was happening?_

_Slowly, a body fell to the floor with a loud thud, making the ground beneath me shake._

_"No," I breathed out. "No."_

_Jeff's back faced me as he looked down at the body that struck the floor. The body that now layed at rest._

_*knock knock*_

The door slowly opened as a man in white trench coat entered. "Well, you're awake."

I remained stationary as I studied the stranger's movements. His gray hair hung just below the tip of his forehead, while his thick glasses sank down just below the bridge of his nose. His hands were rough and hard. It looked like he'd had been through life, alright. His ring finger had a perfect circle of a tan line and the blue tie he wore had coffee stains all over it.

He put his hand against the doorframe and yelled down the hallway. "Inform the family and send in the guardian."

The pitter patter of the nurse's heels echoed through the hallway.

"What's going on?" My voice came out hoarse.

The man shut the door behind him and slowly dragged his feet over to the black stool that was placed in front of the bed. "You are in a hospital. You were shot," he explained, no emotion in his voice.

I looked down towards my bandaged leg. "Where-where are they?"

He shook his head while he flipped through, what I gathered, were my charts. "You need not worry about that now. You are still very weak yourself and must take it easy."

I took a deep breath and leaned back with an irritated look written on my face. I felt fine. It wasn't _me_ that I was worried about.

"The two are in surgery." The tone of his voice was startling and sharp. "That is all I can say."

I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't telling me everything. Why would he?

My body shook. I needed a cigarette. Something told me I wouldn't be getting one for a while, though. My head was pounding and there were these black dots appearing everywhere. As much as I was starving, I didn't honestly think I could hold anything down.

A powerful force of wind filled the room.

I looked to the side as the door was thrown back by the powerful man that walked through.

"Danni," he spoke with such concern in his voice that it took me back.

He rushed over to my side and gently took hold of my trembling hand.

"She has lost a very large amount of blood," the doctor spoke, "it caused her body to go into shock."

I looked over and into Darry's dark brown eyes as they shimmered down at me. His face was riddled with distress and uneasiness. I only wondered how much he _really_ knew.

He reached over and brushed my sweaty hair out of my face. "How you feeling?"

I opened my mouth thinking over how I _was _feeling. My mind remained empty and dark. It was as if my body was protecting me from the deathly emotions that remained in my head.

"Whe-where are they? Wh-what's happening?" My voice shook along with my body. "Darry, I-"

"You must take it easy." The doctor informed me once again with the same tone he had taken before, "Any more stress can cause your body to go into shock again. Please, just relax."

I took in a deep breath and pressed my lips together.

"How is she, doc?" Darry popped up, still looking into my eyes.

"She'll be fine. No major arteries were damaged, and the bullet didn't go through as deep as the others."

My heart skipped a beat.

Others?

_My eyes turned to see the other two bodies lying on the floor. No movement came from either of them as blood continued to circle them both. Their chests layed still as can be, showing no life._

_Her chest did not raise up. Blood was surrounding her limp body._

_I stayed still and watched as the man I loved laid still on the hard ground with a monster standing above him._

_The unmoving bodies, their chests still, giving no signs of breathing, surrounded by pools and pools of blood._

A cool chill ran down my lower body as the sheet covering me was soon yanked away.

My eyes widen at the large white type that was covering my upper thigh. Blood had stained the white surface, showing a big circle of red. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach.

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is you pain?" the man asked me.

I closed my mouth. "Five?"

He nodded his head and ran a heavy hand over the wound. "The pain medicine should help keep it down. If it gets any worse, let one of the nurses know."

Darry's eyes examined the wound carefully. Anger and concern pooled in his dark eyes. How much _did_ Darry know?

"Ca-can I walk?" I looked up into the stranger's cold hazel eyes.

He removed his hand and nodded slightly. "You need to rest it, but yes, you will have the ability to walk again."

Darry continued to stroke my hair as the doctor spoke quietly to him. I didn't gather much out of what was being said. The same picture was shown each time I closed my eyes. One picture I never wanted to see again.

_His blue eyes were lifeless. Blood ran from his stiff body as his chest continued not to move. No matter how I cried he wouldn't look at me. He couldn't hear me. His face turned blue as his skin turned to ice. He was losing._

_Her body remained still as it did the whole time. Pools of blood surrounded her body as she too, turned a haunting shade of blue. She was losing...she had lost._

"Danni," Darry called. "Are you listening?"

My head jolted back up as the two stared down at me waiting for a response. "Where's everyone else at?"

The doctor shook his head and grabbed the clip board on my bed.

"In the waiting room." Darry answered.

"The police are going to want to talk to you," the doctor spoke up. "I think they are out there with social services."

"No," Darry snapped sternly. "Not now."

The man nodded his head and stepped one foot out the door.

"Can I go see them?" I asked the doctor. "Can I go to the waiting room?"

He took in a deep sigh and motioned to a nearby nurse. "Use a wheelchair."

* * *

The walls moved along with us as Darry pushed me down the hallway.

I blinked a couple of times as sounds of screams ran through my ears. Bodies moved along quickly as if in an effort to help what was already done. They all looked down at her body the same way. Each afraid to even touch her. Tears filled their eyes as if she was their best friend. As if she was already gone.

"You okay?" Darry asked as he slowed down his movements. "You scared us something awful, you know?"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

He chuckled slightly and rubbed my hair. "I'm just glad you're okay, Dan. I'm just _so_ glad."

I could hear the hurt in his voice, the fear he had for me. I wasn't the one I feared for. I wasn't the one _anyone_ should fear for.

The wheels came to a screeching halt in front of a thick wooden door. "You ready?"

I closed my eyes and nodded.

Everyone seemed to be sitting there, having the same look on their faces; It reeked of sadness and made me question going in there.

"Danni!" Sodapop squealed as he leaped toward me.

My body shook slightly as I stood up for the first time. "Sodapop."

His arms wrapped tightly around my body as he latched himself on. I could feel the warmth of his tears as they pelted down my back.

"Gosh, Danni!" he cried. "We thought we lost you back there!"

I rubbed his back and buried my face in his shoulder. "I'm fine, Soda. I'm _fine_." Cool tears ran down my face as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm _okay_, Sodapop."

"Take it easy with her, little buddy." Darry came over and patted his back. "She's still pretty weak."

Soda pulled away and met my eyes.

"Hey." I smiled, wiping away the tears.

A big grin ran across his red face as he took mine in his hands and helped me wipe my tears. "Hey, Danni."

I looked past him to the other's looking up at me with relief shown on their faces.

"You had us scared to death!" Soda cried as he latched on again.

I circled his back again and soothed him. "I'm alright, Soda." I laughed slightly. "You can let go of me now."

He nodded and broke free from me. I couldn't help but smile at his goofy grin.

"Danni-Bear," someone new spoke. "You...you okay?"

I looked over as Two-Bit approached me.

I smiled up at him. "Yeah, Two-Bit."

He slung an arm around my shoulders and gently embraced me in.

I'd never seem Two-Bit's caring side that often. No, wait, that's not right; he's probably one of the few guys in the gang that's not afraid to show care, to show love towards someone.

I pulled away and looked only to my twin who sat chewing on the tips of his fingers.

The ends of his lips curled up as our eyes met. "Hi."

"Hi," I repeated.

"Any word on..." Two-Bit paused for a minute. "Dally or Ang?"

They all turned and looked to me.

I looked down at the floor as Darry told them he knew nothing.

Soda tilted my chin up so I could look at him. The glimmer in his eyes made my heart melt. "Everything's gonna' be okay."

I rested all my weight on him as he held my side.

I only wished I could believe him; I only wish the dice would roll our way. Just this once.

"I'd say you look tougher than all of us now." Two-Bit snickered. "Gonna' make a mighty fine scar."

I glanced down at my leg, as did everyone else.

"Damn," someone cursed.

Evie sat just a few feet away from us. She'd changed out of the beautiful white dress she once wore, and she now had dark circles under her eyes from where her make-up ran.

"I'm sorry about your wedding, Evie," I confided in her. "I-"

"Don't," she said, swallowing hard. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

Steve sat beside her and held her trembling hand. His eyes met the floor. "I wish they'd just tell us something already. Damn."

Standing outside the window were two officers dressed in black uniforms. I knew I'd have to tell them everything I knew. I'd have to repeat the tragic story that I had just lived through.

"They arrest the bastard or what?" I snarled.

All heads bounced up and looked at me.

I looked at them. "What?"

Darry rose up from his seat and took a step towards me. "Danni-"

"Dar, please tell me they locked him away." I pleaded.

"Danni." He sighed deeply. "Jeff...Jeff's dead."

I don't know why but my heart stood still. Jeff...the evil monster...the one who was responsible for all this...he'd gotten off that easy?

_My screams were silent as I looked at the dead body staring up at me. His crystal, lifeless eyes looked up at me. Blood ran from his greasy hair, making a large puddle on the floor._

_I saw the darkness in him. The monster had been slain. He had been put to rest._

Anger arose inside of me. How was that fair? How was it fair that he got to just leave this Earth and not even suffer for what he had done? He made _us_ suffer. He made us _all_suffer. How was it fair that he didn't have to pay for what he did? How did he just get let off that easy?

"Dan." Soda rubbed my arm. "You okay?"

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say.

"Is this Dallas Winston's family?" a man dressed in white peeped through the door.

We all looked at each other before Two-Bit jumped up. "I'm his brother."

"What about parents?" the doctor asked.

He shook his head. "It's just me, sir."

The doctor grumbled and stepped in further through the door. "I suppose then I should tell you."

I bit my lip harder as blood filled my mouth.

"Yes, sir." Two-Bit replied. "How...how is he?"

My arm shook as Soda tightened his grip on me.

In the pit of my heart, I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I didn't want to hear those awful words come out of his mouth.

Here it was, though. Dally, the Dally I loved with every ounce of my body. He was either dead or alive. I was either dead or alive.

_Dead air filled the room again as I crawled on the floor to reach the body closest to me._

_His face was as white as a ghost and a bloody circle was drawn on the side of his dark, gray t-shirt._

_I gently picked up his head, cupping it with my hands. "Dally," I whispered through tears. "Dally, please. Please... Dally."_

_Don't leave me._

_He couldn't leave me. I needed him. I loved him._

"He just got out of surgery. He's fine."

Those words sent chills down my spine, and for a moment, everything was still. The lump in my throat ran farther upward and my heart beat faster.

"You can see him shortly when he comes to."

Sighs of relief filled the air of the once sorrow room. High fives were exchanged and smiles spread across everyone's tears stained faces as a glimmer of hope shined down on us.

Dallas Winston was _alive?_ The god's were actually smiling down on us?

I gripped onto Soda as his arms wrapped around me.

A giant weight had been lifted off of me but I knew there was still one more.

"Is the Shepard family in here also?" the same man asked.

Darry took a step forward. "No, I think they're down the hall."

The doctor nodded and began to step out the door. I exchanged a look with Soda. "Doc!" he called after the doctor making him stop. "Is she...how is she?"

The man opened the door wider and took a deep sigh. "I can't really talk to anyone else but the family."

"Please," I spoke at a whisper. "Can you just tell us?"

He looked down at his charts and sucked in a breath of air. "I'm really not allowed to do this."

"Doc," Darry's strong voice spoke. "Please?"

_All was silent._

_Her body fell limply to the floor without a sound._

_I tried to control myself as tears seeped down my face. I could see the blood trail starting to form where she landed._

_Her chest layed still. She was losing. She was losing…she had lost._

His eyes looked back at us. "She...I'm sorry. She didn't make it."

The relief that was once in the room vanished. Everyone looked to the floor. His words took me back. He was lying.

"She...what do you mean she didn't make it?" My voice trembled.

"I'm sorry," he generally replied.

"What do you mean she didn't make it?" I yelled, causing my voice to crack. Angela Shepard could not have died. No, she was fine. She was just...she was fine!

"I'm so sorry," he repeated. "Your friend - she didn't... She's passed away."


	42. While  I Can Fight

**A/N: Props to you taryn at six for beta reading**

* * *

I carefully counted the quarters and dimes in my hand.

A soda costs exactly 25 cents. Two-Bit had told me that just a few moments ago when he decided to _chaperon_ me over to the machine, as if I was going to jump off the side of this building or something.

I think it was Darry's idea to send him along with me. He always think's I'm going to go off and do something stupid. Like Two-Bit being around was really going to help _that_ situation. Two-Bit would be the one to come up with the stupid idea in the first place.

I slipped my coins into the machine and then pressed the blue label and waited for the clunk of metal as it hit the opening.

"You want something to eat?" Two-Bit urged.

I casually shook my head and popped the lid off the can.

My stomach was tied in knots. Food wouldn't go down if it tried. Despite how hungry I _was_, I couldn't bring myself to eat. I couldn't bring myself to really do anything.

Darry insisted on all of this. He worries about me. He still sees me as the little fifteen-year-old who had a nervous breakdown a few weeks after her parents died. He tries. He cares.

He just doesn't get it.

_My throat stiffened, and my stomach churned. I felt numb, and the pain went flashing through my back. Those words kept playing over and over in my head. She didn't make it. She's passed away. They didn't seem real. None of this seemed real. I could not believe the words no matter how loud they were screamed. _

_"She...she's dead?" Soda managed to ask the obvious. _

_The doctor nodded his head as he tried to make his way out the door, leaving us alone._

_Soda's hand squeezed onto my side, making me want to yelp out. The dryness in my throat stopped me from doing so._

_My knees wobbled, making it even harder to stand. My heart raced as my stomach dropped. The lump that was once in my throat had returned with avenges and was now taking over. My eyes watered and my chin quivered._

_"I'm so sorry," the doctor said as he eased his way out of the situation._

_Soda immediately pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped themselves protectively around my shoulders. He whispered words I could not hear. Soothing words that were supposed to make me feel better. _

_I could feel everyone's eyes glued to me as they watched and waited for my cries and screams. It only made me hide myself farther into Soda's plaid t-shirt. I just wanted to run away from this place. _

_Darry made his way over to us and clung to my other side. He stroked my hair and comforted me along with Soda._

_"We got you, Dan," Darry whispered into my hair. "You're okay; we got you."_

_I buried my face farther into Soda's chest getting a whiff of his sent. A mix of cologne and grease. The sweetest smell I had smelt in a long time. _

_She didn't make it. She's passed away. She's gone. _

_"Let me go," I spoke softly. "Please, just let me go."_

_Darry shushed me as he tightened his grip._

_"No." I pushed Soda away from me. "Just let me go."_

_Soda looked into my eyes as he gave me a small smile._

_"Danni, we want to help you," Darry bared in. "Let us help you."_

_"No." I wiped some lose tears away. "I just...just leave me alone."_

_It would have been more dramatic if I stomped away and off into my room slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on my warm bed, letting out all my emotions in the privacy of my own room. There was just one little problem..._

_I couldn't walk._

_Angrily, I slid down into the seat of the wheelchair and buried my face in my hands, not wanting to see the sympathy on everyone's faces. I didn't want any sympathy. I just wanted to escape, to be set free and just run far, far, away. To the city, maybe; anywhere but here. I wanted my body to slip through the cracks beneath me and fall into a totally different world. A world were things were better than all this. Where everything and everyone was happy. A world where my best friend was still alive. Anywhere but here in this stupid suffocating room. _

_All I could see was her body. Her lifeless body that was surround by obscene amounts of blood. I just sat there and didn't utter a word while my best friend's life was taken away. I didn't help her when she needed me. _

_I let her die._

_A woman's screams and cries traveled through the halls. Her screams for the daughter she just lost._

_I leaned back and forcefully ran my fingers through my hair, pulling out every lose strand I had left. I didn't want to hear her cries. _

_She didn't care about Angela. She made that girl's life hell. All her men she brought home, all the things they did to her, the way she treated Ang once she had a baby. She didn't care about that girl. She never did. What gave her the fucking right to grieve over her?_

_I wondered about Tim. What was he doing? He had witnessed the nightmare along with me. Angela was his little sister. The sister he devoted his life to protect. Tim didn't show emotions. The only feeling he ever let out was anger, so what was he doing now? Would he even cry over her?_

_"You want anything, Dan?" Soda's sweet voice rang._

_The woman's cries still echoed on. I wanted to lash out at the witch. I wanted to let out every bit of anger I had inside of me, out at her. I wanted to tell her she didn't care about Angela - that she never had. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at her and tell her what a horrible person she was for acting like she actually gave a damn whether Angela was dead or not. _

_I just wanted to sew her lips shut!_

_"I'm going to get a drink," I announced, slowly easing myself up again._

_Darry jumped up from his seat and approached me. "I'll take you."_

_I put a hand up to stop him. "No, I got it."_

_He grumbled and rolled his eyes. "How do you plan on getting there? You can't walk remember?"_

_I looked down at the wheel chair I was sitting in. "I can wheel myself."_

_"You're not going alone." His voice was stern._

_"Why?" I demanded. "I'm not a kid, Dar. Why can't you understand that I want to be alone?"_

_"You need us." He took a step forward. "You need us now more than ever, Dan."_

_"No I don't." My words came out harsher than I had wished. He was only trying to help, after all._

_He looked away and folded his arms over his chest. "What if Soda takes you? You're not going alone, you can forget that."_

_"I don't want anyone to go with me," I spoke, my voice now becoming weaker._

_"Well, I'm sorry, but someone's going to."_

_"I want to be al-one!" My voice cracked causing me to go into a couching fit._

_Darry waited for me to calm down before speaking again. "Danni, we just want to help."_

_I shook my head and folded my arms over my chest. He really wasn't getting the picture here, was he?_

_"Someone's going with you." _

_I opened my mouth to object again, but someone stopped me. "I'll take her. I need some grub anyway."_

_We all turned to the idiot who made the suggestion._

"You sure you don't want anything to eat?" he pressed on. "You kinda missed the buffet at the wedding."

I shook my head and slurped up the Pepsi that spilt over the top of the can.

He shrugged me off and placed his money in the machine..

"Why did you come with me?" I asked as I played with the tab on the can. "Why did you want to?"

He clicked the tab off his drink and took a gulp. "Got hungry. Didn't eat much at the wedding. Evie had that ol' fancy crap and you know me, can't pronounce it, don't eat it."

"Two-Bit, I know it's more than that." I looked down at my feet. "I'm fine. You don't need to watch over me like a child." I clicked the tab back and forth, not wanting to look up and meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry you lost her. She...she was a great gal." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I wiped some falling tears from my eyes. "I know. It...it just shouldn't have happened."

He took a deep breath and played with his now empty can. "You and Dal are okay, though. That's something."

Hot tears slid down my cheek. "Who cares? I don't care if that's _something_! She has a baby! Why did it have to be_ her_? Out of all of us, why did he choice _her_ to die? Why did it have to happen like _that_? He could have taken _any_ of us. She had more to live for!"

"Damnit, Dan!" He slammed his hand against the coke machine.

My head jolted up to look at his anger ridden face.

"Can you not see how scared to death your brothers are? How scared and worried we_ all_ are?" He paused and took a breath before starting again. "Don't think like that...please? It - it just happened that way. I'm sorry she's gone, but I'm not sorry _you're_ still here, that Dally is _still_ here. None of us are. How do you think we'd feel if it was you? How do you think your brothers would have gone on knowing that you died that way?"

I tried to take a breath, but my quivering chin stopped me. I couldn't seem to stop the endless tears that were slowly falling.

"Danni, it was God's plan to take Angela. He knows what he's doing and he's going to take care of her. He's going to make sure she doesn't have to suffer anymore, that she doesn't have to worry about anything ever again. It was _her_ time."

I took my shaking hand and reached it up to wipe away some of the tears. "I just...I don't understand why...why now? Why did it have to be Jeff? Why did it have to be that way? Why did she have to le...leave_ me_!"

The words barley came out of my mouth. I felt the emotions coming out of me as I remembered her face, her smiling face, her stupid jokes, those wild stories she told me that never seemed to have an ending, but always seemed to make me laugh. I'd never be able to hear them again. I'd never be able to see her face again. I'd never see her alive _again_. It finally hit me. Angela Shepard was _gone_...and she wasn't coming back.

My head grew heavier, and the tears grew longer and thicker. I leaned back and rested my hands on my face.

I screamed. For the first time, I got to do what I wanted. I was screaming at so many things, her crying mother, the villain that did this, Darry for not understanding me, Two-Bit for making me realize all this, myself...for letting it happen.

A soft hand rested on my shoulder as Two-Bit spoke to me softly - the way my mother spoke when we were upset or hurt. "She's in a better place now, Dan. You gotta' remember that. She's not in pain anymore. She never will be. You're _okay;_ Dally is _okay_. We got to keep up with the positive."

I brushed my hair out of my face to see him smiling down at me. "I know." I sniffled. "I...I just need some time."

"It's going to take some _time_."

He was right. Two-Bit wasn't always this clown who just tried to make people laugh at him. He wasn't a drunk who was the one at the parties people got a big laugh at because of the stupid things he did. He was more than that. He had a heart, one of the biggest hearts I've seen. He reminded me of Sodapop, in a way. Two-Bit cared about people, big or small, he generally cared for them. Two-Bit loved, and he wasn't afraid to show it.

"Thank you." I fixed my eyes on him. "Thank you for...for _this_."

He gripped on to my shoulder loosely and smiled that smile you just got to crack a laugh at. "That's what I'm here for."

"Dally _is_ okay," I threw out there. "We still got _him_."

He chuckled a bit. "You know Dal; you can't take him down that easy."

I knew, all right. Dally was fine, and that was great. It was the reason I was still breathing.

But someone else had lost their life. My best friend had lost _her's_.

* * *

"Damnit, Ma, can you just cut the crap?" a loud voice rang.

I put my hand up and motioned for Two-Bit to stop wheeling me.

"She was my daughter too, damnit!" the woman yelled. "I'm sorry _I'm_ upset that she's dead. She's _dead,_ Tim!"

The yelling continued as a nearby door flung open, revealing a torn boy.

"Curly," I stopped him.

His head jerked up as he looked at us. "Danni."

I eased up, supporting myself on the window seal, and then leaning on it for support. My leg shook as I tried to balance.

I could see him better. His eyes were red and swollen. He refused to cry at this very moment, but I could tell he was holding a _whole_ lot back. I'd never seen him this way. He wasn't as tough looking as Tim, but he still fit the role of Tim Shepard's baby brother well. It was weird seeing someone like _him,_ like _this_.

"How are you?" He wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "Heard Dal's okay."

I looked over at Two-Bit, who stood behind me. "I'll catch up with you in a minute."

He looked from me to Curly and then back to me. "I don't know. Darry is gonna be awful mad once he finds out I left you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll handle Darry. I just...I'm okay."

He hesitated for a minute before finally leaving us alone.

Darry was going to have his head.

"So," Curly went on, "you hear?"

I raised my eyes to look into his. "I'm _so_ sorry, Curly."

He sniffled again and looked to the side. "Tim said you saw it?"

I combed my hair away and out of my face. "Yeah, I did."

"If that bastard wasn't already dead, I'd kill him with my bare hands!" His hands clenched into fists and then unclenched again as he took a deep breath to calm himself.

I let out a small sigh. That's what it's all about isn't it? Revenge. What good would that do? Wasn't that how this whole thing started? Trying to get revenge on someone who supposedly deserved it.

Jeff was dead. It was done.

"You stupid bitch!" the voice startled me. "You didn't love her. You didn't even care! Fuck you! You know what, go to hell you good for nothing witch."

The door slammed shut as Tim stomped down the hall, not bothering to look our way.

I looked away as he stormed by.

"Tim," Curly tried to call out gently.

Tim was long gone. He was cracking. He couldn't take it.

"He just needs some time," I broke the silence. "He'll be ok."

"I better go make sure he doesn't do something stupid." He brushed by me and headed down the hall.

"Hey, Curly," I stopped him.

He looked over at me.

"Can you...can you thank Tim for me?" I glanced to the floor. "Just...just tell him thanks...for what he did."

He nodded and rushed around the corner.

Tim saved _my_ life. Not his sister's but _mine_.

* * *

For the remainder of the time, I flipped through a _Time_'s magazine. I wasn't too focused on it, though. Darry and Soda were talking quietly in the corner, which told me it was about me. Ponyboy was also acting strange. He sat surprisingly close to me the entire time, but did not utter a word about _anything_.

Two-Bit was out in the hall, talking to one of the doctors about Dally; after all, he was Dally's _brother._ I kept my eyes locked on him as he just nodded up and down the entire time.

"Doc's say he's awake now," he announced once he entered the room. "He said two people can go in and since I'm his _brother_, I guess it's me and someone else."

All eyes soon turned to me.

"You wanna go, Danni-Bear?" Two-Bit chimed in.

I took a deep breath and threw my magazine down.

He wheeled me down the little hallway as he whistled a song the whole way.

I wanted to smile. I wanted to be happy that Dally was alive and well. He had basically saved my life, and here I am, not showing any happiness about him being okay. I once worried that he wouldn't even make it out alive. I worried I would lose him forever and wouldn't be able to tell him my true feelings. How much I really loved him and how much I always had.

Was he the love of my life? Was everything I thought about during our final hour really true? Did I love Dally the way I thought I loved him, or was it just the overflow of emotions from the events that were happening?

Dallas Winston was alive. Here was my second chance. So what do I do with it?

"You ready?" Two-Bit asked as he grabbed hold of the shiny golden knob.

I bit my lip and slowly nodded.

"I don't want the fucking drink!" he shouted as he flung the cup on the ground, laughing as he did so.

"You have to drink something!" the nurse fumed. "You are the worst patient I ever had." She threw her hands up in defeat and headed out the door.

"Don't forget about me now, sugar!" Dally boomed at her.

"Dally," I slowly stated.

"He's on high pain meds so he may not be...normal," she informed us as we entered.

When _was_ Dally ever normal?

"Two-Bit, man!" he shouted with excitement.

"Hey, Dal."

His eyes glistened with excitement like a little boy in a candy shop.

Just the look of him made my heart stand still. The last time I saw him, he wasn't Dally. He wasn't this Dally that sat before me. This was the Dally I never thought I'd see again. The Dally who made my heart skip beats when I was near him. Here he was, and he was alive.

"Damn, man, look at you." Two-Bit chuckled as he took a step closer to examine the damage. "You're lookin' pretty tuff now."

Dally looked to his side to examine the wound himself. A big grin spread across his face along with a boom of laughter. "Oh, man, ain't that gonna be something?"

I sat quietly and looked at the boy lying in the white bed. The color had reappeared in his face. It was filled with light and life once again. He no longer looked broken, he looked...he looked like Dally. The Dally I gave my heart to.

"Damn, man, they lock that son-of-a-bitch up or what?" he managed to ask.

Two-Bit turned to look at me as if asking if it was ok to speak. "He's uh..." He turned back around to face Dally. "He's dead, Dal."

Dally looked at him for a minute, as if not believing a word that came out of his mouth. Either that or the pain meds were causing him to hallucinate and he couldn't quite gather who was who and what was what.

Within a blink of an eye, he grabbed the glass sitting on the night stand and, violently, slung it at the wall, causing glass to splatter everywhere.

I didn't jump; I don't think I even blinked.

"Damn bastard!" He ran his tense hand through his hair. "Fuck, ain't that just dandy?"

Things were calm for a minute. Dally had bummed a smoke off Two-Bit and was slowly enjoying it like he never thought he'd get one again. Just seeing him...the way he blew the thick dark smoke out of his mouth, it sent chills up and down my arms, butterflies in my stomach, my heart beat faster.

"How is she?" he looked back over at us. "How is Shepard?"

My head instinctively looked down to the dirt covered floor.

"She didn't make it Dal," Two-Bit explained.

"What?" he growled at a low anger tone.

"He killed her," I spoke for the first time, making him acknowledge I was in the room, too. My head rose up. "Jeff killed her."

He looked at me. Our eyes locked on each other, and no one spoke. This was the first time he looked at me. The first time he noticed me sitting here. The first time I looked into those deep blue eyes, the eyes I thought I'd never get to see again. I could feel my heart getting ready to jump out of my tight chest.

"You...you alright?" he managed to choke out.

"Yeah...are _you_ alright?" I asked in return.

Again all was still, all was silent. Two-Bit stood tense beside me not knowing what to do - if he should say something to break us up, or to just run for it.

Dally broke the stare and slammed against the bed. "Damnit, Shepard."

"I know."

Our eyes looked elsewhere as the silence came back. Two-Bit was getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

"I'm...I'm, uh," he stuttered. "I'm just going to leave you two alone."

I turned my head and watched him walk out the door. He gave me a small reassuring smile as he shut the door.

I swallowed hard as my head spun back to meet Dally's eyes again...those big, beautiful blue eyes.


	43. In Smoke

**A/N: Thank ****you all very much for your wonderful feedback. It really makes me smile to read your thoughts and sadness about this being over soon. So I hope I did this chapter some justice. **

**Thanks to the lovely you taryn at six for her superb beta skills. **

**Disclamier: The Bangles own Eternal Flame. Hinton owns Outsiders. **

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_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling, Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand? Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame? _

I could hear his heavy breathing as he sat silently, his face bare of any emotion.

My own heat was beating so hard; I could hear it hammering away in my ears.

I studied Dally. He wasn't looking at anything but that stupid cigarette. The dirty yellow and white bud of a _cigarette_. He kept it tight in-between his index and middle finger. He'd already smoked it but was still staring at it like it was gold.

It made me wish I had bummed one off of Two-Bit while I had the chance. Lord knows I'd need it.

"How's your, uh, your chest?" I managed to stammer out.

He stopped fidgeting and looked at the bandage that was wrapped around him. "Gonna leave a mighty nice scar, huh?" He laughed at himself and then turned around to meet my eyes once again, making the hammering return.

I looked down at the floor and played with my hair, acting as if I was doing something important. I couldn't bring myself to say it - to ask the many questions that still lurked around. I couldn't bring myself to just tell him what I should have told him a long time ago.

"How's your, uh, leg?" he asked in return.

I looked down at my bandage. I could feel the heart beats pound through it. "Okay."

"Any idea where Tim is?" he couched.

I flicked the split ends of my hair. "He took off after he heard. Cops are after him now I think."

He threw his head back and laughed. "They're after _him_? Damn, them cops are dumber than I thought. Why they after him?"

"He _shot_ Jeff," I said in an obvious tone.

He took a minute before he reacted to what I said. "_He _shot the bastard?"

My head jerked back up to see the confusion written all over his pale face. "Do you not know anythin' that happened?"

He huffed and rolled his eyes. "Well, I was a little _occupied_ at the moment."

I blinked a couple of times. Dally knew _nothing._ He didn't even know why or how I was sitting in front of him.

I swallowed hard before speaking again. "After you went down, it was my turn. Jeff had his gun ready to shoot. I closed my eyes and then I heard the blow. Next thing I knew, Tim was standing over Jeff's bloody body. He shot Jeff before he could shoot me."

He turned his head and tilted it back so he was staring at the ceiling. Then he began to _laugh_.

"What's so funny?" I asked at a moderate tone.

He shook his head, still laughing, while he wiped the spit from the side of his mouth. "Timmy's a hero, huh? Ain't that somethin'?" His words came out as if almost threatening.

"Are you mad or something?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Nah."

The tone of his voice made it all click.

I knew what he was upset about. It was clear. Dally's number one rival had done the deed he was going to do. _Tim Shepard _had done the job Dally couldn't do. He was embarrassed that Jeff got to him. Jeff had beaten him down and made him look like a fool in front of me. Tim had done what Dally was supposed to do. Save me.

"It was your gun, Dally. Tim wouldn't have been able to do anything without you," I spoke softly.

He laughed slightly and threw his empty bud on the ground, not believing a word out of my mouth.

I eased out of my chair. My legs shook as I grabbed a hold of the night stand to steady myself. I walked over and took a seat beside him on the warm bed, eyeballing his naked chest.

I could make out the wound through the bandage. A tiny hole where a piece of metal had pierced it. It looked so clean, so clearly cut. To think that much blood ran from that little wound. That little wound that caused so much pain.

Hesitantly, I rested my hand on top of it, easy enough not to hurt him. The warmth of it ran through my arm.

I looked up to see that he was looking at me, his eyes shining as the light hit them. He looked at my hand that covered the wound that had punctured his white skin. My heart was beating faster and faster, and I wondered if he could hear it.

I circled my hand easily over the bandage. I could feel the beat of his heart. It pounded so steady, so easy. I remembered how my head once rested there. How he once let me lay there and hear the beating of his heart clearly. The heart I thought I'd never get to hear beat again.

We sat in this position and said nothing. Nothing could be said that wouldn't ruin this moment. He continued to watch me as I rested my hand over his wound, absorbing the heat being let off. I looked at him in awe, knowing that he was alive - that he and I had made it through this mess.

It's times like these where I wish I could be on the outside looking in. To see this moment for what it really was. Two people, neither knowing what to say even though there was so much. Two people who had the same kind of bull headedness to get themselves in trouble. These two people who know nothing about love but knew exactly that it was what they were both feeling...

Or at least what one of them was feeling.

"Why'd you come back?" I raised my head up to see his face.

He nonchalantly shrugged and began to mumble. "Never left."

My fingers circled around the tape even though at any moment I knew he'd swat me away. I needed to touch him. I needed to sit here and hear his breathing and feel the warmth of his skin.

"I thought you were gone," I began. "After Jeff shot you. I held your head in my hand and begged God to just let you breathe. To just let me see you alive one last time."

"Thought after you let me off back there at the church, you'd be glad to get rid of me." He chuckled like it was some kind of joke.

"Dally," I said sternly. "Please don't act like that."

"Yeah, sure, hun. Whatever you say." He readjusted himself.

"This isn't funny," I snapped. "I almost lost you. We both about lost our lives, and Angela _did_ lose hers."

"Yeah?" he smarted off. "That ain't my fuckin' fault, sweetheart."

"You think I don't know that?" I said through gritted teeth.

"Why are ya even here?" He jerked away from me. "Why don't ya just get lost? I don't need ya to hold my hand like you give a damn."

"Don't act that way," I said. "I'm not leavin', and you can't make me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, is that so?"

"I love you, Dally," I growled. "And I'm not leaving until I tell you what I need to tell you."

"So what you said back there didn't mean shit, huh?" He snarled at me. "Damn, Curtis, don't give me that shit."

"Can you just shuddup and let me talk?" I begged, my eyes turning watery. "Please just listen to me for a fucking minute!"

He rolled his eyes and waved for me to speak.

"What I said back at the church, that wasn't me," I informed him sternly. "That wasn't how I felt about you. That wasn't the truth."

He turned his head and laughed at me once again.

"You can believe me or not. You can just think I'm crazy, but you're going to hear what I have to say," I growled.

"Oh, I am?" He cracked up.

I bit my tongue. If he wasn't already in a hospital bed, I swear..."I said the things I said because I wanted myself to believe them. I wanted to tell myself I was better off without you."

He looked up at me, his face a bit more serious than before.

"You can't act like you haven't hurt me," I said quietly. "We both can't say we haven't hurt each other. I know I've been wrong. I know I've said things that hurt you, though you'd never admit it."

He turned and twisted up his IV cord in anger.

"This whole _relationship -_ or whatever the hell we've had going on - it's been a mess." I started to rub his chest again. "We've bit, scratched, and clawed 'till we were sick."

I closed my eyes and thought for a minute.

"Despite all that, despite the many times we've made each other sick. The times we just wanted to ring each other's necks." Tears slipped out of my eyes. "Despite all that, something has still stuck. I still feel something inside of myself, something that keeps telling me I'm wrong."

I looked at him as he avoided eye contact.

"Every time I'm around you, I'm something else. I feel something I've never felt before, and despite what I said, I can't hide this anymore."

His chest was warm. I could see tiny beads of sweat forming around his navel.

I sucked in as much air as my body could let me. "Dally, I love you. You can believe or not, laugh at me, I don't care, but if this event has taught me anything, it's that I can't go on anymore without saying what's true."

I waited for a response. Some kind of little giggle, smart comment, or for him to even throw me off this bed and tell me to take a hike...

But he didn't move.

"Tell me you don't feel the same and I'll leave." I rose my head up. "I'll leave and we'll never have to talk 'bout this again. Dally, I just need to know."

I waited for him to move. I waited for him to do _something_ other than just sitting there like a doup.

"You don't have to say it." I sighed in defeat. "I just need an answer this time. A real one."

I tucked my hair behind my ear and waited once again only getting the same result.

"I know you've never heard it. I know not many people say it to you, so I understand why you can't say it." I looked back up again feeling the tears drip down my cheeks. "I don't even know if you know what it is, but let me tell you, this feeling I have, this feeling I get whenever I see you, I know what it is. Love is sitting up with me, because I'm too drunk to sit still; Holding me when I cry and letting me rest on your chest while your arms are protecting me, fighting anyone who hurts me, not letting anyone even look at me the wrong way, picking me up off the cold hard floor because I've gotten too drunk again and passed out in my own puke."

He sat in the quiet, still playing with the cord to his IV.

"You get this feeling in the pit of your stomach, a feeling you haven't felt before and you don't know what it is or what caused it, but you get it. Your heart tends to beat faster every time you're near me and the whole time you're just wishing time would pass a little slower." I paused and study him for a minute. "Dally that's love. That's what it feels like to love someone."

He didn't move an inch. I wasn't even sure if he was paying attention to what I was saying or maybe I wasn't even speaking at all, but here sat this boy, this guy, this man, who I knew I was in love with. We'd got a second chance in life, and I wasn't wasting it.

Dallas Winston might not love me, he might not care, he might even shove me off this bed and tell me to be gone, but damn it he was going to hear this, and I was going to get an answer.

"I wanted to lie to myself. I wanted to just ignore these feelings and go on with my life without you. We may scratch claw, and bite, but damn it that's us!" I cleared my voice. "I don't care if everyone says that's not the way it's supposed to be. I don't care if they say people like us aren't meant to be together. I don't want a guy who's afraid to even raise his voice at me when I'm wrong, or to some rich, snot nosed Soc who'll "take care of me"."

I felt tears begin at the brim of my eyes.

"I don't need someone to tell me they love me every day even when they don't. I don't need to find someone _better_ for me because I've found some who makes me feel something I've never felt before." I brushed a handful of tears out of the way. "I found the man who will protect me and not let _any_ bastard lay a finger on me. I found someone who'll tell me I'm wrong. Someone who'd be damned if he let anyone hurt me."

I tried to control myself again as more tears found their way down my cheek, while he still somehow managed to not look at me.

"I don't need a fairy tale life. I don't need to be the needy princess who has life so easy. I don't need to live in a castle or have life as simple as possible."

I put my hand on his heart and took in the beats.

He looked down at my hand with a blank look on his face.

"I just need _you_, Dally," I said slowly. "You can say that's cliché all you want, but I don't know how else to say it."

I waited for a comment. One of his smart ass comments that he liked to say just to piss me off when I was trying to make a serious point.

I got nothing.

"I'm in _love_ with you. I don't care if you don't want to hear it. I'm going to say it." I slid closer to him to try and get him to look at me. "We almost _died_, Dally. Angela Shepard _did_ die, so I don't give a shit anymore. I'm here and I'm going to tell you what I should have told you at the church."

He forced back a chuckle.

"I'm in love with you, Dallas Winston!" I shouted. "So please; please just tell me you don't feel the same. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me something."

He turned and looked at me. His big blue eyes made more tears fall from my eyes.

He sighed a bit and sat himself up on the bed, still gazing my way.

I scooted closer and whispered to him. "Please, just tell me, Dally."

I rested the tip of my forehead against his and closed my eyes. I could feel his warm breath as he breathed on my face. I could smell the cigarette he just devoured along with a mix of beer and medicine. A smell as sweet as day.

"Dally," I whispered. "Dally tell me."

He gently grabbed a hold of my injured thigh and stared at it. I took in the pain he was causing me. I took in his presence as he touched me.

I looked down at his rough hands. His fingernails weren't clean and crisp. Randy's were always clean and manicured. Dally wouldn't be caught dead with any frilly nails. He was a man. A real man.

I eased gently in towards him. He looked up into my eyes. I looked into his. They emphasized on the freshness his appearance gave to his beauty. The beauty I knew he had on the inside as well as the broken outside.

I moved in closer to him. I couldn't help feeling the adrenaline of my heart as he leaned in closer to me, lips only an inch away. I felt so protective and secure in his presence. His lips reached my jaw, tracing the lines of my ear to my collarbone. The touch of his lips was so warm against my skin.

I couldn't stop my heart from pounding in my chest. My blood flowed rapidly in my cheeks, making my face as red as ever. His lips touched mine slightly. His upper lip rested in-between mine and his teeth bit my lower lip tenderly. We sat in this position and took in each other's touch. Gently, I pressed harder until our lips locked together.

I lifted my hands and pulled them up high to his shoulders, where I entwined them with his soft brown hair. He grabbed a hold of me, pulling me into him to where I was almost on his lap. The touch of him ... words could not describe this touch. A volcano slowly builds until the natural eruption happens. An eruption of magic.

"Dally, I love you," I breathed out.

I could feel the wetness of his lips, my mouth opened where teeth can be felt. His tongue pushed down my throat.

My thoughts were clear. The question I just asked, the question I always asked, I didn't care. At this moment, I could feel it. I could feel the answer.

I broke free of his touch and rested my head back on his forehead. I looked back into his eyes as he gave me a lustful smirk, for which I returned.

It was silent. Neither of us said a word. Words could not describe this moment. Words would only ruin it.

I broke free from his grasp and eased back down to where my feet touched the cold hard floor.

He watched me as I helplessly, tried to walk over to where I started. Darry would probably barge in here any minute. He'd have a cow if he found out Two-Bit left us here alone. I figured I should help him out.

I reached the door. Fuck the damn wheel chair.

I rested my head against the hard surface, holding on to the door knob, trying to regain some strength to walk out.

"Ay, Curtis," he murmured through the silence.

I turned my head to find him watching me, a small smile across his face.

He moved his tongue to the side of his cheek. "Yeah." He nodded his head. "Yeah."

I smiled. "I love you, Dally. I _love_ you."

_Say my name, sun shines through the rain__, A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain, I don't want to lose this feeling. _

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**A/N: **Fast update depending on how many reviews I get. ;)


	44. With Our Memories

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the feedback from the last chapter. I really do love you guys! I think **20** reviews was enough for me to update early. This chapter was a little easier to write, so that's another reason why I'm updating _today_. :) So thanks for the reviews and you're welcome!

Thanks so much to** _you taryn at six, _**for being a totally amazing beta reader and helping me so much. :)

* * *

Darry stayed with me that night. I pushed for him to go home, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, but he insisted to stay. When Darry insists on something, you don't say anything more. He's too damn stubborn to argue with, anyway.

Once we got home, Soda hung by my side every minute Darry wasn't. Trying to get that boy off of you is harder than trying to get a new puppy house trained. He'd just sit with me for hours and talk about nothing. We'd talk about Mom and Dad, how Darry should make his move on Kathy already, Steve and Evie's honeymoon, everything Soda could think of. But we never talked about _it_.

Dally was still locked up in the hospital. Nurses keep a close eye on him so he can't jump out the window or do something stupid.

I was stuck up in the house on bed rest. Like I said, Soda made sure I wasn't bored either. Darry was working most of the time to pay for the hospital bills, though he never said so. The social worker was questioning him a lot lately too, so that didn't help his mood any.

I thought about Ang a lot. I think Soda stays with me so much so I wouldn't but at night, when I'm alone, it's all I can think of. I think about the minute it happened, how I just sat in the corner like a coward. I felt the guilt in my stomach, even though there wasn't anything I could do to change it. The look etched on her face before she was shot was burned into my memory, and I got a pang of guilt each time I pictured it.

Tim got arrested on the Texas border. No one knows what the hell he was doing. According to Curly, he'd planned going to Mexico. He was just trying to escape - and not because he did something wrong, but because he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the pain that he knew was going to come. He just needed out.

Darry thinks they'll let him off on self-defense, but something told me Tim didn't want to be _let off_. Tim wanted himself to suffer, and he was going to make damn sure he would. Tim was hurt, more hurt than anyone. I prayed for him. I _really_ prayed for him.

No one asked me about _it_ other than the police. They drilled me with questions like there was no tomorrow. If Darry hadn't been in the room, I'd think they were going to arrest _me_. They didn't know the whole story, though. No one did but me.

"Hey, Dan." Ponyboy popped his head in my doorway. "You seen my gray pull over anywhere?"

I looked up at him, taking in the words he was saying. Ponyboy hadn't said much of anything since our fight. After what happened, I'd catch him looking at me, but he never did speak.

I hadn't heard his voice in nearly a month. It surprised me how deep it had gotten. "Uh, I think Soda borrowed it yesterday."

He nodded slightly and looked around my room as if he never saw it before. Then his eyes met mine. "_Gone with the Wind_?"

I tilted my head to the side trying to gather what he meant. "Oh, oh." I looked down at the book resting on my stomach. "Sorry. I saw it in your room and I figured you read it a bunch since you and Johnny are always talking about it; I don't have much to do, what with being on bed rest and all. You can have it back if you want. I didn't mean to take it from ya or nothin'." I held it out for him to take.

He chuckled and put his hand up. "No, you can read it. It's fine. I'm just shocked you're actually reading something other than a magazine."

I smiled. "Like I said, not much to do when you're on bed rest. Plus, it gives Soda a hint to leave me alone for a few minutes and go to work."

"Yeah, he's been up here a lot lately." He put his hand down on my bed and guided himself slowly down as if scared to make a wrong move.

He looked different. Not that I don't see him every day, but it's hard to get a good look in when you're being given the silent treatment. He looked more grown up. He's not the little fifteen year old boy he was back when we used to speak. His hair was less greasy, his clothes were clean, he'd been shaving what little facial hair he had, and then there was this glow about him. He just looked ... happy.

"Is it good?" He broke my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, the book." I traced my fingers over the pages. "I can see why you like it. My favorite's Scarlett."

He smiled big and then looked down like a shy little boy. "I can see that."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. He wouldn't look at me, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. All I could think about was that look on his face when I told. He trusted me, he confided in me, and I let him down. I broke the one promise I was supposed to keep.

He'd been giving me this silence for a long time now, refusing to even look my way when I entered a room. We didn't even fight any more about it. He just announced the truth; he hated me. I didn't blame him, nor did I even try to apologize for what I'd done.

"How are you doing?" His words came out slow, hesitant. "You're not… not in pain or anything?"

I shook my head. "I'm ok."

He took a deep breath as he played with the ends of his fingertips, still not looking up at me. "Listen Dan, I'm sorry about-"

"No," I snapped harshly. "Just don't."

He looked up at me with his puppy dog eyes.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to _me_ here. I shouldn't have done that to _you_. I shouldn't have told Darry that, and-"

"You were mad," he commented back. "I said some stuff that I shouldn't have, and you just got pissed."

He was defending _me_? Why would _he_ do that?

"Listen, Dan." He paused, thinking over what he should say. "I shouldn't have said what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Tears ran down his red cheeks, making my heart do a flip.

"Pony, I-"

"I thought you were gone." He sniffled. "I thought Angela was you, and I thought we lost you. The whole time I was sitting in that waiting room, I kept thinking about those things I said to you; how mean to you I've been lately. I could have lost you with you thinking I _hated_ you."

A punch hit me hard on my stomach. Breathing became harder, and I could feel the tears threatening to fall.

Here was Ponyboy, sitting on my bed letting is heart out to me, telling me he was sorry and cared if I died or not. He worried about me all this time. He was apologizing to _me. _He thought he'd never see me alive again.

My mind raced to Tim. That fight he had with Angela. He was in the same boat as Ponyboy. Those things he said to his sister, he can't take back. He can't be like Ponyboy and sit here and apologize for his words. _His_ sister was gone, and she was never coming back.

"Why are you cryin'?" He hesitantly rested his hand on my leg. "Dan, are you okay?"

I brushed the pools of tears off my face. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry, Ponyboy. You...I shouldn't have said what I said to Darry. I shouldn't have broken your trust like I did. What you said to me...it was true and I knew it. It gave me no excuse to do what I did."

Tears were coming down harder the more I thought about it.

"It's okay, Dan. Don't cry."

"No," I stopped him. "It's not okay." I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. "I'm sorry. I just...I can't take this anymore."

He twitched and rose a little off the bed. "You want me to go get Darry?"

I grumbled and shook my head. "No, it's okay."

He nodded and sat quietly, waiting for me to control myself.

"I don't want us to be like Tim and Angela. I don't want us to just fade away from each other, and go through life hating each other. Tim and Angela fought till' _death_, Pony. They had so much hate built up through the years, and it just exploded." I sighed. "Angela died right after her and Tim had it out. They basically declared their hate for each other right before Jeff strolled in and shot them."

"But you said-"

"I haven't told anyone the whole story, Pone," I corrected him. "The point is: Angela is dead. Tim and her are never gonna' get to apologize for the things they said. Life just happened and they both suffered for it. Tim has to go through life now with the regret of the last words he said to her."

He looked down to the floor.

"I don't want that to be us. It almost was _us_!" I rested my hand on his leg. "You're my brother - my _twin_ brother. We're a package deal. I don't want to lose that. I don't want us to lose each other."

"I don't either."

I scooted in closer to him. "I love you, Pony. We've been through hell and back, and I'm sure we will again. We're always gonna fight. Hell, we've fought with each other since we could talk."

He laughed at that.

"You just gotta remember, no matter what, you'll always be my brother. We'll always be family, and I'll always be here for you." My voice drew out. "I love you, little brother, savvy?"

He looked up and met my eyes. A smile returned to his sweet baby face. "I love you too, _baby_ sister."

I grinned and punched him across the shoulder. "Good. And I'm not your baby sister."

He turned to the side and chuckled. "I'm still five minutes older."

"So we good now?"

"Always." He turned back around to wipe a lose tear that fell from my eye. "You can talk about it, ya know. I'll, uh, listen."

I gently grabbed his wrist. "I will...one day."

He moved to his right and wrapped his arms tight around me.

Ponyboy always smelt the same. He smelt better than Soda at times. A fragrance of strawberry soap and lotion that Cherry bought him for his birthday.

I took in the smell. The smell of my brother.

His voice came in through my ear. "I'm here for you."

"And I'm here for you...always."

* * *

"Turn up here," I instructed him.

"Mind telling me where the hell we're goin'?" he growled as he pulled up to the gravel lot.

I ignored his question and jumped out of the car.

A cold wind blew bitterly, chilling me as I opened the rusty gate. I remembered the first time I came here. The first time I _had_ to come here. I found the little black dress my mother made for me when I was a kid. She always liked me in dresses. I thought it'd make her happy if I wore it that day.

It was dark outside that day, even though it was still afternoon. A storm was coming, so everyone had umbrellas. I forgot mine, and Darry scolded me. I didn't care. No one could say anything to make me any more upset than I already was.

We had to walk up a big hill. The grass was dying and turning a brown color. I hated being there. All I could smell was death.

It was the first time I came here. The first time where I had to put my parents to rest.

Moving further into the cemetery, a fresh chill ran along my spine. Gray head stones covered the landscape before me. Amongst the trees, the wind called to me. A bush rattled against some unknown tombstone.

Dally was following me. He was far back but I could still here him growl. Yelling and shouting, "Why are we here? Why the fuck are we in a fuckin' cemetery?"

Dally got out of the hospital today, so he was already in a mood. I didn't care. We _both_ needed to be here.

I walked a little farther up a large hill and then stopped, looking at the tiny grave in front of me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he roared, ringing my ear.

I stood in front of the grave and let the wind breeze through my hair.

"You didn't tell me she lived here," I whispered.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked loudly over the wind.

I read the name written on the grave in my head. The name that he never said.

"Johnny told me this is where she was buried. He said you pointed it out to him one day when he decided to sleep out here." I went on. "I wanted to see it for myself."

He looked down at the grave I was looking at.

"Your mother." I looked up at him. "Dally, why didn't you tell me-"

"It wasn't your business," he said. "Why are we here?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my breezing hair. "You can stay here if you want. I got to go somewhere else. But Dally, I really think you should stay here. Just for a minute."

He pulled out a cigarette from his jacket pocket and acted like he didn't hear me.

"I'm going to see my parents." I started to walk away. "You can sit in the car if you want. I just thought...I thought you should be here. I thought you should talk to her."

I turned on my heel and left him alone.

I pulled out a cigarette form my pocket and lit it. I didn't care if Dally stayed or not. I couldn't make him do anything, but I was going to stay here. I needed to see them.

I stopped at a little place under an oak tree. Two little graves sat side by side with pink flowers resting in front of them. Flowers Soda brought to them last month on his annual visit. He came here more than the rest of us did.

I took a whiff off my stick and threw it in the nearby grass.

"Hi, Mom. Dad." I smiled and sat down on my knees. "I should come here more, I know."

I looked up at the blue sky.

"Dally's here," I went on. "We're kinda going together now."

I laughed and wiped my eyes.

"I guess you know that, though." I looked to my father's side. "I guess you're not too happy about that. He's a good guy, Daddy."

Tiny drops of tears made their way down my cheeks.

"I guess you already know what happened." I sniffed. "I'm sorry for what I've been doing. I'm sorry I let you down like that."

A gust of wind came over making my hair go in different directions.

"I'm a better person, though. I'm better now," I told them. "Darry and me are good now, so you don't have to worry."

I felt a sharp pain in my heart. The wind whispered to me, telling me to speak, telling me to just let it out.

"I miss you guys." I forced a small smile through the tears. "Soda is doing good, though I think you know that, too. He misses you guys an awful lot. Ponyboy is better now. We're getting along again. He's with a great gal, Momma. I think you'd really like her."

I looked up towards the sky. It was as blue as blue can be. Puffy white clouds floated about, making magical figures.

"I know ya'll worry about me; about all of us." I felt my voice begin to break. "I know I've been wrong. I know I've been headed down the wrong path, but please, please don't worry about me. I'm going to make you guys proud. I'm going to be the person you always wanted me to be."

My face was wet. I didn't stop the tears like I always did. I let them fall. I let them fall down my cheeks and land on the grass that my parents laid under.

"I know ya'll are looking after me." I swallowed. "I know you are protecting me. I'm going to make you guys proud of me. I promise you that!"

I shushed myself.

"Angela is with you guys. I know she is. Take care of her for me. She needs you guys. I can't look after her anymore. Please, take care of her. Tell her not to worry anymore. Tell her she's free. She's finally free."

My chin began to quiver making it harder to speak.

"Tell her I love her!" I nearly screamed out. "Tell her she'll always be my _angel_."

My head collapsed into my hands. I buried out my tears and let them rain down on the thirsty ground. She's gone. My parents are gone. They're together. They'll look out for each other.

They'll look down at me. They'll watch me and the many mistakes I'll make. They'll protect me.

They are angels. _My_ angels.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope this was enjoyed. I appreciate all you readers very much. Have a happy father's day.

Hopefully I'll update _next_ Monday. Not sure if I can, I'll be at bball camp, but I'll try. Bear with me. **;)**


	45. Speak Softly

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the reviews. I can't believe I'm over 500. Gosh...

**Warning**: This is a border line, if not already, an **M rated** chapter. Just going to go ahead and warn you.

I do _not_ own the songs mentioned in this chapter.

**you taryn at six, **is an _amazing_, beta reader. Major props go to her.

* * *

_His eyes were a clouded gray, smoke-like. They looked down at me as his crooked smile appeared. His fingers bobbed up and down as his grip on the piece of metal tightened. His index finger rested on the trigger, ready to pull at any second. _

_The room was blood red. A sickening crimson that covered the walls and floors. _

_She sat up against the wall watching the whole thing. Her dark curls were drenched with the liquid. Her eyes were gone. She looked at me with death written all over her. _

_"Help me," she begged quietly. "Help me, Danni."_

_"Ang," I choked. "Ang, I'm tryin'."_

_"You can't help her," he spoke. "No one can."_

_I looked into the pools of gray. "Jeff, please?" I pleaded. "Please don't do this."_

_He raised his hand and stroked my hair. "Shh, doll. It'll all be over soon, remember? Then you can join us. We're waiting on you."_

_His fingers flexed again, causing me to tremble. "Jeff, you don't want to do this. Please just let me go."_

_He grinned again. "Darlin', I'm already dead. I'm just here to finish the job - to do what was supposed to happen." His fingers flipped the hook back, loading it in place. _

_"Jeff, don't!" I tried one last time._

_"Jus' close your eyes, darlin'. Jus' close your eyes." He cooed. _

_"Someone help me!" _

_"It's alright darlin'. It's going to be alright."_

_"NO!"_

I shot upward, sweat pouring down my face. My chest heaved up and down as I tried to control my breaths. Looking around at the darkness made me panic even more.

Everything felt cold. I was clammy; I still felt like I was being suffocated. All I could see where those eyes. Those beady little gray eyes staring me down, just waiting to pull the trigger. I panted, hyperventilating.

"Danni?" Someone eased open my door.

I jumped backwards, hitting my head against the bed post.

"Danni, what's going on?" The mysterious person made their way into my room.

"Darry?" I asked the figure, moving closer to me.

He nodded his head as he took a seat on my bed in front of me. His hands grabbed my upper arms tightly. "You okay? I thought I heard screamin'."

I focused my eyes on him to make sure it was really him talking to me. "Um, yeah. I'm fine."

He laid his hand on my leg. "Bad dream?"

I jerked away from his touch, hitting my head once again on the hard surface behind me. "Damn it!"

He jumped forward to take a closer look. "Dan, you alright?"

My head pounded through my ears. "Sorry," I mumbled, reaching my hand back. "I'm fine, really."

"What was it about?"

Cold sweat ran down my forehead. I put my hand up to stop it. "I-I don't remember."

Darry's hand rubbed my upper arm where he bruised it. "Um, you...you need anything?"

The room was spinning. I could see blood everywhere. A small girl rested up against the wall, legs pulled up to her chest. Her body shook with terror and fear. Her eyes pleaded for me to help her, to just do something to stop the madness.

"Danni," Darry spoke sternly. "You sure you're okay?"

My chin quivered as I tried to take in a breath of air. "I just...I can't stop thinking about it. It's all I can see, Dar."

"Tell me what happened." His voice came out calm but curious. "Tell me what _really_ happened."

I shook my head. "No. Dar, I'm fine. I just... you should go back to sleep. You got work in the mornin' and all."

"You okay now?" he asked a bit gentler.

My knees met my chest. "Yeah - you, uh, you should go back to sleep," I repeated.

He looked around the room for a minute, taking in the darkness. "You shouldn't of had to see that. No one should have to see that."

But someone did see that. I_ did_ see that. Darry has no idea what I did go through - what I did see.

"He ain't comin' back." He turned back to me. "He ain't gonna hurt ya no more."

Tiny tear droplets ran down my face. I could feel my lungs tightening and my legs shake again. "Darry I'm so_ scared_! I-I saw him kill her! I watched him shoot her in the face, Darry. I-I watched her _die_!"

Strong arms grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in. "I got you, Dan. I got you."

I rested my head against his chest, letting out a river of tears. He hummed quietly and rocked my limp body back and forth. His hand then moved to my back, rubbing it apprehensively.

Mom used to do this. Everytime any of us had a bad dream, we'd all run to her because of the way she made everything seem better. Soda was the same way, and Pony too to some degree, but never Darry. This _wasn't_ Darry's personality.

I wiped my eyes, trying to move. I was okay now, but Darry didn't let go. He kept his tight hold on me as if to say, "you are_ not_ ok, just shut up and let me help you."

"I'm okay," I added. His death grip didn't end. I decided not to argue anymore.

"He's dead, Dan. He ain't gonna hurt you no more," he whispered. I nodded, choking on sobs again.

I whimpered and closed my eyes. I let him hold me, until my breathing had calmed to a slow and steady rate. "Thanks, Dar."

"Uh-huh. Go to sleep, Danni." He laid me down on the bed. "Nothin' is gonna bother you. I got ya."

My head rested against the pillow underneath me. My eyelids closed, entering another world of darkness. It made me uneasy to think about being alone again. I wasn't going to sleep anymore tonight, that part I knew.

That's when I felt it. His body repositioned itself at the end of the bed. "Go to sleep, Dan," he instructed again. "No one is goin' to hurt you."

I nestled into my pillow and smiled. I was safe. Nothing was going to hurt me as long as Darry was here.

But Darry couldn't protect me from everything. No one could.

* * *

"Blue pancakes, Sodapop?" I peered over the stove to the look at the concoction he was cooking up.

He whistled. "Darry's favorite color!"

The Beatles were blasting through the radio. Soda swayed back and forth at the stove as he cooked Darry's favorites. Pancakes, eggs, toast, and of course some kind of meat. It smelt like it did every Saturday morning when Mom cooked for all of us. Ponyboy was even busy setting the table and putting Darry's paper in its proper place.

"He still sleeping?" Ponyboy popped up.

"_But when I get home to you I find the things that you do, will make me feel alright, when I'm home everything seems to be right, when I'm home feeling you holding me tight, all through the night, yeah,"_ Soda sang along.

I shook my head and chuckled. "Not for long."

"Well who sleeps in on their birthday, any who?" Soda hollered over the roar.

"Normal people?" Pony questioned.

"What's going on down here?" The big bear appeared at the door way, sheepishly rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Soda turned and cranked up the radio. "_They_ _say it's your birthday; we're gonna have a good time. I'm glad it's your birthday. Happy birthday to you_."

Darry scoffed and lifted Soda up off the ground to get a better look at the science experiment he was cooking up. "Blue pancakes, little buddy?"

Soda grinned as Darry placed him back down. "Your favorite color!"

I giggled and sat down at the nicely set table. "Well, it ain't much of a birthday once you're my age," Darry grumbled as he stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth and sat down in front of me.

"Why's that?" Ponyboy asked as he sat down

"Nothing to look forward to."

"Awe come on, Dar," Soda whined. "It's always a party no matter how old ya are."

"Easy for you to say, little buddy," he answered unemotionally, unfolding his paper.

Soda placed the food down on the table and started digging in with the rest of us. "I just don't see why ya don't like birthdays, that's all," he said with his mouth full.

Darry sighed and folded up his paper. "You wait till you're my age, and then you can talk."

"Shoot Dar, that's like a decade away," he joked. Darry grumbled and threw a lose piece of toast his way.

"We're having a party for ya," Ponyboy jumped into the conversation.

"You're what?"

"A party." I smiled. "You know the kind you get on your _birthday_."

"A birthday party?" he asked, more aggravated.

"It'll be fun!" Soda ate another piece of toast and propped his feet up on the table. "_Kaattthhhyy_ is going to be there."

Darry angrily knocked his feet down. "Sodapop Curtis, what did you do?"

Soda smiled from ear to ear. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told ya, now would it?"

* * *

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis!" a loud ring filled the packed room. "I thought you said you only invited Kathy?"

Soda shrugged and stuffed a chip in his mouth. "I said I _invited_ Kathy. Not that she was the _only_ one I invited. What kinda birthday party would that be?"

"Soda, I swear-"

"Hey," I interrupted the heated conversation. "Kathy is lookin' for ya, Dar."

He blew out a breath of air. "How many people are here?"

"Calm down, Dar," Soda chomped in-between smacks. "It's only, like, twenty."

"Twenty!" His eyes bugged out of his head. "Sodapop, what in the world were you thinking?"

He turned and grinned at him. "That you should have some fun for once." He glanced over at the blonde making her way toward us. "Go ahead, have _fun_. Your _sweetie pie_ is waiting."

The house _was_ piled full of people. I didn't even see how Soda got some of these people to come. Our house wasn't that big to begin with, and then you throw all these people in here and -

"Ay." He strutted over to me with a cup in his hand. "Some party, huh?"

I half-laughed and took the drink from him. "Pretty boss."

He did a double take and looked around. "Shepard's here?"

I took a sip and shook my head. "Nah."

"Heard anythin'?"

"Nothin' you haven't." I looked behind my shoulder at Darry and Kathy. They really did look awful happy together. She could calm that boy down better than Mom could.

This place was a real mess. I looked forward to cleaning up this up. Truthfully, I wasn't in much of a party mood. I wanted Darry to have fun, sure. It was his birthday. Who am I to say he couldn't have a party because I was too upset? I just needed some air. I just needed to get out of here for a little while.

"Wanna blow this joint?" I turned and looked hopefully at him.

He turned and waved for me to follow. "Let's bug out."

* * *

Rain took over outside. It cascaded down from the heavens upon the earth, drenching the parched land. Water came down on us as we quickly tried to get out of the middle. Thunder boomed in the back ground and lightning thrashed to the ground.

Dally was behind me, shielding himself with his jacket and cursing up a storm of his own.

I rain into a nearby alley, hoping to buy some time to let this storm clear up before heading over to Buck's or somewhere quiet.

"Damn, fucking shit." He snarled as he shook the water out of his hair like a wet dog.

I put a hand up over my mouth to try and stop the laughter.

"You think this is funny?" He turned aggressively and took a few steps closer to me.

I shook my head and backed up. "No, not at all." He picked up his speed until my back slammed into the brick wall behind me. "Dally!"

"Think it's funny now?" he teased, the corners of his mouth turning up. His head moved closer to mine.

"Very." I leaned in closer to where my forehead was only an inch away from his. "I think this is _very_ funny." My hands wrapped around his neck, easing his lips to mine.

He aggressively took his opportunity and pressed his lips against mine, his tongue down my throat.

The rain poured against us. It pelted against our skin. His body pressed on mine.

I threw my arms over his shoulders and pulled him closer to me, feeling a fire ignite. I closed my eyes, so I could feel him, rather than see him.

"Curtis?" he moaned between kisses that were now going up and down my neck.

"Yeah?" I breathed out, feeling a tingling sense where he touched me.

I knotted my fingers in his hair and melted against his body. I would have fallen, had he not been there to hold me. Then he yanked me up, closer to him. He pressed me powerfully against the hard brick wall. Our wet clothes smacked together as he pressed against my body. The rain water from his hair dripped down my face as more rain gushed down around us.

My arms reached back around his neck again, pulling him closer. His arms made their way above my hips, lifting me up higher to where my feet no longer touched the ground. My legs wrapped themselves around his waist, and my hands ran up his cool body making my own tremble.

His hand maneuvered up under my skirt, feeling my upper thigh. The palm of his hand rested on top of it, squeezing it with full force.

Thunder yelled at us in the background, and lightning lit up the dark night sky. Dogs barked from the house across the street, and trash rumbled as stray cats found their home for the night.

Between us, nothing was going on. It was just two lovers - two passionate lovers - sharing each other's presence, each other's tender touch.

"Let's get outta this fuckin' town," he drew out.

"And go where?" I questioned pushing my lips back onto his, hoping he'd forget his remark.

"New York."

I giggled and continued doing what I was doing before.

"Let's go," he pressed on, not missing a beat.

"Hmm," I moaned as I pushed my tongue further down his throat.

"Tonight," he breathed through the heavy kissing. I ignored his request and forced my body more on him. I grabbed a fist full of his hair and eased my arms under his soaked tee-shirt. "Curtis," he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. "Let's _go_."

I stopped and let myself fall back to the ground. "Are you being serious?"

"Yeah," he said smoothly. "Let's get the fuck outta this shit hole town. You're always blabbin' about it anyway."

I thought it over for a minute. "Darry ain't gonna let that happen." I chuckled back, still not concerned with this conversation.

"Fuck, Darry." He rolled his head back. "Fuck everyone."

"You want me to _run away_ with you?" I asked now with full attention. "Dally, are you _really_ being serious?"

A sneaky smile came across his face. "Yeah."

"And what would I get out of this little adventure?" I asked seductively.

He smirked and grabbed a hold of my waist. "What'd ya want?"

I placed my finger on his chest, alluring him to me. "Marry me."

He sneered at my request. His grip tightened as he pulled me back closer to him. My fingers slipped under his shirt pulling it off over his head. His fingers reached for the buttons on my shit, trying to undoing each on with the slightest care.

I pulled away from this intense fire. I grinned wide, seeing the mouth-watering look on his face.

"Buck's is only a block away," he suggested.

"What are we waitin' for then?"

* * *

He carried me in his arms as he threw the door open and out of the way. Our lips stayed locked as he threw my body up against a wall. The night stand, a few feet away, shook and objects flew on the floor. The items on the wall crashed to the ground with a loud thud.

He picked me up once again and slung me over on the bed, landing on top of me. The buttons on my shirt were ripped apart like a rabid animal tearing open a carcass. His muscles held me tight. Our breathing picked up as the kisses became rougher, more passionate.

He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down to where my back laid flat. The coolness of his hands as he reached behind me sent a shockwave of sensation through my body. The buckle of my bra was snapped off and he made his way down to my lower body. He slid my skirt off and slung it over to the nearby corner.

He kissed my neck as I broke the snap to his jeans, pulling them down.

His hand slithered down my sides until they reached the top of my underwear. He carefully slipped them off, not taking his eyes off of mine. I embraced his tender touch, and pulled him down on top of me, letting his body lay on me.

The touch of his lips against mine sends me into this magical place that is half-dreamy and half-awake. The warmth of his body on top of mine feels like a luxury. The touch of his strong hands and arms sends goose bumps down my spine. The warm of his body heat makes a sensation unlike any other.

His warm breath on a sensitive spot on my neck makes my body want him more. The mere touch of his chest makes my mouth water. His strong muscles clutching onto me, the smell of his sweat, the taste of his lips, and the feel of our naked bodies touching each other made the world stand still.

His love making sends that tingling feeling throughout my body and makes my toes curl. We are in our own world as we look at each other - that dreamy world where you think you never want it to stop and never want to go back to the real world.

We'll _never_ go back.

This was my _real world_. Dallas Winston was my world. My lover. _Mine_

* * *

**A/N:** And there's the sex scene. Hope it wasn't too upsetting to anyone. So if you would be so kind as to review, I'd be so ever gratefull. ;)


	46. They Say It's Best

**A/N: **Happy 4th! Thanks so much for the reviews. Each and everyone of you! You have no idea how much they mean to me. :) The next chapter _is_ the last. Just giving you fair warning. Also, please check out my profile for a poll. I need some ideas!

Major thanks to the fabulous **you taryn at six,** for all she's done and for being an_ amazing_ beta reader.

* * *

Water dripped from the leaky faucet in the bathroom. Rain drops pounded against the window, creating an even louder noise. But no noise came from downstairs. There were no fights, cat calls, or loud music. It was sort of quiet for once.

Dally was breathing heavily beside me. I laid flat on my back and tried to control my breaths.

"We better be getting back." I nudged him with my toe when he didn't answer. "Dally?"

"Yeah, yeah. I heard ya," he grumbled before rolling over to the other side.

I turned and shifted over on my side. His warm, naked body layed against mine. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest, taking in this moment. His chest moved up and down as he breathing went back to normal. I could feel his body heat being absorbed into my shivering skin. He had beads of sweat on his stomach that matched mine.

I could hear his heart beat through my ears. The steady beats telling me everything was alright.

I gently sat up to hunt for my clothing. Dally's left arm hung off the bed and the other one over his face. I knew he was exhausted. He should be _exhausted. _

"Dally," I whispered, moving towards his face to make sure he was still awake. "Dally?"

"What?" he moaned, moving over to the other side again.

I grinned and finished putting on what clothes I could find. My feet then slid on the dusty, wooden floor and into the bathroom.

Turning on the light, the memories I once experienced here came rushing back. There was the bathtub I cried in and sucked down a whole six pack in one night; the new mirror I had to buy because I had broken the last one; the empty beers bottles I drank still sat there, too.

I cupped some of the frigid water and splashed it on my face. My gaze lifted to the mirror, and I took time to stare at my reflection.

My hair wasn't blonde anymore. The dark smudges under my face didn't show. The bruises I'd collected had healed. And, my eyes—they looked full of life again. I didn't look torn down anymore. I didn't look like a little girl trying to be something she wasn't.

I wasn't the girl this mirror used to show. I was Danni. Danni Curtis.

Casually, I walked out of the bathroom.

"Seen my jeans anywhere?" Dally dug through the draws and slammed them shut once he couldn't find them. "Damnit!"

I giggled at the man dressed in whitie- tighties running through the room.

"You think this is funny?" He looked over at me from behind the bed.

"A little," I confessed. He shook his head in annoyance and went back to turning over tables to find them. I shuffled across the room and took a seat on the messy bed. "Did you mean what you said back there?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and made his way into the bathroom. "Bout' what?" He turned the water on and grabbed a toothbrush.

"Us running off together and gettin' married?"

"Hmm," he mumbled as he swapped the toothbrush about in his mouth.

It still hadn't hit me that Dally was serious about this mess. Never could I picture myself marrying Dally. To speak the truth, the idea never crossed my mind. I figured, for one, that he'd never ask me too, and two: I figured he wasn't the marrying type. The whole idea seemed preposterous to me that I couldn't even picture doing it.

The vain in Darry's head would pop right out. Soda would be so disappointed and worried that he probably wouldn't want to speak to me again. And, Ponyboy, he'd be just upset that I left without saying goodbye.

To run away with Dallas Winston. To throw everything I worked hard to rebuild away. Leaving the family who'd already almost lost me. The family that still needed me.

"Two years," I spoke up quietly.

He leaned over and spit into the sink. "What?"

"After I graduate." I stood up and made my over to the door way. "I can't leave now, Dal. I can't leave my family like that _now_. They're worried sick as it is, and I just can't do that to them. They need me."

He stuck the toothbrush back in his mouth and ignored me.

I rubbed his upper arm, soothing him. "After what happened with Angela, I can't do that to them. I'm going to run away with you. We'll go where ever you wanna go, and we'll find a house, and we'll be together. Heck, we can even start a family if that's what ya want. Not _now_ though."

He spat back into the sink and grabbed a towel from the rack to clean his face.

"You gonna marry me?" I hopingly asked.

He chuckled and threw the towel over the shower curtain. "What, ya proposing or somethin'?"

I slugged him on his arm. "I'm serious, Dal."

He smirked and wrapped his hands around my waist. His eyes sparkled down at me. "Come ere'." He brushed by and headed back into the bedroom. I followed behind him and watched as he dug through the nightstand drawer.

"Condoms are on the floor," I teased, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Hush, would ya'?" he mumbled under his breath, still searching throughout the draw. "Had to fight off Sylvia for this thing," he rose up from the drawer, looking directly at me. "Better not lose it."

I raised my eyebrows. "What is it?"

He tossed a tiny piece of metal my way. "Thought, what with ya once datin' a soc an all, and you being you, you'd be buggin' me for it anyway."

I opened my hand and looked at the metal jewelry that laid in it. My eyes nearly jumped out of their sockets. "A class ring?"

He slumped down on the bed and lit a cigarette. "Yeah, _mine_. Don't lose it."

I looked closely at it before narrowing my eyes. "Dal, _you_ have a class ring?"

He shot me another annoyed look. "_Yeah._" He jumped up from the bed. "Ya know, I can take it back if ya want."

I clutched onto it, moving it towards my chest. "No, no. I think I'll keep it."

He sneered. "That's what I thought."

I held the ring secure in my hand. Dallas Winston gave me his ring. Well... someone's ring. That didn't bother me too much. The fact that _he_ gave it to _me; _that meant the world to me. My hands squeezed onto his neck. "Thank you."

He chuckled and slightly pulled me away. "Yeah, yeah."

I back up, still holding onto his neck and looking into his eyes.

Never have I been able to read Dally. He closes his emotions off so easy and doesn't let anyone in. I could read anger, but never anything more. He'd never let me see anything more.

But tonight, there was a different Dally holding onto me. The look on his face showed a different man. A man who was happy, who had finally found something in this shitty world that made him feel something he'd never felt before. His eyes weren't cold and hard like so many other times I've seen them. They shined; they glowed.

I slowly rested my lips on him to absorb his emotions, to feel what he was feeling.

Dally showed me something tonight. The same thing he showed me at the hospital, the one thing I had asked for for so long. Dallas Winston loved; he loved _me_.

I broke free and grabbed my purse from the floor. He eyeballed me as I eased towards the door. "Comin' over tomorrow?"

He cocked his head back and pushed his tongue to the side of his cheek. "Yeah, we'll see."

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Damn." I looked straight towards him. "I love ya, Dal. I really love you."

He tilted his head. "Yeah, Curtis." I smiled to myself and pulled the door till it was almost shut when I heard an almost buzzing noise. "Yeah, I love ya too."

I clutched the ring he just gave me, and smiled as wide as I had ever before. I left it that way, playing those words over in my head the whole way home.

* * *

"Say uncle!"

"Never! Now get off me; you're crushing me!"

"Knock it off you two." Darry strolled through the room to put an end to their nonsense. "Ponyboy, Cherry called again."

"Awe!" Soda teased as he raised up off the boy.

"Hush up," Ponyboy hissed as he headed into the kitchen.

"Sodapop, when are ya ever gonna get ya a lady?" I questioned as he slumped down on the couch beside me.

"Whenever Darry here asks Kathy to marry him." He clicked the bottle top off his glass and looked towards the towering man standing in front of us.

"You're just full of it tonight, aren't ya little buddy?" Darry said, sitting down in his arm chair, clearly exhausted.

"Tough day?" I asked him.

He nodded his head slightly before leaning back and closing his eyes.

Darry had been looking this way for a week now. He picked up extra hours at work and was running himself ragged. He wouldn't say why he picked up the hours, but everyone knew why. He just wouldn't admit it.

That's just who Darry was. He reminded me of Mom in that sense. I say that a lot, but it's true. She'd die for us. Work herself to the fucking bone just to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. Darry was doing the same thing. He wasn't about to let us do it for him either. Darry promised our parents that he'd take care of us, and even if it killed him, he was going to.

"So, what's the latest status with you and Dal?" Soda asked, slurping up his drink.

"What do ya mean?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Are ya'll together?" He shouted a little louder so Darry could hear too.

Darry looked up from his state to listen to my answer. I looked down at my nails. "Yeah."

Soda giggled and leaned back. "Told ya, Dar."

Darry sighed and rubbed his face.

"You mad?" I leaned up to get a better look at him.

He continued to rub his face. "Between you two and Soda over here, y'all are gonna make my hair turn gray before I'm thirty."

Soda smiled a cheesy smile at him.

"I know that, Cherry!" a commotion came from the kitchen.

Ponyboy and Cherry had been fighting quite a bit lately. According to Soda, it's been that way for a few months. Pony really loved that girl though. He'd be _crushed_ if anything messed with that.

"What's going on?" Soda asked once Pony returned back into the room.

"Just Cherry being Cherry." He moaned and slouched down in-between Soda and I on the couch.

"It'll get better," Soda reassured him. Ponyboy huffed and covered his face with his arm. He didn't like to talk about stuff like this. He liked his relationship to be _private_. As if that was even possible.

"Danni, I got the court letter today." Darry looked straight my way. "It's next month. Think you'll be up to it by then?"

I looked down at my feet and shrugged. "S'pose so. Guess I have to be, right?" I glanced back up seeing the concerned look he was giving me.

"You know, I talked to Mrs. Smith the other day. She's thinkin' maybe you should talk to someone." He was referring to the social worker who, supposedly, _knew it all_. "She thinks it'll help ya."

I avoided eye contact and picked at my nails. "I talk to _someone._ I talk to you, Soda, Ponyboy, Dally, and-"

"Not someone like that." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Danni, she thinks you should talk to a therapist about this."

My head shot upward. "What? No, Darry, I'm not talkin' to some stranger bout' this. No way! I can't believe you'd even suggest that!"

"Danni, we just think it'll be good for you to... kinda get it off your chest, ya know?" Soda popped up, resting a hand on my leg. I looked over at him. "I think it'd be good for you."

"You agree with this?" I didn't give him a chance to answer and looked back at Darry. "I'm not goin'."

Darry sighed and rubbed his head. "Dan, Soda and I have talked bout' this. We think it'd be good for you to just _talk_ about it to someone. Heck, they might even be able to help you."

"I don't _need_ help." I growled through gritted teeth. "I'm_ fine_. I've told you that."

"Damn, Danni. Just give it a chance; it might-"

"No!" I shouted, springing to my feet. "I don't need to talk to someone about it. I have people here I can talk to. I don't need some fucking stranger telling me how I should feel and act. I'm not doing it."

"Watch it," Darry warned sternly before standing up off his chair. "Hell Danni, you don't talk about it at _all_. I'm just tryin' to help you here."

"I told you I don't need help!" Tears were starting to fall from my eyes. "I don't want to talk to someone about what I saw! About the look on my best friend's face when she was shot; watching blood run from her head while she lay helplessly; s_itting there_ while he taunted, humiliated, and _killed_ her. I don't need to tell them about how a _gun_ was pointed at my face. How that monster told me I was going to_ die_. That I'd never see my family again!"

"Danni-" Soda got up from his position to grab me.

I backed away. "I don't need to talk about how it felt to get_ shot_. How I was forced to shut my eyes and take the pain and _wait_ for him to just blow me away. Like some stranger is going to understand how I felt when I watched Dally's blood run out of him and slowly die. They're going to understand how much I shook and pleaded for him to let me live. They're going to understand how I came this close to losing my life!"

Heavy tears were falling, clouding my vision. I could feel Soda still standing beside me and Ponyboy jump up from the couch as well. Darry stood in front of me, waiting to catch me if I fell. I could picture their faces. The pain they were feeling for me, the concern and worry. I could see it all.

I inhaled, calming myself. "I went into the storage building to find Angela. I was so mad about her ditching me with Jake that I didn't even care if I was barging in. Tim and her were fighting and hadn't noticed me. Jake's rattle fell, so I bent down under the table to get it. That's when Jeff walked in."

"Then he shot her?" Ponyboy asked.

I shook my head and brushed some tears away. "He _taunted_ them. He waved the gun around like he was _God_. He shot Tim first to keep him quiet. Then Jeff dared Tim to lunge, and he did. That's when Jeff knocked him out. Angela shivered and backed against the wall as he came for her."

I heaved, trying to get the words out. "He shot her in the face. She fell to the ground dead. Jake...he started cryin,' and I didn't know what to do. Jeff came over and found us. He taunted me and told me to put Jake down so he could-he could kill me."

Soda slowly came over to me. He reached out and, protectively wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"When I wouldn't listen, he shot me. Dally came in, and then they had it out. He shot Dally and watched him fall to the floor. Next was my turn." I tried to gulp, but the lump in my throat was creeping up. "He told me I was going to see Mom and Dad. He aimed the gun in my face and told me just to shut my eyes and everything would be okay."

Soda gently rubbed my upper arm and whispered something I couldn't hear.

"I-I prepared myself to die and just waited. I was going to die. I was sup-supposed to _die_! Tim grabbed the gun _right_ before Jeff coul-could pull back!"

Soda pulled my into his chest and let me cry. His grip was tight enough to make me struggle for air even more.

"I-I just sat there and le-let her die. I-I could have don-done something." My nails latched onto his plaid shirt. "I could have saved her."

"No." It was Darry's voice. "No, do_ not_ say that!" I could hear his heavy footsteps coming closer. "You couldn't have done _anything_. No one could."

I sniffled and tried to slow my tears.

"It's okay, Dan," Soda whispered into my hair.

"I'm sorry." I removed myself from his grasp. "I just- I don't want to talk to someone about this." I looked up to Darry. "Please, just don't make me. I-I can't."

He stretched out and pulled me into his chest. "It's goin' to take time. You got to remember that. Jeff's gone; you, Dally, Tim - you're safe. Angela's in a better place now. You_ got_ to remember that, Dan."

I rested my head on his chest. "I know. It's just hard."

"We know it's hard," Soda addressed. "You got to let us in, Dan. I know you and, heck, Darry too; you don't like to do stuff like that. But if there's one thing I know, it's that it does no good keepin' that stuff in."

His voice was starting to shake. Darry and I turned to look as small tears made pools in his eyes.

"I went to_ war_. I saw people die in front of me, and you know what I was thinking the whole time? I could have done somethin' to help." He pointed to his chest as tears made their way down his cheeks. "Dan, you can talk to me. I know how it feels to almost die. But you_ got_ to let me in. You have to let all of us. You can't keep that stuff locked down. It'll kill ya."

Sodapop turned his head and tried to stop crying.

"Little buddy, you can't think that," Darry told him.

"I know!" Soda turned and waved a finger. "I got to take sleepin' pills just to get through the night without havin' a nightmare." He put an arm around Ponyboy, who was standing nearby. "We're family. If we can't talk to each other, who can we talk to? You've been through a lot these past few months, and I know it may seem like no one understands, but believe me, you got three people standing 'ere who love you more than anythin', Danni."

I wiped under my eyes and sniffed.

"I know, Dan, believe me I know what it's like to watch someone die," Soda started up again. "Talk to me. These past few months have been hard on _all_ of us. You've been to the bottom, but all there is to go now is up, Dan."

Tears ran down Soda's and my cheeks. We looked more like twins right now then Pony and I did. A small smile spread across Soda's face.

I swallowed hard and prepared to talk. "I know I've made your life hard." I looked up at Darry. "I'm sorry. You-you work hard for us. You work your brains out every day just so we can eat. I just… I'm sorry for doing that to you. I'm sorry for everything I said to you, and I'm sorry for _resenting_ you."

He tightened his grip on my shoulder, and pulled me in a little more. "Dan, you, Soda, and Ponyboy mean the world to me. I'd never give up on any of y'all."

Soda and Pony were huddled in front of us. Soda had an arm wrapped around Pony's shoulder and was wiping tears on the sleeve of his shirt. Ponyboy was slightly giggling with him and whispering. Whether Ponyboy wants to admit it or not, he _is_ like Darry. But he's like Soda too. He's the comforting brother that can sometimes make everything feel better. He's the brother who, no matter how mad he gets, will die for any of us. Family means everything to Soda and him both.

Darry may be bull headed, stubborn, and unreasonable at times, but he's Darry. Those aren't his only features though. Darry is the big brother who'd carry you to your room at night when you'd fall asleep on the couch, stay up late at night to help you get your homework right, spend long hours at work just so no one else would have to. Darry wasn't a cold hard monster. He wasn't anything of the sort.

We're different, but we're family.

"Everything's goin' to be okay." Darry cleared his hoarse voice. "For all of us. We've been through hell before, but damnit, we'll do it again if we have to. I'd say we've gotten pretty used to it."

Soda, Pony, and I chuckled.

"We just got to stick together guys," Soda finished for him. "We can't keep fighting a never ending fight with each other. If we ain't got no one else, then we got each other. If you lose that, you become a different person; a bitter person who just doesn't know what to do. You become Tim and Angela."

Her name made all heads look down. Tim and Angela - they _were_ those people.

"I don't want us to become them. I don't want us to lose each other. We're siblings. We're all we got left."

"Mom and Dad left us together for a reason," Ponyboy said for the first time. "I figured that out last year. God took them away so we can go through hell. I think God kinda wanted us to be this way. To have to go through stuff so we can become stronger, learn how to overcome the pain, and learn how to stick together."

He'd been to the bottom of the bottom last year. He's still here, though. We're still here.

"I love you guys," I heaved. "I don't say it much, but I don't know what I'd do without y'all. You may make me want to pull my hair out sometimes, but I couldn't imagine living without that." I paused for a minute. "The few weeks I spent with, Dally, I missed you guys more than I ever thought. It wasn't that I wasn't happy living with _Dally._ It was just that, I needed you guys."

"We all need each other," Darry said. "We can't run when we got troubles. We got to come together." He looked down at me. "Dan, you got to talk to us. You're feelin' bad, or just need to let it out, you come to us."

My chin quivered and more tears ran down my rosy cheeks. "I will, Dar."

"I love you guys, too!" Soda balled.

Darry and I laughed as Soda continued to cry over by Pony. Darry waved over to him, and he and Pony made their way over to us.

Soda ran right into us, grabbing us both. Darry pulled Pony in, and we all stood there. We all stood and took in each other's love. The one love that will never disappear.

This is what this picture was supposed to look like. This is what every family picture is really supposed to look like. Not those awkward poses that makes everyone uncomfortable, but just this. A true loving hug shared by each other. Crying while the other person whispers to you and rubs your back. That's what a real fucking family does. This is our family photo. This is our family.

"We got to stick together," Darry whispered. "We _got_ to."

We will. We're _family_. These guys, no matter their flaws, will always be my family. And I will be their's, because we love each other. And no matter what stupid shit we do, it'll stay that way.

Always.

* * *

**A/N: **So whatcha think? Again, the next chapter is the last. Just giving you a warning. Have a happy 4th and don't do anything too stupid. ;) Reviews are accepted and much appreciated. So if you would be so kind as to leave some, I'd be forever grateful. :)


	47. We'll Live Forever

_Just gonna stand there, and watch me burn, But that's alright, because I like, the way it hurts, Just gonna stand there, and hear me cry, But that's alright, because I love, the way you lie, I love the way you lie_

Angela Shepard had moved on from this earth. Where she ever ended up, I won't know for some time. In my eyes, I see her as so many people have called her. She's looking down on us. She sees her brothers and the pain and suffering in their eyes. From up there she can now see past Tim's wall. She understands him now, and she understands what she didn't for so many years. She can see the love he really had for her.

Her son is down here with us. I'd like to think she looks over him more than anyone else. This child is going to go through life without a mother; a prime caregiver. He witnessed the most horrific thing anyone could witness. He watched his mother die. God has looked over that poor child for years. It's someone else's turn now.

I was going to look after that kid. Tim would be good to him too. I'd make sure he was if nothing else. He wouldn't have to go through what Angela went through for years. That was one of the few things she really wanted; a better life for her child. A life she couldn't have. A life full of happiness.

Tim has a court hearing coming up soon. His attorney thinks he's got a good chance of being let off easy. He doesn't talk much anymore. When I say he doesn't talk _much_, I mean not at all. He's holding back a lot. He's going to break one day... the question is: who'll be there to pick up the pieces?

Curly is different. He reminds me a_ lot_ of Ponyboy. Sure he isn't nowhere near the sunset watching boy I call my brother, but he does feel things like Ponyboy. He doesn't show it, but deep down you can see it. His sister is gone too. It's something a lot of people have looked past. It's all about Tim in the Shepard world now. Maybe someday someone will see who _Curly Shepard_ really is. Maybe one day he'll step out of his big brother's shadow and finally be able to go through life as his_ own_ person.

The nightmares are still there. Some nights it's all I can see when I shut my eyes. Her panic-stricken look etched across her features, Jeff's eerie cracked smile, the sound of a gun ringing through a room. These are the things I see when I lay alone at night. Sleep isn't my friend these days.

Jeff's gone. Sometimes I still think I see his shadow lurking around in my room at night, but he's to dust. My eyes witnessed his body being lit in flames. Not a tear was shed from those same eyes as I watched justice be served. Jail wouldn't have had this much satisfaction out of it. Jeff didn't belong in jail. Jeff belonged in hell. And that's exactly where he'll spend eternity. The beast is dead.

My mind is slowly blocking some of the events that happened. Darry says it's just the body's way of protecting itself. He says time heals all wounds. Even the deepest of wounds. Wounds like mine.

Sometimes, though, it takes events like this to wake people up. It's something like God just grabbing you by the shoulders and telling you to get your shit together.

Some listen, and some refuse to face the truth of how fucked up it really is.

I've been granted a once in a life chance. A get out of jail free card... and I'm not wasting a minute of it.

I know the boy who stands tall beside me. My skin hums when I am around him. The rest of the world seems so much duller in comparison to the long nights I've spent lying next to his warm, naked skin. To share his joys and pain because it seems to enhance his smile that melts my heart. When I'm at my darkest, he makes me light up. I would sacrifice anything to keep him with me. He's proven the same, though he'd never admit it.

Dally isn't a cold _child_ who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He isn't someone who is "never nice". He isn't someone who doesn't love anyone or anything. He keeps his exterior hard and cold. He walks like he doesn't have a care in the world when, really, he has too many to count. He hides tears and sadness behind yells and screams. He refuses to admit feeling, for fear of not getting anything in return.

Over these last few months, I've gotten to know a different person than what all the scenarios point him as. Dally may not be like Ponyboy and sit out watching sunsets and talking about books. He may not be like Randy and drive a mustang and dress sharp and know all the right things to say, he may say things without thinking, react totally on anger rather than using his head, and sometimes he may step over the line.

But this _is_ Dally.

I cannot make him into a prince charming. He'll never be the boyfriend who has his girl's family swooning over him. He'll never be the guy that will cry with me when I'm upset. He'll never be the boy who tells me he loves me every day. But you know what, that's fine by me.

Some may wonder why I put up with someone so cold. Who wouldn't want a guy telling them every second how much they mean to them and how much they love them? Those guys may mean it or not; I wouldn't doubt some of them do, but do their lovers feel what I feel with Dally? I'd rather have a man who'd never say they loved me over one who does and then turns around and fucks the nearest whore.

Dally may not say it much; let's be honest - he doesn't. But on those small occasions where the word slips out, I feel it. Looking into his eyes, seeing the way he smiles when I'm around, hearing his laugh; they make me feel more than words can say. I feel how much Dally loves me. I can see it.

We fight, claw, and yell till we're hoarse. We throw things, punch holes in walls, shove, push, scream. I used to think this wasn't what a_ real_ relationship is all about. That's what we're taught anyway. A guy is never supposed to call a girl out when she deserves it, and he's never supposed to tell her she's wrong or even raise his voice at her. As little girls we are designed to find a man who will treat us like queens, whether we deserve it or even if they love us or not. Then in return we're supposed to treat these men like kings.

Over time you learn to feel things that society has protected you from feeling. You find that the town beast is making your heart beat a little faster and not out of fear, but because of something else. You find who people think you should be with aren't the ones that make you feel the things you feel for someone else; someone who is _wrong_ for you.

Society has made us think that living with a man who isn't proper is wrong.

Fuck society.

The man standing beside me, he may not be the most charming, proper, kind, or even the most nicer smelling. He may be the one who'll yell over the stupidest argument if he's sure he's the one that's right. He's the man who'll call me out when I need it the most...

And he's mine. He's the one I want.

I know who Dallas Winston is. I know I cannot change him. He's made me stronger. He's made me see things differently. I see that love doesn't always mean sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you have to go through the hard stuff to see the good stuff. Sometimes yelling is needed. Sometimes people fight. But sometimes, those same people get in bed at night and feel something they cannot break themselves from.

The same thing I feel with Dally.

We may not get married. We may not run away together. But for the moment, I'm madly in love with this man, and I'm not giving that up without a fight...

And neither is he.

"Are you ready?" I asked the three men standing beside me.

They all looked towards the majestic sunset and nodded. The tall grass sounding the meadow weaved back and forth as the wind blew. All you could see way green for miles. Miles of never ending beauty.

She would have wanted it here.

I rubbed the patterns on the side of the jar. They were flowers. Flowers were her favorite.

In the jar was darkness and dust. That's all that was left of her; this beautiful angel that had long left us. This angel that was finally going to be set free. She was going to be free from her pain.

"Bye, Ang," I whispered through streaming tears. "I love you, babe. Don't forget that, okay?"

I turned and passed the jar down the assembly line of men standing beside me.

Tim pushed it by, refusing to touch it, letting it fall into Curly's hands.

No one said anything. Tim knew who he was, and I guess he knew what was best for him. Right now, though, he wasn't Tim. Tim was left back at the church. Time can only tell if he'll ever return.

"Hey, kid," Curly spoke softly. "Take care of yourself. Don't get too crazy up there in the big house."

I grabbed on to Dally's arm, refraining from crying anymore. This was the right thing to do. It was time for the tears to dry. It was time to let the angel free.

"Ready?" Curly asked, taking in a big sigh.

In sequence, we all nodded. It was time.

Gently, Curly twisted the top of the cap of the urn, breaking its seal.

I grabbed hold of Dally's waist. He put an arm on my shoulder and blew out a breath of smoke form his cigarette, remembering the events we all surpassed that dreadful day, and the one who wasn't so lucky.

The wind's speed picked up. It was only a matter of time before we'd have to let go. We all had to let go of this girl. A girl whose life was cut short because of some monster with a gun. One of the many mistakes she had made caught up to her; if only she had more time to learn from them.

Angela had been my best friend since I was a child. I'd seen her grow up; I grew up with her. She may have come across as a bitch at times, and most people had her painted as a no good whore. But like Dally, she was much more than that.

She was my best friend, and I'll never forget her.

Curly looked over at us one last time, asking for approval.

I nodded my head - as did Tim. We all knew this was it. It was time to let go of the girl who'd impacted our lives so much. A girl who will be forever loved and missed.

Curly tipped the jar to its side, allowing the breeze to catch what was left of her and let her ride. Every piece that was left of her was swept away as the wind carried her on its back.

We all stood back and watched Angel's ashes pass through meadow, taking her off into a better place. A place will she will no longer be in pain or have a care in the world.

She's safe now. No one's going to hurt her...

She's gone.

Once the ashes had been sped out and nothing was left, Tim turned on his heel and started towards his car.

I couldn't stand to watch him anymore. The pain just seeped off of him when he entered a room. He had a lot resting on him. Some stuff I don't know if he'll ever overcome. We can only pray. Pray.

"I love you," I whispered into the air. "I love you, Angela. I'll never forget you. I promise."

Dally finished up his weed and threw it in the nearby grass. "Ready to go?"

I looked around him at Curly. He had his head down and was slowly turning to follow his big brother. "You gonna get home alright?" I asked.

He wiped his face and nodded. "Yeah, Tim's got it."

I watched as he left, trying to hide his tears before he stepped foot in his brother's car. He needed help too. They both needed a _lot_ of help.

"Ready?" Dally pushed again.

Slowly, I turned and looked up at him. The sparkle in his eyes beamed down at me. A slick smile came across his face, after which I knew a smirk would follow.

This was Dally._ My_ Dally. The Dally I was in_ love_ with.

I pulled him down to my level, pushing his lips upon mine. I let him rest there - just feeling his lips on mine and feeling my stomach do flips, trying to keep up with my heart.

You could not describe what I feel at this moment in four letters. No one could.

"I love you." I pulled away from his sweet touch. "Dally, I love you."

He reach up and gently brushed a lose piece of hair out of my face. "Let's go home."

Hands joined, we walked across the cool meadow, letting the wind blow our hair. The sun set behind us. Slowly, it went down, making everything dark again.

I don't know what it is about this boy holding my hand. I may never know what it is I'm _truly_ attracted to. But whatever it is, I love it. I love the way you scream, the way you squeeze me tight, the way you push me to my limits, the way you make pull my hair out with anger, the way you touch me, the way it hurts, the way you love me. I love everything...

I love the way you lie.

_Just gonna stand there, and watch me burn, But that's alright, because I like, the way it hurts, Just gonna stand there, and hear me cry, But that's alright, because I love, the way you lie, I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie_

* * *

**Author's note: **And that's all she wrote. I hope this ending wasn't too sappy or boring. I thank you all for reading this again and to everyone who gave me so many reviews. They truly helped me keep going on this. So thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. I'm really sad that it's done. I thank you all, once again, for your time.

Major thanks goes out to **you taryn at six** for all she's done to help me on this story. She is an _amazing_ beta reader and writer. She is a really talented girl and amazing to work with. This story would not be what it is now without all her help. Thank you _SO_ much Taryn!

So, ahem, I'm not done yet, so just hold up. I've still got a little something up my sleeve... and so does Danni and Dally. ;) I couldn't just let their story die. Look out for the next story in this saga:**_ Light up the Fire,_** coming this fall!

In the meantime, I am doing a short story of one-shots about Tim called,**_ Take the Long Way Home_**. These are the events of his life after this story. It starts to lead into the next saga and should be up shortly.

Also coming soon: **_Is There Anyone Out There?_** I'll have that up shortly as well. Some of you have asked for it so I'm going to write it. ;)

Go to my profile for a link to the full trailer of, **_Light up the Fire_. **Please note that there are new OCs in the trailer so you_ must_ look at the pictures on my profile first or you_ will_ get confused. :)

Without further ado, here's the sneak peak of, **_Light up the Fire_**. Again thank you all so much,

Good night to you, but not to me. – Arney, _Gilbert Grape._

**XX**

Everyone's searching for something in Tulsa, whether it's love, happiness, or just a way out. Changes are happening this time. Will everyone find what they are searching for, or will they just get caught up in the fire? How will it all turn out when some long lost people are now throw into the mix? Will the love between lovers be broken, or will it be born again? What will happen when the line between greasers and socs is broken again? Can everyone make it through? Or will someone get _burned_?

**_XX_**

I never imagined that this would happen, but here I am. I'm stuck in this hole I've dug. He warned me. He told me what would happen if I didn't stop. This is what I get. I never thought I'd go this far. The line between greasers and socs was broken once. Why did it have to break again?

I once knew the man who sat in front of me. He was once my everything. So many nights we spent together, I thought I knew him. How can I decide what's right when he's always there looking over me? No one can win this never-ending, losing fight. In the end we all lose. How did we get here? I thought I knew him. He was no man, he never was. Him and all those people he calls his friends, are pure evil. That's all they are.

"Do you see what we've done? Is this what it's going to take to end this? Will this ever end? Someone's life is on the line because of what you've done, what we've done." I announced.

He refused to look my way. He knew it was just as true as I did.

"How did we let it get this far?" I peered up and looked at the guy standing in front of me. Sweaty hair hung in front of my dirt covered face.

He didn't answer. Instead he slipped his hands in his pockets and sighed.

"Look at what we've done." I breathed out. "He's dead because of us! Dead!"

"You think I don't know that?" Anger beamed in his cold eyes. "We screwed up ok?"

I shook my head. "No, no _we_ didn't screw up!" I got up from the hard floor and raced over to him. "This is all your fault and those people you call your_ friends_!"

He gripped hold of my arms and tried to stop me. "Calm down! I'm sorry ok? How many fucking time do I have to say it?"

I pulled away and brushed through my hair. I was sick of that word; _sorry_. No one ever meant it. "He's dead," I repeated. "We killed him."


End file.
